Top 12 Gay Cars: That Want to Tailgate You
Go to any Sunday service and you will notice that almost all of the cars are good large American cars. Buick’s, Cadillac’s, Chevy’s even the occasional Ford or Dodge. Why are those cars parked up front? Those cars are driven by the people who want to get to church early, by the good folks who crave the word of the lord and live the life that he has described for us.
You’ll notice that in the back are the Toyota’s and Honda’s. Those are the people who come at the last minute, the ones who are more concerned about 30 minutes more sleep than the nourishment of the lord. Many people find it amusing how we can see what one’s choice in vehicular conveyance says about that person.
It is a fact and has been written about several times on christwire about the damage that the wrong choice in vehicle can have on you. Not only does it infect you, but it affects how other people see you. What message do you what to get across? “I am a proud American” or “I like it in the pooper”.
The following list is cars you probably want to stay away from unless your the captain of the High School Wrestling team.
TOP 12 GAY CARS
Fiat 500
After the German Huns Invaded Dodge and Chrysler and ravaged them leaving them in a heap in the corner crying in the fetal position, they then sold them off to Cerberus Capital Management, a private equity investment firm, like a cheap slave girl. Dodge is still recovering from the abuse they have taken in the last few years but now they are owned by Fiat.
As of 2009, Fiat was the world’s ninth largest car maker as well as Italy’s largest car maker. Although Italy was our enemy in WWII, and are the home of the Catholic heresy, they have come to represent a valid ally to the US. Fiat in the 70′s left the US walking with their tail between their legs. They were walking away because their cars wouldn’t run. But I hear they are of a much better quality now.
Fiats first entry into the US in decades is the Fiat 500. One look will tell you that it is designed for teenage girls and homosexuals.
Mazda MX-5(AKA Miata)
Japan’s Mazda, known for it’s “wankle” engine, first brought it’s MX-5 to our shores in 1989. It was universally accepted by women and homosexual men. Strangely it also gained some renown in road racing circles. But to this day the car has never overcome the gay stigma, and for good reason.
Smart Fortwo
This 4 wheeled fag hag is an abomination from the land of the Huns, Germany. Smart is a German manufacturer, an automotive branch of Daimler AG, of microcars produced in Hambach, France, and Böblingen, Germany.
The current generation of so called “smart cars” uses an engine sourced from Mitsubishi Motors, completing the axis of evil.
Volkswagon Beatle/Bug
This car is the quintessential gay car. In 1933, Adolf Hitler gave the order to Ferdinand Porsche to develop a Volkswagen (“people’s car” in German), and it has been corrupting the morals of young drivers for almost 9 decades. Beware any man driving one.
German Cars in General
As just stated, Ferdinand Porsche took orders directly from Hitler. Besides unleashing Volkswagen upon the public he was also the Nazi mastermind behind his own creation…Porsche!
Any car from Germany is subject to be driven by a homosexual at any time. Many articles on Chirstwire have been written about the dangers of German society.
Some of the other makes of German cars that you should watch out for are Mercedes-Benz, Bavarian Motor Works (aka BMW), Audi, Porsche, Volkswagon, and the Mini Cooper.
English Cars in General
Much like Germany, England is a country of sinful smutty filth. Just like their television programs that they export to the world to ruin it’s morals, their cars are cesspits of sin and damnation.
In the 1950′s, they exported hundreds of thousands of little underpowered convertible sports cars around the world. Few know that the Mazda Miata is the “spiritual successor” to these vile cars. In the early 1960′s Great American, Carrol Shelby (a man despite the name), took one of these cars and put a manly American engine it it and called it the Cobra.
In 1961 the English, under the guise of car maker Jaguar created the ultimate in homosexual cars. The Jaguar E-type. It is a car that is shaped like a penis! Nothing can be gayer than that!
Honda Civic
Honda first introduced the Civic in 1972. In the last decade it has become a poster child for the homosexual youth culture, who often dress them up with tacky and gaudy spoilers, plastic bits and tattoos reminiscent of tribal Japanese art. Usually these Japanese characters that they place on the cars describe the types of homosexual acts they prefer to engage in.
