• Football, David Tyree and Homogay Marriage

    June 24, 2011 11:39 am 90 comments
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  • They say God’s favorite sport is football. Some Christian parents have shown concern about the “darkening up” of the game over the last 50 years (coincidentally when modern Liberalism started), and I definitely share their concern. The Lord is well aware of the thieving and promiscuous nature of the Afro-American “culture” pervading our society. He frowns upon things like “hipped hop” music and its spokesman, “Poofy Daddy”, and other elements that contribute to our continuing moral decay. However, we as Christians are not racists and we do understand that the Lord approves the watching Negroes in the context of sport. They are gifted athletes for one, which compensate for their mental and moral deficiencies. The view God holds on professional sports is akin to watching hapless gladiators duke it out to the death in the Roman Colosseum as the more civil Roman citizens watch on with glee. God has even set up some sort of a hierarchal system throughout the game. The white men serve as coaches, referees and the more intellectual positions on the field, such as quarterback. The colored players handle the grunt positions where no critical thinking is needed, such as running back, whose sole job is to grab the football and run into the opposing Negroes on a sort of kamikaze mission. (after all, when was the last time you saw a white running back?)

    As I was saying earlier, we Christians do not hold an ounce of racism in our hearts and we are humble enough to recognize when a group of people who we are at odds with on so many different issues can become our ally when trying to defeat a greater evil. And there is no greater ally to the white Christian community when it comes to fighting the Homogay agenda than the Afro Christian Community. This is where our story begins tonight. In 2008, during Super Bowl XLII, a group of ragtag players from New York, known as the New York Football Giants, took on the evil empire of scum known as the New England Patriots and defeated them with last minute heroics. The Patriots were notorious for harboring a known homogay named Tom Brady and a cheating head coach known as Bill Belichick. In fact, Boston, Massachusetts and New England as a whole have always been havens for queerosexual activity, much like how Afghanistan and Iraq were havens for the terrorist group known as Al-Qaeda.

    Just like the city of New York triumphed against the Iraqis after 9/11, the Giants also triumphed against the Patriots during Super Bowl XLII. This victory could be attributed to one lone hero, the Giants’ wide receiver, David Tyree. His miraculous catch atop his helmet will forever go down in NFL history as one of the greatest plays on earth and most experts agree that this catch was an act of Divine Intervention from the Christian Lord Almighty.

    You see my Christian friends, the reason that God chose to help deliver this impossible catch to David Tyree was because He knew something about Mr. Tyree at the time that we didn’t. David Tyree is an unapologetic Christian who has dedicated his life to fighting queerofaggots and upholding the Word of God. He has even admitted to being possessed by Satan himself and allowed clergymen to perform an exorcism to “exercise the drug addicted, negro demons” out of his soul. This proves that Christians are not racist for we do not abhor Negroes because of the color of their skin, we abhor the things they do (primarily “rapped music”). If they all had the courage to denounce Satan and submit to an exorcism like David Tyree had, they too could walk hand and hand with Christ Jesus one day.

    Thanks to this exorcism, Brother Tyree was able to make a very courageous statement. He said that he would trade his Super Bowl winning catch in order to “stop the horrors of a world that allows gay marriage”. This quote comes in wake of New York’s pending law to legalize homoqueer marriage.

    “Once you allow something like same-sex marriage, it opens up the door for a continual softening to the backbone of our society,” Tyree said. “Which will eventually, for generations to come, open up the door for who knows, polygamy, and all other (things).”

    You see, Tyree understands that his miraculous catch was indeed a gift from God. God did not want to see a team from a homogay area known as Boston win the Super Bowl. God chose Tyree to make an otherwise impossible catch to help the Giants prevail against the New Faggot Patriots. But Tyree realizes that if New York decides to follow in the same footsteps as their sinful neighbor to the north, his catch would be for naught. He realizes that, while football is God’s favorite sport, God ultimately cares much more about whether we, as a society, have degenerated to the point where we allow fudge packers the right to infringe upon the Christian value of Holy Matrimony.

    “Gay marriage can lead to anarchy”, Tyree said, and boy did he hit the nail on the head. It is in many ways, worse than the Holocaust. While there is still much debate as to whether Hitler was doing God’s Will during World War II (I personally believe that he was not doing God’s Will), there is no debate amongst Christians regarding the dangers of same-sex marriage. It is evil, pure and simple. It is a one way ticket to the lake of fire where sinners can dine on sulfuric rock and brimstone with the other sinners such as Josef Stalin, Mao Zedong, Che Guevara, John F. Kennedy, Mahatma Gandhi, and many others.

    This is why I need the help of my fellow Christians and members of Christwire (one of the holiest websites on the internet). Just like the liberal, communist mainstream media lambasted Brother Tracy Morgans for standing up against the Homogaydom, Brother Tyree is also under fire by this same media for standing up for his religious beliefs, exercising his religious freedom as an American.
    This is the same media that stood up for the Massachusetts board of education’s (surprise its Massachusetts again) decision to allow teachers to ask their 12 year old students if they’ve ever engaged in homogay oral sex. The students that answer “yes” were rewarded while the students who answered “no” were forced to sit in the corner with a Dunce cap on, facing possible expulsion. Only the chosen cable news network of Jesus the Christ, Fox News, had the courage to take on the mainstream media and the Massachusetts board of education for this atrocity.

    I ask you, True followers of the Christian Lord, to stand up against the media today and defend David Tyree, even though he is a colored person. We as Christians are sometimes forced to choose the lesser of two evils. And in this case, the evil of liberal analsexual society is much greater than the evils of the society of Negroes. In Christ’s name we pray… Amen.

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    About The Author
    Matthew B. Glosser Matthew Glosser is a young, aspiring preacher who left a haven of sin known as New Jersey to move to the Godly state of Arizona. His interests include going undercover to infiltrate, most notably, the hippie and homogay movements in order to share his horrific findings with the Christwire Fellowship.

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