The Dangers of Pride Parades: Is Your Family Safe?
What’s that smell? Well, it’s June so gay is in the air, my friends. Are you ready?
This is the month used by many sick, unrepentant homosexuals to flounce and stomp about our God-fearing heterosexual streets in the name of celebrating LGBTQ Pride. While many God-loving countries such as Iran rightfully ban perverse displays of same sex sin, our great United States of America lags behind the rest of the righteous world in restricting peaceful freedoms of assembly. Until filthy Shame Parades can be banned in our country, we will have to know how to deal with them. Here are some survival tips if a Pride Parade rapes your town’s Main Street this summer:
Bring plenty of bibles, church flyers and pamphlets. Stopping the spread of homosexuality is more important than feeding the hungry, helping the terminally ill transition peacefully, providing clean water to developing regions and ending war–COMBINED. So please know that every moment used to preach God’s love to queer heathens, drunk on pride, lust and sunshine, is a moment that truly could not be put to better use in any other corner of God’s Blessed Creation. It is your duty to attend and spread just a few of God’s words.
Use earplugs and wear breathable fabrics. Blaringly hypnotic house and techno dance music is customarily played at gay gatherings. Scientists believe the elevated tempo of electronic club music acts to facilitate dance more than any other music in existence. This is true for men and women. Through dance, sweat production is increased. Because of this increased perspiration, pheromone release can reach dangerously abnormal levels. Consequently, these chemical signals designed by our Lord (to arouse only heterosexuals only for the use of procreation and never to enjoy the flesh he has given you for any reason but being fruitful) go completely haywire. By wearing earplugs, you will prevent yourself from falling victim to the pulsating rhythms of eternal damnation. To further prevent the emission of your body’s hormonal sin signals, dress in gauzy, flowing fabrics that will keep your skin cooler. Drink plenty of water to dilute your sweat.
Do not eat or use anything that is thrown to you from a float. Queers on parade floats will sometimes throw candy and other treats to the crowd. Why? Because kids love candy and all homosexuals are pederasts. Like Catholic priests, older homosexual males like to place wafers and candies in children’s mouths to prepare them for oral sins. Sometimes condoms and dental dams are thrown from floats. These are not passed out to encourage safer sex and promote healthier lifestyles. Rather, the annual casting forth of prophylactics from Pride floats is a ritual symbolizing the queer community’s disregard for God’s plan of traditional marriage and childrearing. These are facts.
Know the symbols they use. The rainbow flag will figure prominently at most pride celebrations. According to crazed propagandists, the rainbow flag is meant to symbolize the diversity and strength of the queer community and their experience. Further, each color in the rainbow flag supposedly represents a positive life force: orange is associated with inner peace, green with nature, blue with unity, etc. In reality, the rainbow flag is a surreptitious homage to the handkerchief code, long used by male homosexuals to engage in immoral sexual activity. The yellow indicates interest in urination for sexual arousal, red represents initiation in sadomasochism and bondage, purple is associated with asphyxiation, orange is used to solicit Mexican farm workers, green signals a liking for swamp and marshland cruising, and blue is the color used by to so-called Inkies: homosexuals that derive sexual satisfaction from drawing penises on passed out drunks with blue ball point pens–or those who derive pleasure from getting drunk and being drawn on.
Be vigilant. Once the parade is over, do not fool yourself into thinking your job protecting your family is done. The effects of exposure to high volumes of homosexuals can manifest themselves over time. Continue to monitor your family closely. If you notice your son taking an interest in sequins, your daughter playing sports, or your spouse interested in anything other than missionary position sex consult your pastor immediately! You can never be too safe.
Have a blessed day!
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Susana Quiñones
Susana Quiñones believes that all our individual problems and, indeed, the entire world’s problems can be solved through unwavering adherence to God’s plan as articulated in the Bible. Follow her on Twitter.
