Can You Get An STD Even If You Use a Condom?
In order to stay together after undgrad, several friends and I formed what is called the “Lunch Bunch”. We try to get together at least once a month to catch-up on life and see which direction things are taking us. While we’ve lost some friends to location and new job opportunities, a good half dozen of us (not including significant others) still get a chance to meet up for lunch or even dinner.
At our last grouping, we had the uncomfortable talk about anal play. Why couples choose to delve into such a disease friendly act is beyond me, even with women as their seperator flap does become contaminated with fecality and the chances of miscarriage increases by 23% in women who engage in anal play.
These numbers should be enough to startle any perspective parents, but as we found last week, over 38% of polled couples engage in anal intercourse, intentionally, within the first year of dating or marriage.
This week, Jennifer and her husband were once again leading the talks on immorality and cited a video they did on the subject. Can people get STDs even if they use a condom? After their ardent and eager discussion on anality in the prior meal session, I was iffy on another topic of sex. STDs are very disastrous things for any relationship, their festering nature tearing apart the body and mind.
In the course of discussion, some of our dating friends seemed reassured that the possible infedility of non-married life was guaranteed safety by the use of condoms. Nothing could be farther from the truth. The condom industry is much like Big Tobacco.
They generate support from powerful lobbyists in DC. They stuff the coffers of Congressional leaders and give them free high-grade, unreleased technologically superior condoms to use in their interns. It is the cold truth. In return, Congress funds fake studies into the success rates of condoms.
Any experienced person of the street will tell you the same old sad ballad: they become infested with an STD, even though all their ‘clients’ used a condom. You will hear stories of ‘Oops babies’, that is babies who were born even though the combination of condoms and contraceptives were used, because neither one of these methods really make a difference in the spread of STD or pregnant snare infestation. Many men have fallen victim to the snare trap of a woman wanting a child and child support, all because they really thought the condom was 100% effective.
Many people now itch, burn and are dead from STDs because condoms are not perfect. They fail in comparison to abstinence when it comes to prevention of your life being destroyed by a terrifying STD.
To bring this point home, we will take an up close look at some of the STDs you are exposing yourself to every single time you decide to engage in sexual relations outside the confines of marriage and regular STD checks for your wife once married.
STDs: A Danger Not Even Condoms Can Stop
STD Name: HIV (AIDS)
- DANGER LEVEL: 10/10
- SPREAD: Homosexual contact, anal fornication, mouth to anal fornication, tongue kissing, drug needles, toilet seats, infested bedding, bed bugs, traditional intercourse
- Prevention: Abstinence
HIV, also more correctly known as Primary Gay Bowel Disease, is an ailment that first reared its head during the 1980s. The Gay Community was ravaged by the disease, which worldwide still causes gruesome deaths and an immunocompromised conditions now named Acquired Immuno Deficiency Syndrome. Just as seen in a neutropenic cancer patient, the body in this stage of disease is essentially without an immune system. The victims of this horrible disease can die from something as simple as a common cold virus.
Left-wing media has tried to make this disease look exclusive to only Africa or inner city areas, but the fact of the matter is it is a silent killer. Your girlfriend could be hiding a secret in her pert, fit and tanned cheerleader body of suburban upbringing. Behind her bright eyes and smile, could coarse the pathogens of horrific death.
All it takes is one slip-up. Who is to say your girlfriend did not go to senior prom with a gay? The gay may have said to her, after plying her with alcohol, “I am a nice guy. I am not going to take advantage of you, but rather I want you to take advantage of me.”
Loosening up a bit and having her father’s prom warning speech fade away at the gay’s sudden mention of role reversal, your girlfriend may have been susceptible to suggestion. “I want you to know I like to have things in my boon. I like fists put into my boon, so what I would like you to do is put this Crisco on your hand and then shape it like the bill of the duck and slide it in”. This is the type of thing that happens at proms this day and age.
Shocked, your now wife or girlfriend would probably go for that scenario. They get to dominate a man and prove dad wrong all at once. The boy didn’t try to spread her legs and get his noodle wet, rather, he wants to bend over and let her make quack shapes with her hand deep into his intestines. That is how AIDS is spread.
That girl is now contaminated and so are you, even if you use a condom. The HIV is small and spiky. Look at this scanning electron microscope imagery:
This is like an urchin on a Mario game. One touch and it will rip your life away. It can shred through latex and infect you and then kill you.
