How To Homogay-Proof Your Children
Avoid cell phones
Cell phones only attract Satan. Giving your child one to carry around, even if it’s just for emergency use, is too much temptation. A lot of cell phones these days come pre-programmed with homogay phone-sex line numbers in the speed dial. Carriers such as Verizon, which actually had a gay man as their spokesman for over ten years, push the gay agenda through their services. Phone makers such as Apple are better known for gay pornography than quality electronics. Giving your child a quarter for the pay phone should suffice.
Just say no to Justin Beiber concerts
Christwire has reported time and time again on this heathen and how his/her music is destroying our youth. What we haven’t reported on are what exactly takes place at the concerts. Since we are a Christian website I cannot produce any of the pictures I have seen while researching this article, but I will describe them. Anal rape, Bieber has a vagina, oral debauchery, and more anal rape. Our research team even provided a chart.
Allow only limited Internet access
One of the brothers at church recently found his child loking at a pornographic website called Tumblr. It is full of images of penis on penis action and women stuffing their vagina’s with all different types of fruits and vegetables. The only Internet sites that are safe for your children are Christwire and Fox News, and even then Fox should be taken with a grain of salt seeing as how they have an obvious liberal lean to their reporting.
Confiscate all non-Biblical reading material
Reading anything other than the bible is really pointless for anyone under the age of 21. Anything other than the holy word might give them the wrong types of ideas. The homogay agenda is hidden in most things not holy, and can only be seen by the trained eye. Impressionable youth who read such things as fashion and sport magazines that often contain subliminal messages grow up to be gay Democrats. Not to even mention the impact such witchcraft tales as Twilight and Harry Potter have had on Christian youth in this nation.
No sleepovers- no exceptions
Letting your daughter invite her friends over to strip to their panties and get underneath covers together is tantamount to taking her to a gay pride parade. No matter how innocent one seems over the other they will both have the same results; lesbian activities. We have covered this before and can’t stress this enough. Sleepovers caused the homogayness of an entire generation of girls in the 70′s and 80′s. Together we can curb this vicious cycle, but only if we are strict and vigilant with our daughters activities.
Sundays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays are for church services
There is no such thing as too much church, for idle hands are the devils masturbating tools. Especially for young men and women, who are tempted with such things daily. The rest of the days of the week should be set aside for private home bible study and possibly, if the children are quiet enough, a viewing of a good Christian cartoon adaptation of Jesus. The only exception should be Tuesdays and Fridays, which are the Lord’s days for Christwire.
Lock their bedroom windows lest homogays invade your home
Our research team has found shockingly that if you leave the windows in your children’s bedrooms open gays will crawl through them. A hammer and nails is the only solution that the Bible endorses. Other than a good welding torch of course. Sometimes saving your children means locking them away from the homogay devils. These beasts are persistent, however, and you may have to take extra steps of tar and broken glass on the window sill and roof.
Limit curfews to 7 PM
No one under the age of 18 has any business out that late at night anyways. Past dark is when the homogay occurs. It is also when Satanists meet up to do their witchcraft and sacrifice animals. The only time they should be out after dark is for church functions, and even then you should question your pastor on the safety of the event. You are best off keeping your kids locked safely away inside until the anal raping homogays engage in at night is silenced by the light of dawn and they run like cockroaches.
Restrict television to Fox News and CBN
Every other station on the dial is nothing but homogay propaganda. At least with these two stations, though we here at Christwire do believe they are soft on homogays and Mexicans, you know your children will not be getting fed nonsense. You do have to be careful, however, as sometimes the harlots at CBN like to show a tad bit too much of their sinful milksacks for a real conservative Christian’s tastes. Keep an eye on them even as they watch good Christian shows as they still may be contemplating the sinful stroking of self satisfaction.
Make sure you live in an American Neighborhood
Make sure your neighbors are mostly Caucasian, and keep an eye on the ones who aren’t. Those who speak with a foreign tinge to their accent must also be scrutinized, as terrorists and homogays work together to spread their agenda. Make sure all the low income housing and Baptist churches are all safely on the other side of town. Finally, if you live anywhere near actual homogays your children are probably already infected and you should move to the wilderness in shame and never set foot in God’s house again because you made your children gay.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Alex Keating
Alex K. Keating is a presidential hopeful currently seeking the Republican nomination. His likes include Fox News, Ronald Reagen , and exposing Communism. Fan mail can be sent to AlexKKeating@yahoo.com.
12:56 am
Is this a joke? If this is a sacastic mocking of conservative then I have to say, it’s one of the better ones I’ve read. If it isn’t a joke,I am sincerely worried about American society. Homosexuals defiantly do not “Infect” people. I know several and they’ve never tried to impose their sexuality on me. They are usually nice and they don’t judge people for thinking differently. Just like most people wish you would be. I’d like to keep ranting but since I’m a liberal I have to go kill some babies for my pleasure then meet with my gay satanic colt and then I have to come home and work on my plans to turn America into a comunist dictatorship. Have a nice night!
