A Christian Guide to a Green Lawn
Spring is firmly entrenched in all of America now, the darkness that was the month of February is far behind us. Now that Memorial Day weekend is here, it’s time for millions of Christian men to start taking their yard care duties to the next level.
There are some things people will gauge you on as a Christian male; the quality of your wife, how good your kids are at sports, where you went to college, what kind of car you drive, and how green your lawn is. A perfect looking lawn is a sign of a perfect relationship with Christ. Here are some keys too keeping that relationship green.
Use lots of water
One of first rules to keeping your grass green is to use lots of water. More water means deep healthy roots on the soil. No amount of water is too much, I can’t stress that enough. Some people live in areas where water restrictions are in place. Most of these water restrictions are not metered; therefore the only way they can enforce it is to visually catch you watering. This can be easily subverted by watering very early in the morning. In areas where water consumption is metered you can purchase water from your neighbors or set up a collection and storage system for gutter runoff.
Irrigation Systems
Moving sprinklers and hoses around a lawn is a waste of time and effort and is more suited for the poor and Hispanic. Hoses also are messy looking; they lower property values almost as much as Africans that won the lottery moving in to the neighborhood. A quality underground irrigation system will make sure your lawn is watered in the middle of the night and while you are on vacation.
Use a lot of chemicals
A healthy lawn needs nutrients. Make sure to fertilize your lawn often. A well fed lawn is greener and has a thicker more comfortable feel to it. Many manufacturers recommend fertilizing quarterly. I find fertilizing every 2-3 weeks to be a very profitable endeavor. Many fertilizers are artificial and made from petroleum byproducts. These are the best ones to use! In addition to being good for our economy they are engineered by some of the great American chemical companies to be much more efficient than natural fertilizers. Look for fertilizers from the following companies:
Dow
DuPont
Exxon
Chevron-Phillips
PPG industries
Make sure to avoid natural or organic fertilizers. These provide little to no benefit and often contain human fecal matter resulting in giardiasis in people that come in contact with your lawn.
A proper amount of herbicides and pesticides are very important too. Weeds did not exist in the Garden of Eden and should not be present in a Caucasian Christian lawn. These weeds are a sign of the sin of man and healthy applications of chemicals will keep them at bay. The same goes for bugs. A healthy application of pesticide will kill any insects or arachnids that try to make your property their home.
Proper lawn equipment
You wouldn’t buy a Japanese bible, so why would you purchase a Japanese lawnmower? No one knows grass like a proper American company. Companies like Snapper and craftsman provide proper made in America mowers guaranteed to give your lawn that proper American look.
“The Made in America: Snapper CP21850 the pinnacle of Caucasian technology.”
Make sure your mower has a proper engine likes a Briggs and Stratton. Honda engines are communist designs that may be efficient, but lack the raw thunder of a American engine.
Electric Mowers are inefficient liberal tools. Having to charge your mower or drag an extension cord around the lawn makes you look Scandinavian. A proper internal combustion engine is required to produce the power needed to get a clean smooth cut.
Bagging vs. Mulching
Many people will recommend you mulch your grass and leave it on the lawn. The theory is that it returns nutrients to the soil and saves on bagging and landfill space. Mulching is a bad idea. Mulched lawns leave little bits of grass behind which can get on shoes and clothing to be tracked inside. They also blow around leaving an unsightly mess on your sidewalks and driveway. Bagging and throwing away is the proper way to deal with grass clippings.
Who you hire
Some people like to hire someone to take care of their lawn. There are many reasons to do this; however one must understand that no one can care for your lawn like you can.
not a good idea
There are many Mexican lawn services available in most communities, but you need to ask yourself a question before you hire a Mexican to care for your lawn. Have you ever seen a Mexican with a nicer yard than yours? No you haven’t. You can’t expect them to do as good a job as you can. Some people hire Asians, they are more expensive than Mexicans and some appear to have fairly well done yards themselves. But unless you want Koi ponds, Kamikaze trees and Zen gardens, its best to do it yourself or hire a Caucasian neighbor kid.
..
.MA
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Senator August Weisz
Retired Hydroelectric Engineer. Now spend my time helping others who won’t help themselves.
http://christwire.org/august-weisz-biography
MA
6:33 pm
The picture of your home is beautiful, brother. Your flock must take extremely good care of you!
I have been able to hire Mexicali workers upon occasion and gotten decent work from them. Deny the siesta and show them doctored pictures of their sisters as whores in Juarez. They work much harder.
God Bless YOU.
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9:30 pm
This article is timely and Bible based. Why covet thy neighbor’s property when your own is so much nicer?
A proper lawn is really necessary. None of that Japanese rock garden nonsense. Good old fashioned carriage boy with lantern to bid a warm welcome to visitors is always a nice touch too.
The only Mexicans allowed in my yard are in cement and have a small burrow.
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6:38 pm
WOW!!!!
What a great article. Sometimes we get to bogged down here condemning sinners and alerting people to the dangers of sin…sometimes it’s nice to just sit back and enjoy the peace of God’s love.
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10:36 pm
Yo whore, you’re a faggot, god does not exsist, and if he did, im sure he would kill you because your so fucking retarted… nigger
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2:58 am
if you paid attention you would see that I am a cracker
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9:07 am
And not a bit retarted.
