Are Steam Rooms Safe for Heterosexuals?
A firm balance between our flesh and our souls! That is one of the most underappreciated requirements of Christian life in our fast-paced culture today. “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?” Corinthians 6:19-20 tells us. “You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” This means we must make a concerted effort to keep our corporeal selves as healthy as our spirits.
In observance of this sacred call, many of us spend time working out at the gym or competing in athletics. Afterwards, there are environments where we encounter male nudity. This is a natural part of being a man. Do not be ashamed of how God made you, but rather embrace this as an opportunity to excel. Within these cramped spaces, however, it’s absolutely vital that you follow proper etiquette. There has been a marked increase in untoward sexual activity in America’s gyms of late. It has made our local sports facilities unsafe. It affects adult men and teens alike. Why this is happening now we may never know.
The New York Times reported on this issue in an article entitled, “Locker Room Trysts Bedevil Health Clubs.” As Carol E. Lee writes in that piece, “At certain times of day, their showers and steam rooms are not crowded. A closed door – or the fog of steam – make it easy for men engaging in sexual activity to elude detection.” Preening and braggadocio have always been undercurrents of the workout world. It’s only natural to take a certain amount of satisfaction in your body. You want to check your progress in the mirror and a sheen of sweat testifies to your dedication in perfecting a wholesome manhood. Yet certain types use the shared nudity of the changing room to engage in illicit fantasies.
Many compulsive homosexuals see gyms as ripe hunting grounds. Such men suffer from insatiable libidos. This is due in part to their unwillingness to procreate with women. When sexual intercourse has no familial meaning, one gets lost in the pursuit. The homosexual does not understand why he has been given the urges he has and will believe that ejaculation is an end in itself. He will go to great lengths to chase down the hormonal high much like a drug addict seeking out his next “fix.”
Numerous homosexual websites promote this vile habit with detailed instructions on how to covertly “hook up.” Obscene internet message boards overflow with gay men swapping stories of their latest conquests. If the true extent of this perverse plotting were widely known, regular athletes might be tempted to abandon exercise altogether. Yet there is hope that by calling out this lecherous trend we can put a stop to it. To that end, let us now expose the common ploys of the homosexual at the gym. With such knowledge, Christian men will be far better prepared to ward off such distasteful advances, advances that can lead to a lifetime of desperation, loneliness and degeneracy.
The Lusty Lurkers of the Locker Area:
Be sure to have a sturdy lock to protect your valuables and keep your time in the changing area as short as possible. Social conversation is acceptable, but horseplay is not. For the homosexual, the locker room is where it all begins.
Gay men love to linger. They will sit on a bench and pensively unlace their expensive sneakers. From this vantage point, a lurker can spy the genital areas of others with drooling fascination. He will then stand up and reposition himself close to whichever strapping man he has set his sights on. He slowly peels off a drenched tanktop like an erotic dancer. Shorts drop to reveal abundant jockstraps or pairs of tight-fitting briefs. This is the moment many choose to wander, ostensibly to seek a mirror and a scale. However, it’s all an erogenous ruse. The homosexual secretly wants to tell his first fascination that he is not the only potential play partner in the room. He uses this walkabout to scope the entire scene with his naked posturings. Like a peacock exhibiting a full plume, he flaunts biceps and chest hair with the hopes that others may be impressed enough to follow him to the more private areas of the ablutionary facility.
Slippery Slopes in the Steam Room:
You may enjoy taking a relaxing steam, but the steam room is where the most offensive homosexual action actually takes place. I cannot stress this enough: if you enter these places always sit on a towel! You never know which sitting spots have been recently contaminated by human excretions. Keep your gaze steady and straight ahead. Eye contact with another man can be mistaken as encouragement.
A firmly clasped velcro towel is highly recommended here. The homosexual will prefer a napkin-sized wrap around his privates. They make themselves erect by constantly readjusting these cotton coverings, loosening them just enough so that they appear to mistakenly slip from their thighs. A stiffening phallus suddenly becomes visible and the gay man will try to wave this off with a friendly smile. If you show the slightest bit of understanding at the mishap, the proud man may fully reveal his genitalia to you with a giddy nod for attention.