8:03 pm
Ah, as an ex-homogay I have to reiterate what Susan is saying so eloquently. Do not pick up anything that comes off those floats. Why, I remember hurling ecstasy at the crowds of innocent children that made their way onto the streets during my sinful days. Thankfully those days are over. As one of God’s warriors I shall press on and warn potential onlookers of this horrible sight so their pure Christian eyes aren’t subjected to glittergay behaviors.
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8:36 pm
You don’t become an ex “homogay” if you’re gay, you’re gay for life. You’re now what they call a closet cocksucker. If you’re married, you’re wife should probably know about this. As far as throwing ecstacy out into the crowd, you should be arrested for that. You’re so dumb and I hope the next dick you suck on the d.l. gives you heroes and you pass it on to you’re spouse so she can divorce your queer ass.
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8:24 pm
“Christ-loving countries such as Iran”?
I tell kids, I see your heart is in the right place, but maybe you should use a book instead of wickedpedia
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10:07 am
In Iran, gay people are hung from cranes by their necks. WWJD? Not that.
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8:44 pm
I remember meeting up with some of the Phelps’ to protest the Disney pride parades. I do not agree with them all many of their issues, but I do respect them when they protest these fecal platoons of gay paraders. It’s just baiting God to strike us all down in wrath.
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8:49 pm
The Phelps are pure evil. Thus, siding with them on anything makes you evil as well.
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8:52 pm
Stalin was pure evil, yet we had to side with him to help save the world from NAZI Germany. So are you calling the brave men and women who gave their life in World War II evil as well, Claire? Why are you such an anti-Semite?
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8:54 pm
So you’re comparing homosexuals to Nazi Germany? Yeah, that analogy isn’t going to fly. Try again.
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9:28 pm
I know you only attend a junior college, but try to keep up. You stated that if anyone allies with a group who is evil, than they too must be evil.
To show your fallacious idiocy, I applied your logic to reality. America and our brave forefathers who fought in World War II had to become allies with the Soviets, under the rule of Stalin who was a genocidal maniac.
Stalin was an evil man, yet good came from alliance. We were able to overcome Hitler and save not only the Jewish people, but many others from a very potentially grim future.
Sometimes we must ally with those we do not like, for the greater good of humanity. So, I disagree with your statement that making an alliance with evil groups makes you evil as well. That is fallacious b.s., Claire. If you disagree with that, please feel free to go to Arlington and defecate on every grave of our fallen World War II heroes.
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9:36 pm
Please show me proof that Mount Ida College is a “junior college”.
As for the analogy, my logic was actually quite sound. By joining with Russia in WWII it was so we could defeat a greater evil. That was the only reason we joined with them. Homosexuals, however, are not evil at all, so you’re just doing the world more harm by siding with the Phelps.
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9:52 pm
I used to teach at Mount Ida after I was laid off at the local School district. It’s a joke of a school. I don’t think other schools recognize the credits for transfer.
It’s kind of like a 2 year voc school with some 4 year opportunities so they can rip off kids for more money. And the kids can pretend they got a real degree.
Im so ashamed of it I leave it off my Resume.
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9:06 pm
How is she an anti-Semite when you’re the one who hates Jewish people?
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3:01 pm
your all fucked you intolerant, christ loving bastards. What have any of these people, that you say are pure evil, ever done to you. Religion was created by man. therefore god is a figment of you imagination. Even if there was a god, the hell he made would be for all of you.
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3:04 pm
Indeed the truth blazes in their face! They truly did create this ‘god’ in fact their inspiration is from the Pagans! How delightful and hypocritical they are!
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8:49 pm
What do you not agree with, the color of their suits? You’re exactly like them, if not worse! You’re like the offspring of one of Phelps’ brainwashed cultist followers and the grand wizard of the KKK.
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8:53 pm
Take it back. Your word are offensive and not true.
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8:55 pm
His words are very true. He needs to redact nothing.
