• 2012 Republicans: Get to Know Your Next President

    June 2, 2011 10:11 pm 15 comments
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  • We know that in 2012 the Democrats will be running their socialist poster child, but who will the god fearing Republicans be offering up? No one will know until a year from now. But hopefully we can get you a little more acquainted with the possibilities.

    Mitt Romney the former Governor of Massachusetts, is considered the front runner as he was the largest loser from last time.

    Age: 63
    Birthplace: Detroit
    Family: Ann Romney (wife); Children: Tagg, Matt, Josh, Ben, and Craig
    Religion: Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon)
    Current job: Keynote speeches, GOP fundraising
    Previous experience: Presidential candidate, 2008

    PROS: Strong name identification. Experienced campaign team with proven fundraising ability. Success as a businessman. Knows how to lose to Obama.

    CONS: He is a MORMON. Mormons consider their selves to be Christians, on the other hand Christians consider them cultists. As the Governor of Massachusetts passed Obama Care before Obama did, it has especially controversial individual mandates. Also as Governor he allowed homogays to marry. Proven Loser.

    Tim Pawlenty , Governor of Minnesota wants a promotion, and honestly…Minnesota? Who wouldn’t want to move?

    Age: 50
    Birthplace: St. Paul, Minnesota
    Family: Mary Pawlenty (wife); Children: Anna and Mara
    Religion: Baptist
    Current job: Governor
    Previous experience: Has never run for president

    PROS: Record as a fiscal conservatism as governor. Midwest roots give him leg up in Iowa caucus. Some argue he is not electible. Brand of “commonsense conservatism” allows him to reach beyond traditional GOP base and attract independents in a general election. Serious and credible campaign team in place.

    CONS: Fundraising: He’s never had to raise big bucks before and couldn’t because of restrictive state campaign finance laws. He may be able to raise what he needs, but no one knows for sure if he can. Name makes me think of “Good & Plenty” candy.

    Newt Gingrich, Former Speaker of the U.S. House, proudly fought the last great liberal Democrat Clinton, and is thus familiar with the wiley feline of a Secretary of State, Hillary.

    Age: 67
    Birthplace: Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
    Family: Callista Gingrich (wife); Children: Two daughters with Jackie Battley (first wife)
    Religion: Roman Catholic (formerly Baptist; converted in March ’09)
    Current job: Chairman, American Solutions for Winning the Future; college professor

    PROS: Name ID…I mean with a name like Newt, who doesn‘t recognize it!. Goodwill among party base. Seen as “ideas guy,” big thinker and intellectual heavyweight. Skilled grassroots organizer. Former professor and knows about debt with all of his revolving accounts especially at Tiffany’s.

    CONS: Pissed off fellow Republicans by saying their spending program was crap. Messy personal life, including multiple divorces. Fundraising: He’s been able to raise for his 527 groups but those don’t have the restrictive limits that presidential candidate has to live under.

    Sarah Palin the fiesty Former Governor of Alaska has a bloody baby making sin pit and likes to shoot wildlife. Usurping her husbands right and obligation to provide for his family.

    Age: 46
    Birthplace: Sandpoint, Idaho
    Family: Todd Palin (husband); Children: Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig
    Religion: Non-denominational Christian
    Current job: Reality TV show host; Fox News contributor
    Previous experience: Vice presidential candidate, 2008

    PROS: Name recognition. Has been sucking at the teat of the TEA party, has obscenely loyal zombie army and access to grassroots fundraising. Ability to dominate the media means she doesn’t have to spend as much money on paid advertising. Liberal socialists HATE her.

    CONS: Mixed record in Alaska, especially the fact that she gave up halfway through her term as governor. There is also an electability concern, and the fact that her daughter is a dancing whore.

    Michele Bachmann, Congresswoman from Minnesota, is one crazy bitch, and is the sweetheart of the Tea Party.

    Age: 54
    Birthplace: Waterloo, Iowa
    Family: Marcus (husband); Children: Lucas, Harrison, Elisa, Caroline, Sophia
    Religion: Lutheran
    Current job: Congresswoman

    PROS: Strong support from Tea Party wackos. Minnesota base gives her great access and credibility in Iowa. Proven ability to raise money.

    CONS: Known as the “Pelosi of the Right“. Probable mental illness.

    Ron Paul, wacky Congressman from Texas has played the game before and gathered lots of support from young Republicans.

    Age: 75
    Birthplace: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
    Family: Carol Paul (wife); Children: Ronald Paul, Jr., Lori Paul Pyeatt, Senator Randal Paul, Robert Paul, and Joy Paul-LeBlanc
    Religion: Baptist
    Current job: U.S. Congressman
    Previous experience: Ran for president in 1988 as a Libertarian and in 2008 as a Republican

    PROS:Youth vote

    CONS: Ties to the Tea Party, mostly through his son Rand Paul, Senator. Libertarian views, considered a crack pot by traditional conservatives

    Rick Santorum, Former Senator from Pennsylvania and victim of identity theft which has left him as a broken man and deviant sexual act, wants to represent you.

    Age: 52
    Birthplace: Winchester, Virginia
    Family: Karen Garver Santorum (wife); Children: Elizabeth, Richard, Daniel, Sarah, Peter, Patrick, and Isabella
    Religion: Roman Catholic
    Current job: Attorney

    PROS: Name recognition.

    CONS: That recognition is as:
    Santorum (N) 1. The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex. 2. Senator Rick Santorum

    Herman Cain is the Former CEO of Godfather’s Pizza and a conservative talk show host. He won a debate on Fox News and is gathering support among the TEA party and non-socialist blacks.

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    About The Author
    Susan B. Xenu Although over 80 years old, she is still a woman of unparalleled intellect and passion. She brings her spiritual fire to every aspect of her life. A widow, she lives in Atlanta, Ga and has been active in her church for over seven decades! "Sister Susan" has been a popular Christian author for over 30 years. She has written numerous books on the bible, as well as for Christwire and her own blog. She will soon be launching NewsOfChrist.com with friend, and pastor Chuck D. Finley. She loves hearing from fans, add her on Facebook or Twitter.

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