• Do Christians have the largest penis?

    May 29, 2011 10:56 pm 105 comments

    Do Christians have the largest Member? What has happened to the size of the typical American Phallus?

    Every since Eve committed the original sin man has asked “Is my penis big enough?” And every since women have replied “It’s not how big it is but how you use it.” Well I am here to tell you that women are liars. Just like Eve, we can not fight the urge to eat an apple, take life advice from reptiles, and lie to you about your penis size.

    Now as a good christian woman the only man I have ever had sex with was my dearly departed husband. Luckily for me, he didn’t have any problems with his member. Because of this we had 53 wonderful years and 10 children together. I have noticed over the years that Christian women never complain about their husbands manhood. The only women to complain are non-christian women.

    This leads me to wonder is the Christian penis bigger? I know women of loose morals who have had relations with men who were not American and have complained about the members of such races as the Mexican, Orientals, and Turks. I would imagine that a lack in manhood might be what leads the Muslims to so control their women and leads to the blood thirst for jihad against the engorged Christians.

    Americans Are Going Limp

    Recently I wrote an article entitled “Your Guide to Planning to be Raped,” In the article I suggested that women maintain a distance of atleast 6.5 inches from any man as that is the typical length of the American Penis. In the comments section Brother Van Winkle corrected me as to the latest update to Sin Stick length, which is now only 5.25 inches.

    I was flabbergasted! What has happened to the modern American Member? It has lost over an inch in just a few years! I immediately identified three probable
    reasons for this:

    1)Is it the homogay agenda liking smaller Satan Scepters that will cause less pain and irritation to the anus?
    2)Is it the feminist agenda emasculating men?
    3)Illegals bringing their tiny flesh rods into our country!

    After careful consideration I fear that there is most likely a forth reason:
    4) God is smiting America for its lose morals and acceptance of sin.

    As much as I hate the westburo Church for picketing American serviceman’s funerals, could they be on to something? Is God smiting the American penis? Is the growing acceptance of homosexuals in our country leading us down a path of ever smaller phalluses? Phalli? Whatever the proper term is…

    HomoGays Crave “less filling”

    As has been pointed out by multiple articles here, most notably the recent “Twinks versus bears how vicious infighting threatens to undermine the homosexual agendas united front” by Brother Billings, there is a growing cadre of the homosexual group that are even daintier and more effeminate then previous homosexual types. These pygmy homo’s are not like previous types who flaunt a deep craving for large Satan Scepters to be planted into their anus’. The even sissier homosexuals need less girthy members to fill them.

    Because of this I believe the majority of the male gay population have stopped purchasing Extendze pills, Penis Pumps, and 24 inch double headed dildos.

    This leads me to wonder if this dip in commercialism has contributed to the economic issues that our country is in now, but that is food for thought for a
    later article.

    Feminazi’s emasculate Americans

    I know that the more liberal readers of our web page will have lots to say about this but the fact is that a generation ago the American Penis was over an inch longer. Imagine you’re a man, and then along comes more and more women to take jobs away from you. Today a majority of women have taken jobs in the work place. They of course are taking jobs away from men. How do you think that must make a man feel when he cannot find a job because a job that he justly deserved was given to a woman or some other minority just because they are different? I know if I had a penis it would grow flaccid knowing that a woman who should be at home raising her children has taken my job. And it goes all the way to the top. Look at the US Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton. I don’t even want to think about what an image of her would do to my imaginary member.

    Go Home Paco!

    When I grew up in Atlanta there were no mexicans. Atleast not here, they were at home in Mexico where they belonged. Then when my children were growing up we started to see a few, mostly at restaurants at first, Then in the 80′s more and more of them came in. Now, there are Mexicans everywhere in Atlanta. I know mexicans are Catholics and thus reproduce like rabbits but come on, you can’t tell me they all are legal!

    Recently my grand daughter went to Mexico on spring break from Georgia Tech and she said that there were more white people there than Mexicans!

    What is going on here? In just a few generations we went from no Mexicans to mexicans everywhere! It is projected that within the next few decades that
    hispanics will be the largest racial group in America, displacing whites.

    Many Conservative Christians point blaming fingers at the Liberal Democrats. It is true that the Democrats have firmly embraced the Mexicans, but so have the Republicans. Instead of elected leaders getting rid of them they are embracing them as a new source of voters to reelect them. When States take matters into their hands the liberal Supreme Court strikes the law down as unconstitutional. As a Christian woman of modesty I am not even going to tell you what I think of that.

    Sluts and statistics both tell me that the member of a Mexican is smaller than a typical American male’s. But By how much?

    Statistics say that it’s as much as an inch (I know you liberals love citations so here you go: http://www.sizesurvey.com/result.html). However according to many slutty promiscuous women that I have known over the years the difference can be as much as 2 inches. So this is yet another reason for immigration control.

    Polish Sausage? I’ll take the Christian!

    So this leads me back to my first thought. Christian women, now we are talking strong christian woman who were virgins when they married, and have never strayed from that marriage, are happy with the size of their husbands man sausage. Why is that? Well going back to statistics the Christian man’s schlong seems to be exemplary.

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    About The Author
    Susan B. Xenu Although over 80 years old, she is still a woman of unparalleled intellect and passion. She brings her spiritual fire to every aspect of her life. A widow, she lives in Atlanta, Ga and has been active in her church for over seven decades! "Sister Susan" has been a popular Christian author for over 30 years. She has written numerous books on the bible, as well as for Christwire and her own blog. She will soon be launching NewsOfChrist.com with friend, and pastor Chuck D. Finley. She loves hearing from fans, add her on Facebook or Twitter.

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