Judgement Day Is A Lie To Steal Twitter And Facebook Time From ChristWire
If you are a staunch Conservative Christian like I am, you may have recently noticed talk of a rapture tomorrow. I would like to be the first of my colleagues to say this is false. There will be no rapture tomorrow. All you heathens and homogays can rest easy. You heard it from Christwire first.
“But Alex,” you may be asking, “What is it that you know that the rest of Christiandome doesn’t?” Good thing you asked.
I know where this whole rapture deal came from. A man named Harold Camping, who is no better than a rotten homogay for what he is doing. His company, The Family Radio Network, is the source of all this Judgment talk. And the reasoning behind it may shock you!
A few months ago a harlot working at the Family Radio Network noticed Christwire, and seen that a lot of their base audience was beginning to turn to us for news of what is holy, instead of them. She immediately ratted to Camping who then decided there was only room for one Christian news network. That is when he hatched his scheme…
Yes, folks. It is all a publicity stunt to steal Twitter and Facebook time from Christwire. The Camping fellow figured that since he couldn’t take us one on one, seeing as how our journalistic integrity and immaculate delivery is second to none in this business, that he could probably steal back his listeners by creating his very own judgment day.
“But your accusations are baseless.” Really? Because it was documented that this very same man did this very same thing before, in 1994. Ironically, that was the very same year that our own Mr. Billings and Mr. Bowers III were young editors of a small news organization called “Christian Tribunal News”. They were doing surprisingly well until the Judgment day thing came along and many Christians canceled their subscriptions in anticipation.
These things are documented.
Yes indeed. This man Camping has destroyed Christwire once before with his heathenism. This time, however, he faces a well-oiled machine. We, at Christwire, are prepared to wake up Sunday morning, attend services, then go about our business fighting the Lord’s battle against the homogay and liberal agenda in our great nation. We have not been faltered in our course over this heathen’s lies.
Rest assured brothers and sisters, there will be no judgment day until our team of investigators uncovers it first. We have people everywhere, including this Camping fellows group, and if it is going to go down Christwire will be the one to tell you. God doesn’t always leak news of the rapture, but when he does, he leaks it to Christwire first.
Don’t be fooled by this man’s attempt to steal our legacy. Christwire will still be here on Sunday, and we will still be fighting for you and your Christian children against the homogay and liberal Satanists who want to steal your daughters sweet virgin pie. And when the real rapture comes, you won’t know anyways because God isn’t going to give the homogays a chance to repent.
Amen, and we will see you at the Sunday services.
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Author: Alex Keating
Alex K. Keating is a presidential hopeful currently seeking the Republican nomination. His likes include Fox News, Ronald Reagen , and exposing Communism. Fan mail can be sent to AlexKKeating@yahoo.com.
7:18 pm
Praise Jesus. Hopefully on Saturday the devil will take this evil man’s soul down to hell. Camping and his followers (who are called the Happy Campers a homogay name if I have ever seen one) are usurers of filth perversion lies.
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5:18 pm
The hell is a Homogay? And if your Christian why would you hope damnation on a confused fools soul?
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1:59 pm
Dear Tom Kimbo, God hates you because he made your face ugly
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8:19 pm
But aren’t your supposed followers and ‘investigators’ claiming that the rapture IS tomorrow? So who do we believe among your crazy circus?
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9:02 pm
Well said Alex. Some of my parishioners have been asking me about this and it pains me to tell them that those who believe they have been most enlightened have been blinded by that light. After all what is Satan if not a master of deception and what is Lucifer if not the brightest star in the sky?
I have no doubt that the people behind these prophecies truly believe that they are doing the right thing, however I believe they are doing the devil’s work. When this rapture doesn’t happen it will only serve to hurt Evangelical Christianity in general by association.
This is not the work of God- any Christian could see that. I hope and I pray that we can find the charity in our hearts to look after those who have been deluded enough to contribute their earnings and life-savings to supporting this Satanic mission.
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9:49 pm
Oh my…Maybe I should have went grocery shoppinh this afternoon then
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11:31 pm
This is bittersweet because i was really exited to finally meet our lord Jesus Christ.
