Top Ten Threats To America In a Bin Laden-less World
As you have no doubt heard, unless you have been living in a cave (Although there is one guy who was living in a cave who knew exactly what was going on) American troops have killed Osama Bin Laden. Who will now take over as the biggest threat to America? Here is a list we, at Christwire.org, have brought you for your consideration.
Kate Middleton
It has been reported in the past by Christwire that the new queen of England has ties to terrorism. How she took the death of her Leader Bin Laden has not yet been apparent, but there is no doubt she will already be planning her revenge. You need to be careful of anyone with a British accent. This woman is devious and definitely will use our language against us in planning her attack. A preemptive strike against England might be called for.
The WiiWii
Without Bin Laden to spread the liberal message of hate many will turn to Nintendo’s new console, the WiiWii, in order to recieve their terrorist propaganda. It is a well known fact that Al Quada has used the Wii Network in the past to recruit new operatives. Don’t let your child become the next Bin Laden by associating himself with such sin.
The Daily Show
Liberals have their news outlets, and that’s fine. There is no reason for them to take over comedy networks. It would make sense, however, as their ideas can only be thought of seriously when being made fun of. Too many people take these satirists seriously, however, and many are made to look like asses when they find out it’s not a real news show and the people involved are merely actors.
Planned Parenthood
Abortion is a sin and these sin-mongers are trying to spread it to your children. As you can tell from our faithful graph there is no bigger proponent for abortion out there than Planned Parenthood. The idea that they should be allowed to run rampant in this country is offensive. Hopefully, however, just like the terrorist threat they will be stomped out by the right wing conservatives in this country.
NAACP
White children are being attacked by blacks at fast food restaurants all over this nation. If they were black, the NAACP would have their lawyers all over it. Instead, the racists who make up the organization tend to turn a blind eye when the racism they find isn’t quite the brand they like to see. They preach equality yet equality means everyone should deserve their help, not just those who are privileged enough to have colored skin.
The Howard Stern Show
Christwire and this heathen monger have quite the checkered past. As we learned from his broadcasts, he is a regular reader of our fair news organization. It is obvious he must be possessed by demons from his answers to the questions asked about it. No doubt without a villain like Bin Laden in this world, a man like Stern can now steal the throne, and make it legal for all to take child brides as he did.
Muslims
Even without their go-to guy these people are dangerous. They don’t worship Jesus like you and I do and like to blow things up when they don’t get their way. No doubt many of them will be saddened during this time of great rejoicing for the American people, and want to retaliate in some form or the other. Keep a strong eye out in these next few weeks lest the terrorists may catch us off guard!
Gays
Gays have a lot of events going on this summer where they will try to steal your children from you to rape and sodomize them. Amongst the offending carnivals of sin are E:3 and Comic-Con, which Christwire will be bringing you extensive coverage of. They may be looking at the Bin Laden victory as a nice distraction to keep us occupied while they try to get in our children’s pants.
Rap Music
No doubt some special educated rapper will try to take the name of Bin Laden in the next few months in hopes to cash in on the street cred allowed him by the majority of artists in the genre today. They will try to make him into a hero while teaching children how to bomb buildings. Someone needs to put a stop to this: If not the good people at the RIAA then we, the consumers need to take action. Ban this music and do not let your children listen to it or buy their t-shirts. It will only turn them into terrorists.
Barack Obama
Yet still, the most famous Muslim of them all walks the streets. While taking credit for killing Osama Bin Laden (We all know Bush did it), it is no doubt that he will take the throne from the deceased terrorist leader and himself wreak more havoc upon the American people than all the terrorists of the world. We would be smart to impeach and deport him now, lest we see another 9-11 on our shores.
- Sinful
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- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Alex Keating
Alex K. Keating is a presidential hopeful currently seeking the Republican nomination. His likes include Fox News, Ronald Reagen , and exposing Communism. Fan mail can be sent to AlexKKeating@yahoo.com.
12:37 am
Alex, if I saw you on the street walking, I would set you on fire
Hot debate. What do you think?
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7:13 am
Amen to that.
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2:52 pm
that reminds me: alexisonfire. good band, ever listened?
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5:38 am
your racist, only a few muslims are terrorists. Unless if you want to train every muslim and turn them into terrorists, you racist basterd.
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7:09 am
Not to mention all the “Christian” terrorists: please see Ireland.
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6:29 am
It’s people like you that beat the world into a state of stupidity and war. The rest of us go about our lives peacefully, muslim demonist christian and catholic, even knowing that there are extremists out there, while you sit on your computer trying to incite hatred, fear and oppression. And I’m called evil because i choose to follow those opposed to “god almighty” and those that have left nothing but death destruction and misery in their wake. Get a life and smarten the fuck up, you want to follow the true Jesus, sit the hell down and stop calling for hate you miserable racist. Blinded prick.
