Into the Bunker: A Descent into the Underground World of Beat-Worshipping Satan Lovers.
As an undercover reporter, I always have to find a way to blend in to the crowd so I am not discovered. This is assignment has been the most difficult transformation to date, and required extensive research at Hot Topic and hours of time getting into vinyl pants and high laced boots, the guise of these ungodly creatures. I found the meeting location of the cult from a glossy flyer strategically left on the ground in Hollywood over Bela Lugosi’s star. No doubt, their pick up/drop off site for correspondence. What did this mean? Why was there an image of a nun bearing her breasts in seduce the cult to the location of their sacrilegious sex orgy? I considered this an attack on religion, even if it was just the Catholics, our children could be next. I had to find out what they were planning, and so I went undercover to one of the most prolific underground satanic cult gatherings in the world, called The Bunker. It became immediately obvious that they were an exclusive private society, probably communists, when I was thoroughly searched by their secret service, who were disguised as Salvadorian security guards. I ascended to the top of an oddly lit stairwell when I was asked to pay ten dollars by the Madame, probably for the virgin raping and prostitution that was to commence. The loud beat of the music was a repetitive hypnotic chant that caused the Satan worshipers to commence in a ceremonial dance with what seemed a rehearsed choreography that incorporated obscure twitching, violent body movements, a result of their obvious possession. Others stood transfixed, dosing themselves with drugs and alcohol, staring into sea of black uniforms and naked flesh. The prostitutes were very easy to pick out because they were basically all the women there, except for the lesbian bartender and the lady who was checking their ceremonial cloaks, seemingly entranced by some hypnosis, probably a heroin addiction and endless supply of prostitutes. There were poles for the half naked prostitutes who may or may not have been half robots, as the metal adornments and synthetic hair and eye color gave away that they may not be human. Many of the cult wore goggles, probably in expectation of a government raid, or to protect themselves from the cum splattered orgy that would occur later. I had no idea they were Nazis as well until I realized that all of the music was sung in German and by the same band. Was this the commanding voice of their great leader, demanding they dance on and eat more drugs? Commanding them to be violent and act out their hatred of god on innocent nuns and virgins? I spotted a nun dressed in vinyl, and decided I had to get out of there, and take her with me. At least I could rescue one of these sex slaves. Unfortunately, as I was trying to drag her out of there, I was attacked by their secret police and thrown out on the street. I have gone to the police, but I fear this cult has more influence than I though. They now control the police, but they do not control Christ. Christ will always prevail, return from his persecution and ascend to glory.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: tdomf_15f10
5:30 pm
People often laugh off the idea that there are satanic cults in America today but a two minute search on Google proves that they do indeed exist. They’re often populated by children who just want to rebel, but little do they comprehend that such rebellion can lead them into a lifetime of anti-Christian activities. As your compelling piece of work here shows, Joshua, it becomes a rather obscene place once these kids mature into adulthood. It’s only natural that sex, homosexuality and addiction are part of the scene. I applaud your work and writing skills and hope that you continue to bring news of the counterculture back for Christians to read about. We need to be reminded that the culture wars are not benign, that fighting for the soul of America is indeed very serious business. God bless.
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8:10 pm
Demons always come dressed in white my dear writer, Liars as well.
I can’t tell if you are getting off on your own writing or just envious of what you thought you were seeing. If you had taken the time to talk to ANY of us you would find we are individualistic in our beliefs. Some among that crowd are Christian, Myself included, and find your ranting statement hilarious. You may put blinders on some people but you are damaging your faith and the faith of others. You are to prideful to see it, or maybe you aren’t and you just enjoy sprucing up your writing for more readers. I love this article, Cause I can tell that half the people who read these pages use it to glorify themselves and their… Beliefs…. While at the same time half of them are wishing they could be in that orgy filled room you had “Described.” The wish they could be living that dark and evil life. They need to know it exists to validate the Idea that they need to hold back.
One day your readers will realize that your lies are as amazing as our dancing. Seriously! You make us sound like we are at a sex club! But I do not wish to attack your statements. Not at all my dear writer. I want to know WHY you wrote this article this way. There is no way you believe thats what you saw. Every step you took through that place made you realize that we are not organized. And I think that after a while you decided to make it up… and if you didn’t, well the demon in your head is speaking strongly. Next time you come out come talk to me. I would love to chat with you. Maybe then you can write about how this “Heathen Christian” has lost his mind to the sex orgies of bunker. Or are you just going to take one look at me in fear and realize you have no story and make it up anyway? Please write more. You are giving all of as a good laugh. I know God is laughing too. He has a since of humor, He did create you after all.
