CDC admits Zombies are Real
Fox News reports that the Center for Disease Control (CDC) has posted a preparedness blog on their website warning Americans of what to do in case of the Zombie Apocalypse. It is entitled “Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse” and is written by Assistant Surgeon General Ali Khan and instructs readers to stock up on food and water, as well as first aid supplies. It was also posted on their facebook page.
The report states:
“If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation.
This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine).
It’s likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated.”
But anyone who has viewed the TV show The Walking Dead is well aware that although the CDC can track down an E. Coli infection from a Mexican taking a #2 on your tomatoes, in the real world the CDC would work as well to end a Zombie Apocalypse as Obama Care would for a stubbed toe.
“First of all, you should have an emergency kit in your house. “This includes things like water, food, and other supplies to get you through the first couple of days before you can locate a zombie-free refugee camp (or in the event of a natural disaster, it will buy you some time until you are able to make your way to an evacuation shelter or utility lines are restored).”
Other items to be stashed in such a kit include medications, duct tape, a battery-powered radio, clothes, copies of important documents and first aid supplies.
“Once you’ve made your emergency kit, you should sit down with your family and come up with an emergency plan. This includes where you would go and who you would call if zombies started appearing outside your doorstep. You can also implement this plan if there is a flood, earthquake or other emergency.”
More helpful tips include:
“Make a list of local contacts like the police, fire department, and your local zombie response team.” And, “Plan your evacuation route. When zombies are hungry they won’t stop until they get food (i.e., brains), which means you need to get out of town fast.”
My question is where does one find their local zombie response team?
Unfortunately with the multitude of people who desperately want to survive a Zombie Apocalypse the actual CDC site with the report has went down. You may be able to try it in a few more days. Hopefully by that time we will all be raptured off to heaven. But in case you have family that you do not think will make it to heaven you may want to get them to retry the web address at http://blogs.cdc.gov/publichealthmatters/2011/05/preparedness-101-zombie-apocalypse/
But I think the real failure of this document, which is in typical liberal commie style is that it is to passive. No where in the document does it encourage gun use or tell you how to incapacitate a zombie. So in the end I have to say thanks for nothing but scaring an old lady half to death!
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Susan B. Xenu
Although over 80 years old, she is still a woman of unparalleled intellect and passion. She brings this spiritual fire to every aspect of her life. "Sister Susan" joined our staff in 2011 and has a fiery writing style on a diverse set of topics. A widow she lives in Atlanta, Ga and has been active in her church for over seven decades! You can now add her on Facebook or Twitter. Also read her Personal Blog.
2:03 am
I just realizd “Ali Khan” sounds like a terrorist name
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5:20 am
I just realizd Susan B.Xenu is a bitch name…its a shame really…
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12:51 pm
I just realized GHAT is a stupid name!
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1:56 pm
Aren’t Muslims all zombies, because they mindlessly follow the terrorist doctrine called “Koran” without any free-will of their own?
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4:50 pm
I think the Gollem, the Jewish Zombie, is the real threat here. I wonder if there’s a connection between this and George Soros?
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8:46 pm
Of course zombies are real… they write articles on this very website.
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11:16 pm
Susan, each article you write is better than the other. I too read about this ObamaZombie plan, and was shocked that this scheming socialist would actually allow the CDC to report on what Obama Care is going to do to the country. There must be a decent conservative somewhere in that organization.
When the Zombies start coming out of the inner cities on schedule, I for one and moving to the woods where my survivalist shack is ready for some 4th amendment vengeance.
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11:45 pm
I…I…I don’t even have enough time tonight to respond to this “racial slur” laced, POLITICALLY biased responded to piece of psycho babble tonight. (Don’t worry. I will though. I’ve already read it all.
)
“So in the end I have to say thanks for nothing but scaring an old lady half to death!”
Your words, not mine.
Should have just called someone instead of putting it in print.
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