• 23 Tell Tale Signs That A Co-Worker May Be A Closet Gay

    May 27, 2011 2:24 am 188 comments

    Do they insist on using a Mac?

    Studies show Mac users are mostly gay. Both butt-cowboys and muff-munchers alike gravitate towards the shiny Apple logo of sin. If you notice one of these around your place of work you may want to go on alert. There is probably a homogay behind the screen. If you go anywhere near their desk they will probably try to sexually harass you if you are of the same sex, if not they will do nothing but scorn you as you have nothing to provide for their deviant sexual appetites.

    Do they drive a Prius?

    Small electric cars are what homogays drive around in. Still, you may be surprised at how spacious the backseat is. This is because the designers were dirty liberals pushing the gay agenda and had to make it large enough for two men to anally penetrate each others backsides comfortably. The homogay women also need room to lick each other’s dirty vagina’s. If one of your co-workers pull up in one of these things and starts bragging about the gas mileage, it is really homogay code for how much gay sex they have.

    Or a Mini-Cooper?

    This is the British version of the Prius. Europe is very gay friendly and these cars are a prime example of how the gays have practically taken over that continent. Many gays use these types of cars to convey to others that they are into the more hardcore European gay sex that involves fecal matter and can not be satiated by any normal homo practices. They need it rough and hard. These are especially deviant creatures who may try to rape you and if anyone at your job is one of them you are best off quitting tomorrow and finding respectable work elsewhere.

    With an Obama bumper sticker on the back?

    Liberals are mostly gay. This fact has been proven by study after study. Their politics in Washington always back the gay agenda and even Barack Obama’s symbol of ‘hope’ was nothing more than the very same rainbow gays use to try to get rights they don’t deserve. Anything with Obama’s name on it amounts to a rainbow anyways. Keep a vigilant eye on the parking lot at your place of employment lest you unknowingly cavort with homosexuals and lose your place beside Jesus in eternal life.

    Have they ever asked you to go to the theater?

    Theater is a known homogay activity and if anyone of your same sex asks you to accompany them it is so they can drug and rape you when you fall asleep from sheer boredom. Many homogays try to attack co-workers in this fashion because it leaves the victim too shamed to seek help from the police, knowing that everyone at work will know they were penetrated by Bob from accounting. Don’t let this happen to your sweet Christian anal virginity. As many Christians already know, with a big enough Bible you can beat the gay right out of someone.

    Are there single moms in the office?

    They are most likely lesbians. Single moms tend to not have men around, and not be able to keep men around, because they are Satanic shrews whose only goal is to spread feminism and have sinful relations with anyone who is willing to buy them a few drinks of alcohol. Their kids are probably halfway to being gay as well. It is better that we don’t try to minister to these women because they only cause pain and heartache to any man who gets close enough for them to flash their milksacs at.

    Are there large amounts of toilet paper missing from the company bathroom?

    This could be because one of your co-workers is using it to plug up his anal wounds suffered during sinful nights of playing hide the sausage with Pedro the janitor. It may even get to the point where there is none of the soft stuff left for the rest of the company. If you notice shortages such as this, the only real solution is to keep an eye on who uses the restroom and document it all in a power point presentation to give to the boss. This should get the offending homogay fired and ensure plenty of soft 2 ply for your holiest of holies.

    Do their earphones secretly lead to a hidden ipod?

    We have talked about Apple catering to the gay community. ipods are nothing more than Satan’s portable tentacles hijacking the brains of innocent youth with artists like Lady Gagag and the Inbred Clown Posse. There is no telling what kind of satanic messages could be sent through the tiny earphones to the person working next to you, maybe encouraging them to touch your penis or even rape you in the bathroom where nobody can see. Lesbians often use the vibrate function as a sex toy.

    Do you often hear brags of excessive alcoholism?

    Most homogays drink a lot. They even have bars where only homogays can go. When your co-workers brag about being intoxicated the night before mostly it is because they don’t go to church and have homogay in their hearts. They try to fill the void of Jesus in their souls and instead try to replace it with cheap rum, which then leads to unprotected anal homosex in cold parking lots on late drunken nights. Then it leads to unbearable shame. Shame leads to more drinking. More drinking leads to more anal sex. And so on, and so on…

    Do the warehouse guys roughhouse in a gay manner?

    Many gays who work in warehouses will goose the deal of a fellow co-worker and then try to pass it off as a joke. In reality they are going home and masturbating thereby causing not only sin on them but also on the other guy who unknowingly just participated in a homogay activity. The kingdom of heaven is then lost for both of them, and only when Saint Peter reads the judgment will the innocent know the devious act that excludes them from not going to Hell.

    Is there vegetarian food in the office fridge?

    Vegitarian food spells homogay clearer than fifteen foot letters on the side of a hill. A lack of protein in ones diet has been proven by various studies to cause gayness in both male and female subjects. Lest the gay invade your place of work, sneak tiny pieces of meat in the food container in hopes of countering the effect. If you feel it is already too late for that approach, all you have left is stocking the company fridge with holy ribs and bacon to counteract the smell of hippie.

    Does the woman next to you smell of cats?

    Many lesbians own a lot of cats. Cats are what Satan gives old hags to help them do his bidding. That involves spreading homogay and leaving hair all over everything they come in contact with. If one of your colleagues is such be wary to never bring her around your spouse unless you want to end up on Jerry Springer and your kids in juvenile facilities. Women, try to make sure you don’t use the bathroom after these ladies. They are often known to have herpes.

    When there is a birthday, does one person hog all the cake?

    Gluttony is a sin and so is homogayness, and all sin goes hand in hand with each other. Especially because people tend to eat when they are depressed, and studies show that homogays often feel a certain shame about their lifestyle because God makes it that way and will try to eat a lot to compensate for the loss of self respect in their lives. If you notice one of your co-workers gorging themselves it is probably because they can’t stand the shame of being in the closet any longer.

