Reject Heathen Homo Science, Only Priests Can Deal with Mildew
All Scripture is holy, and to disobey it is sin. Yet, for some reason, many who call themselves Christians do not follow the Word of God to the letter, as He intended. Sometimes Scripture can be interpreted in different ways, and Christwire helps foster the dialogue on those issues by encouraging an open and honest discussion. The issue of mildew, however, is not up for debate. The second half of the Book of Leviticus, Chapter 14 is entirely about the removal of mildew from the home, and the way it is to done with maximal holiness is clear. Do not clean mildew out of your home any other way unless you want a one-way ticket to hell.
Mildew is punishment from God for our sins, and removal of mildew should not be taken lightly. As you can see above, the appearance of mildew often looks like homo semen death disease stains. One common reason for mildew is because a member of the household has caught the gay disease, but that is not the only possibility. In any case, Leviticus makes clear the remedy:
“The LORD told Moses and Aaron to say to the people:
After I have given you the land of Canaan as your permanent possession, here is what you must do, if I ever put mildew on the walls of any of your homes. First, you must say to a priest, “I think mildew is on the wall of my house.”
The priest will reply, “Empty the house before I inspect it, or else everything in it will be unclean.”
Do not buy cleaning products yourself and do not attempt removal of mildew on your own. You need the aid of a priest, and anyone telling you otherwise is Satan in disguise. If the priest at your church does not know how to correctly inspect for mildew, he is a sinner. You should disown him and join a new church with a priest who is not a fool.
Since all objects must be removed from the house, this is a good time to check to see if anyone in your house has sinful anal gay dildos or homoerotic pornos. If you find any of this anus propaganda, throw it out. You are now one step closer to living without the sin of mildew. The next step is as follows:
If the priest discovers greenish or reddish spots that go deeper than the surface of the walls, he will have the house closed for seven days. Then he will return and check to see if the mildew has spread. If so, he will have someone scrape the plaster from the walls, remove the filthy stones, then haul everything off and dump it in an unclean place outside the town. Afterwards the wall must be repaired with new stones and fresh plaster.
It is worth mentioning that if your home is not made of wood, stone and plaster you are likely a Satanist. Wood, stone, and plaster are the only materials that should be used to build a house, and if you deny this you might as well be sticking your twiddle rompus in your own mouth parts. Stucco is heathen science made of Satan’s sin juice.
If the mildew appears a second time, the priest will come and say, “This house is unclean. It’s covered with mildew that can’t be removed.” Then he will have the house torn down and every bit of wood, stone, and plaster hauled off to an unclean place outside the town. Meanwhile, if any of you entered the house while it was closed, you will be unclean until evening. And if you either slept or ate in the house, you must wash your clothes.
If, following these instructions, you have to tear down your house and are looking for an “unclean place,” take your mildew-infected pieces and put them in a nearby town’s gay bar. The only socially useful aspect of gay bars and clubs is that they provide a place that is obviously unclean for procedures like this. Finally:
On the other hand, if the priest discovers that mildew hasn’t reappeared after the house was newly plastered, he will say, ” This house is clean–the mildew has gone.” Then, to show that the house is now clean, he will get two birds, a stick of cedar wood, a piece of red yarn, and a branch from a hyssop plant and bring them to the house. He will kill one of the birds over a clay pot of spring water and let its blood drain into the pot. Then he will dip the cedar, the hyssop, the yarn, and the other bird into the mixture of blood and water. Next, he will sprinkle the house seven times with the mixture, then the house will be completely clean. Finally, he will release the bird and let it fly away, ending the ceremony for purifying the house.
I can say from my experience at these mildew-purifying ceremonies that they are some of the most holy rites I have ever partaken in. They leave all involved with a feeling of being closer to the Lord. Watching the blood drain out of the first bird is an especially beautiful and invigorating experience. I often take video of my priest killing this bird in order to preserve this memory for myself. I currently have in my video library over thirty birds being killed and their blood being drained into pots. The bird that is released is kind of fun to watch too.
This tradition is a very clear and good Christian one, and the Bible goes to great pains to show us how to engage in it. Yet, a Bing search forhow to remove mildew shows over three million results, absolutely none of which are the holy answers contained in Leviticus! For shame! Many of these evil sites even recommend sinful evil science measures like the use of baking soda and vinegar. Need I remind you that baking soda and vinegar is used by heathen atheist scientists to play God, and pretend like they have the knowledge of what makes volcanoes?
Is there baking soda under real life volcanoes? Of course not, that would be ridiculous! There is nothing that man can do that equals the glory of God, and nothing man can do to understand the glory of God. Stop making a mockery of God’s great wonders by building these sin science projects. And stop encouraging others to fix mildew with them too. There is only one way to fix mildew and it is the way the Lord has prescribed.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Cool Tom Kimbo
I am a Youth Minister trying very hard to show children that God is more awesome than sin docking and rap.
