Lolcats distroying American one feline at a time
Many articles on Christwire as of late have told us of the dangers of cat ownership including:
*http://christwire.org/2011/05/jackson-galaxy-invites-cat%E2%80%99s-attention-away-from-peeing-in-owner%E2%80%99s-mouth/
*http://christwire.org/2011/04/paul-ryan%E2%80%99s-favorite-cat-food-recipe-incites-p90x-imbroglio/
*http://christwire.org/2010/10/are-your-cats-keeping-you-single/
*http://christwire.org/2011/03/a-cat-for-claire-a-pure-pet-earth-documentary/
*http://christwire.org/2011/03/10-videos-of-evil-cats-turning-on-their-owners/
*http://christwire.org/2011/03/more-proof-your-pet-cat-is-violent-blood-thirsty-and-savage-nasty/
*http://christwire.org/2011/03/pictures-of-house-cats-using-hand-guns-against-their-owners/
*http://christwire.org/2011/03/bully-cat-taunts-innocent-poisonous-snake-with-its-tail/
*http://christwire.org/2011/03/another-cat-becomes-possessed-of-satan/
Now there is a new danger to Humanity from the feline scourge. LOLCATS.
So what is a Lolcat? Wikipedia tells us:
A lolcat is an image combining a photograph of a cat with text intended to contribute humour. The text is often idiosyncratic and grammatically incorrect, and its use in this way is known as “lolspeak” or “kitty pidgin”.
“Lolcat” is a compound word of the acronymic abbreviation “LOL” and the word “cat”.A synonym for “lolcat” is cat macro, since the images are a type of image macro.Lolcats are commonly designed for photo sharing imageboards and other Internet forums. Similar image macros which do not actually feature cats are often simply referred to as “lols”.
Now if your like me that didn’t make any sense whatever, let me put it in christian speak. Sad lonely young women, who are not good enough to be married, and homogay men in their 20′s take pictures of cats and put amusing (not really amusing, were not talking Jeff Foxworthy amusing here)comments on the pictures. Usually the writting is supposed to be the thoughts of the cats.
The people then upload the pictures to web sites that then spread the images to others, much like feline AIDs.
The two largest purveyors of this feline madness are lolcats.com and icanhascheezburger.com.
It is estimated that women (and gay men) waste a total of 4.7 hours a day looking at online lolcat images. Those are hours that could better be used for:
*knitting
*fighting terrorists
*reading the bible
*praising jesus
*cooking dinner for you husband
*finding a husband
*work
*volunteering
*mission work
IN these images I have included you can see that lolcats have no limits, as they often attack Christianity and America.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Susan B. Xenu
Although over 80 years old, she is still a woman of unparalleled intellect and passion. She brings this spiritual fire to every aspect of her life. "Sister Susan" joined our staff in 2011 and has a fiery writing style on a diverse set of topics. A widow she lives in Atlanta, Ga and has been active in her church for over seven decades! You can now add her on Facebook or Twitter. Also read her Personal Blog.
8:07 pm
Excellent reporting Susan! Hopefully the heathens will take heed and get a dog instead.
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8:42 pm
One can only hope brother keating!
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1:41 am
Thank you Alex, I hope you will forgive me for me being an open lesbian now.
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10:16 pm
Suspicions confirmed.
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8:29 pm
Looks like its quantity and not quality of the articles now?
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8:43 pm
If you feel that your such a great author why don’t you write an article.
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8:42 pm
Oh, come on! What could be more adorable than seeing pictures of a bunch of cats doing random funny stuff? Nothing! Also, what do you think that’s better for your children? Having a good laugh seeing kitties acting funny, or watching hardcore pornography on the internet?
I own both a cat and a dog. Micheletto and Canu respectively. I love them both equally, and they love me back. What’s the matter with having or not having a dog or a cat? Now my eternal soul’s fate depends of what kind of pets I own?
U can haz chill tiemz, gaiz. Srsly.
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8:46 pm
I am afraid I did not understand that last sentence. Is it english? We speak english on this web site.
Your dog is a wholesome pet, the cat…so so much.
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8:58 pm
It’s lolspeech, the kind of ‘language’ lolcats use.
And neither my dog nor my cat are quite useful in our house. We love them because they are our friends and they cheer us up. That’s all.