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7:26 am
Fellow brothers in Christ,
That was a good list but you left off maybe the most vile, evil and UnChristian force in the world today: the hermaphrodite homogay supporter Lady Gaga. In my daily talks with Jesus, I have it on good authority that Gaga is a Muslim fundamentalist and that her songs played backwards urge her homogay supporters to convert to Islam. We must stop this Satanic force known as Gaga!
Praise Jesus
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10:25 am
That “meat” dress was a kind of burka, wasn’t it?
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2:45 am
Spelled “burqa” wrong, dumbass.
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8:27 am
Since it’s an Arabic word and therefore not originally written in Latin script, there are multiple options for spelling “bʊrqɑʕ”.
Dumbass.
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1:12 pm
you are being over religious and rude. not everybody is out to get you.. lady gaga is awesome role model….
ur aPOOOOOOO
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9:53 am
All the reports I read about bin Laden were that he was living in a really nice mansion, not a cave.
Kate Middleton isn’t the queen. She’s the Duchess of Cambridge.
People were speaking old English long before Europeans “discovered” America. English wasn’t “invented” in America.
The Daily Show is as much a real news show as Christwire is written by real Christians.
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3:48 pm
how come christwire is not on this list its the biggest threat out there to evey one and logic itself
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12:31 pm
I’m writing a paper on the threats to america, Christwire is #2.
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1:35 pm
It is only a threat to the liberal secularism that you sick people impose on the freedom loving Christians.
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12:56 am
hahaha why not saying the redneck faggots that you are since msot of them would not even cares about your little dellisuioned world that you live In
Also if Muslim are evil, christian are evil as well simply because the religion is similar in almsot every Point
Should I continue as well or you are drown into your stupidity too much
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1:00 am
I wish they had proper schools in Canada, so we could understand your typing.
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5:30 am
We in Britain deported a bunch of convicts to Australia, and the God Squad to America. Now a few hundred years later, Amarica is disliked the world over, and even hated in some parts. Australia isn’t.
I wonder why that could be? Hmm, let me think. Oh yeah I know! It’s because of people like Alex Keating.
And before you start banging on about how clever you are, remember that the average IQ in Britain is 115, compared to America’s measley 98.
Now, let’s take a look at some of the things that you Americans claim to be proud of and use every day:
Car: German invention.
Mobile Phone: Japanese invention.
Jet engine: British invention.
Spacecraft: Russian invention.
Internet: British invention.
Hamburger: German invention.
Frankfurter: German invention.
Millitary tank: British invention.
Maple sypup: Canadian invention.
Paper: Egyptian invention.
Apple pie: Sweedish invention.
You want to talk about threats to America? How about we start with America’s arrogance, and lack of education? Sounds like a good place to me.
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1:57 am
For a person whose country developed English, you sure are horrible at it.
England is still mad about losing a war to a bunch of farmers.
Without the US, you’d be speaking German, you socialist pig.
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1:59 am
The last good thing to come out of Great Britain was an empty boat.
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2:03 am
No, it was the plague.
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2:54 pm
Hey British Tom, I absolutely hate all these people on this website, they’re all morons, especially the guy who wrote this article. But I do take issue with some of your points. America has 300 million people compared to Britain’s what, 35 million? We also have the entire south which brings our collective IQ down about 40 points. Secondly, you can say that Americans haven’t done anything great, or that we’ve stolen all of our ideas, but we made all those ideas better. Oh ya, we also saved the world TWICE. You’d be living in Nazi Britain right now if it weren’t for us (actually the Nazi’s may never have existed because the Kaiser would’ve been in control of Europe. But, discounting that, let’s just say Britain wouldn’t exist without us.) So try showing a little gratitude, and don’t equate America with the clowns who run this website. They’ll be the end of our country if they have their way, but I still won’t stand for a Brit, which was saved and subsequently payed for and defended by us (we use you as cover on the international stage so that we don’t have to do everything alone, you’re basically our bitch) talking smack about my country.
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1:35 am
This is probably the most hate-filled thread I’ve ever come across.
Leave it to conservatives for that one.
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1:58 am
Then get off our website you fish cave worshiper.
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4:05 am
Gladly! Once we’ve stopped you poisoning the minds of vulnerable young people with the seeds of hatred and intolerance!
And I apologise most profusely that you fail to comprehend my words before. I just re-read it and there wasn’t even a single spelling error. I can only assume that your inability to understand is due to your rampant stupidity when compared to a typical Englishman.