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7:57 pm
Ain’t no joke here. And “Nico Peruzzi,” go back to the Italians where ya belong. I don’t even like pizza. Not enough beef on a pizza.
Cody Wing, Cowboy for Christ
Hot debate. What do you think?
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5:46 pm
just go back riding christ you christian cowboy. people like you makes the world a bit more shittier.
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5:49 pm
si crees que este hombre es serio, you have been trolled. By the way I came to this country, America, Illegally. You mad bro?
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12:42 am
He likes a lot of beef in him eh? (Brokeback Mountain much?)
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7:06 pm
My name is Cody and I AM ITALIAN! UBER LULZ! I am a 3rd generation American too. I am homeschooled also. You are racist.
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7:08 pm
I like pizza, even if it is vegetarian pizza, So of course you will call me gay for that but I don’t care.
BTW, Christwire = dumb. People who beleive Christwire = dumber.
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5:32 pm
Okay if this isn’t a joke site a lot of people are going to be pissed not just me or gays, bi, or lesbians but most of todays society you knuckle dragging pigs
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12:21 pm
Yes, it is a satirical website. However, it is the best KIND of satirical website, in that everyone on the site viciously enforces how “real” it is.
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4:14 pm
The funny part is Liberals support gays and abortions and any non-Christian/Catholic religion. And what do you mean, have a nice NIGHT? Homogay. ಠ_à²
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4:28 pm
You are right Nico. I am worried, until I realized that trolls live here.
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7:25 pm
seems like the jokes on whoever actually needs someone to tell them that its joke. the photos fit in really well.
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1:08 am
All parents need to read this.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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1:20 am
Yes, because preventing your child access from the outside world will definitely prepare them to deal with the outside world and will in no way hinder their ability to act civilized.
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4:32 pm
what happened with you then?
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4:43 pm
I learned to think for myself and not follow a book that’s been misinterpreted so many times before and then continue to misinterpret it to further my agenda, unlike you all.
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6:25 pm
I like this guy!!
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10:54 pm
Then foward it to their children so they can bond over laughter.
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3:14 pm
I think you’re a fucktard.
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2:10 am
Great article, Brother Alex.
I’m not sure if you noticed, but the very same tips are also effective in Satan-proofing our children.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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4:17 am
Terrible article. Gay people don’t crawl in peoples windows! That is fucking ridiculous. If anyone is going to climb in your window, its going to be a robber or someone coming to kill you. Not having sleep overs will only enforce your children to not have any friends and make them grow up to be a serial killer. Another fact, phones DO NOT come pre-programed with gay sex lines, And apple doesn’t make gay pornos. I don’t know where the writer is getting this shit but its just that, shit. The writer must be pulling the information out of his ass.
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4:30 pm
The writer has to be a fucking troll.
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12:49 am
Listen to the song based on my birth!
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7:10 pm
Why does this seem dumb? Lulz, the antiChrist must be stupid if he thinks he can win against God (which he totally can’t and I can prove that).
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5:54 pm
Why stop there!?!?!? Teach them that they are the only people fit to live in this world! Down with the uglies!
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4:40 am
i’m not 100% sure but i actually think following this advice would be enough to have social services drop by and make you an ex-parent…. just saying.
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9:55 am
Social services is socialist and proven to be anti-American, pro-homogay, and pro-satan abortionist. They are the very people that this well researched and intended article are warning against.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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7:59 pm
Social services might as well be called queer services. One time they tried to keep my pa from givin’ me a horsewhippin’ I deserved an’ was actually kinda lookin’ forward to. Both of us chased ‘em away.
Cody Wing, Cowboy for Christ
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2:23 am
Hah. Like that ever happened. You realize social services is backed up by police officals and they have guns and if you fought back they either called in back up or beat you down with batons or…oh thats right you never did attack government officals. Keep riding fake cowboy.
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12:46 pm
And you don’t see looking forward to a whipping from your pa as the least bit sexually perverse? Even if it was just for the punishment and knowing you did wrong then looking forward to it is sort of the opposite effect your father might have been going for.
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2:17 pm
Where exactly are you getting this “research” from? I feel like as funny as this is, and most likely not serious, people will believe it. Surely this site should be shut down.
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5:25 pm
This is satire sir…
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5:52 pm
The sad part is you cannot be sure of that, TrollBait. That’s the sad part.
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3:34 pm
Its people like this that make me sick! sure lets teach our children to be racist, what happen to love thy neighbor as thyself… I grew up in a Christian household and this IS NOT CHRISTIAN. GOD LOVES EVERYONE NO MATTER WHO U ARE!!!!
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4:22 pm
Except for satanists and Mohamedans. Get your facts straight before you put words in God’s mouth.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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11:36 pm
God loves everyone. That’s a fact.
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6:53 pm
Get your facts straight. Are you free of sin Rev. Cluster? I think not….
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4:57 pm
God says love everyone, he does love every person, maybe not the sin but the person. You people the people that are for this slanderous message sound like the kind of people Jesus whipped out of the temple, or the pharases that tried to show Jesus up. Also if you were real Christians you wouldn’t be bashing you would extend your love for people and try to show them what god want’s to show them. not your sick twisted hate and rage towards people like this.
