Claire’s Happy Day: The Marriage of Bruce and Claire
Today was one of the happiest days in the life of a young woman named Claire. It was her Wedding Day. She was surrounded by friends, family and members of the Christwire Fellowship.
After a long and sometimes difficult courtship, the happy day has finally come. While every relationship has it’s ups and downs, the Wedding today of Bruce and Claire show just how committed these two are to each other and Christ.
We apologize to all the Fellowship members who were unable to attend and that were hoping to watch the ceremony live via the internet, but the connection was lost (probably blocked by the gays).
Instead, We made a special Wedding Video for you all to enjoy so you can see how truly happy we are to be together.
For all the “doubting Thomases” out there who don’t believe this video is actually of Bruce and Claire’s Wedding, you can clearly see Claire’s evil Apple computers used often in this video. There is all the proof you should need, as Claire is the only person on Christwire who uses a Mac.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Bruce Myron Danus
Years of Mental Gymnastics, and lots of love from Jesus has made this man realize he was not "Born this Way", but instead chose to be a Homogay until he met God and realized God doesn't make mistakes like a homogay.
9:46 pm
The homogays have blocked the Wedding Video. I need a different modem. Here is the link to the video:
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10:18 pm
So you’re a time traveler now?
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10:06 pm
You’re such a douchebag.
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10:11 pm
Let’s leave the dirty for the honeymoon, sweetie.
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10:24 pm
Oh no no no no no! I don’t give a crap that you’re super morbidly obese and bedridden, I am NOT, I repeat NOT, changing your diapers. For one that’s disgusting, for two I do not own a crane.
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10:29 pm
Claire, trying to make people think I am “super morbidly obese and bedridden” will not keep other women from flirting with me. Don’t worry though, I am fully committed to you, Honey Bunch.
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10:39 pm
You know what, your denial isn’t going to make your morbid obesity any less true. Did you think that the firehouse having to tear down your bedroom wall because you couldn’t fit through the doorway, let alone walk on your own, made it any less true?
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10:45 pm
Anybody who is reading these comments between Claire and myself should realize that this is just Claire’s version of foreplay. We are on our Honeymoon and she is just getting a little to excited.
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11:01 pm
This will be so entertaining… can’t wait to see how it plays out. (Sorry Claire)
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11:10 pm
Sorry to disappoint you, Captain Obvious, but Claire and I will not be releasing a “Honeymoon” video for you to diddle your sin scepter to.
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11:19 pm
Sorry Captain, but Bruce’s turtle retreated into its shell about ten years ago and hasn’t poked its head out since. It doesn’t even come out of his fat when he urinates. It’s basically a crap shoot when he goes to the bathroom. He can’t sit down to urinate because the toilet isn’t big enough, but when he stands up there’s no telling which way the urine will go. Sometimes it basically sprays all over the place, but usually it just dribbles down his fat, sort of like one of those mini rock waterfalls. It’s quite tragic and I personally think he should just be put down.
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10:43 am
This was filmed on our wedding day, March 26, 2011
it’s bad to steal video from other people you know
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10:12 pm
HA HA HA Bruce. If that were real you would be crushing cats left and right with your dancing.
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10:15 pm
Yes because animal cruelty is funny.. cunt
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1:48 am
No because Claire has 40 million cats idiot, christewire does not encourage animal cruelty
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10:21 pm
I only have two cats so you must be making at jab at the fact that Bruce is morbidly obese.
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1:49 am
just more to love honey
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10:27 pm
This was the only thing to put a little damper on our happy day.
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10:33 pm
And now you’re apparently three different people as well as two different time travelers.
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10:34 pm
You need glasses, L.N
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10:46 pm
And you need to lose weight, Bruce. Have you found your penis yet? Do you even have one anymore, or has it basically assimilated into the rest of your fat?
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1:52 am
since you are married is now YOUR responsibility to findhis penis!
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10:50 pm
For those of you who are wondering, THIS is Bruce:
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10:53 pm
Claire, that is clearly not me, as I have proven in Our Wedding Videos. I also believe I asked you to remove your “Chubby Chaser Pornography” from your computer.
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11:13 pm
Chubby Chaser Pornography? Excuse me, but you’re the one who insisted on your photos being taken.
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11:21 pm
Claire, our Wedding photos were not taken by Aerial view cameras. You can go ahead and keep looking at those pictures, if that is what you need to do to prepare for us to consecrate this marriage on our Honeymoon.
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11:28 pm
Have you forgotten that you can’t find your penis?
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11:40 pm
Claire, I know that since you have not had sexual relations with anybody except yourself (thank you for saving yourself for me, by the way), you are not sure what a man’s diddlestick looks like, but I assure you, mine is exactly where it should be and as soon as we arrive at our hotel in Saudi Arabia for our Honeymoon, it will be ready to consecrate this Wedding.
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1:58 am
The “man” in Claire’s chubby chaser porn picture is a dirty mexican named José Luis Garza and he is dead.
Claire, necrophilia is WRONG.
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3:04 am
mexican chubby chaser necro porn=disgusting
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6:17 pm
“Claire, necrophilia is WRONG.”
Tell that to Bruce. He’s the one who’s been fucking his mom’s corpse for the past five years. Trust me, he keeps her under his dining room table. Not even in a box or anything, just sprawled out under the table.
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6:24 pm
The picture is actually of Manuel Uribe, the world’s fattest man, who is a friend of the late José Luis Garza.
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11:16 pm
Bruce, thanks for only posting the nicer shots of the house. Im the back side needs some landscaping.
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11:23 pm
You have a beautiful Home, August. Claire and I are very thankful to you for allowing us to use it for this Holy Union.
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11:43 pm
“you are not sure what a man’s diddlestick looks like”
Right…never mind the fact that I’ve been watching porn since I was 11, own four realistic dildos, and am a Certified Nursing Assistant who has had to give grown males bed baths.
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1:55 am
I thought you were a vet tech. and porn at 11? no wonder you succomed to the homogay agenda
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6:12 pm
I’m going to college to become a vet tech but I became a CNA at age 16 via my high school’s Health Careers program. And yes, porn at 11. My best friend and I would watch it together. It was quite fun but we really didn’t understand exactly why our private parts began to feel like they were throbbing. We didn’t understand what “horny” was – we just thought that we had to pee really badly! But why does it matter? I may masturbate but at age 20 I have yet to have sexual contact with another person.
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7:38 am
I apologize to the Fellowship for what I am about to say. Claire and I have consecrated our marriage now…three times(she a tiger). I apologize again for my pornographic posting, but I felt you all needed to know that she is an actual female and………………umm, sorry, gotta go, Claire is calling…again. See you after the honeymoon.
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12:34 am
You tiger.
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8:12 am
Claire and I had a beautiful wedding, but when I uploaded the video to “YouTube”, that site gave me other wedding videos to watch and I realized that #1. Thank God I don’t live in Great Britain and #2. Thank God Claire isn’t a gypsy… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HAUmII_hcg&feature=related
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