• Are Hats Interfering With Your Relationship With God?

    June 2, 2011 12:32 am 39 comments

    In my experience as a youth minister, I have come across many disturbing trends that threaten our young and their relationship with the Lord. From tattooing to homosexuality to ska music, there are many distractions that the young can face. The most long-lasting and insidious of all of these distractions is hats.

    Holy and correct theology says most pure way of communicating with the Lord is through scientific energy waves that come from the brain. This has been proven by science for many years. The waves must be pure and uninterrupted in order to properly communne with the Lord. A scientific picture of proper holy communication looks like this:

    Putting a hat on your head is like covering up a holy light that spews forth from your brain to the Lord. For the Lord to be able to talk to you, you must let your magic science waves talk to him as well. Humphrey Bogart is just one of the many evil influences on our youth from times past. It is not for me to say, but perhaps the hat in this picture contributed to his homo lifestyle that was later exposed.

    While other trends have sputtered and died, hats continue to make themselves knowne in youth culture time and time again. Transsexual pop teen Justin Bieber frequently wears hats, blocking off the rays of the Lord from massaging his brain. Without these sorts of massages, Bieber will continue to make youth sex music and switch his genitals around.

    The only holy hat is the hat that the pope wears. It has been proven by Christian science to increase communication with God instead of decreasing it.

    It is immediately obvious just from the look of this hat that it is made as a conduit to the Lord’s words. Note that it is open at the top in order to let God’s grace in, and contrast this to a sinful muslim scarf or another sinful hat like the one below.

    The man in that second picture is certainly off to commit gay sin lust acts, probably with the man below. Do not be like them and do not allow other good Christians to wear hats!!

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    About The Author
    Cool Tom Kimbo I am a Youth Minister trying very hard to show children that God is more awesome than sin docking and rap.

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