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6:50 pm
“There are some things people will gauge you on as a Christian male; the quality of your wife”
Wives are not commodities to be evaluated.
“Here are some keys too keeping that relationship green.”
Should be “to”.
“Moving sprinklers and hoses around a lawn is a waste of time and effort and is more suited for the poor and Hispanic. Hoses also are messy looking; they lower property values almost as much as Africans that won the lottery moving in to the neighborhood.”
You’re a racist bastard.
“Make sure to avoid natural or organic fertilizers. These provide little to no benefit and often contain human fecal matter resulting in giardiasis in people that come in contact with your lawn.”
Source(s) please.
“Electric Mowers are inefficient liberal tools. Having to charge your mower or drag an extension cord around the lawn makes you look Scandinavian. A proper internal combustion engine is required to produce the power needed to get a clean smooth cut.”
The only type of mower you need is one that is powered only by your pushing. That’s what we have. It doesn’t pollute, it gives a good exercise, it’s quiet, and it’s efficient.
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7:21 pm
“Source(s) please.”
Vesy CJ, Peterson WL. Review article: the
management of giardiasis. Aliment
Pharmacol Ther 1999;13:843-50.
And push rotary mowers are not practical for people with standard size lawns. The sharpening and complicated manufacturing processes needed for these devices are also an environmental disaster.
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8:18 pm
This should be printed and sent to every HOA in America.
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8:27 pm
So, you’re basically saying that God loves those who have the best gardens, am I right? And what happens with those who live in appartments, or, even worse, those who don’t have enough money to take proper care of their gardens?
Now, I’ll ask you something: What if, instead of wasting money on pretty flowers and luxurious ornaments, you give it to charity? Help a brother that doesn’t have food to eat or a place to stay. It’s the best way of getting closer to God!
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8:43 pm
I believe you misunderstood Mr. Weisz’s advice. I also think, from reading your last paragraph, that you may be a communist.
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8:51 pm
yes, because helping others is considered communist.
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9:04 pm
Why a communist? Isn’t helping and loving the others the one and only way of salvation?
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7:20 pm
Democracy is the way to salvation and it states as such many times in the holy book. Helping ones self and not begging for charity.
What you are talking about is communism.
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9:34 pm
As far as I know, ‘democracy’ (δημοκρατία)comes from the greek words ‘demos’ (‘δῆμος’, populace) and ‘kratos’ (‘κράτος’, power/government), and it is a form of government in which the people choose their representatives. It has nothing to do with helping or not the others.
Also, I believe that helping a brother that has lost everything is better than just sticking to the laws. What if your best friend suddenly lost his house, his family and all of his money in a terrible accident, such as an earthquake? Would you help him? Or would you let him to die, seeing that for you is ‘democracy’>charity?
Think about that.
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2:47 am
This is about grass, not gardens. Thank you for responding before you read.
A properly educated Christian man can both take care of his lawn and feed those too lazy to help themselves provided the government doesn’t tax him too much.
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12:39 pm
Properly educated my ass! You barely know the difference between a comma and a semicolon!
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12:42 pm
Now Claire, perhaps English is not his native language…
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12:46 pm
Yeah, he’s probably an illegal immigrant.
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12:51 pm
If I had to guess, based on his name and writing, his native language was probably Hebrew. No crime in converting from Judaism to Christianity.
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1:00 pm
Racists!!!
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7:24 pm
Mr. Weisz, as all of us did willingly at Christiwre, has provided a long form birth certificate. We believe it was our actions that prompted Obama to do the same.
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1:09 pm
‘Too lazy to feed themselves’? How about this: Imagine you’re a homeless man. Humble and hard-working. You don’t have enough money to buy food, and even less to get a haircut or some nice clothes. Let’s imagine you’re trying to get a job. Seeing how you don’t look clean and your clothes are dirty, most people (especially people like you) will look down on you, treat you like dirt, and they won’t give you any job. If you don’t get a job, you won’t be able to buy any food, nor a nice haircut, nor clean clothes. And the circle repeats itself.
How does that sound? ‘Too lazy’? Maybe you’re the one who isn’t giving your brother any chance.
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10:45 pm
The condition of a man’s lawn really does express the size of his soul. And as for Asian lawns, they seem to be mostly cement or rocks as far as I can tell. I personally have found a decent Mexican to work on mine, and that was no easy search, but all of the work that requires a fully thinking brain my boys and I do myself.
You also forgot to mention the ever growing threat of plastic lawns. This is like astro turf, but softer. It doesn’t use up any water or chemicals and as such does not belong in the conservative’s yard.
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2:43 am
Excellent points iceman. You are as wise as you are holy.
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1:28 am
Going to print this out and share it with the 3 lawn men that do my yard every Wednesday.
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4:25 pm
dem dam mexicans taken over our dman mother fuckering awesome afucking country
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4:25 pm
dem dam mexicans taken over our dman mother fuckering awesome afucking country fasfasfasf
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6:44 pm
I am shocked everyone missed Kamikaze trees gotta say that alone shows you how stupid the people that run this website really are
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