    Is there a moped in the employee parking lot?

    These are tools of transportation liberal gays use to easily get from one sinbar to another. It allows for them to hate America by not buying as much gas as they should be thereby destroying our great industry and trying to replace it with communism. It is so beloved by the liberal (READ: gay) community that a homosex act is named after is in which a woman uses her nose to jump start a pooh for further sexual exploitation. It is much too sick and depraved to go into detail, but it ends with one of the women waddling around in a diaper while the other tries to insert a bottle of champagne into her vagina.

    Has anyone been recently caught glimpsing other fellows penises at the urinals?

    A sure fire sign that you probably have a gay in your workplace is that he is staring at you while you pee. This is where your deluxe sized King James version Bible comes in handy. The next time he leans in to catch a peek smash him in his dirty homogay face with the word of the Lord and rebuke the homogay demon within him. If possible, urinate on him. Demons must be desecrated completely in order to truely leave this earth. He will thank you later when he is not homogay and burning in Hell.

    Is your boss a woman?

    This is strictly against Christian and Conservative ideals. We aren’t saying women aren’t equal to men, we are just saying they aren’t as good in a leadership position. Those women who try and push the agenda, like Hillary Clinton, are most often bulldog lesbians who understand ‘stop’, ‘no’, and ‘don’t’, as ‘yes please rape me for your fake penis’. In the world at large this can be a dangerous thing, let alone in the work place. Women with power only ever use it for liberal gains. Unless her name happens to be Sarah Palin, then we do not think of her as an inept woman and more of a Pit Bull with lipstick, and also the possibly the next president.

    Is the receptionist a man?

    If he is he probably talks with a lisp and checks out your ass as you walk by each morning before he takes off and M’s himself in the employee bathroom to the thought of your sweet virgin ass. As we discussed earlier, this can make you a homosexual and you may not get into heaven because this homogay masturbated to you. If there is a character like this at your job, take great pains to avoid him at all costs. Come in early or when he is not looking and before you leave set a diversion so you can get out with your Christianity intact.

    Does anyone ride their bike to work?

    As with mopeds, these are a status symbol of sorts in the gay community. It shows their liberalism by turning their backside to traffic order and using our roadways for their very own sick game of homogay where they wear tight shorts so as to show each other their man-sticks and cut off people who have the right to drive on the roads because they own actual vehicles. They also like to take jumps and let the seat go up their anus a little bit. It gives them heathen giggles they will pay for with an eternity in damnation.

    Are there dolphin calendars?

    Dolphins are openly gay animals. They weren’t created by God, they were made by Satan and given an insatiable lust for rape and debauchery with same-sex species. It doesn’t matter if it is a shark, human, or blow whale, if a dolphin can fit his penis in any hole, unwelcome or not, it will. Homogays who have dolphin calendars are using them to tell other gays they like to be the one doing the anal rape. If you see one in your office, complain to HR and show them this article. I will assure you that once they know the legendary and universally respected research team at Christwire is behind your grievances they will show you results fast.

    Are there some who text on their phones more than work?

    Gays text a lot. Most of them are explicit homo messages. Studies show that a full 45% of housewives are secretly having homogay affairs and those same studies also have correlated the use of text messages as the main way they coordinate each other to meet later on at a discrete and quiet sinhut somewhere to slap beavers and hate Jesus. Males have been documented to have the same tenancies if they are butt pirates. The best course of action is to alert the boss and demand homogay be removed from your place of work due to the fact that you are a good Christian and stuff like this could send you to Hell.

    Is there a group that carpools?

    Gays start these groups so they can force you to listen to Barry Manilow for the half hour commute everyday and slowly, bit by bit, turn you homogay. The next thing you know they will be asking for oral favors in lue of gas money. As the economy gets tighter under Kenyan rule and gas prices go up, they will begin to demand anal. Even if you thwart their homosexuality and use your own car they will annoy you by taking the closest parking spots. Your reward will be in heaven, while their just desserts will be waiting for them in the fiery lava pits of Hades.

    Does anyone use the term “FYI”?

    FYI is a homogay term originally meant to mean “For Your Anus” but they didn’t know how to spell anus. This is because, and we have studies to back us up on this, the homogay infected brain is seen to have less activity in the creative areas, which control your ability to read and write properly. If you notice one of your co-workers using this terminology, inform them of their error. If they continue to use it anyways, pray to God to smite them with AIDS.

    Are there any Star Trek fans?

    Star Trek is known to be Anti-Jesus in its very basis, and many of the main characters are openly homogay in real life, if not suggestively so on the television shows and movies. If there are folks at your place of business that believe in this sort of witchcraft they are probably far too gone to be saved, and since it is mostly guys the only ones they have to have sex with are each other. Star Trek conventions are mainstays for gay prostitutes and secret anal sex club memberships.

    Has anyone recently tried to steal your parking spot?

    Gays have entitlement issues. When they see something they feel they should have, even though they haven’t earned it, they often just try to sneak in like a weasel and take it. The guys are more weaselish anyways. The lesbians just bulldog their way into things. They all have the same rainbow sticker somewhere on the back of their car amongst hordes of other environmental hippie gibberish that will only make you want to set fire to it. That stuff is there to mock people like you and me and our decent Christian ideals. It is best to leave this one alone, however, and park far away from them as they tend to wait around their cars after work looking for someone to rape.

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    About The Author
    Alex Keating Alex K. Keating is a presidential hopeful currently seeking the Republican nomination. His likes include Fox News, Ronald Reagen , and exposing Communism. Fan mail can be sent to AlexKKeating@yahoo.com.

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