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11:02 am
Tom and Tyson…. Tisk, Tisk.
Do you not see the obvious goal of this site?
Your ranting is what they want.
It is Satirical.
Alex Keating is fictional
I guess the humor escapes an Englishman, as for myself, I am more amused with the banter that follows the article more so than the actual article.
Your silly little list is quite the laugh. Yes, it is all true, but again, The United States is simply that, a hodgepodge of countries, cultures, and citizens representing a very international spectrum. Ask yourself, “why we are accredited with them?”
We did not invent those things, we simply took them to another level and made them our own(I am not insinuating that our improvements were for the better).
Oh, and Canada and Maple Syrup is technically American since it is currently still part of North America. We invented the Cheeseburger not the Hamburger. Spacecraft: we won the ColdWar, and went to the moon, you should know we were on the same side! WorldWideWeb=British, Frankfurter????? Duh, its from Frankfurt! Try a Philly CheeseSteak. Tanks, Cars, Jet Engines, we invented planes, Airplanes! No one said we invented Apple Pie we just like it. Everyone knows the Egyptians invented papyrus, silly goose!!!!!!
As a citizen of The United States these are some of my favorites:
Morse Code, Lightning Rod, Bifocals,Vulcanized Rubber, Circuit Breaker, Anesthesia, Safety Pin, JEANS, ICE CREAM SODA, PHONOGRAPH(or a record player), Solar Cell(first Photovoltaic or Solar Panel), SKYSCRAPER, Pay-phone, STOP sign, Telsa Coil, ZIPPER, RADIO,
THE AIRPLANE, THE F-ING AIRPLANE! Recliner, Bubble Gum, SunGlasses, Electric Guitar!!!!!Rock on, The LASER, PlayBoy, HollyWood, movies, Rock’n'Roll, sex, hippies, cool. We invented cool, sir. Snowboarding, CD’s , Ipod’s, handheld Calculator, Personal Computer(PC), MAC, Gangster , Microprocessor, Blogging, GPS…… I skipped over another 100 or so that are quite good, and another 1,000 or so that are boring or turned out to be really dangerous.
Oh and we discovered DNA!!!!!! Bam.
Really, the British have an equally impressive list, for example, aside from, being “Snooty”, the Internet, Jet engines, Tanks, I love rubber bands, Shakespeare, and Fish’n'Chips. I usually think of them a mankind’s inventions, leave it to the English to be all “I did this, I did that, they did this, and all that rubbish….” Does it really matter?
Now I am being ugly.
I know, I know, the States can be ugly to behold, yet it has a certain appeal like watching a toddler taking the first steps.
We are young as a country, forgive us Tom.
Tyson try not to be so harsh Tom has a right to be embarrassed for The United States. We are awfully immature, but at least we keep the world entertained.
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7:11 pm
I only hope for the sake of humanity that you are right and Alex Keating is fictional. The more I have perused this site the more I have been begging whatever higher power there may be that this is all an elaborate joke. The people writing these articles are either GENIUSES for the way they’re using stereotypical Christian beliefs to make them appear as bigger idiots than they really are; or, they are truly the aforementioned idiots. If anyone truly believes this garbage, take your estimated IQ and divide it by 5. Now you’re getting close to at least one truth backed by logic and scientific evidence.
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1:25 pm
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4:07 pm
Anal sex came to Australia on boats from England. Since then the gays have interbred with the normal, decent Godly people and of course now the morals of our wives are under threat because they want the anal experience as well. Anal intrusion is still the biggest threat to a Christian Australia. Thank the Lord we have Julia Gillard on our side even if she is a devil-worshipper.
But McCarthy routed out much of the gay gene in America. Your nation is more church going and Godly. You have the good folk at the Westboro Baptist Church who hold the flame for Christ in Jesus’ love amen. Apart from the Demon Seed himself Perez Hilton and some lesbian talk show host named Degenerate, America is much better equipped for the anti-fag crusade. Put that Ellen Degenerate on your list as well. She is part of the homo network with her Australian girlfriend. It is a proven fact that the gay gene can survive over hundreds of years and get into the DNA of the drinking system. All churches should have a purifier on their drinking water taps.
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5:50 pm
“Since then the gays have interbred with the normal, decent Godly people”
Stephen Bowling, do you even think before you type? Like, even a modicum of thought. Gay people do not breed, because a gay couple is incapable of procreation. If there is anyone to blame for gay people, you should be blaming straight couples. They’re the ones having gay babies!
Also this site is poison. But funny poison.
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4:43 am
It contains wonderful and helpful posts.I have read most of them and learned a lot from them.
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