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8:57 pm
I am not a grand wizard of the Klan and I disagree with the Phelps, especially the way they insult our brave troops. I do agree with them and many others that we should stand up against the gay front in this nation, for it will sweep in like a mighty storm and drown us all in the torrents of fecal inquity.
Though I am still more shocked to learn that you are an anti-semite.
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9:04 pm
This coming from the guy who wants to murder Jewish people because they don’t believe that Jesus is their savior.
And I never said you were the grand wizard, I just said you could be his offspring. You’re far too evil for them to want in their club.
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9:04 pm
I’m not an anti-semite, as your analogy was completely wrong. You were implying that the Phelps are no better than Stalin but that homosexuals are no better than Nazi Germany, which is simply false.
Also, you claim to not agree with the picketing of soldiers’ funerals but that you do agree with their hatred of gays. Are you aware that if it weren’t for their hatred of gays there would likely be no picketing of funerals?
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9:01 pm
Someone made a mess in their diaper.
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2:17 pm
Studies show those who are homophobic are more likely to be gay themselves: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8772014
Bet Adam hates these parades because they arouse him.
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8:45 pm
Hum… Yes, in Iran you can go to jail for being gay, therefore sex change is widely accepted. That’s what gays and lesbians do over there. That’s why they have the highest number of transsexuals in the world… So you think we should follow their example?
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8:47 pm
Iranians stone gays and women all the same. It’s sad how devolved they are over there in comparison to our progressive society.
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8:51 pm
Considering how you’re less tolerant than they are, and how you would love to do nothing but stone the same people they do (and more), you have no room to talk.
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8:51 pm
Don’t pretend that you don’t get off thinking about stoning gays and women to death, hypocrite.
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8:56 pm
No, and I’ve never stated anything about wanting to stone the gays or good women either. I would never do that.
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8:59 pm
Bullshit, you already want to murder cats, you’re just a hair away from actually killing them, and then you’ll just keep going on up. Eventually, you’ll think that stoning women and homosexuals should be second nature.
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9:00 pm
But you’d want to stone bad women?
Oh, and we haven’t forgotten that you said you would give the people of Haiti the plague if you were god, so I wouldn’t put it past you to dream of stoning people to death.
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9:24 pm
I am not God and I have never stated I would stone women. STop trying to distract from the article.
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9:35 pm
You want to kill any country that isn’t America. You wanted Haiti to suffer the plague. You blame every other country for America’s problems. You think all nonwhite people are evil. You treat women as if they’re lower than you.
Honestly, the more I think about it, the more it seems as if stoning women might be an IMPROVEMENT for you, considering how evil you are.
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8:50 pm
Oops, for a second, I forgot this website was comedy…
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8:55 pm
There is nothing funny about this, Maude. These gay pride parades are an issue, especially here in California. Gays march up and down the streets and throw candy and have mind-bending pride signs to make kids see sexual acts between same-sexed couples. They are doing this as an agenda point and as an offense. West Hollywood is particularly bad this time of year and you have to drive through it to get many places, so it’s not just some issue to brush off. I do not think gays should have a right to assemble and parade like they are doing, at least with all the unregulated signs and such.
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9:01 pm
“How dare these people want to be happy! It’s not like I don’t have to pay them any attention and how I’m not responsible for anything they do, or how I’m a massive liar! These people don’t actually rape children but I’ll be damned if I say otherwise! How dare they want to be happy! They should be miserable! Like us Christians who should be the leaders of the world!”
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8:16 pm
if you forbid the right to assemble in public place wyou should do the same with christiana s well Its, Only fair and square but what L.N said is it true
you called French people terrorist called china evil and wanting to eats you ( whatever )
and yet you claim you are not evil….
one thing for sure if fundamentalist christian who are pure evil Go to heaven Hell would be comfortable without the asshole Like you
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9:34 am
Adam likes the cock.
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10:34 pm
Ever consider moving out of L.A.? The city culture seems antithetical to your worldview.
