• How To Homogay-Proof Your Children

    May 20, 2011 12:01 am 164 comments
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  • Avoid cell phones

    Cell phones only attract Satan. Giving your child one to carry around, even if it’s just for emergency use, is too much temptation. A lot of cell phones these days come pre-programmed with homogay phone-sex line numbers in the speed dial. Carriers such as Verizon, which actually had a gay man as their spokesman for over ten years, push the gay agenda through their services. Phone makers such as Apple are better known for gay pornography than quality electronics. Giving your child a quarter for the pay phone should suffice.

    Just say no to Justin Beiber concerts

    Christwire has reported time and time again on this heathen and how his/her music is destroying our youth. What we haven’t reported on are what exactly takes place at the concerts. Since we are a Christian website I cannot produce any of the pictures I have seen while researching this article, but I will describe them. Anal rape, Bieber has a vagina, oral debauchery, and more anal rape. Our research team even provided a chart.

    Allow only limited Internet access

    One of the brothers at church recently found his child loking at a pornographic website called Tumblr. It is full of images of penis on penis action and women stuffing their vagina’s with all different types of fruits and vegetables. The only Internet sites that are safe for your children are Christwire and Fox News, and even then Fox should be taken with a grain of salt seeing as how they have an obvious liberal lean to their reporting.

    Confiscate all non-Biblical reading material

    Reading anything other than the bible is really pointless for anyone under the age of 21. Anything other than the holy word might give them the wrong types of ideas. The homogay agenda is hidden in most things not holy, and can only be seen by the trained eye. Impressionable youth who read such things as fashion and sport magazines that often contain subliminal messages grow up to be gay Democrats. Not to even mention the impact such witchcraft tales as Twilight and Harry Potter have had on Christian youth in this nation.

    No sleepovers- no exceptions

    Letting your daughter invite her friends over to strip to their panties and get underneath covers together is tantamount to taking her to a gay pride parade. No matter how innocent one seems over the other they will both have the same results; lesbian activities. We have covered this before and can’t stress this enough. Sleepovers caused the homogayness of an entire generation of girls in the 70’s and 80’s. Together we can curb this vicious cycle, but only if we are strict and vigilant with our daughters activities.

    Sundays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays are for church services

    There is no such thing as too much church, for idle hands are the devils masturbating tools. Especially for young men and women, who are tempted with such things daily. The rest of the days of the week should be set aside for private home bible study and possibly, if the children are quiet enough, a viewing of a good Christian cartoon adaptation of Jesus. The only exception should be Tuesdays and Fridays, which are the Lord’s days for Christwire.

    Lock their bedroom windows lest homogays invade your home

    Our research team has found shockingly that if you leave the windows in your children’s bedrooms open gays will crawl through them. A hammer and nails is the only solution that the Bible endorses. Other than a good welding torch of course. Sometimes saving your children means locking them away from the homogay devils. These beasts are persistent, however, and you may have to take extra steps of tar and broken glass on the window sill and roof.

    Limit curfews to 7 PM

    No one under the age of 18 has any business out that late at night anyways. Past dark is when the homogay occurs. It is also when Satanists meet up to do their witchcraft and sacrifice animals. The only time they should be out after dark is for church functions, and even then you should question your pastor on the safety of the event. You are best off keeping your kids locked safely away inside until the anal raping homogays engage in at night is silenced by the light of dawn and they run like cockroaches.

    Restrict television to Fox News and CBN

    Every other station on the dial is nothing but homogay propaganda. At least with these two stations, though we here at Christwire do believe they are soft on homogays and Mexicans, you know your children will not be getting fed nonsense. You do have to be careful, however, as sometimes the harlots at CBN like to show a tad bit too much of their sinful milksacks for a real conservative Christian’s tastes. Keep an eye on them even as they watch good Christian shows as they still may be contemplating the sinful stroking of self satisfaction.

    Make sure you live in an American Neighborhood

    Make sure your neighbors are mostly Caucasian, and keep an eye on the ones who aren’t. Those who speak with a foreign tinge to their accent must also be scrutinized, as terrorists and homogays work together to spread their agenda. Make sure all the low income housing and Baptist churches are all safely on the other side of town. Finally, if you live anywhere near actual homogays your children are probably already infected and you should move to the wilderness in shame and never set foot in God’s house again because you made your children gay.

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    About The Author
    Alex Keating Alex K. Keating is a presidential hopeful currently seeking the Republican nomination. His likes include Fox News, Ronald Reagen , and exposing Communism. Fan mail can be sent to AlexKKeating@yahoo.com.

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