STD NAME: Human Papiloma Virus (HPV)
- DANGER LEVEL: I (INCALCULABLE)
- SPREAD: Underage Fornication
- PREVENTION: Abstinence
There it is. HPV. The teeange terror. Show of hands. How many of you fornicated before you were 18? This could be fornication of the phallus entering the secret place, finger foddling or even mouth to south acts. If you did any of these things, and you are a female, within you grows a cancer virus. Over 94% of young women who fornicate before 18-years-of age will contract HPV.
You may have heard your Auntie or Grandmother speak of getting a hysterectomy. That is when a doctor has to keep you awake, reach into your opened vagine and without anesthetic, has two nurses hold you down as you scream in torture and he uses a forceps device to rip out your vaginal delicacies, all the way up to the uterus. It all rips from your body and you hear it ripping and you will scream in agony, but they cannot let you be sleep for this procedure due to the enteric nervous system contracting and possibly triggering a neurological aneurysm. It is a very traumatic experience for women and it is the price of touching yourself at a young age.
For all girls who explore sexuality before 18, there is a 60% chance that you will have to get a horrifying hysterectomy before you turn 50. Are you prepared to have this virus ruin your life and cause your future husband to divorce you because you are without the ability to specially love and become worthless?
STD NAME: Cachexy catarrh
- Danger Level: 8/10
- Spread: Anal fornication
- Prevention: Abstinence, chlorine bleaching
The Amazonian chuck worm, or C. catarrh, is a parasite that can infest the body through reproductive and excretory areas, then travel further into the body and enter the mind, heart and guts.
More common to the tropics, this organism is most usually found in Central America, with the CDC and WHO listing Belmopan as the current hotbead for this tandem of torment. One of the few microorganism with seeming gender, the longer, slender of the two undergoes rapid cellular division was implanted into a host.
As the name implies, this parase festers deep within tissue then spreads at a cellular level. Here, a female version of this organism has a smaller, egg shape. The male will use the female parasite to mass produce future generations of death bringing microorganism.
STD NAME: The Human Botfly
- Danger Level: 10/10
- Spread: Uncouth behavior, dirty sheets, parasites spread through vag or anal tingling, oral spread risk
- Prevention: Washing hair and clothes, staying abstinent until marriage, staying out of Africa/3rd World Nations
Imagine a creature, so vile, that it would give the fauna and flora of a Shakesperean nunnery great pause. Such imagery almost describes the evil and nasty horror of the most large and dangerous of STDs, the Human Botfly.
The harrowing story that follows explains the rotten evil of a human botfly and why you should buy guide books and not sleep with locals when traveling. From a certain brave man, and friends, who fell victim in Costa Rica;
“Upon returning home from Costa Rica Mark started to experience a strange pain in his scrotum. He finally mentioned it to me (his wife); we talked about what it could be. Spider bite? Infected mosquito bite?”
It’s important to note here that if you have strange pains in your scrotum, it’s usually a good idea to give the good ol’ doctor a call. Someway or another, it’s bound to be trouble.
“I remember reading something in the guide book from our 1st (honeymoon) trip about a weird bug in Costa Rica. The guide book Explore Costa Rica by Harry S. Pariser said…. “‘Botfly (Dermatobia hominis), whose larvae mature inside flesh. An egg-laden female botfly emerges from an infected anal or uterine wall and then captures a night-flying female mosquito and glues her eggs on to it. When the mosquito is released and bites a victim, the host’s body heat triggers an egg to hatch. It falls off and burrows in. The larva secures itself with two anal hooks, secreting an antibiotic into its burrow, which staves off competing bacteria and fungi. Its spiracle pokes out of the tiny hole, and a small mound forms which will grow to the size of a goose egg before the mature larva falls out.’”
From that point, the creature is within the lifesack of a man. It coalesces in harmony with the sperm, until it is released into the eggstores of a woman where it feeds, grows and repeats the cycle through oogenesis within a woman, with botfly females again emerging with a woman’s egg stores and attacking a mosquito,who will help the botfly larva start the cycle again and again.
This shows that even if you are not fornicating, you can be put into the life cycle of an STD without realizing it. Is having sex something you really want to do, even with an STD, should death be so easy to find because you couldn’t keep your britches up?