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8:11 pm
As a note this was ment for the writer of the article. Not the patron above.
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3:30 pm
Well said. I was actually laughing the entire time I was reading this. One thing my husband likes and “DAS BUNKER” is all types of people go. You’ll see a girl in jeans and a white top dancing away without a care in the world. Did he happen to go down stairs by the smoking patio where they were selling tacos? This seriously made my day
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3:17 pm
Ok look here. Im a christian myself and i disapprove. What kind of upstanding christian uses “cum splattered orgy” in his vocabulary. Its music! The fact that you think that all Germans are Nazis shows you as a close minded individual who does NO research. If you had used common sense you would have looked and saw that none and i mean NONE of those things happen. I pray over you that you look more into things before assuming that everyone who wears black leather and dances to music you cant understand is a Satan worshiper. Good day
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6:49 pm
Why does every article you post make me laugh until I wet myself? Your outrageous banter and rantings are without any real moral backing. Because you feel it’s against “your God”… you feel that you can spout hatred for people that you have never encountered first hand let alone spoke to. You are too closed for that and your heart is closed. Say what you would like about me and judge me as quickly as you judge everyone else.
When did it become your place to judge? Do you honestly think that writing this and presenting it to people with the same general hatred for themselves and their own guilt would make a difference. Let God show his wrath and if it is to the people that you describe than so be it.
I challenge you to show me absolutes that incriminate any of the people you have hated above.
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7:25 pm
the biggest satanic cult in America is : christianity
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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9:25 pm
interesting article
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12:03 am
this is rediculous…. don’t you think if these people really were satanists and whatever else you call them they could have smelt your god fearing ass and killed you for trespassing behind enemy lines?
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8:48 am
your just a pervert looking for a reason to dress up in vinyl clothing. This was not research, but a way for you to get the rest of the flock to accept your sexual proclivities. Now you are out of the closet. How will you justify your continued perversions??
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12:22 pm
Ur an idiot!!!! Its a certain genre of music u moron mabey if u did do real research u would see that. And I’m sure this was just a way for u to dress in girls clothing cause deep down inside u a twisted retarded perve. And as far as undercover guards??? Really??? If u go to any downtown club they all look the same. I believe in god<3 but ur a low class moron. Get a life.
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12:23 pm
that place actually sounds interesting… i think ill be there this friday… thank u for opening my eyes to such a wonderful place ^_^
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5:02 pm
Is it that club off Pico?
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12:33 pm
I still think its funny that people don’t realize this site is satarical.
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5:55 pm
I know! Dim bulbs!!! I think maybe these people don’t even know what satire is. Dim dim dim…
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12:51 pm
This post is a bunch of crap. Ive been going to these LA clubs for years and they are no different than any other club in LA minus the attire. The security gaurds are hired men. REgular men that live in LA that support families and work for wages and believe me. If you have drugs or are intoxicated, they wont let you in. They search you to make sure you have no weapons or illegal substances. SAme with the door girl. Shes worked their for years and the only thing shes guitly of is taking my money. The owner operator of this club is a business man just as any business man. The djs are like any other dj that has specific taste in music. The fact that you felt a need to wax poetic about your professional christian opinion in an unorthodox setting is sadenning. Lets just say you were a worker of christ. Its very unchrist like to judge. Jesus met with prostitutes, drunks, satan worshipers, athiests because these were the people that needed help the most. He didnt come for the strong. He came for the weak. For you to come and lump all these innocent people into one catagory is extremely un christian like. Its not to say that there arent bad people roaming about this club but it isnt unlike any where else where there is good and bad. You can find good and bad on the streets, in the supermarket,at the mall,at church!! Thats the great thing about christianity is that you have the ability to choose freely. Did you try to engage conversation with any of these people? It would have baffled you to find out that they live, breathe and love just the same as you do. If clothing made an individual everything you perceive them to be then you are in some inevitable trouble my friend. open your eyes.
