• 20 Ways To Tell If Your Teenage Daughter Is A Lesbian

    May 8, 2011 8:34 am 559 comments
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  • Does she have “Bieber Fever”?

    This is the first sign she is adopting an alternative lifestyle. Bieber was born female and is now a male impersonator, you can tell by the way his jawline isn’t quite masculine. Recently this heshe has been convincing young teenage girls to replace their pictues of Jesus with his own. It is only a matter of time before he announces his secret and watches as an entire generation of young women turn into homogays right before our eyes.

    How often does she text?

    Lesbians are known to use the medium of text messaging over voice because they can do it quietly and no prying ears can overhear their heathen sex talk. It also allows for them to disguise themselves as boys when concerned parents intercept the sex-fueled communications. They also send graven images of chocolate covered dildos and fake detachable penises to each other regularly. If you notice your daughter texting more than usual, you probably already have a homogay on your hands.

    Has she recently taken up golf?

    Golf is a great sport for men, with much history and prestige. This is why the feminist lesbians are trying to take it over. They want to best us on our own ground. This is ridiculous, as everyone knows the sport of kings must only be played by men. If your daughter asks you for money to hit the links, you can be assured that she has already been recruited by the lesbian evil and is now brainwashed almost beyond help. Take immediate action, lest you see your little girl grow up and turn into be a manbeast named Cookie.

    Is her Facebook account ‘private’?

    If so, she is most likely trying to hide her lesbianism from you. Decent Christian girls do not even go on Facebook due to it’s high concentration of liberal feminist homogay propaganda, so the fact that she is on there in the first place should have you scratching your beard in well merited suspicion. If you can’t check up on her online activities, in 90% of the cases documented by the Christwire flock, it is because there are carpet munching hose beasts trying to steal your daughters sweet virgin cherry pie and replace it with the evil lesbian rhubarb.

    Have you recently caught her skipping school to watch Ellen?

    We all know Ellen is a lesbian, and watching her show can make you homogay. What hasn’t been reported is the spike in instances where young impressionable girls have been conned by this shiester and fallen victim to the subliminal messages on her show which encourage them to drop out of school and jump on the gay train every afternoon at 3pm Eastern time. It would be smart of you to block her show with parental controls and send a firmly worded letter to your local cable company about the type of riff raff they are giving you for your good Christian money.

    Is she planning on voting Democrat?

    Many of us have teen daughters who will be eligible to vote in the next election. The ones who are on the right track have already taken to the task of deciding whether Sarah Palin will get their vote, or if Donald Trump may be able to sway them. If they have already got their eye on Barack for the next four years, it is your duty as a Christian to attempt re-education. If that doesn’t work your option is to forbid them from voting, lest they help push the homogay agenda and eventually become one themselves.

    Does she have sleepovers?

    Good Christian girls socialize with each other at the Church, because they know when they strip down to their panties with a group of other girls and get under the covers, the temptation may end up too much to resist. If your daughter asks to go over to a friends house for the night, even with a parent present they will most likely find a way to suckle on each other’s milksacs. There are also some liberal parents who might set up such things on purpose for the reasoning of pushing their own agenda on your kids. Be careful, for the homogays come in many disguises.

    Do you know the password to all her Internet accounts?

    If not, then it is probably because she gets updates from gayteenforums.com on a regular basis. She also probably has a girlfriend she fornicates with in steamy cyber emails. A good Christian parent keeps a close eye on their child’s online activities, as it is the favorite medium for gays to penetrate your home and your daughter with their huge dildos and other foreign objects they use to satisfy their beaver-lust. Do not let your daughter have her own passwords. Choose them for her, and if she protests, show her what happens when homogays get AIDS.

    Does she use a Mac?

    The entire operating system was meant to cater to the homogay culture in San Fransisco. There are even references hidden throughout, such as the use of the icon that shows two men kissing. They are then marketed to females with the express intent of making them believe all males are homogay and maybe what they really need is some dirty vagina to make them happy. Windows PC’s are manly, and show young girls that what they really need is a man. Make sure you only make computer purchases that run Bill Gate’s Godly software.

    Does she dress like Lady Gaga?

    Is she using the deer meat you packed away last summer as panties? Then she has probably been watching this Lady Gaga character on the MTV. What you may not know is Lady Gaga is actually a transsexual and also Australian, making her descendant from criminals as well. Her song “Born This Way” was given to her from Satan and glorifies the homogay agenda, attempting to make your kids believe is it ok to be gay. It isn’t and she will burn in hell for her sins. Do not let her take your daughter with you.

    Is her bedroom door closed constantly?