In case there are any problems with visualizing such a creature, below is a picture of the cute larval botfly (live) that was inside Mark from the story. 
- Sinful
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- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Brad Haegelmann
Bradford Haegelmann is a current student of marketing and a lover of life. When he's not relishing in the beauty of California's coast, he is sharing his passion for life and knowledge through his writing. Brad is also a spiritual life advisor at his local university.
12:22 pm
“Many people now itch, burn and are dead from STDs because condoms are not perfect. They fail in comparison to abstinence when it comes to prevention of your life being destroyed by a terrifying STD.”
Prevention wise? Yes. Preventing people from having sex? A horny couple having the guy wear a condom is much more likely than a horny couple deciding to not have sex. Everyone is constantly saying that condoms shouldn’t be something you instantly go to when you decide to have sex. Idiots (like you) who make this wild claim: “They generate support from powerful lobbyists in DC. They stuff the coffers of Congressional leaders and give them free high-grade, unreleased technologically superior condoms to use in their interns. It is the cold truth. In return, Congress funds fake studies into the success rates of condoms.” are nothing but fools who hate the idea of people having sex, but completely fail to understand that there are people who don’t give a damn to your teachings. Attacking a device that’s trying to lessen the number of lives ruined by stupid people having sex is just going to make those numbers higher.
Yeah, go ahead, imagine a world without condoms. I can tell you already that the number of pregnancies and STDs will sky-rocket. People have sex regardless of what they’re taught. Teaching people that certain devices can make the consequences either less severe or have the chance of preventing them will lower the number of pregnancies and STDs. Condoms aren’t the be-all, end-all device that prevents them from happening 100% of the time. They just offer a way to protect people who are either too horny or too stupid to hold out.
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4:12 pm
I wholly disagree. We already have a major problem with urban teen pregnanicies and disease and it is a case of slippery condoms. Couples buy condoms and are lulled into habits of sexual intercourse, and soon, the condoms give way to raw conquest of carnal pleasure.
I think if we just do away with condoms altogether, people will never cross that ‘breaking point’ in relationships without serious commitment. Teenagers will hear about their friends who have AIDS or the clap, or are pregnant, and in fear will become more chaste. Cheating wives will be caught immediately. People will die by the fruit of their iniquity and in fear, people will become more chaste or use alternative measures for ‘pleasuring’ that do not involve full coital carnality. It will be a trend where we see a sharp jump, then a gradual decline to a lower incidence of pregnancy and STI in our population than what we see today.
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4:35 pm
“I wholly disagree. We already have a major problem with urban teen pregnanicies and disease and it is a case of slippery condoms. Couples buy condoms and are lulled into habits of sexual intercourse, and soon, the condoms give way to raw conquest of carnal pleasure.”
And telling them that they shouldn’t have sex at all will solve that problem? People are either stupid or horny, and condoms act as more of a clog to slow things down than anything else. Abstinence doesn’t work, especially with people who aren’t apart of a faith that says that one should practice it.
“I think if we just do away with condoms altogether, people will never cross that ‘breaking point’ in relationships without serious commitment. Teenagers will hear about their friends who have AIDS or the clap, or are pregnant, and in fear will become more chaste.”
HA! You have way more faith in teenagers doing something NOT stupid than them DOING something stupid. The mentality of a stupid teen is ‘oh, I won’t have any problems, I’ll be fine’ and that mentality is applied to EVERYTHING. Even religious teens believe that since they’ll think God is protecting them from anything bad. It doesn’t matter what the situation is, they’re bound to do it, from sex to drinking to driving to drugs to basic acts that shouldn’t require more brain-power than lifting a spoon, they’re going to think that they’re invincible. Why is that? Hell if anyone knows, teenagers just do that sort of thing. Once in a great while you’ll have that one person who grew up without sex or drugs as a teen, but not everyone is going to have that mentality.
“Cheating wives will be caught immediately. People will die by the fruit of their iniquity and in fear, people will become more chaste or use alternative measures for ‘pleasuring’ that do not involve full coital carnality. It will be a trend where we see a sharp jump, then a gradual decline to a lower incidence of pregnancy and STI in our population than what we see today.”