Once two men enter into such a foul agreement, they titillate their penises across the mist of the steam room with foul synchronicity. It will begin slowly, with a flopping readjustment and then a firmer tease. In full view of everyone else present, they might move beside you and lay a hand inches from your leg. A curious finger will probe your flesh and some men simply close their eyes and rest their heads back. This is an invitation for a full-on grab. One man will clasp the other and stroke him furiously, even using his own spit to slicken the depravity. Oral copulation sometimes occurs. These interactions are quick, but not without the most horrific slurping sounds. Vice-like embraces are exchanged as the action reaches its height but once climax is achieved, both part in different directions without so much as a goodbye. What is left is nothing more than a milky pool of emission, left there sprayed out across the floor for others to mistakenly step into. Slips and falls are not uncommon under these circumstances. Considering the lawsuit liability inherent in secretionary spots, it’s surprising gym managers are not more proactive in preventing these dangerous interactions.
In Hot Water in the Hot Tub:
Hot tubs are another area for vigilance. The healthful, rushing waters do so much to ease one’s muscles. It is a very relaxing way to end an afternoon of intense exercise. But beneath those boiling waves, one man’s curious hand may find its way into your lap. You will be shocked at first, too afraid to jump out all at once. Once an erection starts to grow, leaving is impossible– who would want to be seen parading naked in the locker room with his full length on display? Two men sitting unnaturally close are a clue that underwater play might be happening before your very eyes. The tense bicep and jolting forearm of one, the guilty gaze up at the ceiling by the other– these are all ready signs that someone is getting his phallus pleasured in the hot, churning depths. What makes this all so foul is that gay men ejaculate directly into the pool, meaning that the rest of us are left to float in the creamy soup of their abandoned fluids.
Shared Secrets in the Showers:
In the common showers, beware the man who spends extra time lathering between his legs. He will switch locations, rinse and refoam as an excuse to loiter. Young men prowl here for beefy, well-built “daddies.” Older men can be tricked by the jaunty innocence of a boy with ripening pecs and an easy smile. They use prodigious amounts of soap, somehow believing that all those bubbles hide their unpleasantly veiny erections. Sometimes when this all becomes too obvious, a man will face the wall and refocus his soapy explorations on his own buttocks. This can also be a signal that he wishes to be a recipient of sodomistic intercourse. In the very worst cases, anal penetration has been known to happen right there in the shower. Not one iota of shame is exhibited as whimpers echo against tiled walls and streams of hot froth ooze down muscled calves.
Some gyms have private showers and the game here is that a promiscuous person will leave his curtain slightly open “by mistake.” If someone wanders past and catches the showerer’s interest, he will waves his testicles in the man’s direction to indicate carnal interest. When this call is accepted, the second man will enter the private shower and the drapery will be tightly closed.
If all other areas of the locker facility are occupied, homosexuals will use a toilet stall to interact. It’s not quite clear what goes on in that narrow space, but it certainly is repulsive.
A Warning About Big City Bath Clubs:
When traveling far from home, you may wish to visit a bath club in a large city for relaxation. These places are focused on the spa experience and lack the exercise equipment that you would find at a normal health club. There are private changing cabins, whirlpools, saunas and steam rooms. Unfortunately, these places also have little architectural fancy and it shows with their narrow hallways and dim lighting. Such clubs have been known to turn a blind eye to the homosexual activity within their walls. Sometimes they even provide cots for resting and this only seems to encourage disturbing amounts of hardcore erotic interplay. Unless you have thoroughly researched a particular establishment, it is better that you avoid such places altogether.
In closing, I should note that this sort of illicit fornication does not happen at every gym. One would have to travel far and wide to encounter the worst examples of such activity. However, as homosexuality spreads out from the urban areas of America, this trend is growing at a horrifically fast clip.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Stephenson Billings
Stephenson Billings is an Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children's Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package! Facebook me here or Fanmail me: StephensonBillings@yahoo.com !
12:19 pm
Stephenson,
Your pearls of wisdom should adorn every man’s gym towel. The depth and stroke of your pen on the spread of homosexual folkways is inspirational.