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8:42 pm
Lol. That last sentence meant “I can have chill time, guys. Seriously.” or directly translated “I can has chill times, guys. Seriously.”
And I own two cats and two dogs. My cats are my best friends and my dogs are my playmates
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8:57 pm
Everyone knows cats are evil. Especially calico cats. I’m all anxious just typing that… dirty little beggars.
Jesus loved dogs and hated cats. Cats will claw your eyes out when you’re asleep. Cats will such the life out of a newborn baby. Cats will spread rumors about totally false gay weekends in the DR.
CATS!
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3:26 am
Don’t forget.
Cats also give you AIDS. Sadam Hussein was also a cat. Cats also forget to put the toilet seat down.
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9:50 am
That’s right! I almost forgot. Thanks for adding that! Cats give the AIDS! Did you hear that Claire? Cats give the AIDS!
And did you ever see that cat what cuold drive? It was all the time driving people off of cliffs.
Oh my oh my, that can’t be right! How could a loving God have created such a monstrosity?
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11:08 am
Some cats carry FIV – Feline Immunodeficiency Virus. It can not, however, be transmitted to humans and turn into HIV. It can only infect other cats.
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10:17 pm
Dogs and cats, but especially cats, save the elderly from living out the rest of their years in loneliness following the passing of their spouse. Cats give them reasons to keep on living. What’s so horrible about that?
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9:55 am
go hug a tree, you insane lunatic
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11:06 am
Go fuck your mother, you inbred freak.
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2:57 pm
Claire? Why do you ALWAYS go there? Can you behave like a lady just once! Ihope you don’t kiss bruce with that mouth or he’ll have the HIV/FIV soon enough.
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3:08 pm
And how exactly is a lady supposed to behave?
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3:16 pm
She knows not how to act like a lady, probably having been raised by some pack of feral cats. She certainly needs a good declawing, neutering, and a set of distemper shots. And relocation.
I have spent hours praying for her. You would think that with the many voices who do so on a daily basis God would hear our pleas. But I suspect that he has some greater purpose for putting this spawn of Satan amongst us.
I will continue to pray.
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3:25 pm
Too bad your mom didn’t succeed with that hanger.
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3:33 pm
That is NO way to talk to Sister Susan.
Dear Sister Susan,
Since Claire has asked how a lady is supposed to behave I believe I have a plan that might assist her. What think you of having Claire come to Atlanta for two weeks for serious instruction in the finer arts of being a decent, God-fearing, Christian lady. Twelve hours a day under your tutelage for 14 hour days, along with 10 hours a day in bible study with the two of us! Just imagine!
While she’s hear she can also interview for secretarial and fast food restaurant positions.
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3:36 pm
meant to say 14 “solid” days.
By the way, I will happily pay for your round-trip ticket. And there is a shed here you can stay in.
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3:43 pm
Yeah, except that I just GOT a job.
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4:49 am
Oh My Rev. Mutt, what are you getting me into? I suppose as a christian I have to put my money where my mouth is. If you can get her here I will do the best that I can to help her. She has to leave the cats at home as my grandson is very allergic. And I would hate to have her corrupt him as well. But I think together we can teach her!
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4:50 am
Do you know a good exorcist? We may need one…
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10:18 pm
because that’s totally how HIV works
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1:33 pm
CATS, or ‘pussyf*ckers’ as I like to call them, are all agents of SATAN. They seduce the weak and masquerade as their friends, all the while stealing the silver and pooping in their shoes. They fool the naive, like Claire, into thinking that they’re keeping the elderly company in their waning years, when in fact they’re holding them prisoner in their frail, rotting bodies. The ancient Egyptians knew that cats protected the Underworld, and now they’re protecting it from Uncle Joe and Aunt Millie who want nothing more than to slide out of their comas and into the loving embrace of Toonces the Boatman. CATS BURN IN HELL!!
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4:10 am
well said sir, now lets talk about that name
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7:44 am
Cats are generally bad animals. Ecosystems will forever be out of balance until we exterminate at least 2/3 of the current cat population worldwide.
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11:04 am
Adam, go play in traffic.
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4:11 am
said like a true cat lady
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10:59 am
Right, so, AIDS is an incurable pandemic disease yet it still allows you to have a reasonable life. Meanwhile, diseases such as rabies, tetanus and other often curable diseases can kill faster than AIDS ever could. Such diseases tend to be carried more by dogs and other mammals than cats. Yet we still allow them into our homes.