If all sinners go to hell well i’ll see you there.
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3:56 am
I wish more people thought like you do.
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5:55 pm
Hey Rev… your not very smart are you… God loves all his children not just some people. Are you one of those stupid people that only takes what they want to hear from the Bible? I’m 16, straight, Christian, I read all the time, I have my own computer, and I have homosexual friends… Get over it! You and the person that wrote this are going to be judged for this because you didn’t love your neighbor as your self!
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9:28 pm
I am pretty sure that it states in the bible that God loves all his children, even if they disown him. They are punished for doing so, but he still loves them.
Learn to read and get out of the middle ages.
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5:18 am
It is always refreshing to see new clerical members commenting on ChristWire.
God does love all his children. He is however vengeful towards repeat transgressors. While they dwell upon earth they shall bask in his light. Their punishment commences when they step off of this mortal coil. Then they are subjected to an eternity of torment in the fires of hell. Some choose to believe that this is a cruel punishment. I say they are blessed to at least enjoy eternity, whatever the situation. If God hated them they would be dust with no spirit to last that long.
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4:39 pm
Holy shit your name is hilarious.
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2:24 am
Please show me where in God’s Word it says that he doesn’t love satanists and muslims. I can not believe you call yourself a reverand. God loves everyone he created, and he will never stop loving. Please stop lieing to your readers. That is all this site it, extremely stretched out truths and lies. God even loves gay people. He loves all races of people. It sickens me how anyone has the nerve to say that God hates and loves only certain people. Everyone has an equal chance to repent from their sins and be saved from God’s judgement.
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6:17 pm
This whole website is a lol
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6:27 pm
I actually meant to like your comment but I hit the wrong button on acident
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6:38 pm
You forget that the new testament was written by pagans right? As for Homo proofing your home, that’s insane. You’re kids are going to grow up to be gay or straight either way. Restricting access to the outside world is just going to keep them socially deprived and probably grow up with social disorders. I’m not sure where Keating got his information, but he was greatly misled. Denying anyone any form of literature is tantamount to book burning. Nazi’s did that. Good example for Christians, right? I’m fairly certain that the New Testament literature had Jesus saying to love everyone, turn your cheek and um, be a good person. Obviously denying your children access to a normal life and discriminating against anyone is the opposite of what Christ taught. I’m all for respecting parents and being wary of dangers, but sometimes you have to respect your children as well and their choices and trust in your fellow human beings no matter what religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation or gender. We’d be on the right path if we learned to just put aside our prejudices.
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10:57 pm
If by “homo-proofing your home” you mean orgies every night with an equal number of male and female participants, then I’m game!
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11:28 pm
1. Why does EVERYTHING have to be related to Homosexuals?
2. Cell phone are the best way to communicate to Girlfriends *if your a boy*.
3. You should let them Watch Justin Bieber, TO LAUGH at him.
4. If you really want to protect your kids use a Deepnine protection or some sort of internet protection.
5. Let them read books, You dont have to read the bible ALL the effing time.
6. Do not just let them watch News Cahannals, THAT brainwashes people.
7. I learned that i only see 5-6 People replying, so that means all these people will goto hell for being a fake Christin Website
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2:11 am
About #4, what’s this Deep nine you speak of? Last time I heard that expression a homogay had convinced me to help him look for his contact lens on the floor and before I knew it I was impaled deep by a what he called “niner” needless to say I do not associate with homogays any longer, or people who wear contact lenses for that matter, my sweet anal virginity was taken from me and now I am going to hell.
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6:22 pm
I’m sorry, there is no way I can believe you Rod. And even if that did happen, I think God will allow you in Heaven, even if someone raped you, as in, took your virgimity without your consent. God isn’t terrible, which I can’t say about the people who wrote this article.
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3:59 am
Can’t tell if troll or just stupid
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4:34 pm
Trolls errywhere on this site.
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7:34 pm
Wait… so you’re basically telling us to lock inside our rooms with nothing else than a Bible, a piece of bread, a glass of water and a mat for bed?
Why can’t we read any other books than the Bible? I love to read! I can’t stand a day without laying my hands over a good book, it’s my true passion. History books, science books, math books, novels (REAL novels, not those poorly-written paragraphs with lots of sickening love things), essays… Asking for a child not to read is condemning them to a life of mediocrity and ignorance.
Also, I’m from Argentina, AND THAT MAKES ME A LESBIAN SATANIST!? You certainly are a bunch of elitist religious psychos. Bunch of Nazis. A person cannot be from another country without being a terrorist to your eyes, right? I’m 16. What am I going to do? Violate your beloved daughters with giant dildos? Replace the neatly-grown flowers in your garden with marijuana? Murder your pets in front of your house and draw a pentagram in your front door with their blood?
Sick. Plain sick. You are a shame to the christian community… no… you are a shame to ALL THE CIVILIZED WORLD.
