• 9 Ways Today’s Music Is Teaching Our Children To Love Satan’s Anal Womb

    June 9, 2011 4:48 pm 43 comments
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  • Popular music has long been known to be one of Satan’s anal pleasures, and today it is more prevalent than ever. Our award winning research team here at Christwire has recently presented me with 9 cases in which every sin from blasphemy to erotic homogay orgies are represented. These are songs that your children may already be listening to, or that may pass your very own ears during the course of a regular day. We bring you this list so that you may protect yourself against Satan and his sinful music.

    Rebecca Black: Friday


    While using innocence to try to cover it’s true intentions, it all becomes clear around 2:30. The producers used a young Caucasian woman to entice the youth to watch then all of a sudden bring out a drug dealing black man to show them how to be criminals. I wouldn’t be surprised if he wasn’t on his way to deliver six kilos of cocaine to a gay bar while he is passing good American school buses on the road. We are not even going to mention the way this 14 year old girl flaunts her milk sacs while sitting unsafely in the back of a car in what looks like an attempt to entice men to pay for sex.

    Lady Gaga: Judas


    Judas was the guy who betrayed Jesus, and Lady Gaga loves him. If you look at the video she even has sex with him. Not normal sex like good Christians have when married, but weird lustful any-hole penetration between two creatures who look neither male nor female but rather like some sick mixture of Teletubbies and glitter worms. For the rest of the video there is an orgy of gay bikers and lesbian barmaids. Of course, with Lady Gaga leading the way, swinging her milksacs while her penis stays firmly taped in place.

    Black Eyed Peas: Just Can’t Get Enough


    From the very beginning of this video they are making fun of the Japanese, showing them what their country used to look like before it was smote by the lord for tentacle porn. Then they compound the issue by showing a black man getting on a plane, thereby creating the racist assumption that only blacks survived the earthquake and following tsunami. They even have the Asian looking member of the group being shown left behind to drown for his blasphemies. The Black Eyed Peas are racist and should be boycotted until they admit it.

    Taylor Swift: Mean


    Ever since Kanye West, driven by the spirit of the Lord, called her out on her ill-achieved gains two years ago, Taylor has proven his point time and time again. She does not deserve awards. This latest song is no different, as she does nothing but dress like a whore and play the banjo. I can’t really understand the lyrics, as she sings them like a cracked out Kurt Cobain, but it sounds like they have something to do with Satan and Anal sex, especially the line about living in a city. That city is San Fransisco, and it is gay.

    Ke$ha: We R Who We R


    Dressing like a whore is one thing; Ke$ha not only looks the part but she acts it as too. Throughout this video her skin glistens with the glitter of Satan’s magical sperm sauce. She even takes it one step further by claiming to have Jesus on her neckalus. I’m not sure what a neckalus is, but one of our research team claims he heard the term before while investigating gays in Omaha and that he believes it to be slang for the taint. Again this cannot be confirmed as of press time, but if it is true she should be ashamed for trying to put Jesus in such an unholy place far too near to her sinful fish factory than any man should ever go.

    Jay Z: Empire State Of Mind


    The sad part about this selection is that Jay Z could be a fine young Republican if he put his mind to it and stopped letting the liberal and homogay agenda influence him to do evils such as this video. You can tell the homogays funded this because of the way they put Derek Jeter in it. He is a well-known homogay and we can only hope he already hasn’t taken Mr. Z’s anal virginity during the filming of this video. Apart from that, the songs message is also Satanic. New York is known to be sinful and celebrating it is no better than whipping your sin stick out and dripping man sauce all over the good book of the Lord. Shame on you, Jay Z.

    Chris Brown: Look At Me Now


    Not many people know this, but when not punching women in the face he is probably a homogay punching guys in the butt. He starts the song by admitting that good Christians can’t even get in to “his” side of the club, meaning the homogay side, then proceeds to state how fresh his anus is. Abruptly he stops and asks you to say hi to his penis. Only homogays show their penis and say hi. The other rappers in the song are illegible, but it sounds to my good Christian ears like they decided to forgo rapping to just have a huge man-orgy.

    Katy Perry: ET


    By tricking a good Christian gentleman such as Kanye West into appearing on this track she is not only dooming her soul but his as well. While he brought holy, God-fearing lyrics to the track, she countered with whoreishness and hatred for all that is not homogay. Her line “They callin me an alien, a big headed astronaut” that she wrote and forced Kanye to say proves she was trying to make him love large headed penises. Christwire tried to email Mr. West to get confirmation that he did not in fact turn homogay from this experience, but sadly we have not received a response yet. We hope for the best for brother Kanye.

    Bruno Mars: The Lazy Song


    Typical liberal fare, teaching your children it is better to sit at home in your underwear than get a job and be a productive member of society. Even in the comfort of his own home a Christian is presentable and doesn’t smell like a hippie construction worker. Combing your hair daily is essential to your relationship with God. Being nothing but a dirty hippie is the road to drug use, and that road also detours into Hell. If you catch your children listening to this, the only remedy is to immediately send them out to the yard to do some fine character-building hard work like building a shed or digging trenches to keep the gays out.

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    About The Author
    Alex Keating Alex K. Keating is a presidential hopeful currently seeking the Republican nomination. His likes include Fox News, Ronald Reagen , and exposing Communism. Fan mail can be sent to AlexKKeating@yahoo.com.

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