• Can You Get An STD Even If You Use a Condom?

    June 3, 2011 8:53 am 45 comments

    In order to stay together after undgrad, several friends and I formed what is called the “Lunch Bunch”.  We try to get together at least once a month to catch-up on life and see which direction things are taking us.  While we’ve lost some friends to location and new job opportunities, a good half dozen of us (not including significant others) still get a chance to meet up for lunch or even dinner.

    At our last grouping, we had the uncomfortable talk about anal play.  Why couples choose to delve into such a disease friendly act is beyond me, even with women as their seperator flap does become contaminated with fecality and the chances of miscarriage increases by 23% in women who engage in anal play.

    These numbers should be enough to startle any perspective parents, but as we found last week, over 38% of polled couples engage in anal intercourse, intentionally, within the first year of dating or marriage.

    This week, Jennifer and her husband were once again leading the talks on immorality and cited a video they did on the subject.  Can people get STDs even if they use a condom?  After their ardent and eager discussion on anality in the prior meal session, I was iffy on another topic of sex.  STDs are very disastrous things for any relationship, their festering nature tearing apart the body and mind.

    In the course of discussion, some of our dating friends seemed reassured that the possible infedility of non-married life was guaranteed safety by the use of condoms.  Nothing could be farther from the truth.  The condom industry is much like Big Tobacco.

    They generate support from powerful lobbyists in DC.  They stuff the coffers of Congressional leaders and give them free high-grade, unreleased technologically superior condoms to use in their interns.  It is the cold truth.  In return, Congress funds fake studies into the success rates of condoms.

    Any experienced person of the street will tell you the same old sad ballad:  they become infested with an STD, even though all their ‘clients’ used a condom.  You will hear stories of ‘Oops babies’, that is babies who were born even though the combination of condoms and contraceptives were used, because neither one of these methods really make a difference in the spread of STD or pregnant snare infestation.   Many men have fallen victim to the snare trap of a woman wanting a child and child support, all because they really thought the condom was 100% effective.

    Many people now itch, burn and are dead from STDs because condoms are not perfect.  They fail in comparison to abstinence when it comes to prevention of your life being destroyed by a terrifying STD.

    To bring this point home, we will take an up close look at some of the STDs you are exposing yourself to every single time you decide to engage in sexual relations outside the confines of marriage and regular STD checks for your wife once married.

    STDs:  A Danger Not Even Condoms Can Stop

    STD Name:  HIV (AIDS)

    • DANGER LEVEL:  10/10
    • SPREAD:  Homosexual contact, anal fornication, mouth to anal fornication, tongue kissing, drug needles, toilet seats, infested bedding, bed bugs, traditional intercourse
    • Prevention:  Abstinence

    HIV, also more correctly known as Primary Gay Bowel Disease, is an ailment that first reared its head during the 1980s.  The Gay Community was ravaged by the disease, which worldwide still causes gruesome deaths and an immunocompromised conditions now named Acquired Immuno Deficiency Syndrome.  Just as seen in a neutropenic cancer patient, the body in this stage of disease is essentially without an immune system.  The victims of this horrible disease can die from something as simple as a common cold virus.

    Left-wing media has tried to make this disease look exclusive to only Africa or inner city areas, but the fact of the matter is it is a silent killer.  Your girlfriend could be hiding a secret in her pert, fit and tanned cheerleader body of suburban upbringing.  Behind her bright eyes and smile, could coarse the pathogens of horrific death.

    All it takes is one slip-up.  Who is to say your girlfriend did not go to senior prom with a gay?  The gay may have said to her, after plying her with alcohol, “I am a nice guy.  I am not going to take advantage of you, but rather I want you to take advantage of me.”

    Loosening up a bit and having her father’s prom warning speech fade away at the gay’s sudden mention of role reversal, your girlfriend may have been susceptible to suggestion.  “I want you to know I like to have things in my boon.  I like fists put into my boon, so what I would like you to do is put this Crisco on your hand and then shape it like the bill of the duck and slide it in”.  This is the type of thing that happens at proms this day and age.

    Shocked, your now wife or girlfriend would probably go for that scenario.  They get to dominate a man and prove dad wrong all at once.  The boy didn’t try to spread her legs and get his noodle wet, rather, he wants to bend over and let her make quack shapes with her hand deep into his intestines.  That is how AIDS is spread.

    That girl is now contaminated and so are you, even if you use a condom.  The HIV is small and spiky.  Look at this scanning electron microscope imagery:

    This is like an urchin on a Mario game.  One touch and it will rip your life away.  It can shred through latex and infect you and then kill you.