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1:10 pm
Yeah, wait what the hell, isn’t this totally a joke? Unless I completely misread this, I took this whole article to be making fun of Goth culture in a humorous and far-from-serious way. At first I started getting insulted, but then I realized it was all a joke and laughed and laughed. Everyone here seems to be insulted, but if it’s just a joke, then why is everybody getting their panties (that are probably made of PVC) in a bundle? (lol)
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1:14 pm
Das Bunker. Its a club for the Industrial music lovers. That German you were hearing, is just music dude. Most industrial music is made in Germany. Look it up. And the eyes and the fake hair that you talk about that make them look unhuman, have u ever heard of contacts? and yes, dreadfalls are a particular style in the underground fashion scene. I own a few pairs myself. And I think you are a fucking moron. just because we wear black clothing, have multiple silver appendages and wear vinyl and giant boots DOES NOT mean that we worship satan. do u even know was Satanism is? they don’t actually worship satan. seriously, u say this was research, you’re an idiot. do some ACTUAL research. read some books on other religions. And you should have actually tried talking to people at the club, we are everyday people that work, have families, and practice different religions. you may even find that there were Christians amongst those you were so quick to judge.
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5:58 pm
Yo dumb ass this is a joke! This whole sight is satirical(like The Onion). Wow!
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1:48 pm
A truly brilliant satire – right? Right?
Mr. Evans, people like you are the reason i left the catholic church in 1989. I performed at Das Bunker in 2000 and 2006, and if I ever will perform there again I will dedicate the performance to a non-bigot free spirit. YOU ARE ANTICHRISTIAN. You know that?
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1:52 pm
Jesus taught love and tolerance. There is no room for your outdated protocols of seperation to conquer and divide us by religion alone. Therefore we have obliterated your call to conform to your misaligned and arbitrary, self serving concessions to be a unified people in the future – aside from our differences. Besides, there are more masonic/satanic symbols in Beyonce’s performance at this year’s Billboard Music Awards in 30 seconds, than this entire club could offer in six hours. Don’t be misguided, a book by it’s cover is a rose… is a rose…
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1:52 pm
Jesus taught love and tolerance. There is no room for your outdated protocols of seperation to conquer and divide us by religion alone. Therefore we have obliterated your call to conform to your misaligned and arbitrary, self serving concessions to be a unified people in the future – aside from our differences. Besides, there are more masonic/satanic symbols in Beyonce’s performance at this year’s Billboard Music Awards in 30 seconds, than this entire club could offer in six hours. Don’t be misguided, a book by it’s cover is a rose… is a rose…
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2:29 pm
What you write is a lie. Jesus is not tolerant. Jesus taught righteous hate for all who do not follow him. He has no tolerance for non-Christians, homogays, iguanas, or dub-step music. Read his words and repent your sinful ways:
1 Corinthians 6:9 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
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4:22 pm
Jesus taught hate? Really? Can you quote anything from the bible attributed to Jesus commanding – or even suggesting – that people hate? The verse you quote (out of context) is (supposedly) written by Paul, not Jesus. And the word “hate” never once appears in it. Swing and a miss.
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7:26 pm
You had to quote the New Testament? lol Love thy brother as thyself. It is for Him to judge He is Lord. You are human, ergo a common Biblical theme is do not be judge less ye be judged as well. And all the Bible thumping in the world never changed ANYTHING. It annoys, it is an excuse to express your own frustrations through shouting and hollerin’. If you would simply open your eyes you would see Bible hollerin’ don’t result in the “salvation” of other humans. The presumptive nature by which you are judging people based on their manner of expression is imperatively rude. I guarantee a homosexual male or female hides in one of every church who denies it in every mosque, temple, and place of worship all around the world. I guarantee there is a thief among your midst, there is a slanderer in the church, there is a drunkard or two among you. Get down from the pulpit and hold our hands, as with locked arms we cannot be lost or fallen. It is only divided amongst ourselves about religion, the reason why we can’t get started on the right foot. You came to pray in a government building where that argument is all but over. Freedom reigns over your blissful ignorance. Don’t wave a book at me, and don’t tread on me.
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7:43 pm
Jesus Power: The Golden Rule: Reciprocity. Your karma. Is to be blindly judged as blindly as you are judging. Point#1 The Lesson – What the lips say cannot be valuable if the mind was never used. Lesson#2: Though different on the surface, we are all RED inside.
You have yourself a nice day Jesus Power…. for sure.
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5:11 pm
Great history lesson! How old is that book now? I guess I’ll be dub step-in in Valhalla muhahhaha.
Oh btw the world is round not flat. Since you clearly don’t get out much.
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1:55 pm
Next time I perform at Das Bunker I’ll better look out for these nuns mentioned…
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2:05 pm
Come on, people. The article is funny and obviously a joke….