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6:24 pm
Amen to that, keep speaking the truth.
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7:12 pm
I would most certainly not mind if you replaced all the flowers in my garden with marijuana. In fact, I’d see it as a kind gesture from a good, caring neighbor
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9:21 am
This website disgusts me.
Writers of these articles. Grow up. Get a life.
There is nothing wrong with gays either. Homophobes.
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10:08 am
Why do you support child rape ?, are you an atheist ?, are you a mexican ?
Hot debate. What do you think?
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10:12 pm
I am an Atheist.
Child rape disgusts me, the fact that you associate the two things disgusts me. Atheists don’t hate god, we just don’t relate to your teachings and hate-mongering. Stay in your churches and preach there, the internet is no place for this putrid, wrathful blog.
Your sin is wrath. And to my recollection, the majority of Mexicans are Christians, and devoutly so. Also, just to fuel your hate even more, Christianity started in the middle east, and Jesus was not white, he was Arabic.
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2:42 pm
Why would you associate being a homosexual with child rape?
If one is homosexual/gay, they feel attracted to those who share the same gender.
However, if one is attracted by children, and therefore rapes them, they are a pedophile.
Homosexuality is just as different from pedophilia as heterosexuality is.
So, if you don’t mind, could you explain me where your logic is because I’ve alread looked for it everywhere and just can’t seem to find it.
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11:52 am
Clearly they have none
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3:07 am
Homosex is the gateway drug to full-blown child rape. It is a well established fact that most pedophiles have dabbled in other deviant sexual practices, before moving on to devour children’s innocence like the heavy breathing vampires they are!
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5:39 pm
pedophilia is a mental disorder
homosexuality is a sexual preference
deviant sexual practices include the following: alter boys being raped by the priest hood, women being raped by men because they have authority over them, little girls being raped by fathers because they spoke out against them and were not being good Bible worshipers.
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6:49 pm
No, I just think that you’re insane. No one right in the head or in their moral values relates homosexuality to vampires.
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2:26 am
I like turtles.
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6:09 pm
Dude seriously you guys are stupid
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5:02 pm
funny you mention child rape did you know a good portion of people who rape children are part of a religious community, they are closet gays usually, and often you see the pastors and priests doing it.
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4:11 am
This is bullshit. this whole website. Why do you associate a non-homophobe with atheists and Mexicans? Gay people don’t rape children either. Most Mexican people believe in god as well which means you can’t possible be christian if you hate a fellow christian for being another race.If you believe in god, he says that he loves EVERYONE.
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3:19 pm
child rape the same child rape that fundamentalist christian does
Homosexual have sex with SAME GENDER
But I geuss you don’t even know what homosexual means
By the way following your article advice will make the kids ikilling himself, and or hate you , and or making him/her being anti social
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10:06 pm
Please tell me this is a parody. You couldn’t create a more cliche xenophobic, gay bashing, hate-mongering, racist stereotype on the Colbert Report if you tried. If this is not a parody, then by your rules I’m pretty sure you’re going to whatever hell you believe in.
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4:21 am
duh
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10:53 pm
It is a parody site. Look it up
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10:50 pm
Thank you. I am always looking for ways to stop the homogay from spreading to our innocent children.
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5:46 pm
LOVE THY NEIGHBOR! There is nothing wrong with gays, but there is something wrong with you!
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9:17 pm
Hi. I’m Xena. I’m 15. I’m a sophomore in high school.
Get out your baseball bats and call 911. I know I’m a disgusting human being. 
It’s fine.
And I’m a lesbian.
It’s okay.
Yeah no. This is by far the most disgusting, judgmental thing I’ve ever read. So what if I’m a lesbian? I’m still a person. And this hurts. After bring shunned by family and most friends, this hurts like hell. I’m not horrible. I just like the same sex. I’m still a perfectly good, decent person. And I have feelings too. I get you all hate me just because I’m a lesbian.
Ohp. But if you were real, good Christians, maybe you’d judge me based on my personality and character. Instead of my sexual preferences.
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4:00 pm
see the thing is, is that they probably wouldn’t even know your sexual preference by looking at you. these people on this site have MAJOR issues. they need professional help. an d by the way, i’m 16 & gay & my best friend’s dad is a pastor & he doesn’t see me any differently than his own children.(x so SUCK A FAT ONE CHRISTIANWIRE!!!!
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8:07 pm
Ohp. (: That’s true. It’s not funny to even mock something like that. /: And you’re lucky. Everyone I know hates me for it.
ChristWire, do me a huge favour and burn in hell. Kay? Kay. (:
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4:18 am
Dear Xena, I want you to go to wikipedia and type in christwire. read the article. atleast read the first sentence
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2:50 am
Wikipedia
Christwire is a satirical website that publishes blog style articles that highlight perceived excesses of Un-christlike hypocritical Christian conservatives.[1][2][3][4] [5]
Like similar satire websites, Christwire’s stories have sometimes erroneously been taken at face value.[2] This may be an example of “Poe’s law”, an adage regarding the difficulty of distinguishing some parodies from serious material.