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9:16 pm
We need to stop the homogay fecal hordes for the sake of our children.
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8:42 pm
I hope to God that one if not all of your children are gay and you catch them fellating on of their friends. Or, better yet buttfucking them. What would you do then…or rather, what would God (i.e., the voices in your wackjob head) tell you to do? Also, “Judge lest not ye be judged.” Well dummy, I’m your judge, jury and executioner.
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10:33 am
Wow! you are so insanely misdirected its not even funny.. consider getting a life!(if your own..)
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9:56 pm
You go to Mount Ida Claire?
I do too! What are you taking? I’m doing the 2 year fashion program.
Go Mustangs!!!!
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1:13 pm
I’m doing the four year vet tech.
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10:13 pm
Proof that Mount Ida is a Junior College
http://christwire.org/the-christwire-flock/?user=claire
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10:19 pm
So how is linking to her profile going to prove that her college is a junior college?
And really, why the hell does it matter? Unless a business is extremely snooty or you’re from Harvard, college doesn’t play THAT big of role in terms of where the hell you come from.
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10:34 am
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
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10:25 pm
Just because it takes four years to complete a two year program, doesn’t mean one has a four year degree.
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10:50 pm
Did you get this article from the Onion? I laughed the whole way through it.
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5:10 am
These so called ‘Pride’ rallies must be stopped, and they must be stopped at all costs.
Every year without fail, I take many (often unwilling and crying) randomly picked children along in the back of my van, to view many of these despicable spectacles, and every year I never cease to be disgusted at the sheer variety of dark perversions that are layed out before us and openly shared.
With every passing year I am forced to graphically explain to a new set of bewildered and bruised juveniles, depraved hedonistic activities and concepts such as:
Scat play.
Sounding.
Breath control.
Sado masochism.
Watching Ellen on T.V
Rimming.
Fisting.
Anal electro stimulation.
Auto erotic piss douches.
Furries.
Felching.
Dogging.
Cruising.
The art to being a successful and well regarded drag queen.
The British Royal Family.
Docking.
Personal hygiene.
Wit.
Style.
Grace.
Frotage.
I could go on, though I’d rather save my energy for the poor children I feel I must forcibly expose to these very adult issues, and will not rest until every available child in America has a deep working knowledge of all of these carnal sins.
Peace.
P.S Just remember San Francisco….
God Hates Fogs!
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5:37 pm
Hold ON a second, here….. You said, verbatim, “Every year without fail, I take many (often unwilling and crying) randomly picked children along in the back of my van, to view many of these despicable spectacles”
ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? You take CHILDREN, who know nothing yet WHATsoEVER of sex at all, and force them…. You FORCE them?! To see things that can even potentially mentally traumatize adults? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU???!!! YOU’RE one of the evil ones! I’m not gay, but I’m willing to accept whoever practices whatever lifestyle they want, because that is just who they are! You take these children to see all sorts of acts and “teach” them, and you’re really fucking them up in the head. May whatever god you praise damn you for all of eternity. I hope you were only joking, but I have a hunch that you weren’t at all.
You are sick in the worst way.
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2:46 pm
Susana, what a wonderful piece of writing! It is quite inspiring that you’re able to tackle this subject with such a level head and a heart full of love. God bless my friend!
I found this piece of your research particularly impressive:
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9:57 pm
Thank you. I was hoping all my undercover research in gay parades, bars and sleazy queer sexual encounters would be of use. It was. Praise Him.
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10:45 am
you are so brave, entering those places abandoned by angels and frequented by demons! Of course, I know your faith armed and sustained you, but yet it must have been an ordeal, being surrounded by the lost, and so any being young and attractive.
Sing glory to HIS NAME
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5:50 pm
Hey Susana, whatever happened to “Judge not, lest you yourself also be judged”?
You are a hypocrite.