When I see these workout venues billed under names that reflect a “Roman” or “Greek” nomenclature, I immediately become suspicious. “Gym”, “Gymnasium”, “Zumba”, are “Coliseum” are all words that invite these bare chested sweat sexterts to the virginal clefts of our Christian heterosexual men. “Zumba” is African for Penis Flopping, a dance of homosexual enticement.
My husband works out at Bubba’s Barbells and Bait which has a strict “No Dang Zumba” policy and camouflage only dress code.
Fantastic article.
Praise be,
BB
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10:29 am
You’re an idiot.
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1:49 pm
So because a couple of gay dudes occasionally do it in the steam rooms of gyms whenever no one is around, it’s a cause for concern that people will be raped?
Clearly you have never actually met a homosexual man in your entire life Stevie, otherwise you’d know that the only difference between a gay man and a straight man is the gender of the person that they stick their dick into. They aren’t ‘ravenous sexual predators’ or any other kind of nonsense you’ve been spoon-fed. They just prefer the same gender as opposed to the opposite gender, what part about that means that they’re pedophiles or a bunch of rapists?
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2:11 pm
This is also why I think gyms should be shut down. They all have open showers for gay men to frolic in soapy sin.
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1:48 am
Did I read that correctly?
“Frolic in soapy sin”
Oh, wow. I did.
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1:55 am
I like soap! But don’t shut down the gyms I’ll get fat! Btw do you think that gay men want to be punished for choosing to be gay? No they dont, god made the gay you dumb ass, just like he made me an atheist, Christian hating, heterosexual girl.
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10:09 am
RETARD! shut down gyms… because gay men visit them. I’m sorry – but come on! Seriously?!?!?!?!!?
If your god is freaking awesome! I’m sure he can keep his followers cocks in their pants at the gym. No gay man in the world has the power to make ANYONE do ANYTHING they dont want to do. And so it says in your ridiculous bible – FREE WILL! retards! you people wouldnt know free will if it fucked you in the mouth!
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6:05 pm
“This means we must make a concerted effort to keep our corporeal selves as healthy as our spirits.”
Ahem. You may want to lay off the chocolate ice cream, then.
“In observance of this sacred call, many of us spend time working out at the gym or competing in athletics.”
Yourself excluded, of course.
“a sheen of sweat testifies to your dedication in perfecting a wholesome manhood.”
Not necessarily. Old fat farts like you tend to sweat like pigs from simply climbing a flight of stairs.
“Such men suffer from insatiable libidos. This is due in part to their unwillingness to procreate with women. When sexual intercourse has no familial meaning, one gets lost in the pursuit.”
You wanna back that up with some studies?
“will believe that ejaculation is an end in itself.”
As do the millions of heterosexual couples who practice birth control – the point of sex is to orgasm.
“if you enter these places always sit on a towel!”
Um, are you implying that some people just sit bare ass naked on those benches?
“They make themselves erect by constantly readjusting these cotton coverings, loosening them just enough so that they appear to mistakenly slip from their thighs. A stiffening phallus suddenly becomes visible and the gay man will try to wave this off with a friendly smile. If you show the slightest bit of understanding at the mishap, the proud man may fully reveal his genitalia to you with a giddy nod for attention.”
You know this firsthand, I presume?
“Once two men enter into such a foul agreement, they titillate their penises across the mist of the steam room with foul synchronicity. It will begin slowly, with a flopping readjustment and then a firmer tease. In full view of everyone else present, they might move beside you and lay a hand inches from your leg. A curious finger will probe your flesh and some men simply close their eyes and rest their heads back. This is an invitation for a full-on grab. One man will clasp the other and stroke him furiously, even using his own spit to slicken the depravity. Oral copulation sometimes occurs. These interactions are quick, but not without the most horrific slurping sounds. Vice-like embraces are exchanged as the action reaches its height but once climax is achieved, both part in different directions without so much as a goodbye. What is left is nothing more than a milky pool of emission, left there sprayed out across the floor for others to mistakenly step into.”
Billings, according to you Christwire is a site for “Christian families”. Clearly you don’t believe that or else you wouldn’t insist on writing explicit homosexual erotica.