Well, you sucked me right in! roflmao – but I can’t tell you what a relief it is that this is not real.
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4:32 am
I feel for you Xena. You have made me decide not to speak ill of homosexuals on here anymore. Sure the bible says it is wrong, but I don’t think it is right to give more credence to arguments for hating homosexuals. You have made an old woman see the error of her ways.
I will still fuss about other sinners, but there are plenty of other writers on here willing to gay bash.
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2:46 am
@ Susan B Xenu – my dear it is wonderful that you are now not speaking ill of homosexuals “on here anymore”. Does that mean you will continue to judge and criticise them everywhere else?
Don’t fuss about all the other sinners, get your own house in order, and once that is done, then you may begin your stone throwing again.
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2:54 am
Actually she meant she wouldn’t criticize them on this ‘article’, she’s more than happy to insult and speak ill of them elsewhere.
And apparently she thinks her house is spotless, like the rest of the nutjobs here.
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3:19 am
I think that you will see that of all the commentators I am the lest likely to gay bash.
You might want to read
http://christwire.org/2011/06/forgive-me-for-i-have-sinned-against-you/
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2:41 am
Xena, don’t waste your breath on this type of site. There are plenty of people who will provide you love and support on real Christian sites.
God is all merciful and all loving, he even loves these poor psycho-Christian bastards on here.
We are hard enough on ourselves, most of the time, so don’t expose yourself to people full of hatred.
If you can go to sleep at night knowing you did your best today, you were able to show love, kindess or provide help and that you did no harm, then you are blessed. It’s that simple. One smile might mean the world to someone who is lonely. Don’t over analyse and complicate your life – love others as you would have yourself loved.
+ psycho-Christian-proof yourself!!!
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8:33 pm
<33
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4:11 am
I consider myself christian more or less, and I could care less about what your sexuality is, a nice person is a nice person.
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9:38 am
I will try to find it in my heart to forgive you for that nasty reference to Baptist churches. It will not be easy.
Otherwise I want to thank you for a wonderful article!
I will pray for you.
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4:10 pm
Epic Fail…Epic Failure.
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4:19 pm
Correct This is a EPIC FAIL!
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10:55 pm
EPIC FAILURE!
SGTC till the very death of me<3
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11:45 pm
This website is pathetic, believe in P.L.U.R. peace, love, unity, respect. Everyone is equal and fuck anyone else to tells you otherwise. This is bullshit. SGTC <33
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4:18 pm
From Cody Wing, Cowboy for Christ
Pretty good advice, but missed the most important.
1. Move out a the city. Keep ‘em away from nigras and Meskins and injuns and other foreigners.
2. Get a cattle ranch. Beef, it’s what’s fer dinner.
3. Put ‘em to work as cowhands. No such thing as a queer Cowboy.
4. Get ‘em tight Wranglers n chaps and tell ‘em ta stand tall ‘n proud like the straight arrows they is.
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2:47 am
You’ve clearly never seen “Brokeback Mountain”…
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9:13 pm
you may dear chap are my favourite troll on this website.
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2:24 am
@Corey-san, yes, which is why these fruitcakes are psycho-Christians. + the guy who wrote the article is a US Presidential candidate? This is so weird, it has to be a joke!
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6:48 pm
Actually Mexicans are the least gay and are better workers than whites.
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7:08 pm
Nice package Cody Wing! You are HOT!!!
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1:13 pm
No such thing as a gay cowboy? My cousin… Brokeback Mountian… I’m part Native American. Everyone stay away from me! I will turn you into a Twilight vampire homogay satanic witch! I love you Cody. You are so fucking awesome!
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7:48 pm
How big of an attention whore can you be to make this fake website? Get a life.
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4:58 am
“Our research team has found shockingly that if you leave the windows in your children’s bedrooms open gays will crawl through them.”
HAHA! Yes, cause this is soooooo what gay people do all day. Do you think I don’t have anything better to do with my time than creep through your window and watch you sleep? Hon, I got books to read, languages to learn, people in need to help and a loving partner to spend my days with. Creeping in windows of random strangers is quite low on my list of things to do.
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4:00 am
Xena, this is a joke article and poking fun at the narrowmindedness rather then at gay/lesbian people. Laugh, don’t get upset. The tone is …. tongue in cheek;P!
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9:59 pm
this whole thing is stupid beyond comprehension of sane people
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2:28 am
@ Corey-san – Yes, which is why these supporters are psycho-Christians. + to think the author is a US Presidential candidate!
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9:27 pm
beware the homogays…. 1 in 10 THEY’RE EVERY WHERE
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9:29 pm
June is pride month by the way… so I’d watch out
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2:20 am
Forgive me, but I’m from Australia. Now I do know that you Americans do talk some funny English but, when I went to school:
1. “homosexual” meant having sex with a person of the same sex; and
2. having sex with a child was “pædophilia”.
So not only is your total argument completely flawed, you have failed to provide any empirical evidence and your research is non-existent.