Cats are not the scourge of the planet, humanity is. Cats have existed far longer than we have and ecosystems have remained stable. We come along and in so many thousands of years, we’ve destroyed the virginity of this planet. God sure does have a way with making awkward mistakes.
*grabs umbrella* Thou light shalt not heal me! My mighty umbrella will shade me from such holy sprinklings.
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2:59 pm
uh…god made man first…not cats dummy!
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5:40 pm
I believe that the Bible says that God ‘made all the creatures’ (that includes CATS) and THEN he made the man, so he could give a name to every plant and creature on earth.
What a big mistake for someone who has studied the Bible since she was a little girl!
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4:12 am
your smart for a mexical from venezuala.
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4:45 pm
I love to fap to the pictures of cats. And the words are so funny they make me laugh like a retard. Those cats make me so hawnee I love to take one and press its gut like a tube of tooth paste while poopies cum out like toothpaste into my mouth. Mmmm… Cat poopies! They always taste better than humans for some reason.
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6:31 pm
Science save all you.
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7:47 pm
On a positive note, when I’m looking at Lolcats I don’t have to try to work the mouse with my left hand.
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4:51 am
why is that?
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7:47 pm
Guys, guys, don’t argue with Claire. She’s a vet. And when writing gaming articles, don’t argue with me. I play for hours daily, go watch anime, eat at the country club I got into because my parents are in it, and I’m proud of it.
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4:52 am
I think we have the moral high ground, here!
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10:35 pm
dem der lulcats arent funnay at all dey should be put to deth for der haethan sins from da otha place uh whats it called, oh yeah haeven
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4:45 am
Hey, I LOVE thos funny kitty cats! I wish the wife would let me have a cat…I’d name it Monica…
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6:38 pm
LOLcats eat hardcore christians for breakfast.
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9:35 pm
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3:09 am
interspecies breeding! Just the filth I am trying to warn America about!
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8:48 pm
Oh my gosh. seriously? most likely they were playing, and the picture was taken at just the right time. How deluded can you be?
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1:46 am
All good writers have a cat, they are the perfect companion for them.
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3:17 am
maybe if they are wiccan withces!
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9:01 pm
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1:23 am
yeah, you guys were ridiculous before, but now you’re just crazy. Claire, i appreciate you and your honesty about the nutjob “christians” (and i use the term so very loosely because i am a Christ-loving, God-fearing woman who pays my taxes, tithes, reads the bible and prays to the Lord of Israel and the King of Kings– but don’t agree with squat these people are saying)on this site. You guys are insane and really need to dive deeper into what Jesus calls us to become when we become more CHRIST-LIKE because i don’t believe that this is it. I have a cat and he is wonderful. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m not a witch. My cat is not the devil and i’ve never really had any problems with him. Also, i think we’d honestly take you all a little bit more seriously if you could spell and knew proper grammar and how to use it because your English and typing abilities are horrendous. One final note, if you want to win over the nations to your cause, i’d recommend giving up the racist, bias, angry acts that you play because i can pretty much guarantee you that when Paul told me to preach the nations as i was going, he didn’t say anything about not preaching to the Mexicans or the blacks. Just a little side note from a missionary who has lived in the fields before.
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10:20 pm
beware the lolcat evil
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2:36 pm
fucking bible thumpers
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12:16 am
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12:41 am
It looks like this bird died in the Great Flood.
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12:56 am
Dear god, I hope you’re just kidding.
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11:18 am
http://chzgifs.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/funny-gifs-cant-sleep-moon-will-eat-me.gif
Oh, really~?
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12:13 am
Guise srsly the devil iznt the soorse uv our kittehs.
the lord: ceiling cat iz our inspirashun.
we lugs him
and we praises hims
and his site iz weeeeeeeeeyyyy better den yurs.
less religin beeng stufd down owr throats.
PRAISE TEH BASEMEN KITTEH
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6:34 am
I think I just choked on my cup of tea while reading this.
Now my Biology text book has spittle on it after the short coughing fit I had in reaction to the sudden choking I experienced whilest readin this ‘article’.
Damn. I really liked that book.
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