    She may have lesbians sneaking in through the window and hiding under her bed sniffing her dirty underwear. There was a brother at my church that has this very thing happen to his family. One day his wife innocently walked in on it and herself became infected. By the time he arrived home from work the homogay had taken over his entire family, including his poor 80 year old mother. Realizing he had only himself to blame, he shamefully divorced and now lives as a lonely old man in a camper behind the church grounds.

    Has she recently been seen cavorting with short haired females?

    Women with short hair either have cancer or are gay. If it is cancer, your daughter still must be kept away as her friend is being smote by the lord for some sin she committed. If it isn’t cancer then it is the gay, and also a sure sign of feminism. Do not even let these heathens in your home, for they will only steal your wife’s dirty underwear and sniff them later while using your electric toothbrush in ways you could have never imagined.

    Are her grades falling?

    Recent studies have backed up the idea that homogays have a harder time in school. This is because they are too overcome with lust to focus properly on their schoolwork. If your straight A student all of a sudden becomes a B+ headed for a drop out, you can bet it is probably because of homogay influences. Immediately remove all outside influences and keep a lock on her door and a Bible in her hands. It may seem harsh, but you will thank me later when she is not bringing home fat biker women named “Butch” who leave their cigarette butts all over your lawn and steal your credit cards for sex toy sin.

    Does she have Mexican friends?

    Hispanic women are ten times more likely to be gay than whites. Mostly because the men are too busy stealing to have sex with their wives. Satan comes in many colors and varieties, and this particular one likes tacos, burning candles, worshiping idols, driving crooked shaped cars, and homo-erotic fornication. It is easy, however, to get rid of this threat. Just offer free scrap metal on Craigslist and then call your local immigration office and inform them the illegals will be in your yard soon. That should take care of all the Mexicans within a 20 mile radius.

    Do mysterious women call at all hours of the night?

    Homosexual women are known to sleep all day, being the lazy God hating creatures that they are. This means most of their shenanigans go on at night when it is dark and they have less chance of being exposed. This is when they are most likely to try and call you daughter to sneak out of the window for some homogay beaver eating. If you notice your phone ringing after 6 pm, and your daughter wanting to take the call in private, she is probably well on the road to becoming a homogay slut muncher.

    Is her vagina pure?

    Most girls who fornicate with men at a young age get bored. This is because the sex they had wasn’t holy and sin is never as enjoyable as a union recognized by God before it is consummated. If your little princess’s sweet untouched cherry has already been violated by little Johnny down the street, she will most likely be looking to give it to Jill next. A chastity belt might be in order. Your daughter may not agree now, but she will thank you when she is married to a good Christian man and has a nice family. That is, if she can find one who will accept a fornicator.

    Is her reading material Christian?

    Cosmo is not Christian and teaches young girls of the pleasures of carnal lesbian sin. Most good Christian homes do not allow this type of filth, but I have recently seen more and more of the flock giving up their good conservative values by letting their daughters engage in such blasphemy. The only book they should need at such a young stage in their lives is the Bible, and maybe an old Hymn book for relaxation and entertainment.

    Has her school offered sexual education classes?

    If so they probably taught her how to be gay. You only have yourself to blame, as you should have been active with the PTA to stop such programs from being introduced to your school district. You should probably also throw out all your bananas, as the lesbian liberal teachers at her school have no doubt given her ideas of how to use them for purposes of carnality and lust and they are already tainted with your daughters sticky lesbojuice.

    Is she unexcited about Church on Sunday?

    Lesbians are scared of churches. If your daughter shows some apprehension in attending the good Sunday service, it is because she knows God is watching and seen what she did. Her sin burns too badly for her to face the Lord on his day, and she will most likely give in to her lust and fornicate herself in the bathroom halfway through the service. You may want to step up your attendance, and see to it Monday’s, Thursdays, and Saturdays are also set aside for services as well.

    Is an aunt, sister, cousin, or close relative homogay?

    Gay family members have been known to have a significant influence on their younger kin. Most likely you have cut off all ties with these sinners, however there may be some forms of communication still open. Make sure there are no family functions where a homo relative may be allowed to mingle with your children. Ask that the gay relative be excluded from any functions where children may be present. Also, be sure your daughter knows Aunt-so-and-so is a sinner. Gay is contagious and the only way to give your kids a chance at a happy productive life is too keep them away from it at all costs.

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    About The Author
    Alex Keating Alex K. Keating is a presidential hopeful currently seeking the Republican nomination. His likes include Fox News, Ronald Reagen , and exposing Communism. Fan mail can be sent to AlexKKeating@yahoo.com.

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