There’s no proof to back that up though, you’re just relying on wishful thinking. Who’s to say that someone got an STD without having sex? It’s possible through botched medicine deliveries and such, all that needs to happen is an infected instrument being contained in a fluid that goes directly into either the blood stream or the reproduction organs.
You remind me of a particular article I once read about. It was during a war and there was a problem. The war effort was running out of the materials to make helmets, so someone decided that a brilliant idea was to get rid of them, since that saved them money, and reduced the number of injured soldiers. Well, it did save money and reduce the number of injured soldiers, but injured soldiers were classified as being alive; the death toll skyrocketed and it wasn’t brought down until the helmets were put back on their heads. That’s pretty much what you’re trying to do; take away a form of protection that has the ability to stop shit from happening if it does happen. The reality is that because you aren’t stopping the source, you aren’t uprooting the problem, you’re just cutting off the parts that it affects. Get rid of condoms and you’ll see a sharp increase alright, but that increase won’t decline for a VERY long period of time, and by then the damage will be too great.
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4:57 pm
And my point is ‘teens are dumb and need condoms’ has just as much gumption than my assumption that teens will recoil in fear from lack of condoms, shocked by the quick jump in STI and pregnancy. The media shock of the trends will actually cause a bigger practice of abstinence and alternative sexual methods than those that result in fluid exchange or pregnancy.
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5:15 pm
Teens are going to have sex. Teenagers have been having sex for CENTURIES, partly because of all the hormones running through their bodies. Preaching abstinence-only education isn’t going to stop that, nor will taking away condoms or scaring them. It’s better that they’re prepared in case they have sex than to be completely caught off-guard when they do.
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5:12 pm
So if you want condoms done away with, then how will you ensure that your sexual trysts with nurses don’t end in pregnancy or disease?
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1:37 pm
“the chances of miscarriage increases by 23% in women who engage in anal play.”
Source?
“You may have heard your Auntie or Grandmother speak of getting a hysterectomy. That is when a doctor has to keep you awake, reach into your opened vagine and without anesthetic, has two nurses hold you down as you scream in torture and he uses a forceps device to rip out your vaginal delicacies, all the way up to the uterus. It all rips from your body and you hear it ripping and you will scream in agony, but they cannot let you be sleep for this procedure due to the enteric nervous system contracting and possibly triggering a neurological aneurysm. It is a very traumatic experience for women and it is the price of touching yourself at a young age.”
There is absolutely NO truth in anything you said there.
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3:35 pm
Many women have been traumatized by the entire experience of having the procedure. There is nothing wrong with making the young girls who come across this article scared of engaging in intercourse. They should be.
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3:45 pm
No woman should ever be traumatized by being anesthetized and an incision made in her lower abdomen to remove her uterus and possibly fallopian tubes and ovaries as well. Even in a transvaginal hysterectomy, the woman is NEVER awake. NEVER.
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3:52 pm
Claire, you are young. Many women need counseling due to the emotional trauma that comes with the procedure, from start to finish. Many couples even need marriage counseling aftward. The scars are so deep, they even cut into the psyche.
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4:10 pm
Emotional trauma that results from the consequences of the procedure (inability to bear children, hormonal imbalances, etc), NOT from the actual procedure itself.
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4:30 pm
Claire, hysterectromy procedures oft times result in unimaginable pain for women. Physical pain. This can linger for weeks afterward and morphine does not even do any justice for what these women go through during the procedure and afterward. It is so traumatizing and my heart goes out to any woman who has to go through this wrenching trauma. It must be one of the most painful, scary and horrifying things the human body can barely endure.
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4:43 pm
My mother had to have a hysterectomy. Funny thing about it: it was the fact that she’d had her uterus removed that required bed rest for several weeks following the procedure. It’s for the same reason that any competent doctor would require a patient to rest and take things easy following ANY surgical procedure: to prevent complications or further trauma to the area. The author’s idea of what happens during a hysterectomy is hilariously wrong. Anyone could learn how such a procedure is performed just by searching for information online.
Though, you’re nowhere near being a competent HUMAN, much less a competent doctor, Adam.
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5:44 pm
Adam, my point is that the procedure ITSELF is not painful or traumatic, as the patient is ANESTHETIZED.
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2:26 pm
As condoms only promote sex and provide little protection against anything, our local population will not shop at any store that sells condoms. This forces the store to not sell condoms or to go out of business. We have been very successful.