4:57 pm
At the time this scripture was written, living conditions were harsh. The priest wore many hats, including health inspector. The role of scriptural advice for the sins and homosexual mildew of today does require pastoral council, just as the the Bible tells us.
When I see mildew on the outside of a home or in the bathroom I am reminded of these passages. It certainly shows the inhabitants are atheists and reject the sound counsel of God.
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5:07 pm
Or maybe that they slack off on cleaning the outside of the house.
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5:05 pm
OMG you have got to be kidding me! Mildew is caused by sins? Mildew is not caused by sins, if you knew anything at all you know know it is caused by to much moisture in the air, but I am guessing you think science is a sin to
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5:21 pm
The recommended scientific procedures in Leviticus are not sinful. But if you asked a modern science teacher in a liberal atheist school he would probably tell you that mildew evolved from humans and is better than us.
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5:25 pm
The mildew probably is better that you, at least its not as judgemental as you are.
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6:31 pm
I am a man and was made in the image of the Lord. Mildew was made by heathen homo terrorists.
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1:57 pm
you christian sue way too much the word “terrorist”
yet you don’t even know what this word actually means
but I won’t comment on this article since it’s plain Absurdity
every House has Mildew so every House is atheist ?
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12:54 pm
Um, didn’t you say in your article that, (and I quote) “Mildew is punishment from God for our sins, and removal of mildew should not be taken lightly.” Unless of course, you mean that because god created us, that means when we created mildew that was really by extension?????
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6:38 pm
Clearly a man who has done actual research as to what evolution actually is.
Christian fool.
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6:42 pm
you know I have to say these people keep me pretty entertained when I am bored at home! But there still idiots, and “cool” you dont give a very good image of your “lord” by your bullshit!
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11:54 pm
You know what keeps me entertained? Your complete inability to grasp satire.
Perhaps if you let Jesus into your heart you would understand.
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12:20 pm
you know what keeps me entertained mike the fact that some people are taking this all seriusly and others dont realize that some of these people are the ones submitting articles
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6:39 pm
just black jesus here popping in to say hello. later!
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5:10 pm
I’ve noticed a lot of Mexicans have problems with mildew exposure.
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5:13 pm
Because you completely ignore the homes with white people in them.
Unless they’re liberal, then you start paying attention to the most minute details just to see if they slip.
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6:31 pm
Good point Adam, it is probably related to their poor hygiene.
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6:41 pm
Well it’s that and a combination of Mexican Catholics not having priests that are proper. I once went to a Mexican mass (nurse I was dating at the time bribed me into going) and I will never go again. The food afterward made me ill and there was mold even in their old delapidated church in the ‘barrio’. If it had been a proper church, a good prayer and cleaning team would have had it spotless. Speaking of spots, your article is spot on.
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6:53 pm
You being anywhere near a Mexican outside of work without a shotgun or a knife is impossible to comprehend.
That and the idea of a woman dating you as well.
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7:51 pm
that is horribly racist LN, not every one is as genocidal against mexicans, we dont want them dead we want them back in mexico
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12:49 am
ahahahahaha now that’s funny, praise the fucking non-existent LORD all of u thumpers can fuck off
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12:22 pm
irish english and _mexican_ and proud
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6:36 pm
I only support the holy Christian science, the “other” science is a fraud.
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7:22 pm
Guys, mildew sucks. But don’t blame it on satan. Blame it on your own poor hygiene. Any priest you talk to probably won’t even know that that quote is obviously fake and look it up, only to find that they haven’t been neglecting their duties.
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7:25 pm
I would like to point out that Leviticus is in the old testament or covenant which was broken by the death of Jesus Christ our lord and savior. You can do it the old way if you wish but the new way usherd in by the blood of Jesus not a bird has ushered in the age of freedom of choice
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7:27 pm
freedon of choice for a rabbi or mildew expert, not abortion!
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7:44 am
I’ll take an abortion over a rabi any day
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8:00 pm
I greatly respect your position and wisdom, Susan, but as far as I’m concerned, if God has, anywhere in Scripture, laid out a specific way to deal with a problem, that is the only “choice” worth taking.
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8:32 pm
I hate mold. It gives me terrible allergies. I heard once that antibiotics were good for this sort of thing, too.
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8:33 pm
Antibiotics work only against bacteria. Mold is not a bacteria.
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5:43 pm
Do you honestly think you’re qualified to be handing out medical advice, Claire?
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5:48 pm
I am, and she’s right. So STFU where you have no idea what your talking about.
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5:51 pm
Not only am I a Certified Nursing Assistant and a Vet Tech student (yes, antibiotics apply to dogs and cats in the same ways that they apply to people) but it’s COMMON KNOWLEDGE that antibiotics are only affective against bacteria.
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1:48 am
It is completely ridiculous that either of you think you know about anything better than Mr. Billings does
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12:15 pm
When is the last time Billings took any sort of science or biology class? I’ve been in the medical field since I was 16 – I know what I’m talking about.
