ChristWire Movie Reviews: Thor Will Turn Your Children Gay
Much has been ballyhooed lately about the new movie adaptation of the Marvel Comic icon, Thor. Reports have it set to top $60 million at the weekend box office. Well, ten of those dollars belonged to Christwire, as I entered the gallery of sin known as my local AMC movie theater last weekend to bring you the full story behind this thoroughfare.
I already expected this movie to contain blasphemy. They very idea behind it breaks the commandment stating that there are no other god’s but Jesus. I am an advanced theologian, though, and can withstand attacks like this without wavering in my faith. If you are not, please do not see this movie.
One thing it will do is turn you homogay. The beginning was nothing but naked, greased-up men sexually arousing each other and harassing the audience with scenes of homo-erotic sex-play. There was even a rainbow bridge, depicted as the entrance to Thor and his buddies secret city of gays, and also their way out into the world. This is no doubt a implant from the homogay community in Hollywood to make your children wonder if they should maybe cross their own ‘rainbow bridge’ and see if they can find the city of gays for themselves, where they will only be raped and sodomized.
The main character in the film is played by a strapping young Heath Ledger, who also played one of the homogays in “Backend Mountain”, a gay Jewish cowboy movie made a few years ago with intentions to shock the Christian community out of our gourd. It did just that, as no doubt his newest cinamafare will as well.
The acting was second rate. I have seen better go on during the Christmas plays at my local church. It is no wonder this movie is being panned by critics and audiences alike. I could find no discernible plot between all the gratuitous scenes of blasphemy and homgayness. It seemed like the whole thing was just thrown together at the last minute in an attempt for some big time Hollywood Jew producer to hopefully turn his neighbor’s 10 year old boy who happens to like comic’s into a heathen homogay.
After careful consideration, I give this movie a 6 out of ten on Satan’s scale of Sin, but it ranks a 9 on the homogay highway to Hell. Don’t let your eyes fall upon this one, lest they may be falling upon naked men later.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Alex Keating
Alex K. Keating is a presidential hopeful currently seeking the Republican nomination. His likes include Fox News, Ronald Reagen , and exposing Communism. Fan mail can be sent to AlexKKeating@yahoo.com.
8:36 am
Are you sure we watched the same movie?
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12:06 am
Comment removed due to unholy SPAM
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9:00 am
Thank you Brother Alex. Many of the young boys in my prayer group were wanting to go see this movie, now I have the ability to tell them not to, but with facts to back it up. Any movie that stars the homogay Heath Ledger and the lesbionic Natalie Portman together should be banned completely I believe. Thank you for this great, timely and factual article.
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10:08 am
First of all, Heath Ledger died something like three or four years ago, can’t remember. So, he’s not in the movie.
It’s Chris Hemsworth, go and look for the complete cast list on IMDb.
Second, though Natalie Portman was involved in a lesbian sex scene in the movie that led her to the Academy Award for best actress, she’s not a lesbian.
Third, I’ve seen the movie. And Sir Keating here must have seen the porn version of it, because he got it all wrong. Totally.
Or he’s just trolling around!
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5:14 pm
FREAK
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6:22 pm
Well, I am not sure what Movie the reviewer saw, But Heath Ledger has been dead for three years, having passed away in 2008. As for the film he made, it was called “Brokeback Mountain” and not “Backend Mountain” and it was not a gay Jewish movie, as I saw nobody in yarmulkes.
And what exactly is a homogay? is this a new christian term? I know of Homosexual and Gay… Oh, I get it now… never mind.
You people need to get a grip on reality. Remember, the bible was written by men, men who probably had drunken orgies while they were writing it. The only actual words to ever come from God were the 10 commandments, given to a JEW on top of a hill while the orgy of men and women were worshipping a golden cow. And if I remember the facts, there was not a Thou shalt not sodomize your fellow man in the comments…
But, what do you all care anyway? you will be meetings some dude on May 21st anyway when the world ends.
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12:03 am
YOU GUYS AND GIRLS DO KNOW, people come here and are pissed and write, but the site is here for ADS and they make money, so PLEASE stop seeing this SATAN SITE and stop helping them make money.
THEY ARE SATAN,AND YOU ARE NOT FOOLING ANYONE.Although they are probably laughing cause they are making lots off of people comeing here…………………
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11:40 am
I believe your cries of Satan are misplaced. They should be pointed in the mirror.
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10:02 am
You may be an advanced theologian, but you’re definitely not an advanced writer or user of apostrophes…
In your phrase “there are no other god’s but Jesus,” there doesn’t need to be an apostrophe.
Just one more way in which you suck.
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12:04 am
YOU GUYS AND GIRLS DO KNOW, people come here and are pissed and write, but the site is here for ADS and they make money, so PLEASE stop seeing this SATAN SITE and stop helping them make money.
THEY ARE SATAN,AND YOU ARE NOT FOOLING ANYONE.Although they are probably laughing cause they are making lots off of people comeing here.——————
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11:31 am
Thank you, Brother Alex, for this insightful review. Unfortunately for me it came too late, but you were absolutely correct. I entered the theater a normal, heterosexual, Christ loving man; butt I came out a homogay anally filled with the seed of Satan. Now I’m confused and don’t know where to turn… I’ll keep reading Christwire though, and maybe I’ll find a cure.
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6:25 pm
I can give you my number if you are confused…
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12:21 pm
Is this site is a parody like the onion? I mean, using the word homogay? I can’t take that serious, it’s too funny.