I honestly thought this was a Facebook joke, but am horrified to read such hatred from monsters who call themselves “Christians”! There is nothing Christ-like about any of you.
Before you continue criticising and judging others, take a long look at yourselves, you are so far removed from Christ you are hiding with the Devil.
Now I’m off to psycho-Christian-proof my children!
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2:43 am
Madame,
The letter “æ” is clearly not in the Bible that Jesus and God wrote. The Bible is written in English – and I only count 26 letters.
While many devout Christians have been known to speak in tongues, the character of “æ” is clearly not in the Biblical lexicon.
Therefore I surmise you are “jackassing” us.
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2:53 am
Wow, you’re just terrible. Even the most insane Christians realize that the bible was written in an entirely different language.
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3:14 am
Well I am certainly not an insane Christian. I stand by my comments.
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2:27 pm
Out of her entire comment you pick “æ”.
You’re just upset because she is styling on you.Harold go back to worshiping that george bush cut out.
>implying just saying your not insane is really going to cut it.
Dohohohohohohohoho
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11:46 pm
If I had parents like this I’d slit my wrist.
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2:23 pm
Screw slitting my wrist, I’d kill myself.
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2:21 pm
Ha, this is really funny site, I couldn’t imagine if I started limiting my child to such INSANE lengths. Seriously keep up the funny stuff, my sides can’t take it!
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7:19 am
Folks, this is a parody site, just like The Onion. None of it is to be taken seriously. I am surprised people can no longer spot obvious humor.
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12:59 am
A lot of people sadly still don’t take this as satire.
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5:56 pm
They don’t because it’s gotten to the point in this world that it’s somewhat believable now. I had a feeling this was a pure Joke but seriously…..you never know anymore. lol
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10:31 pm
Oh I get it now. You are joking. This is just one big satire. Ok.
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1:01 am
You guys are sinful. God would not want you to talk this way about people. Nor would Jesus. You are going against the love god and his son has for everyone.
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1:53 am
I agree with most of this, I dont think if my child is around a gay man they can spread the disease. I’ve had my kids on homeschool for years now and they’re coming together just well. They dont watch television except for christian dvds. I worry about life outside of our home and I blame homosexuals, liberals and Atheist feminists. Parents need to take all of the precautions necessary to protect children.
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2:06 am
Amen, home schooling is the only safe alternative to Evolution and school busing. Why would I want my children exposed to any of that stuff>
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4:16 am
Shut up. I’m homeschooled and It’s a bitch. Who wants to sit at home all day being taught by your MOM? No one. And I’m learning less than I would in a real school too.
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12:20 am
You need to beware of Bronies: http://pikachuxash.tumblr.com/
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5:21 pm
>Fox News
>Liberal
HAHAHA! FOX NEWS LIBERAL!?
THIS IS SO FAKE!
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5:22 pm
Funny thing is that I am raised as a catholic..and I’m androgynous. I really don’t care what others think.
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5:23 pm
this takes stupidity and to an entirely new low, only those who are completely head up ass over everything being evil would believe this crap end of fucking discussion.
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5:32 pm
This is bull shit. I have MANY gay friends, a cellphone, Bi friends, Goth friends, etc…
I Am not a satanist, im not gay, and i treat everyone better than myself. This is why i Hate religion, because Stupid mediocre ideas like this that People ACTUALLY believe. its Just retarded.
I Don’t mind God, He’s cool with me.
It’s his “fan club” I can’t Fucking Stand.
Shit like this MAKES me want to worship a different god or even satan, JUST to piss off people like this.
My oppinion?
Religions shouldn’t be around anymore.It makes people feel ashamed being in their own skin. Especially if they believe in God. And isn’t the bible man made? Why are people following it when most of the information is being beaten around the bush. Like being gay is a sin? Is there any reason why it’s a sin? Religion has caused many stupid wars. Even though the crusades was a fight for god or they’re doing God’s work or whatever, I don’t think he’d approve of it. People didn’t approve of Hitler even though he said he was doing God’s work. So why would people would be okay about the crusades? I don’t think god wants us to fight and kill each other, I think he wants us to work together and keep humanity growing. I don’t think he cares if we’re gay, bi, les or not, I think he just wants us to get along and love eachother and ourselves, and other nice stuff. If he cared, I don’t think he would have made people gay and what not, like why would he put them here when he’s just gonna send them to hell or whatever?
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6:11 pm
Yes, Religion is one of the many things that hinder the unity of the human race.
I am Christian, and the author and believer, JUST THIS WHOLE WEBSITE makes me ASHAMED of being one.
After all didn’t God the Father created us in HIS OWN IMAGE? Doesnt he have his holy will well planned of us?
I am female and straight, though the past 3 individuals who had emotional attachement/ Love interest with me were female as in bisexually. I turn them all down. But I didn’t gay bash and rage at them for being who they are which they have no control over. Christwire GO TO HELL YOU LOT.
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5:33 pm
Are you actually serious? Like.. Am I supposed to believe this?
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6:25 pm
Don’t worry. This is a parody site. It’s making fun of narrowminded conservatives.