This article was full of science, facts, a research. Thanks for all the hard work you have done. The evidence is irrefutable.
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2:36 pm
August, you should be shot.
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3:33 pm
I like this idea. I think Pastor Jack is on the board for the Christian Coalition and American Family Radio. If they can start a campaign like this like they did with Disney, it could really take traction and force stores to become more recluse with condoms. I doubt we could every really get stores to take them out, but they could make them more difficult to have access too and that would cut down on their use. It could really be a small victory for us.
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4:08 pm
No, this ‘article’ was fueled by lies and paranoia. Is abstinence the sure-fire way to prevent pregnancies and stop the spread of STDs? Yes. Is there a sure-fire way to prevent people from being horny bastards that will fuck another horny bastard? No. Do condoms at least help curb the numbers? Yes. Is it more likely that horny bastards will use condoms? Yes. Is it more likely that they’ll practice abstinence? Hell no.
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4:46 pm
If you have sex with a condom, you can die or get pregnant. This is a fact.
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5:05 pm
If you have sex without a condom, you can die or get pregnant. THAT is a fact.
What you ALL fail to mention is the LIKELIHOOD of this event occurring. With a condom, it is much less. Without a condom, it is much, much more likely.
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5:57 pm
That’s like saying its ok to drink and drive because people are wearing their seatbelts. Dr. Nelson is right. You should be committed.
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6:17 pm
YOU should be committed if you think that connection is even remotely plausible.
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2:28 pm
Great article, Brad. Women should fear HPV and parents, I cannot stress this enough. If you have a pediatrician rambling on about getting your daughter a shot to prevent HPV, slap them in the face and complain to your insurance company. Say your doctor was trying to force your daughter to have sex.
HPV only occurs in girls who do the nasty. So, liberal doctors are encouraging girls to think about the nasty and letting boys stuff them with their wanks. This is all gross. No HPV shots, parents. Tell your daughters abstinence and if they get pregnant before they get a job, you will kick them out and give them to social services.
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2:38 pm
Adam, why don’t you go and fuck your uncle, okay?
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4:15 pm
Yes, because instilling fear and hatred will just make things so much better! That certainly won’t back-fire in any way, shape, or form possible!
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4:23 pm
Nothing wrong with it. Just like telling kids that if they don’t let us run IVs in their arms, it’ll have to go straight up their bottom.
No different than telling kids all the horrible things any and every stranger will do to them.
No different than anything like that. If you want to encourage kids to engage in intercourse, you are a sick person LN and should be committed for psych and being a danger to society. If I had you in my patient care, I would happily make you a medical hold and diagnose you with mood disorder and psychosis. Too bad we do not have asylums to ship perverts like you to for experimentation these days, but a good regimen of forced pharmaceuticals could still keep your pervert mouth shut.
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4:47 pm
“No different than anything like that. If you want to encourage kids to engage in intercourse, you are a sick person LN and should be committed for psych and being a danger to society.”
They’re actually pretty different things. It’s more believable to a kid or teenager that someone will hurt you, simply because they’re bound to see bullies all the time. Believing that they’ll contract some disease from having sex is surprisingly low for teenagers. Telling them to not have sex is one thing. Telling them that if they’re stupid enough to have sex just care-free to at least a condom fits along the same lines. Telling them to not have sex ever and that their dick will fall off if they put it into a vagina is nothing short of lunacy.
“If I had you in my patient care, I would happily make you a medical hold and diagnose you with mood disorder and psychosis. Too bad we do not have asylums to ship perverts like you to for experimentation these days, but a good regimen of forced pharmaceuticals could still keep your pervert mouth shut.”
Well aren’t I glad that there’s several things to completely prevent that. 1, being that you aren’t a psychologist or a psychiatrist. 2, that there’s a thing called a second opinion. And 3, that your ass would be sued off for medical malpractice in a damn heartbeat if you tried to pull that shit with me. Especially when you’ve admitted to manipulating patients before or how you fuck your nurses between surgeries and how you even tried to murder a cat once by stuffing it in a luggage bag and hoped it would die. Yeah, the courts would have a fucking field day with you asshole.