Toyota Prius
This car almost goes with out saying. Everyone knows it is gay, I am not even going to discuss it further.
American Cars!?!?!?
Many find it surprising that American cars can be gay, It usually isn’t the fault of the car, company, or design, but is due to unusual acceptance by the gay community. One such example is the…
Mustang 5.0
Ford Motor Company (aka FoMoCo) introduced the Mustang in 1963. Carrol Shelby mentioned earlier called the car “A secretaries Car”. Ford Brought Shelby on to make the Mustang more manly with his Shelby Mustangs.
In 1979 Ford brought out the newly designed third generation mustang. The design ran until 1993. It was an extra long life for the car as the car Ford designed to replace it, was so gay Mustang owners complained by the millions. This car became the Probe, a fitting name for a car that got so much anal stimulation.
During the end of the run for the car the homosexual community decided they “LOVED IT!”. To this very day the Mustang 5.0 in universally owned by homosexuals. It is often used by Drag Racers such as Rupaul.
Chevy Aveo
With such a booming market as homosexuals, and with financial problems on the horizon GM had to appeal to any market available. This homosexual target vehicle manufactured since 2002, by the South Korean General Motors subsidiary, GM Daewoo and later by other GM-affiliated entities, is custom made for the gay market. Just look at the rear hatch, it is ready for lots of rear entry.
The Hummer
Originally produced for the US military, and then with production of civilian versions GM was hoping for a bang. Unfortunately they got a gang bang from the massive amount of homosexuals who were drawn to the truck for it’s name. GM was not aware that a “hummer” is code for a homosexual sex act using the mouth and phallus.
Harley Davidson
For decades promiscuous women and homosexual men have been drawn to the rhythmic vibrations of motorcycles. They have even formed gangs and groups dedicated to getting their sinful jollies while riding around in public while wearing leather and chaps.
I hope you have found this informative. Please think twice before purchasing your next vehicle, and for those of you with children coming of age, think about what message they will be conveying with that new car, do you want it to be gay or American?
GOD BLESS
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Susan B. Xenu
Although over 80 years old, she is still a woman of unparalleled intellect and passion. She brings this spiritual fire to every aspect of her life. "Sister Susan" joined our staff in 2011 and has a fiery writing style on a diverse set of topics. A widow she lives in Atlanta, Ga and has been active in her church for over seven decades! You can now add her on Facebook or Twitter. Also read her Personal Blog.
8:22 pm
Thats why my limo is a big caddy that gets stuck on speed bumbs!
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2:41 pm
I think you need to learn how to drive, or get a lift kit. You Know President Bush had a SUV and never high centered it
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6:51 am
there are 2 things wrong with your comment 1. the president would not be driving himself and 2. Bush did not have an SUV you senile old shit he was driven around in a bulletproof Cadillac limo exactly like obama get you facts straight
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8:22 pm
Interesting piece. I do see the gays driving the Mazda Miata quite often.
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2:46 pm
I think this will be helpful for many people in many situations, just imagine your teenage daughter is going out on a date with her boyfriend and he pulls up in a gay car, if you nip this in the bud now it will save her much heart ache, and confusion down the road.
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1:27 am
You guys cannot be serious. This article is a complete load of judgmental crap. It is not only HIGHLY offensive, but has no relevance or fact to it. But if this is how you sleep at night, then go for it.
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9:31 pm
Her name is Susan B. Xenu, which is a bit like Xenophobe.
Come on man, this website is the most hilariously over-the-top satire ever devised.
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11:44 am
You are one of the most ignorant pieces of shit I have ever come across in my life. You should be ashamed to call yourself a Christian.
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8:27 pm
I agree, Harley Riders are very sinful, besides being loud, obnoxious, attention-seekers. Thank God I have you guys to warn me about which vehicles to avoid! Homogays sicken me. How can anybody have so little regard for the Lord?
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8:30 pm
Wow your idiocy in writing never ceases to amaze me! You cannot tell if someone is gay by the type of car they drive, just like you cant tell by where they shop, or what they watch on TV, or the kind of music they listen to. Im sure you have noticed by my other posts I am not a christian, but I have may friends that are and I do not look down at them because thats there choice, but I do look down at you because you seem to think everyone that dosent agree with you is a sinner and going to hell. I dont believe in hell, but I fully believe that karma will come and bite you in the ass hard one day, and I will laugh when it happens!
