• Dear Subway: If Your Soda Machine Is Self Serve, I’m Just Going To Assume I Get Unlimited Refills

    May 1, 2011 8:40 pm 35 comments
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  • Sometimes here at Christwire we have to take a break from reporting on the obvious sins in our society and focus on the little things that make God angry. Such is the title of this article, and the greedy restaurant owners who perpetrate this type of blasphemy on the public.

    The above picture is a soda machine. Next to it is a sign that announces there will be no free refills, and that you will have to pay 75 cents if you are still thirsty later.

    Jesus has a problem with this.

    As you can see the main sinner in this area is Subway. Think about Subway for a minute: they give you sandwiches the size of the Holy Ghost and drinks no bigger than Satan’s truth telling abilities. We live in America… 12 ounces of soda is not enough! Charging us extra for more after you got us parched from the extra bacon will not earn you any points in the afterlife.

    As you can see from the above chart, the content of soda you will consume at a Subway is significantly less than other fine fast food restaurants. That is because the other places give you free refills, and don’t taunt good Christians by trying to make them steal what is rightfully theirs for free.

    The idea of luring people in to your place of business with the fake promise of all the soda you can drink by placing a soda fountain in the lobby is nothing less than offensive to good God-fearing Americans. That sort of stuff may go on in europe, or in the Middle East where they probably don’t even have soda, but in the United States we have freedoms. Freedoms that will not be tested by Subways communist policies.

    As you can see from our next chart, most owners of these subways chains are of foreign decent. The Arabs that buy into these deals are usually keen to bring thier terrorist ideals with them to our country. Rarely will you find free soda in a Subway, but if you can it is a sure sign of American ownership.

    Americans should boycott Subway until they agree to stop being Nazis about their soda fountains. I will be doing so and hope the rest of America and it’s God-fearing people will do the same thing, lest you burn in hell like the terrorists who run Subway.

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    About The Author
    Alex Keating Alex K. Keating is a presidential hopeful currently seeking the Republican nomination. His likes include Fox News, Ronald Reagen , and exposing Communism. Fan mail can be sent to AlexKKeating@yahoo.com.

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