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2:07 pm
I found this article to be funny-except for the constant use of the word “prostitute” it was funny at first… but after a while it was very annoying. I go to das bunker for the music, and most of the women there, although very proud and unashamed of their bodies may dress sexy, they have integrity, are open minded and are overall good people. like any community, you have some idiots that stumble across it, but the industrial scene is typically a safe one with many people who are intelligent. Though das bunker has great music, better clubs are malediction society and perversion. There are other more fetishy clubs-hollywood and bind and such… but the music is lame. PS I do not worship satan. Satan only lives in the minds of those who believe everything they read in the bible. You try abducting any more of us and we will probe you. Now go check out the gay clubs… will you be taking it in the name of research?
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2:18 pm
It is obvious you are seduced by Satan’s power, as evidenced by your defense of those prostitutes. They are Satan’s handmaidens, sent to lure men into their filthy, delicious nether holes. Once you fornicate with a prostitute, Satan has captured your soul, and it is only a matter of time before you descend into a homogay sex orgy pit with men, animals, and small appliances.
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4:24 pm
Wow. Whatever dosage you’re on, increase it. I’ve been to Das Bunken a ton of times – with my wife – and I can assure you that no one there is a prostitute. If I believed that I might have my wife stay home one time, heh heh heh…
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5:17 pm
Was Mary Magdalene a prostitute?
Luke 7:36-50
Luke 8:2,
Just Sayin….
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2:18 pm
This is a joke….I love you christians. I mean, you are inflicted with this mental disease of short sightedness and christianity fundalmentalism.I am laughing my bum off. You went to an industrial club to find satan loving people. Most of those people are not occultist….I know…I go to that club. Satan as an entity belongs only to the christian faith. Pissed off christians worship satan. Satanists as a theology has nothing to do with heaven nor hell….but rather the idea of tempering severity and mercy to those that deserve it and of course….moderation is for monks darlings
Learn you stuff before you make a fool out of yourself and a mockery of journalism. This satanic panic is pathetic.
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2:27 pm
Let me take issue with some of the issues I have with this article:
1) Shame on you for referring to yourself as an “undercover reporter”. A real reporter wouldn’t present such a biased viewpoint. Oh, right–this is a Christian web site.
2) The gothic and industrial cultures are no more good or evil than the average Christian. Satanism derives from Christianity, just as Satan was once God’s right hand angel. I can’t speak for everyone, but it’s impossible to be Satanist without following the Bible on some level–anything else is just posturing.
3) Exclusivist? Communist? Come on…this sounds like an article from the Cold War. I know this culture to be one of the most accepting and friendly groups. You just think so because you got tossed out for “saving” someone, which is your term for “harrassing”.
4) Being German does NOT mean being a Nazi, nor do the vast majority of German industrial bands condone Nazi-ism. In fact, there’s a lot of denouncing fascism in German industrial music. If you understood the language, you’d know this.
5) Suggesting that we hold some arcane power over the police is nothing but a conspiracy theory.
Finally–if you’d actually taken in the Bible you so proudly thump, you’d know that Jesus’ teachings include tolerance and love even for non-Christians. Your attack, standing behind Jesus, is very un-Christian. I know many Christians who either have no issue with industrial subculture or are actually in the scene. Your slanders are profoundly unfounded, your theories are a joke, and your level of hatred is alarming and sad.
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5:19 pm
Sounds like Ronan to me.
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2:29 pm
Coming from a guy who was named after an Apostle, this article alone revokes your journalism. Especially from your religious background, it seem you forgot a golden rule: Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged.
Hypocrite
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2:33 pm
I thought Perversion had the nun on their flyers. Did Bunker do that too?
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3:55 pm
Paragraphs are satanic.
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4:04 pm
I go to bunker. Maybe you should go in there with fresh eyes and a little less judgement. that ‘twitching’ is called dancing. We are not prostitutes. We are young adults enjoying a night with alcohol and dancing and music and dress we enjoy. we are socializing with friends not raping young virgins. get a life.
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5:29 pm
Mmmmmm…. A FISTING ANAL ORGIE!!! NOW THAT WOULD RULE!
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6:04 pm
Its funny your book says do not judge yet u judge, its says do not kill yet you send people to kill, it says do not hate and yet you write about how much u hate peopel who are different. People say its your book that lies but its not. It is the people like you who read it who lies. You lie about everything your own beliefs. You are nothing more then a hipocrit. Rather then getting to know some one you and judge them on the contents of their charter you would rather shun them and show them nothign but disrespect. Religion has not failed it is people like you who has failed religion.