Level-headed or not, all you do is insult homosexuals with degrading comments- “sleazy queer”, “queer heathens”, and even say that if I practice sex in any way other than missionary, that my partner should be worried, even if the intercourse is strictly vaginal!
Guess what? I’M A HUMAN. I’m going to do what feels natural, due to the way we were all designed. The missionary position is only called that because, as far as I know, that is the way missionaries taught people they would minister to is “the right way” to do it.
There is a special circle of hell that is reserved for judgmental people like yourself.
I have a few gay friends, and every single one of them is A WONDERFUL PERSON. I don’t care if they’re religious or not; I accept whatever lifestyle one chooses, as long as they are happy, and not hurting anyone. You however, miss “Self-righteous, listen-to-me-or-burn-forever” have only negativity about you. I shudder to think what your husband has to deal with, if one would be so foolish as to even CONSIDER marrying you.
Have a nice forever.
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7:14 am
hey why dont u take ur stupid over religious ass over to the CASTRO in sanfransisco and tell every person who lives there what you think of gay pride parades and i can garentee that u will get tour ASS KICKED by every one there. cuz guess what the flag in castro is a rainbow!because it is an ALL GAY COMUNITEE.
fuck u and ur stupid ”BELIEFES”(i dont care if i spelled that wrong) u are a small minded pussy!
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10:15 pm
The biggest tip is for any Christian to stay well clear of these events. It may seem safe just to view them but the anal rape is an ever present danger, and just one press of the prostate button can make a man gay for life, so don’t play with this gay fire!
My family will stay well clear of Dallas when they have their annual festival of anal delights.
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6:41 pm
“My family will stay well clear of Dallas when they have their annual festival of anal delights.”
Your family has an annual festival of anal delights?
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10:48 am
too true, and all the homogay pheromones floating around have been known to intoxicate many a fine upstanding young Christian boy, and draw him into unnatural pleasures and forbidden fruit
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3:48 pm
I am so glad I have this site to warn me about things! There is a gay pride parade scheduled in my town for tomorrow. I will stay at home and not bring my children. I always knew there was something funny going on with those ungodly folk.
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7:44 pm
This website is retarded. Goodbye.
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7:39 pm
dont say “retarded” its dirogitory.
“i like your christ, but i do not like your chrstians, for your christians are so unlike your christ.” – Ghandi, bitches.
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10:33 pm
Saying retarded is derogatory?! (you can’t spell by the way…)
And this tripe is not derogatory to gay people??
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”- Jesus, bitches!
Don’t be hating on gays- you wouldn’t like it if someone said untrue, unfair shit like this about Christians.
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5:55 pm
Hey, you know what’s derogatory? Susana calling homosexuals “queer heathens”. I thought Christians were accepting of all people, but this page has led me to believe otherwise.
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11:21 am
This article is the reason I converted to atheism.
Because “God loves you no matter what!… …unless you’re gay, black, hispanic, of another religion, an illegitimate child, a woman, not married, sterile/barren, take medication, cuss, have sex, drink, smoke, masturbate, use birth control, etc.”
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11:54 am
Your “god” Charles Darwin is NOT going to save you from being tortured eternally in the fires of HELL.
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1:09 pm
did you steal this article from the onion?? i can’t decide whether to laugh at all these ridiculous “facts” or cry because people actually seem to believe them.
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5:25 pm
This is such a hate-filled article. We should click on the ABOUT THE AUTHOR twitter link to find out more about who this spreader of hatred is, huh?
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1:49 am
I pray to god every day (and night) for a man – so trust me, I have his/her ear and am happy to report that I’ve been blessed with the occasional man coming my way – thus, to all the cynical gay men out there, don’t hate the bible bashers, love them, the very next one sent to your bed might indeed be one of those pamphleteering perverts come to the parade to identify their next convert – bless the lord!
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6:22 pm
Thank you for opening my eyes to this foul fecal ritual. I know I must control myself, but I find it difficult to believe these people deserve anything other then death, but so do we all.