I’m not saying that everyone should be having sex all the time. Only retarded idiots like you believe that’s what condoms mean. Those who actually do their research and actually have a brain know that it’s a prevention device that’s supposed to work in mid-coitus since people are damned and determined to have sex. Hell, your little escapades with your nurses is fucking proof of that. Do you fuck’em bare or do you throw on a condom?
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5:33 pm
We work pretty closely with our local psych unit. The night lead there went to med school with me, so I don’t think my ED diagnosis and your psych admit will differ too much. People like you need to be treated as dangers.
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5:42 pm
No Adam, people like YOU are dangerous. Anyone who wants to strike down the people of a country with the plague is a threat to society and shouldn’t be a doctor.
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5:55 pm
Yeah, your buddy might be inclined to help you throw me in a straight-jacket, but I’m fairly certain any number of other doctors outside of your district will be on board with you, especially if you have to blatantly lie to get your way.
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6:02 pm
Claire, you are naive. Do you think our nation actually does not look into biological agents for warfare?
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6:03 pm
And LN, who is going to listen to the rambling of a crazy when two docs have already signed off on him. You would be screwed, sorry. Luckily for you, we will probably never cross paths or I would do all in my power to make sure you had a psych history in your med profile.
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6:16 pm
It’s called a second opinion for a reason. With you being so desperate to lock up someone that wants condoms around to help curb the problems with sex, it’s going to be quite fishy and lawyers will be drooling at the prospect of suing your ass for malpractice. You think you have immunity to the law? I’m honestly not surprised, seeing as how you think you have an immunity to God’s judgment and you believe you don’t have to follow his rules.
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4:52 pm
Instilling fear and hatred in teenagers will only end poorly for the parents. It’ll cause the children to avoid their parents, and they will grow to hate their parents as well. And, since the “reasons” behind causing this fear and hatred are rooted in the parents’ religion, the children will probably abandon that religion, too.
It is better to protect a person against a future possible illness than to cause them to fear and hate you. Any intelligent person knows that.
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5:20 pm
Adam, intentionally making false diagnoses and forcing people to take meds that they don’t need is ILLEGAL and violates SO MANY ethics codes!
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5:47 pm
“Just like telling kids that if they don’t let us run IVs in their arms, it’ll have to go straight up their bottom.”
Real doctors don’t threaten kids like that.
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6:07 pm
Yes we do. And so do the nurses. Same thing with older kids who whine and cry, refusing a simple thermometer in the mouth or refusing to give a urine sample. “Rectal thermometer” or “catheter” tend to scare people right up and get us what we need. In an emergency setting, there is not time for people acting dumb. You say what’s necessary to get what you need. You try having a good 60 patients per day, half of them on Obamacare or no insurance. Coming in time and time again seeking meds. Coming in for petty crap that’s below me and I do not want to treat, it’s horrible. Hardly half of it is emergency related and they are taking up valuable time. It is a good thing to threaten them to get them to shore up and get the hell out of my emergency department. If it were legal, I’d throw them to the curb the second they showed their face. And the insurance help workers, I ask them sometimes if these bastards have insurance (screw emtala) and they don’t. They are just freeloaders looking for a free fix.
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6:13 pm
Oh, so it’s YOUR emergency department? Get off your high horse, asswipe.
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6:17 pm
As a father and husband I would much rather have a Doctor that will save my life than one who cares about my hurt feelings.
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6:23 pm
“refusing a simple thermometer in the mouth or refusing to give a urine sample. “Rectal thermometer” or “catheter” tend to scare people right up and get us what we need.”
I was referring to this:
“Nothing wrong with it. Just like telling kids that if they don’t let us run IVs in their arms, it’ll have to go straight up their bottom.”
You don’t give fluids via the rectum. Yes, the intestines absorb a lot of fluid, but that’s only if the patient can hold it in for long enough. Even if you have a compliant child who can resist the incredibly strong urge to release the fluid in his/her rectum, a lot of it will still come back out and just create a mess. You don’t strike me as a compassionate or patient doctor, so I highly doubt you would tolerate a child releasing his/her bowels all over “your” ER.
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8:24 pm
You can still get an std, but the chance is reduced. I like to mix vodka in with the lube. The alcohol kills germs, and makes things that much sexier.
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10:05 pm
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4:46 pm
August, are you suggesting we go minus condoms? You horny bastard, come here…
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6:33 am
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11:22 pm
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