The Story of Adam and Eve – Christwire/Hanna Barbera
Many women today may try to deny it, but they are the products of man’s ribs. They were put here to be our help meat. Their flesh is here to help us and it is told in the Bible.
Our story begins in the Garden of Eden. God had created Adam and told him, “Name all the animals.” God could have named them, but did this so Adam would not be a welfare case and expect God to do all the work.
So Adam went around naming everything in American, “Lion”, he said as he saw the lions for the first time. “Serpent scepter”, he said when he saw a snake looked like an evil Holy Scepter. This name would be so fitting but he yet had no idea. Next, “giraffe, elephant, gnat fly”. Adam continued like this until all the animals were named.
After a spell, Adam became sad and depressed. God asked Adam what was wrong and he said, “I feel lonely. I need a companion.” God knew that Adam had a holy urge. All the hard work of being a man had left Adam with a need to, express, his love for someone. And that is why woman was created. So Adam could use the gift of his holy scepter to make his day better. So God passed a great sleep over Adam and used true genetics to create a woman.
As we can see, the original woman’s pure porecelain skin, flawless figure and auburn brown hair to her backsides was quite a site! Adam was excited and named this creature Eve. God did not create a man for Adam’s companion because homosexuality is sick and hell was not yet invented to throw gays into.
Well, the rest of the story is known to many. God told Adam and Eve they could do anything but disobey. At this point, Eve had no eggs in her body and Adam had free reign to dominate her. The only condition of this lifestyle was that Adam and Eve could not eat of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Eve, however, was frolicking through the gardens of Eden one day and a talking snake came to her.
“Snake, how do you know how to talk American?”
“I used to be an angel, Eve. Now I’m just a slithering beast. But I can make you feel new things!”
“Really.”
“Yes, Eve, Yes. Just let me slide into your secret place.”
“Okay.”
Eve let Satan have sex with her while he was in his snake form, and in the animal orgy of spitting poison passion he drugged her mind to be more malleable to his words. He then convinced her to eat of a sin apple, so that it would give her body knowledge of how to get pregnant. Possessed by Satan, Eve used her flesh to tempt Adam. Temptress!
Adam stood no chance. Look at that perfect Christian wife figure. Adam ate of the apple and had jollies. Then, we know Satan’s child came out first (Cain) and Adam’s child (Abel). Cain murdered Abel and it was Satan’s plan to make evil into our DNA. And that is why we have crimes, murders and all that on Earth now. Because Eve had sex with Satan and Cain is the son of Satan and the genetic founder point of evil in humanity. Even geneticists and theory of evolution agree with this point.
Some of our elder ChristWire board members served with Hanna Barbera and collaborated on a cartoon to bring to our children. Please, feel free to use your CW Modems to ‘record’ this video and burn it to DVD. It is one the family will always enjoy.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Abe
If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack.
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5:57 pm
“Many women today may try to deny it, but they are the products of man’s ribs.”
No, we’re not.
“Their flesh is here to help us and it is told in the Bible.”
Bull. Women are here for the same reason men are.
“And that is why woman was created. So Adam could use the gift of his holy scepter to make his day better.”
Women are NOT here just for men to put their penises in.
“And that is why we have crimes, murders and all that on Earth now. Because Eve had sex with Satan and Cain is the son of Satan and the genetic founder point of evil in humanity. Even geneticists and theory of evolution agree with this point.”
Geneticists and evolutionists agree with that? Like who? Provide some links.
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7:31 pm
I think Abe is making reference to a founder event, Prudence. Did you not study about those in trade school?
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7:36 pm
We don’t “study about” anything in College. We learn about things and we study things, but we do not “study about” anything.
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7:40 pm
Good for your community college. I always envisioned it being like a clip from the Wonder Years, where your teachers put slides up on an old film reel and you watch students at real universities in action.
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7:50 pm
A college isn’t a “community college” unless it’s in the name (i.e. Bunker Hill Community College). Mount Ida is not a community college. It is a college. In fact people come from all over the world to go there, particularly Japan.
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7:53 pm
Yes, Claire. And janitors are environmental decontamination specialists.
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9:09 pm
“I think Abe is making reference to a founder event, Prudence. Did you not study about those in trade school?”
Actually “Mr.” Adam, I believe Abe is referring to the “founder effect”. Did YOU not learn THAT in college?
“Founder effect: The positive effect on gene frequency when a population (a colony) has only a small number of original settlers (founders) one or more of whom had that gene.”
http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=3511
Read for yourselves.