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5:37 pm
Have you guys seen my son? I hope I’m raising him in the good Christian tradition. What do you guys think?
http://oi53.tinypic.com/24e0qbt.jpg
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5:40 pm
Very Adorable sir!
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1:03 pm
Uber amounts of awesome!
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5:44 pm
LOL!!! This is hilarious! I mean, there’s no WAY it’s real. I was laughing so hard when I read this article
Whoever wrote it, I applaud you! Have you considered writing for The Onion?
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5:50 pm
OMG this made me laugh, and laugh even HARDER when all you people on this site started agreeing with it. How blind can you be really? IF you are all serious then you are taking the Bible wayyyy to seriously. I’m sure God wouldn’t want you to shun you children from the outside world. Learn to teach them properly and they’ll be fine in this sin ridden world. Cause we all know how horrible it is, no matter what religion you are. Freaking Christian Extremist’s, you’re corrupting the world as well.
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5:57 pm
Lol biggest bullshit in the world i rarely sleep over at friends houses nearly never, i never have had a cell phone dislike Justin Beiber and i’m bi so if this is not a joke you have written a new definition for fail! If just a joke that’s pretty good either way funny as fuck
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6:08 pm
Oh my god. What is wrong with all of you. This is a PARODY. SATIRE. NOT REAL. What part of that do you NOT UNDERSTAND!? Research just a TINY bit before you start your damn sob story about how you are treated differently by some people due to your sexuality. This site doesn’t care. It’s all about making FUN of the people who take this shit seriously.
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6:09 pm
Fuck you, Man.
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6:21 pm
Haha, wow. I’m not Christian, Catholic or any religion that worships your god, and if this is what your God wants everyone to be like well then you all might as well be a cult. Why don’t you guys just join with the Westboros?
I know Christians who don’t act like this and are tolerant of other peoples beliefs, sexual orientations, etc.
Oh, by the way, I might as well just go and sacrifice all of the goats that we have at our barn because it’s 7:20 and I’m Wiccan.
(:
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6:24 pm
TROLLLLLLLL IN THE DUNGEON!!!!
Thought you ought to know. *Pass out*
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
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6:28 pm
I’m glad it’s a joke. Wasn’t laughing. Though it’s a shame that these narrow-minded asses exist.
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6:38 pm
Even if this is a joke, there will be that one dumbass that will believe it and enforce this BS on their children. -__- And whoever does will likely burn in their ‘hell’ for being shitty parents.
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6:56 pm
Go fuck yourself you queer bashing self righteous cock sucking christian elitists. Homosexuals have a right to their sexuality. Burn in hell
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7:24 pm
I’m so going to a Justin Bieber concert now.
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8:39 pm
Shut the fuck up all of you homophobs are retarded.Im gay as fuck so kiss my ass.
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9:04 pm
The Internet is srs bizns. Gotta raise my kids to anti-social, homophobic xenophobes now! Oh how emotionally stable they’ll be! <3
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11:20 am
I seriously can’t tell if the people on this site are trolls or serious moralfags…
By the way, in Soviet Russia (if you get these jokes), God created man.
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12:13 pm
Best satire I’ve read since the Modest Proposal.
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1:15 pm
I can’t tell if this is a joke or not. However, on the chance that it isn’t, you people have serious mental issues. This is what happens when you join a cult. I for one hope you don’t infect us “Homogays” with your stupidity and inbred, assbackward ways. You have something to say to the gay community? Come say it to our faces in person you damn cowards.
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3:52 pm
your not human if u do this what i know is your over protective and really anti gay…your going to hell…
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11:38 am
This is really good advice and I intend to implement these measures starting right now. And I will ask our pastor to bless our farmhouse without delay for good measure.
Carry on the Good Work!
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11:53 am
What the heck is a ‘troll’ anyway? Is that like a European garden gnome – indicator of a Godless house. The cheese eating surrender monkeys have a lot to answer for and the Holy Dollar should not be spent to haul their asses out of debt.
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12:43 pm
I’m just going to guess that this is trolling gone to far?
If not i AM disgusted.
You people should know that god loves everyone for who they are. and if im wrong then it could whip around and say ur wrong too.
If im wrong my entire beliefe in god is wrong
and i KNOW im not wrong.
These songs are words from the bible put into music for the soul. and if its from the bible then u can be sure its true.
JJ Heller-what love realy means
The motions- Mathew West
YOU LOVE ME ANYWAY-sidewalk prophits
The words i would say-sidewalk prophhets
AND MORE
And its this kind of thing that drove my homosexual friend away from our church camp.
AND
even he knows to forgive and god wants us to forgive so i FORGIVE your poor souls and hope, in the future, this kind of thing will not be our world and that god may come and bless us.
I LOVE GOD
HE LOVES ME
HE LOVES YOU
HE LOVES EVERYONE AND
ANYONE
NO MATTER WHAT OR WHO THEY ARE
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1:28 pm
Well that’s not quite true. God loves the GOP. God is quite picky: he doesn’t love hysterical unbelievers that infest this Godly forum.