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12:11 am
So tired of seeing people jealous of our message.
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12:12 am
you carry the cross of burden.
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5:37 am
Would you slap my nuts?
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9:15 am
Satanic, homogay, IMPOSTOR !
I am going to send ALL my spiritual artillery against YOU.
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5:23 pm
Why is everyone on here calling people a homogay?! Is that supposed to mean Homosexual or something? It sounds quite juvenile. Sure homo’s are an abomination to god, but calling all your enemies a “HomoGay” is pathetic.
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8:28 am
I’m so glad you cleared that up for me. I was confused by all those mistaken reports. This one was especially disturbing. http://christwire.org/2011/01/judgement-day-may-21-2011/
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10:11 am
Homogays? you people are all fucking sick in the head. My mother is gay, and she is the nicest most loving women in the hole world. Both you and the other dumbass who made the stupid prediction are fucked up. Christianity is about loving everyone for who they are and even when they go bad you still love them and try to help them. You church people have it all wrong
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10:47 am
How sad you must feel to know that your Mother will spend an eternity burning in Hell. Takes this sadness as god’s message to you – he wants you to make a bettter life style choice than her.
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5:27 pm
Im not “Gay”…But why is Everyone calling Everone A HOMOGAY!? Is it some universal insult you guys have running here? It’s pathetic…If they are gay that’s one thing but It’s WAY Overused! You so called “Christians”…
I believe in the lord but he’s not telling me to call all of my enemies Homogays… -_-
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1:22 am
Lifestyle choice!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!? LIFESTYLE CHOICE!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!? Youre kidding me, right? ITS NOT A LIFESTYLE CHOICE TO BORN HOMOSEXUAL!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW LONG WILL IT BE BEFORE THE FUNDIES ACCEPT THE TRUTH: GAY ISNT A LIFESTYLE CHOICE!!!!!! YOU ARE BORN WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who would choose that lifestyle, huh!? who would choose the persecution, the ridicule and the hate!??!?!?!?!?!?!? ITs amazing how ignorant u are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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1:55 pm
Dear Ice Van Winkle, your destiny is an eternity in hell not hers, you are the one persecuting and ostracizing instead of accepting people into your heart. God wants you to make a better life style choice because you are too insecure to accept your own flaws.
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6:27 pm
if your mother is a lesbian how did she have you? was she raped by a gay man?
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11:41 am
“God doesn’t always leak news of the rapture, but when he does, he leaks it to Christwire first.”
Wait, what? Doesn’t the bible say that no person nor angel will know the date of the second coming? Also, lol, homogays.
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11:47 am
LOL so he thinks that god would tell christwire first? i agree that the rapture isnt really happening today, but he sounds a bit bitter that this camping guy is getting attention. i dont think anyone, including christwire is going to know. and what gives us the right to judge others? just worry about yourself, is someone else being a crook or gay going to keep you out of heaven? let them make their own choices.
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5:29 pm
ChristWire is a corrupt group of ninnies.
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12:03 pm
But Alex, you folks have yet to address the true facts of the situation. What about all the biblical evidence that today is indeed the rapture? How do you explain this?
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12:10 pm
its just the way some people are interpreting it. someday it will happen but i believe there is alot more that hasnt happened yet.
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5:34 pm
Wow Your confused…Why don’t you do the Christian thing and turn your cheek? Instead of throwing your “Spiritual Artillery” at em..? What exactly do you plan on doing with your artillery? -_-
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10:56 pm
This site is a joke right. you people aren’t really this crazy, are you?
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11:08 pm
TOM is an old acronym for Theater of the Mind, which was used in reference to radio shows. Nice try trying to throw everyone off.
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2:45 am
Gimme mah money BITCH!
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1:16 am
“harold camping believes the exact same things u do. only difference is, he put a date on them” Stop hating your own kind. Doesnt that book of yours teach you to be loving souls? it DOES!?!?!?!?!?!? Then start acting loving, instread of hating on everyone who isn’t a straight, male, british ancestry, american born white person
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