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9:27 am
You are a damned daft idiot. I usually ignore your attention seeking comments, like a druggie in the ER, but just because evolution is the crux point here you go.
For anyone in the know about speciation, a founder event is one in the evolutionary theory that leads to a marked break in speciation. Just so you can see it used in academia.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed?term=%22founder%20event%22
I hate to say it, but it looks like Claire actually soars above your general intelligence.
Back on topic, Claire, can you provide any evidence for the Big Bang or that woman did not come from the rib of man?
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10:15 am
Can you provide evidence that woman DID come from the rib of man?
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6:41 pm
Abe,
I am always surprised and enchanted by your articles. How can such a bear of a man write so tenderly? Clearly the Lord guides your keyboard.
Praise be,
BB
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11:10 pm
This story was so moving I have to admit that I wept a little bit. God really loved Man so much, until that Eve showed up and gave all of humanity grief.
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11:11 pm
Its sad really.
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7:55 pm
“Yes, Claire. And janitors are environmental decontamination specialists.”
Janitors do not go to school in order to become janitors.
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8:04 pm
And vet techs do not go to universities, my dear. It is okay, though, it really is. You are chaste and a prude, we’ve established that. You will one day meet a man who sweeps you off your feet and subsidizes your feminine needs, taking the place of your wealthy ivy league professor mother who pampers you.
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8:12 pm
Adam’s gettin’ his rape fantasies goin’ again.
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8:28 pm
He is. What a sick man.
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8:27 pm
Actually there are universities that have vet tech programs:
-University of Guelph
-Quinnipiac University
-Southern Illinois University
-Purdue University
-Morehead State University
-Murray State University
-Northwestern State University of Louisiana
-Michigan State University
-Argosy University
-Globe University
-State University of New York
-North Dakota State University
-Kent State University
-Oklahoma State University
-National American University
-Lincoln Memorial University
-Broadview University
“You are chaste and a prude, we’ve established that.”
No, we haven’t, as you have failed to provide me with your email address that I can send the picture to.
“You will one day meet a man who sweeps you off your feet and subsidizes your feminine needs, taking the place of your wealthy ivy league professor mother who pampers you.”
Um, my parents aren’t wealthy. My mom works as a clerk for the Cambridge School Department. And I’m quite capable of taking care of my “feminine needs” by myself.
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8:30 pm
What if it is some scheme by you to send my spam. If you promise not to do that I will give you an email address.
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8:36 pm
I don’t spam, douchebag.
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9:15 pm
I think you needle is stuck in one groove there, “Mr.” Adam. You keep repeating the same thing over and ov…….oh wait. I keep forgetting that is one of your tactics. You seem to believe that if you repeat it again and again it’ll become true.
You know, kind of like when you keep telling everyone that you’re a doctor. (Still don’t believe it. 
)
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1:58 pm
unfotuanitly some people believe something if its been repeated several times even if by the same person
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8:18 pm
Great article brother Abe.
I think that you should be teaching History to children.
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9:05 pm
derek and margo are always hanging out with that sand mexican
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10:18 pm
I heard “chatter” that Abe was offered his own reality TV show but hasn’t accepted yet.
Anyone heard anything?
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10:24 pm
Yeah, I think it’s called Peter and Phlegm.
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10:35 pm
“I heard “chatter” that Abe was offered his own reality TV show…”
Okay, in order to be able to do a reality show, you have to be LIVING in reality. I-I-I-I’m not really seeing any signs of that yet.
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2:01 pm
since when are reality shows real? they all seem well planned to me
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12:55 am
This is great news, if brother Abe gets a TV Show he will save millions of souls.
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11:11 pm
Well done Abe. You are a the Mark Twain of Christwire.
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7:20 pm
“‘Snake, how do you know how to talk American?”
“I used to be an angel, Eve. Now I’m just a slithering beast. But I can make you feel new things!”
“Really.”
“Yes, Eve, Yes. Just let me slide into your secret place.”
“Okay.’”
So, they weren’t speaking American, English, or any language that is recognizable to us today. Since this is the Hebrew Bible, they were speaking, surprisingly enough, Ancient Hebrew.
Second, this transaction never occurred. Unless you can provide the Biblical quotation that this is part of, it is fake. Therefore, you have failed.
Third, the snake didn’t actually slither around on the ground till he was punished by G-d after the eating of the Fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. So, that’s wrong as well.
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