Folk like that are going to hell, so I advise them to have a barbecue accident and get a taste of eternal damnation. Our pastor backs me up on this.
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7:50 am
Wow this is a joke right?
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1:07 pm
I lost it at the Fox News part XD
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7:48 pm
you know what im a bi girl, im a white christian and have an amazing MEXICAN boyfriend, ya’ll are a bunch of racist homophobes, you know what 3 of my friends are bi and my cousin is a wonderful gay man and i love him to death and he loves god and i know god loves him, so fuck off you religious fuckers.
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12:25 am
Yet you have a share on tumblr link LOOOOOL YOU STICK TO YOUR WORD LOOOOOOOL grow up god loves everyone <3
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6:33 am
I just got trolled AGAIN! LMAO! This site always makes me laugh at its stupidity.
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5:36 am
ummmm hey. im Tyler. i came to say that i had a nice talk with Satan about how all of you are gonna burn in hell with me! he’s so cool. we had anal sex before we got married. then we raped your 10 year old daughter because we LOVE violating children. oh my god! i remember this one time where i took a knife and stabbed the bible. yeah i read it and got bored. i mean who cares about this jesus guy? you guy want me to sing?
THEY SWEAR I WAS ALL FUCKING NUTS LIKE A GAY PORN.
yeah i watch gay porn with your next door neighbor too. its fun touching another mexican! i think we’re about to go rape a nun! and going home at 7? 7:30 sounds about right. i need time to talk eith the rest of the gay satanic cult. next meeting is at the YMCA saturday at 5:00 p.m. oh did i mention i kive Tumblr too? i dont need any other porn site! its perfect! i masterbate every night to it. i mean there are so many pictures of jesus i cant control myself ); does anyone wanna have premarital sex? i mean pleeeeeeease? and maybe support the gay right movements some more? well i gotta go guys ): i got my boyfriend waiting in the car. byebye<33333
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8:00 am
Whores for 1000$
Question is, who is Mary Magdalene?
May god have mercy on our souls.
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12:55 am
Wow, even though so many people have replied, I think I’ll still put in my two cents. Wait, a minute on a cell phone is more than that.. Anyway.
“A lot of cell phones these days come pre-programmed with homogay phone-sex line numbers in the speed dial.” Mine never have, and I’ve had three.
“Just say no to Justin Beiber concerts” First, it’s Bieber, but that’s not my point. I’m actually going to agree with you there. As soon as I found out his followers are called “beliebers,” I started calling him the fifth antichrist.
Internet access- Parents can easily set up a blocking program on their computer. I can’t say anything about Tumblr since I don’t have one.
“Impressionable youth who read such things as fashion and sport magazines that often contain subliminal messages grow up to be gay Democrats.” Whew! As long as they aren’t gay liberals.
“Letting your daughter invite her friends over to strip to their panties and get underneath covers together is tantamount to taking her to a gay pride parade.” Only if you plan on showing porn. Seriously. That picture you have there is so obviously porn, it didn’t even phase me.
“The only exception should be Tuesdays and Fridays, which are the Lord’s days for Christwire.” Wait, God only logs on here on two days? Man, He needs to get with it! His days would be full of so much more laughter if he logged on more.
“A hammer and nails is the only solution that the Bible endorses. Other than a good welding torch of course.” Please. Tell me EXACTLY where that is in the bible, chapter and verse.
“You are best off keeping your kids locked safely away inside until the anal raping homogays engage in at night is silenced by the light of dawn and they run like cockroaches.” I hate anal. And at night, I’m either on here or asleep, seeing as how work is kind of tiring.
“Make sure you live in an American Neighborhood” As bad as it is of me, I understand that. There are some ethnic groups in this nation that aren’t exactly open to outsiders. As much as I relish the idea od everyone standing in a great big circle and singing “Kumbiyah,” that’s just not happening. Especially not in this country.
“Finally, if you live anywhere near actual homogays your children are probably already infected and you should move to the wilderness in shame and never set foot in God’s house again because you made your children gay.” Y’all haven’t made my day this much since you first called me a vampire dyke. Nice. Very nice.
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5:59 pm
I havent read the comments yet, so im not sure if anybody adressed this yet, but if you haven’t seen what goes on during a justin beiber concert, how can you know what goes on there?
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10:18 pm
“Infect”? INFECT?! What are you, five? You think that a homosexual can make you gay by being near you, like a kid thinks that they can get cooties from the opposite gender?
I’m only fifteen, and even I know better than that. And as to half of the crap you’re spewing, it’s all BULL. Some of it, I cannot deny, and I can’t say I disagree with Justin Bieber being banned, because I’m not a fan of him/her. But slandering his/her name as you have is still just cruel. Don’t be mean to the poor kid. He/She is still human, just like you and I. Aren’t GOOD Christians supposed to be open and accepting, like the bible says to be?
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8:23 pm
This is ridiculous lol.
This religion spreads more hate than love, and to think i was going to convert. Now i know why so many people question Christianity, not God, just those he chose to carry on.
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