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12:58 am
HAHAHAHA! Pride parades are wonderful! oh and women are beautiful and curvy. ;P YAY diversity. I might go and have a random gay orgy with people of EVERY color, i’m sure you would all love that! HAHAHA! BEWARE!!! YOU MAY CATCH MY HOMOSEXUALITY!!! :p HAHAHA!
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10:53 pm
This website makes me sick. Intolerant assholes, you should be ashamed of yourselves. I was always raised being told that god loves all of us unconditionally. What if one your children was gay? Would you hate your own child? Cause I’m sure god would love that..
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4:35 pm
The word pride and parades used to be good things until these people came along.
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7:33 pm
REALLY?! this make my life partner and our children laugh. god can go to hell he gave us control of our own lives so im gonna do as i like. but i have to ask HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE ENJOY UR LIVES IF YOU HATE SO MUCH OF THE WORLD?
“i like your christ, but i do not like your chrstians, for your christians are so unlike your christ.” – Ghandi, bitches.
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10:40 pm
“I used to teach at Mount Ida after I was laid off at the local School district. It’s a joke of a school. I don’t think other schools recognize the credits for transfer.
It’s kind of like a 2 year voc school with some 4 year opportunities so they can rip off kids for more money. And the kids can pretend they got a real degree.
Im so ashamed of it I leave it off my Resume.”
We completley understand, thanks for opening up.
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11:44 am
Oh goodness gracious,
this website is pure evil. You call yourself good people? People with morals? Are you kidding?
Christian people are the most hateful, most destructive human beings on earth. Immediately after islamists. You should be ashamed of yourself every single day.
Oh, and I really like the Ghandi quote at the bottom. It’s so very true.
I’m not homosexual. But I like seeing people happy and people loving each other unconditionally – that’s what your god intended. When I picture a world full of queer guys and girls, it looks far more promising than a world full of you guys.
I love being atheist. I’ll be having the biggest party in hell. All you gay guys are invited. It will be FABULOUS.
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3:12 pm
this comment made me soooooo happy
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2:02 am
If anyone takes anything on this site seriously, you are as far from understanding our species, our universe and OUR creator as you could be. Go ahead and scoff it off, IF hell exists, your hate will drag you to it.
Too bad you base your entire belief system off of a book that is not even a shadow of its original form.
I’m not gay. I don’t care who is gay. You ignorant morons are what is wrong with this world. IF there is a God capable of enacting its “wrath” on humans, it surely would do so on you all along with any other blindly ignorant piece of garbage that tries to force its warped and distorted views on others.
If you are offended by this, great. If you think that because YOU believe something along with a bunch of other ignorant morons that it makes it the truth, wake the fudge up.
And for that Adam Nelson character…I’ve got 3 undergrad, 2 masters and am working on a doctorate. All in the fields of language, intercultural and international studies and RELIGIOUS studies. Your King James version of the Bible is not even remotely close to its original. It was written, made up and distorted by greedy and ignorant individuals a long time after the fact.
The prophet Jesus spoken about in the Bible would align himself as far from the views on this site is possible. Bah, what do I know, I’m sure all the ignorant white-trash around here knows much more about World, Human and Religious history than I ever could.
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2:06 am
im not white trash and while some nuggets of what they say is true majority of it it is false
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2:09 am
I do apologize about the white trash comments. That was not very stewardly or brotherly of me. I tend to get a little fired up when I see people take something so simple and beautiful and twist it to fit their distorted and hateful views.
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1:14 pm
jesus! this isn’t serious? right? its a joke article like the Onion?
dear god i hope its not serious
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3:06 am
Matt, with respect back, have you read Mein Kampf? It mentions God a whole lot, but you know how many times it mentions Darwin or evolution? Not once. Again, I’m afraid you do not know what you are talking about. Again, eugenics is the opposite of evolution. Therefore your connections to Sanger and Hitler are invalid.
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