Bloodninja: Portrait of a Christian Hero
Over a few week period we will be honoring ten of the greatest Christian heroes with a short 30 second read.
In our last report we profiled one of the bravest American Christians of all time.
This time we profile someone who actually fought on the frontlines of the sinful internet..
History
Bloodninja — A pseudonym for an Internet hero best known for preventing online sexual conversations. He would interrupt young women looking to masturbate to online messaging discussions of a sexual nature. Once involved and engaged he would prevent masturbation sin.
Christian Values
Because of his efforts thousands of girls were denied online masturbatory experiences.
Here are some examples of how he did it:
{bloodninja}Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
{BritneySpears14} Aight.
{bloodninja} Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
{BritneySpears14} I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
{bloodninja} Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
{BritneySpears14} Oh, I like to play dress up.
{bloodninja} Me too baby.
{BritneySpears14} I kiss you softly on your chest.
{bloodninja} I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
{BritneySpears14} Hey…
{bloodninja} I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.
{BritneySpears14} Funny I still don’t see it.
{bloodninja} I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty sex of the Beyondness.
{BritneySpears14} You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
{bloodninja} Don’t mess with me girl, I’m the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
{bloodninja} I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
{BritneySpears14} Don’t ever message me again you piece of ****.
{bloodninja} Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
{bloodninja} King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik’s evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
{bloodninja} You still there baby? I think it’s getting hard now.
{bloodninja} Baby?
{Bloodninja} I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
{Sarah19fca} mmmm, okay.
{Bloodninja} I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
{Sarah19fca} Yeah I like it rough.
{Bloodninja} I smack you thick booty.
{Sarah19fca} Oh yeah, that feels good.
{Bloodninja} Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
{Bloodninja} I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O’ Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
{Sarah19fca} you like that?
{Bloodninja} I peel some bananas.
{Sarah19fca} Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
{Bloodninja} get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
{Sarah19fca} Peanuts?
{Bloodninja} Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
{Sarah19fca} What are you talking about?
{Bloodninja} I’m spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
{Sarah19fca} This is stupid.
{Bloodninja} Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
{Bloodninja} Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
{Bloodninja} Yeeaahhhh.
{Sarah19fca} /ignore
{Bloodninja} Its cool stone cold she wasn’t fun anyway.
{Bloodninja} We get on harleys and ride into the sunset
{BritneySpears14} Ok, are you ready?
{eminemBNJA} Aight, yeah I’m ready.
{BritneySpears14} I like your music Em… Tee hee.
{eminemBNJA} huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
{BritneySpears14} Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
{BritneySpears14} I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
{eminemBNJA} Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
{BritneySpears14} What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
{eminemBNJA} Oh ****
{BritneySpears14} I swear if you do it one more time I’m gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
{eminemBNJA} Oh ****
{eminemBNJA} damn I gotta write down your names or something
.
Controversy
Many people attempted to claim they were him. They used various names and caused a backlash in the online community. It got so bad that girls in Massachusetts were pretending they were attractive online and lying about their education. These controversies forced Bloodninja into retirement.
Redemption
He is credited with hundreds if not thousands of young women being saved from sinful masturbation.
Christian Heroes reported so far
Big Ben Roethlisberger.
Marshal Mathers III.
Harrison Ford.
Michael Richards.
..
.MA
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Senator August Weisz
Retired Hydroelectric Engineer. Now spend my time helping others who won’t help themselves.
http://christwire.org/august-weisz-biography
MA
5:47 pm
“It got so bad that girls in Massachusetts were pretending they were attractive online and lying about their education.”
Are you talking about me, jackass? I have never once claimed to be attractive or lied about my education.
Praise or Condemn:
3 
8
6:31 am
Claire, I am going to need to call off our wedding. I believe you ove yourself and your hundreds of cats too much, if all you got from this very informative piece was that it was about you. Brother August was trying to show us how we can be more like “Bloodninja” and stop our teens from dabbling in the “sexting” that seems so popular with you kids now days.
Praise or Condemn:
5 
3
11:28 am
Well unless August provides a source about these girls from Massachusetts, I’m going to assume he’s talking about me. What else should I think, considering how I’m from Massachusetts and you guys are constantly ripping on my education?
Praise or Condemn:
3 
3
6:32 am
Claire, I am going to need to call off our wedding. I believe you owe yourself and your hundreds of cats too much, if all you got from this very informative piece was that it was about you. Brother August was trying to show us how we can be more like “Bloodninja” and stop our teens from dabbling in the “sexting” that seems so popular with you kids now days.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
2
1:54 am
I am sorry honey, my grandson may be availiable. You would have to move down here as he is not allowed up into yankee land and he is alergic to cats so you would have to get rid of them. But he likes dogs.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
6:05 pm
Hey August, this article was so good that i put on my robe and wizard hat.