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9:04 pm
Mildew is a blight on our good Christian community. Bing is the devil.
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1:53 pm
wow!
It is amazing how knowledge can be totally ignored. These passages in the bible were written thousands of years ago. I hope to think we know a bit more today. If the same situation with mold occurred today and you wrote a passage about it for the bible..I think all the advancements in scientific knowledge would factor in.
In short since the scientific knowledge was not there a thousand years ago, it should be ignored?
Ignorance is dangerous.
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3:47 pm
Disobeying God’s word is more dangerous.
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4:17 pm
Why? If your God sent his only son for all those who sin, then what difference does it make? Should we try to make Jesus’ sacrifice for nothing? Because if so, we can’t learn for ourselves from personal experience about your God and his supposed love. We have to read a 1900-year old book. Written by people who in all likelihood had lead, mercurial, and even radiation poisoning due to their ignorance about modern science. That doesn’t seem very intelligent.
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4:36 pm
I’m sorry that you have radiation poisoning but I don’t see how that is relevant to the topic at hand.
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4:43 pm
So you’re saying I wrote the Bible?
Alright, sorry everybody, I made a horrible, horrible mistake. I just never saw what would happen if I devoted about a day of my time to writing the worst piece of trash imaginable! If I had known things would turn out like this, with all the Crusades, the book burnings, Westborough Baptists, this web site, I would never have wasted that time!
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5:35 pm
I have no idea why you now think you wrote the Bible (you didn’t, God did), but I am glad you have apologized for your idiocy.
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5:43 pm
1) I was being sarcastic.
2) I was making fun of the Bible.
3) I don’t have radiation poisoning. I was merely stating that due to the higher concentration of radioactive minerals in the earth at the point the bible would have been written, it is entirely likely that the writers themselves would have been exposed to excessive radiation, which would have lead to not only possible madness, dementia, etc, but also birth defects, which many people would have believed were “demons”.
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5:57 pm
Well, your apology was enough, Captain. Thank you and God bless.
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6:12 pm
Don’t you know what sarcasm is? It is when a person says one thing, yet means something else, usually the opposite. It can also be used for mockery.
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7:42 am
I think you are on drugs. Your teen ministry needs to take a closer look at what Mr. Leviticus is smoking.
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2:41 pm
XD
Idk if the weirdos leaving comments know this (and if you’re just playing along- kudos to you) but I’m quite sure the authors in this website are atheists. Just a heads up.. They’re making fun of Christianity and Christians. The Christians who believe this real, you are really fucking stupid- and I love it! You make me feel so good that I’m an Atheist; you other ones playing along-
I’m a 19 year old white boy who has anal homogay sex with innumerable guys, and I listen to nothing but classic jazz and classical music- the music of Satan himself. Being Atheist I love Satan. I only drink holy water with 2 teaspoons of hell water for spice.
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12:44 am
OK this topic is F&*Ked and me commenting on it is quite lame, its so fucking full of shit it only makes me laugh, that you narrow minded pieces of religious shit can even think this, get your convoluted head out of your religious ass and get a brain,life,lobotomy, or just kill yourself and rid this world of your idiocy.
signed
Fuck Off
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11:59 am
Wow… Not one person on earth is this stupid. I should know. Mildew is a form of mold. Ususally toxic, it grows in the presence of moisture. and should be cleaned off. Any person whom tells you otherwise is an idiot. I think i’ll start the apocalypse now to punish the idiot who wrote this article. Have fun burning in hell asshole. Everyone please thank “cool” Tim Kimbo for thier long stay in hell.
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3:37 am
This site is so over the top, as a Christian I can’t even take offense. Besides, Christianity has no “priests”. Jesus said we are all apostles of the faith. Secondly, as another commentator pointed out, the old covenant is broken and a new one wa
Its too bad some many think these people are real. It makes them liars and deceivers and false prophets.
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4:03 pm
My dear sir, you would make a lovly satire writer if you weren’t obsessed with your fellow Christians look like fools.
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12:48 am
so next time i have rust on my pot, I should:
1. Wait until february 30th
2. Put my life on hold
3. evacuate my home
4. run as fast as i can to the nearest godly piee of dirt
5. Wait until the 3rd full moon of the month
6. Run around naked howling like a wolf
7. Get on my knees and pray to a non-existent being saying “Oh mighty fathar, i have rust on my pot. SATAN must have put it there in an effort to undermine you”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is all the fault of the commies, or socialist or fascist!!!!!!!!!!(take your pick)
8. Then some pastor comes in and says “My brothar, TESTIFY, TESTIFY, TESTIFY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
9. Then u get on your hands and knees, and start praying like a dog bagging for a tennis ball
10. Meanwhile, NO ONE IS THERE TO ANSWER THE PRAYERS BECAUSE THIS “GOD” YOU SPEAK OF IS JUST A BUNCH OF MEDIEVAL SUPERSTITION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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