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6:09 pm
I wonder how many “Christians” use this site for news to arm themselves with? I already see in the comments a lot of people that aren’t smart enough to realize this whole sight is satirical. look around at the title of the articles on this sight. It is obvious this is all a joke. It kinda makes the whole thing better having a lot of people just not getting it.
Better define it I guess.
sat·ire-noun /ˈsaˌtīr/
The use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.
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10:47 pm
This was entertaining to read. Very hilarious troll work.
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10:58 pm
This is hilarious! What I find even more hilarious is that the non-christians getting upset over this…rally guys? Really?! This article was beyond funny and I laughed the whole way through. As I can see from the comments above…at least I’m not the only person with a sense of humor in the scene. However… as for the others, I’ll need to dress in my viyl nun outfit and dish out some discipline!
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12:11 am
This. Is. HILARIOUS!!!! Seriously I love this article.
Christans: Better than a comedian
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4:27 am
Wow, are u actually serious? U have to be a complete moron to actually think that was a satanic worshiping place. They are called goth-punk people it doesn’t mean they worship satan its just a style and just cuz the music was in german doesn’t mean they are nozies. Since u are so caught up in the devil thing instead of worring about how our world is going to shit then u might as well be a satan worshiper urself. U shouldn’t judge people so quickly. Maybe if u would had taken the time to talk to some of those people at that “club” u probably would had learn that most of them are average joes.
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8:28 am
Wow… I can’t stop myself from laughing. Too bad your article is completely FALSE! Sorry but Bunker is not a Satanic cult. It’s no where near that. And it’s definitely NOT and orgie. Your just another closed minded loser who doesn’t know shit about anything. Ha.
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12:14 pm
“cum splattered orgy”! roflol
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2:08 pm
The article was pretty awesome, but the comments sold me! I forget how many gullible people there are out there, that make websites like The Onion even more fun! I applaud you for selling this so well, for I am now a fan of your work and website!
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6:00 am
ok, wow, this is just way too funny. i have been going to Bunker for years, and every single thing that is mentioned is false, this has to be a joke. and for those who actually believe this and make your judgments on people you have never met or took the time to even consider their existence because you hold your bible over your eyes too much to see the truth behind your lies, then i just have one thing to say and guess what… its from your own bible.
Matthew 7:2, for with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
so if you are saying that we are all godless heathens that are doomed to burn in the fires of Hell…. well i guess i’ll see you there.
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6:23 am
Bio, it seems you have fallen under Satan’s spell. Bands like Bi-God 20, KMFDM, Skinny Puppy and Rammstein are all tools of the homogay agenda. Please start listening to wholesome artists like Sandi Patti, Amy Grant and D.C. Talk
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10:41 pm
hahahaha, homogay agenda? did you happen to know that “homogay” is not even a word? …. Bi-God 20, never heard of them but i’ll be sure to look them up, if you are saying they are bad, then they must be good. and let me guess, you put Rammstein on that list just for the simple fact they sing in German? i seriously wouldn’t doubt it from your lack of knowledge on the matter, since they sing nothing about satan, hahaha do me a favor and do some research before you are so quick to judge, very discriminate of you. another thing i noticed is that in every response from a “Christian” in this thread is filled with hate, intolerance and narrow minded views, i’m sure its because someone just told you how to feel about certain issues and you just followed that word without even seeing things out for yourself, and all this coming from people that follow a “God” that teaches love, respect and tolerance, seems to me like you are the one to fall under Satan’s spell since you are so quick to speak with such hate towards your fellow man because you sure as hell don’t seem to be following the love, respect and tolerance that your “God” teaches in your bible. and yes i have read the bible cover to cover, you definitely are NOT following “God’s” teachings. have a great day
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12:09 pm
I love Das Bunker, it’s a great club and yeah us Satanic worshipers really do have fun. I talked to Jesus the other day and he said that your fanatical interpretation is about as bad as Al Qaeda and he doesn’t understand why that is the case since he preached a lot of love. You should give Him a call.
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1:01 pm
Wow, that was hysterical.
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1:04 pm
In fact, I can’t believe I missed satanic orgy night.
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5:23 pm
serious me too!!!! where the hell was I and why did I miss the email blast? i’d pay 20 bucks before 10:30 to see that!
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8:56 pm
I LOVE DAS BUNKER and YOUR SOOOOOOO WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS ABOUT THIS PLACE!!!! DO some better “research” next time acctually talk to someone you’ll come to find we’re just your average people who like to dress up for war on the dancefloor!
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