    STD NAME:  Human Papiloma Virus (HPV)

    • DANGER LEVEL:  I (INCALCULABLE)
    • SPREAD:  Underage Fornication
    • PREVENTION:  Abstinence

    There it is.  HPV.  The teeange terror.  Show of hands.  How many of you fornicated before you were 18?  This could be fornication of the phallus entering the secret place, finger foddling or even mouth to south acts.  If you did any of these things, and you are a female, within you grows a cancer virus.  Over 94% of young women who fornicate before 18-years-of age will contract HPV.

    You may have heard your Auntie or Grandmother speak of getting a hysterectomy.  That is when a doctor has to keep you awake, reach into your opened vagine and without anesthetic, has two nurses hold you down as you scream in torture and he uses a forceps device to rip out your vaginal delicacies, all the way up to the uterus.  It all rips from your body and you hear it ripping and you will scream in agony, but they cannot let you be sleep for this procedure due to the enteric nervous system contracting and possibly triggering a neurological aneurysm.  It is a very traumatic experience for women and it is the price of touching yourself at a young age.

    For all girls who explore sexuality before 18, there is a 60% chance that you will have to get a horrifying hysterectomy before you turn 50.  Are you prepared to have this virus ruin your life and cause your future husband to divorce you because you are without the ability to specially love and become worthless?

    STD NAME:  Cachexy catarrh

    • Danger Level:  8/10
    • Spread:  Anal fornication
    • Prevention:  Abstinence, chlorine bleaching

    The Amazonian chuck worm, or C. catarrh, is a parasite that can infest the body through reproductive and excretory areas, then travel further into the body and enter the mind, heart and guts.

    More common to the tropics, this organism is most usually found in Central America, with the CDC and WHO listing Belmopan as the current hotbead for this tandem of torment.   One of the few microorganism with seeming gender, the longer, slender of the two undergoes rapid cellular division was implanted into a host.

    As the name implies, this parase festers deep within tissue then spreads at a cellular level.  Here, a female version of this organism has a smaller, egg shape.  The male will use the female parasite to mass produce future generations of death bringing microorganism.

    STD NAME:  The Human Botfly

    • Danger Level:  10/10
    • Spread:  Uncouth behavior, dirty sheets, parasites spread through vag or anal tingling, oral spread risk
    • Prevention:  Washing hair and clothes, staying abstinent until marriage, staying out of Africa/3rd World Nations

    Imagine a creature, so vile, that it would give the fauna and flora of a Shakesperean nunnery great pause. Such imagery almost describes the evil and nasty horror of the most large and dangerous of STDs, the Human Botfly.

    The harrowing story that follows explains the rotten evil of a human botfly and why you should buy guide books and not sleep with locals when traveling. From a certain brave man, and friends, who fell victim in Costa Rica;

    “Upon returning home from Costa Rica Mark started to experience a strange pain in his scrotum. He finally mentioned it to me (his wife); we talked about what it could be. Spider bite? Infected mosquito bite?”

    It’s important to note here that if you have strange pains in your scrotum, it’s usually a good idea to give the good ol’ doctor a call. Someway or another, it’s bound to be trouble.

    “I remember reading something in the guide book from our 1st (honeymoon) trip about a weird bug in Costa Rica. The guide book Explore Costa Rica by Harry S. Pariser said…. “Botfly (Dermatobia hominis), whose larvae mature inside flesh. An egg-laden female botfly emerges from an infected anal or uterine wall and then captures a night-flying female mosquito and glues her eggs on to it. When the mosquito is released and bites a victim, the host’s body heat triggers an egg to hatch. It falls off and burrows in. The larva secures itself with two anal hooks, secreting an antibiotic into its burrow, which staves off competing bacteria and fungi. Its spiracle pokes out of the tiny hole, and a small mound forms which will grow to the size of a goose egg before the mature larva falls out.’”

    From that point, the creature is within the lifesack of a man.  It coalesces in harmony with the sperm, until it is released into the eggstores of a woman where it feeds, grows and repeats the cycle through oogenesis within a woman, with botfly females again emerging with a woman’s egg stores and attacking a mosquito,who will help the botfly larva start the cycle again and again.

    This shows that even if you are not fornicating, you can be put into the life cycle of an STD without realizing it.  Is having sex something you really want to do, even with an STD, should death be so easy to find because you couldn’t keep your britches up?

    In case there are any problems with visualizing such a creature, below is a picture of the cute larval botfly (live) that was inside Mark from the story.

    • images
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    About The Author
    Brad Haegelmann Bradford Haegelmann is a current student of marketing and a lover of life. When he's not relishing in the beauty of California's coast, he is sharing his passion for life and knowledge through his writing. Brad is also a spiritual life advisor at his local university.

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