• The Rubber DuckNeck: How Homogays Are Convincing Your Daughters To Pleasure Them After Prom

    June 4, 2011 2:04 am 13 comments
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  • Christwire’s research team is the finest in the world, but this time they have outdone themselves. Kudos, guys and gals in our research department, for dropping on my desk such a gem that will save so many Christian girls from becoming rapists and losing their place in heaven.

    A new scourge has appeared on the Christian radar: a new homogay act meant to be played out between an unsuspecting young girl and deviant homogay atheists. It is called the “Rubber DuckNeck” and the details of this filth may not only shock but confuse you as well.

    Can a sex act preformed during non-homo relations be considered gay? The shocking answer is, if it is the rubber duckneck, then yes.

    Since Christwire hit the scene and brought shame to the homogay agenda everywhere, tactics have been changed to not only fool us but fool your children into participating in such filth. Thus was brought about the “Rubber DuckNeck”.

    But what is it? I must warn good Christians, what you are about to read may not only shock you but totally destroy your childhood memories of your favorite bath toy. If you are brave, however, read on…

    The idea is to simulate homogay acts without another homogay in the room. This means the young female, often just out of high school and inexperienced in worldly ways, must somehow become a man. Seeing as how they lack penises and most states do not allow sex offenders to purchase plastic ones this poses quite the problem for today’s average homogay. Satan, however, has shown them a way around it.

    The girl must make a ‘pointy fist’. It is the sort of pose you would make with your hand and arm if you were trying to make a shadow puppet on the wall of a duck. She is then meant to stand behind the homogay so he can’t see her and can instead fantasize that she is a hairy ex-con named “Fill Him Up” Phil. He bends over and she makes the duck pose and violently pushes her hand through his anal cavity. This part of the act is often referred to as “The pecking of the duck”.

    The homogay uses her for a while until he spills his satanic sin soup all over the bed and then often drops her off at the nearest gay bar for the next gay to have his way with. By the end of the night, the average girl who is introduced to the Rubber DuckNeck is forced to rape at least ten homogays in the first night alone. Many times the homogays will start to pimp her and have her doing it all over town so they can afford money to buy purses so they can play dress up in church bathrooms and infect the toilets with herpe-aids.

    A shocking fact Christwire has uncovered is that many homogays are using high school proms to search out their victims. Yes, your daughter may be dead in the sights of these evils. This last year alone, as you can see by the chart below, over 10,000 young women were introduced to gay in this manner. More than half of those came out infected with herpe-aids. Next years estimates, as you will read as well, are expected to be three times that.

    How can you protect your daughter? Sadly, as we are still getting information in, the Christian experts at Christwire have not ironed out a full-proof solution as of press time. The best thing to do is just keep an eye on your daughter and make sure she knows prom is out of the question until further studies can be done. If she has already went to prom, as many youth have at this time of the year, you might want to get her immediate pastoral counseling and possibly even send her to an anti-gay camp. And not one of the Mormon run deals either, they will only make her worse.

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    About The Author
    Alex Keating Alex K. Keating is a presidential hopeful currently seeking the Republican nomination. His likes include Fox News, Ronald Reagen , and exposing Communism. Fan mail can be sent to AlexKKeating@yahoo.com.

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