“gay men ejaculate directly into the pool”
Oh, and straight men don’t?
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3:59 am
Claire, I culled my information from many of the homosexual sites I linked to. It is well known that this activity occurs and gay men openly celebrate it.
Yes, I know I am of an advanced age and not the perfect adonis that you prefer, but please understand I want to help our young men out there with some solid advice. I do try to keep myself in shape and it’s a constant challenge! Sometimes I go to the gym just to use the steam room. It’s very good for you and helps you lose weight. There’s nothing wrong in trying to be healthy!
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7:36 am
Sweating doesn’t make you lose weight. What you’re losing is water weight – it has nothing to do with calories being burned and actual fat being shed.
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10:12 am
oh wow! you use the internet – that makes you an expert!
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10:23 am
p.s – your google ads on your site… are related to content. For the past 2 days they’ve been for Zoosk – Hot Gay Singles online
That makes me smile.
Also – you know for a straight man, all you right about is gay men?! have you noticed this!?And you use very many attractive gay men in your images… i think you just like looking at them, through the safety of ïts for jesus” LOL! twat
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7:13 pm
I remember when the steam room was a place of relaxing and where we could get away from the pregnant wives for a bit down time. Now it’s a hotbed of Elton John sin roasters.
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1:39 am
I take offense to that.
Ur gay!
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10:24 am
FAG! actually they used rooms very similar in the Roman days – and guess what those men used to do?!?!?!?! Fuck each other… true story.. look it up
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7:28 pm
Some of the pictures in here are kind of hot, just saying.
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9:54 pm
For an anti-homosexual article, this article has closeted homosexual written all over it. There is NO WAY that you are being this graphic without fantasizing about the men you are writing about while you were creating this article.
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3:56 am
You’re reading your own tendencies into this, Janet. I am 200% heterosexual.
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7:38 am
Anybody who makes such ridiculous claims as being “200% heterosexual” (while never actually having been married or produced children, mind you) is clearly hiding something.
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10:17 am
you fucking American IDIOT! 200%?! – go back to school twat!
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4:23 pm
My guess is that he is typing one-handed…
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1:37 am
why not just go, if someone hits on you, tell them your not gay lol. no problems
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6:05 pm
Evidentally I learn something new about myself every day…
I guess I should start following these “Gay Guidelines” rather than just going about my business as though I were alone in the locker room.
Thanks for your help.
-An silly, uninformed Gay.
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10:26 am
yeah… you could leave a very happy man
Thank god this guy is here to write articles we can then apply to our lives, its like having all the best gay sites in one
Thanks Mr Billings.. or should I call him… Mr Big Billings?!?
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2:43 pm
You people are probably the most closed minded individuals on the face of the planet. I would actually be surprised if you had friends and were married. I also think that you are closet gays going over the top to try and prove your not. Have a great day!!
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10:39 am
Oh boy, I’m sinful hard-core yaoi fan, I will admit with no shame, and I must say, this article has turnt me on big time.
You sir, would make a pretty good ero-writer
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10:40 am
The biography of the writer includes “soda bottles collector”? OMG, i think i’ve got enough.
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5:12 pm
Thats is actually a well writen article, though I am shocked that Billings did not cite me or august about *our* experience in the gyms. I can say firsthand, that this is all true
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7:43 pm
i should give credit, this website has awesome pictures. Where do they ever find them?(hint, hint)
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4:36 am
This entire article reads like a bad gay porno, the irony of which is not lost on me! Please write more, I find the entertainment keeps me going at work.
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7:24 pm
It takes two to tango. If you’re familiar with Oprah, you’re likely familiar with the term “on the DL” and that’s not the disabled list. I wouldn’t blame ALL the activity on gays by a long shot, especially for someone who bills themselves as working in one of the most notoriously pedophile-laden professions as childrens party entertainer. It’s very easy to cast aspersions on a particular group of people!!!
And a steam room helps you lose WATER, not WEIGHT. Oh I needed to add that this is written like someone who reads a lot of (bad) gay porn. Keep up the research, Mr Billings.
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11:13 pm
Stop being a spam bot, and become a real boy.
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