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12:57 pm
Heath Ledger died years ago.
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1:16 pm
That was a cover story to hide his AIDS he contracted from bareback mountain homogay cowboy sex act.
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1:22 pm
So can I say that your mother and father are hiding to cover up the fact that they have AIDS from gay sex?
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1:54 pm
Absolutely. In fact, it’s 100% true. August’s father faked his own death in order to cover up the fact that he contracted syphilis from his favorite “fucking goat”. His mother later committed suicide. Her ghost haunts August, as one night he got completely plastered, dug her corpse up, fucked it in all orifices, urinated on it, and then buried it again upside down.
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6:41 pm
yeah, i mean its got to be upside down, then she cant find her way out
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4:00 pm
Well Mel Gibson warned Heath not to play the gay cowboy but he did anyway. Now look. Drugs found their way into his life (that is secondary to homosexual lifestyle, drug binges, and he probably did it to help develop the gay character for that movie) and drugs always lead to an early death.
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4:18 pm
Mel is a personal hero of mine.
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6:28 pm
Well since I have been a Homogay all my life and have never done drugs, smoked, drank or slept with multiple partners… I guess that blows another christian myth out of the water!
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9:54 pm
Yeah you did not know Mr. Ledger so just stop. I met and worked with the man. He was the most kindest and generous person. He hung out with us crew people and even helped out when clearly it was not his job. You have no idea of the amount of charity work the man did, that the world was never told about.He was NOT a drug addict like the tabloids and other media made him out to be. He had life long health issues starting in childhood, some which remain private to this day. It was an accidental combination of low dose and even under the correct dose of legally obtained prescriptions.Some were time release and left over in his system, he had severe insomnia, jet lag, pneumonia, back pain and some other issues he never talked about. Yeah drug addicts so often follow the dosing directions on the bottle.The coroners report is public, read it yourself. Watch his last movie, he filmed most of the scenes 3 days before he died. Its pretty obvious he was NOT a drug addict. Ignorant people like you are what’s wrong with the world. RIP Heath, we sure do miss you.
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9:58 pm
God smote Heath for playing a homogay in the movies.
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4:24 pm
This movie is obviously a mockery of Christianity, as one of the other posters mentioned.
If they were serious the opening would have been on Thorsday.
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5:02 pm
It did. In Italy!
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5:12 pm
what is wrong with you people, watching a movie will not make you homosexual, your born gay, it doesn’t happen over night, are you all in some cult or something freaks! maybe you should condem yourselves before others.
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8:42 pm
Tell that to Ricky Martin! Look at what TV did to him.
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7:11 pm
Uh, do you guys not realize that this is a joke? A damned good one, but it’s a joke.
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8:36 pm
I have not seen this movie, but intend to. My response is intended for this ignorant writer who apparently doesn’t have a clue about his “Lord” and what he stands for. You say “It seemed like the whole thing was just thrown together at the last minute in an attempt for some big time Hollywood Jew producer to hopefully turn his neighbor’s 10 year old boy who happens to like comic’s into a heathen homogay.” Need I remind you that your “Lord” was in fact a Jewish man, so you have just insulted your praised one. Second, as a true “Christian”, which you are not by any means you are to love ALL men whether gay, straight, black, white, etc. If you had any idea of what you were talking about, this article may not have been written. For you to even write this says that you are racist to a point. And last, why is homosexuality the first thing YOU are thinking of when you see a naked man??? Leaves a very important question about your sexuality doesn’t it?
Boooooom!
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9:46 pm
In what sense was Brokeback Mountain Jewish? Not that it matters I love ALL people, but I worked on the crew for that movie and you are making that up. It is simply a love story. If you don’t agree with the lifestyle that’s fine as you have that right, but don’t make stuff up, that’s the same as lying. I don’t think God likes liars. BTW Jesus is NOT God. He is God’s son. Actually read the bible once in a while. “Love thy neighbour” “Do unto Others” and ‘Do not be in judgement of one another” are some more you might want to read. I am sick of people only paying attention to CERTAIN parts of the bible. God will vomit out the lukewarm. You are either ALL in or your not. Thanks for this silly article though, I needed a good laugh.
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11:49 pm
Watching this movie was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I was expecting wholesome family entertainment and i was not prepared for the demonic 3D homogay attacks that this movie sent at me.
Thanks to my faith in God, i resisted Satan and the homogay brainwashing.
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12:16 pm
You do know that the rainbow bridge actually WAS the entrance to valhalla in nordic mythology dont you?, for if not, youre an idiot who cant check up on simple facts.
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1:58 pm
I quote;
“The beginning was nothing but naked, greased-up men sexually arousing each other and harassing the audience with scenes of homo-erotic sex-play.”
And quote yet again;
“I have seen better go on during the Christmas plays at my local church.”
Well whatever you say..
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3:07 pm
hey dilweeds…thor cant turn u homosexual…its not a decision,its in the person’s genetics and u r the wrong ones to even judge!god loves all his children!homophobes
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9:40 pm
What in the world are the mortals doing now?
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8:15 pm
Fine, I’ll show my kids Thor every freaking weekend watch them come home FABULOUS!
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12:06 am
No, we make money from donations actually. I was blessed with a new Lexus this year, so I could travel around and preach the word of the Lord.
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8:16 pm
good so you don’t have to hide behind a computer monitor and preach the word that you think is the Lord’s?
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