Praise or Condemn:
5 
1
10:49 pm
I masturbated to that picture.
Praise or Condemn:
3 
0
8:52 am
I did too, that girl is smoking, couldn’t help but touch my sin stick
Praise or Condemn:
3 
1
10:58 pm
WOW! I had no idea that a wizard’s hat could do that.
I always shied from “that” corner of the cafeteria. You know, the D₂ peoples’ table. They would bogart the school rolls and get wasted on carbs and Mt Dew. The eyes, the eyes – those were the worst.
Praise or Condemn:
4 
1
12:47 am
Dungeons and Dragons was a fast trip to demonism, to be sure. But it seems like child’s play compared to the dangers that we face today.
Praise or Condemn:
5 
1
12:52 am
Hey Dick, you do realize that it’s not the ’80s anymore, right?
Praise or Condemn:
3 
1
5:54 am
Do you think that Satan was only active in the 80′s?
Praise or Condemn:
3 
2
6:36 am
Satan was most popular in the 80′s because he was trying to ruin the Great Ronald Reagan’s Presidency. He made “Pop Music” like Twisted Sister, Bon Jovi, Peter Cetera, and Tiffany just to confuse young people in the 80′s.
Praise or Condemn:
4 
3
8:10 am
I think Satan’s presence was clear in the 1980 movie Airplane! which introduced the homosexual pederast’s favorite pickup line “you ever seen a grown man naked?”
This set the tone for the entire decade.
Praise or Condemn:
7 
2
7:24 am
WTF?
Praise or Condemn:
3 
1
7:40 am
I think that blood ninja deserves the Presidential Medal of Freedom for preventing thousands of rapes.
Praise or Condemn:
7 
3
8:34 am
This great Christian hero should be honored with a statue at the gates of the internet.
Praise or Condemn:
7 
2
7:01 pm
Pictured above: A man who has no idea how the internet works.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
2
7:59 pm
he think that Internet is a place or a country
anyway Bloodninja is only another troll Like the pedophile on this site with their Gay Porn everywhere seriously you make me disgusting
you wnat to ban Masturbation Now and after what else you gonna Ban freedom ?
Praise or Condemn:
1 
3
10:16 pm
I just wunna say that was awsome and i’d also like to say this was bad. If young girls can’t tlak dirty on the net where else do they go for fun. chymos other poeple same age and no condom. When you knock something else out make sure you know your reprecussions. If you got something not that bad then leave it don’t make matters worste by getting rid of safe things. I actually think the masterbations is helthy. I was doing it almost everynight a couple weeks ago until i remembered the reason i’m not ejaculating was because i got on infertility pills. but it also help me get relaxed before i sleep. which is what i used to usae weed for but i was starting to get burnt out. well anyways let people beat thy’re stuff and don’t make it your buisness of it when it doesn’t even effect you. And if god really does kill a kitten for every time you do it like the rumors say…i’d say i’m batting a million.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
10:56 pm
You guys are kidding right? The guy is a troll. He isn’t some Christian hero. He logs into sites like that to mess with people. Just like Atheist’s log into this site to mess with all you Christians. You guys sure are a gullible bunch. Well, I am going to go worship Satan now. I will see you all in Hell.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
3
2:43 am
“Just like Atheist’s log into this site to mess with all you Christians. You guys sure are a gullible bunch.”
Why would they do that? That seems like a complete waste of time. No one finds them remotely funny.
Praise or Condemn:
4 
1
7:24 pm
Ahaha, as an agnostic, I find this website to be hilarious.
This website just supplanted cracked dot com as my number one favorite comedy website. Praise fark!
Praise or Condemn:
2 
1
9:40 am
well…august at least 95% of supposed satan worshippers are just athiests that wanted to piss of christians.Personally i just did’nt get the point of it i mean come dressing up in black robes and heading into the middle of a forest at midnight
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
9:58 am
(1) Jesus Christ was a jew, so he did not believe in the devil or half the crap attributed to him.
(2) Christianity was invented and modified repeatedly during the hundreds of years following his death.
(3) Mary became a virgin around a hundred years AD. It sure would have been news to her, and Jesus’ dad, who, for the record, was a human being.
(4) The Catholic Church, who invented the “Holy Bible” and the the religion of Christianity, knows all the so called “miracles” are fake. Conversations with former clergy confirm this. They all know the resurrection, virgin birth, and other stories, are all made-up lies to convince idiots to become Christians.
(5) All religious people are willingly gullible.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
1