Due to a lack in Christianity in the Republican field of presidential hopefuls, I have been forced into making an announcement. Last week myself and the award winning staff here at Christwire formed an exploratory committee delving into the possibility that I, Alex K Keating, will seek the Republican nomination for President, and today I am here to announce my candidacy.
I will run on a platform of Christianity; my record speaks for itself. I’m a staunch supporter of Republican ideals and in some circles, the authoritative voice on conservative ideals.
First of all, I have never been homogay. Not even on a drunken night back in college for experimental purposes only. Anyone who asserts such things, especially a Puerto Rican transsexual, is a liar and a terrorist and probably working for the homogay agenda to sully my good name.
Secondly, I support Jesus, and Jesus supports me. Do you believe Jesus was Lord? If you do, then your vote can only be given to me by Biblical law. Jesus wouldn’t want you voting for a liberal or a woman, and definitely not a Mormon. Such things will destroy our Great Country. Only a God-fearing man like myself can bring us out of the dark ages and back to good Anglo-Saxon politics.
Some things I will do as our Great Leader:
– Bring Christianity back into government, like the forefathers meant it to be
– Destroy the homogay agenda
– Make sure your children love Jesus
– Outlaw abortion
– Browbeat liberals into submission
– Definitely not sleep with hookers (Male or Female)
– Shame feminazis into hiding
– Free guns for all decent Americans
– Deport all Mexicans
As I said before, my record speaks for itself. Not only am I a friend to the blacks, I often minister to inner city youth, but I can be counted as a champion to the Hispanic community as well. By forcing them all to learn English or git, I will be promoting education. I have also been known to support the Asian community by frequenting their buffets.
With me you always know where I stand on the issues; with Christ. Be it old or new testament, no Biblical law will be left unenforced. No homogay or communist will be left unexposed. America will finally take it’s place back on top, as I also have plans to deal with the evil Red Chinese.
In the coming weeks you will be hearing more about this campaign from Christwire, including announcements of a VP candidate. Until then I know I can count on the votes of the good Christians who frequent this site. Time for a real grass roots campaign.
Down with Homogay!