Paul Ryan Asks: Should the GOP “Polish His Medicare Turd” or “Roll It in Glitter”?

Paul Ryan’s Medicare Recovery Act has the same appeal as a big turd in the minds of many Americans.

Republicans are trying their best to present this fecal fisting as a fiscal formula to ‘fix’ falling funds. There are multiple issues with this plan, but the fundamental stench comes from the precept that Medicare is destined to fail.

Is Medicare Destined to Fail?

No. Maybe. Yes. Probably not the clear answer anyone wants to hear, but truthful. The math of failure hinges on the assumption that the recession will never end and America will become a third world country. Forecast are like that, you can base the assumptions on the here and now or in a way that reflects the probability of successful stimuli or you can go full out apocalyptard. It is still only a forecast, not reality. The math of Medicare failure is dependent on continued high unemployment, something the tax breaks for the richest Americans is supposed to address.

The truth is Medicare failure predictions are just about as numerous as end of the world predictions and should be given the same level of attention. Medicare was supposed to fail in many of the reports that predict failure in as little as two years! That was back in 1981.

“Part B of Medicare, which covers physician services, and Part D, which covers prescription drugs, automatically receive all needed funding out of tax revenue. References to “bankruptcy” in those parts of the program have no meaning at all.” [Link]

But Didn’t The President Who Is Not President Bush Wipe out $500 Billion of Medicare Spending?

Sort of, but not really. It pains me to admit this, but God is in the details. The $500 Billion is a reduction of costs associated with system inefficiencies and redundancies over ten years. It is not a one time slash of spending. This is what my financial mind calls real cost savings that does not impact the service to Americans like a spending cut.

But Republicans Need to Win This Fight!

Exactly. This is why I’ve put together a helpful list of turd polishing practices and hints to help our congressional representatives bolster the sagging insurance and pet food industries with the Paul Ryan Plan.

Like Old Men, Old Poo Is Easier to Pick Up

I think that Ryan and the GOP gang would benefit from leaving this fecal gift to bake in the sun a few days. Sure they just got noses rubbed in the carpet in NY 26, but that doesn’t mean a little break isn’t in order.

Leaving poo to dry to a hardness provides an advantage of mechanical polishing. You can always use a rock tumbler, which can be costly – or simply seal it in a soft bag like a pillowcase with some silica and let it run in the dryer on fluff for a few hours.

Good Vibrations – Making a Vibratory Tumbler for Turds

It is possible to make your own vibratory tumbler for the dried turds with the following items found around the house:

Turds

BB’s

Soap Flakes

Salad Spinner

Small vibrators

Add the BB’s and turds in salad spinner with whittled flakes from a bar of soap. Position the vibrating mechanisms in the on position in the salad spinner. Close lid and start cranking. Turds should emerge polished, but somewhat smaller.

While you can also simply cover the turd in spar varnish, this lacks authenticity and may turn off people. Using both spar varnish and glitter will be appealing in Southern states, where that kind of glamour is given high regard.

The final option is to admit it really is a turd. This tact has the benefit of keeping everyone free of turd dust and particulates and starts a real conversation on how best to serve Americans in a program they have contributed to their whole lives. One way to do this would be to have a REAL plan to fight unemployment and raise higher bracket taxation. Eliminating the tax breaks for overseas operations and granting tax breaks for employing Americans might be another great idea. The added benefit might just be a boost to demand.

The first idea, even if it is an idea from a beloved doe eyed congressman, isn’t always the only or even the best idea for the country. Admitting that is a start.