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8:33 pm
Shannon, they think I am a communist socialist but I have to agree, these are some gay ass cars. You will never, NEVER see me in an Aveo!
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8:36 pm
PS your a crazy honky
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12:29 am
Barry please come back to Africa and teach these colored bunghole lovers a thing or two about being human
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3:53 pm
You’re a knob. If you believe this is anything but good, clean, Christian satire you probably believe that Lee Harvey Oswald, acting alone, killed President Kennedy; and that humans have been to the moon.
p.s. humans CAN breathe oxygenated water if their faith is strong enough.
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4:14 pm
she is a very foolish girl
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4:22 pm
Well your right on a couple off accounts, humans have been to the moon, and its never been proven that Oswald didnt act alone and you dumb ass humans cannot breathe water, thats called fish.
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2:06 am
we have invented ways ever hear of rebreathers?(sorry couldnt resist)
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9:53 pm
Hon, you’ve been hoodwinked like we all were. Consider this site akin to “The Onion”, but poking at Fundamentalist Protestants (sadly, people who really think this way do exist and seriously believe this kind of crap) and their unfounded beliefs and “facts”.
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8:37 pm
Give the Fiat a chance. It looks pretty nice, especially the interior. (I live relatively near a Fiat dealership).
The Mazda Miata, while unattractive in that picture, has certainly improved its looks. Not gay.
I notice that most of the cars here are relatively fuel-efficient. What do you have against people who don’t want to pay 100+ at the pump?
The Toyota isn’t really gay, more of a chick car.
The Honda Civic really toned itself down, unfortunately. I think they used to come with spoilers as a manufacturer’s option.
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9:31 pm
If it aint Detroit steel it’s a matchbox car.
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1:28 am
German cars used to be masculine until the entire country went gay and started going against Nuclear Energy, the very Gift of God itself, the Fire of Heaven that fuels humanity’s progress. Our biblical science research has shown that the German’s average testicle size has gradually shrunken since their Nuclear Exit law in 2000 (which was pushed by the homogay Green Party, no less)
The French were traditionally gay due to genetics but thanks to their loyalty to God’s gift of fire, the French are slowly degayifying themselves little by little.
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2:38 pm
interesting thoughts, rev.
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5:11 pm
At least in Germany gays can marry, unlike the majority of America, the saddest place ever, because of all the racism, and homophobia. 450 species show homosexuality, and only 1 shows homophobia. Now which is strange?
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2:39 pm
bragging about the level of sin in your country is deplorable
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5:02 pm
And so is being a hypocrite. “Oh god loves everybody!” “god hates f/gs!”
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2:41 pm
I park my Ford in the back because we’re told it’s nice to leave the spots up front open for visitors and new people (especially in inclement weather)…just a thought, Rev….
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4:11 pm
http://www.disinfo.com/2011/06/homophobic-men-most-aroused-by-gay-male-porn/
Lol gay cars? Seriously?
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2:43 pm
Can you deny the gayness of any car on this list?
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4:08 pm
I already did.
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4:11 pm
How can a car be gay? I like facts on this not opinions.
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2:32 pm
facts are nice but these people thiknk opinoins are facts and if you dont think so you dont deserve to live without constant trouble
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2:37 pm
Yea there idiots who think there own articles are proof of their facts, but none of them have facts or research, plus its funny pissing them off and proving them wrong time after time.
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4:03 pm
“Yea there idiots who think there own articles are proof of their facts, but none of them have facts or research, plus its funny pissing them off and proving them wrong time after time.”
I know English isn’t your first language so let me try rewriting that first line for you. what you should have written would have been
‘Yeah, they’re idiots who think their own articles are…’
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10:11 am
did your husband die of what ever mental illness you have? is it infectious? i think you hate these cars because your poor and envy people richer than you, hahaha
stupid fucker
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7:05 pm
xenu,
you are offically my fav. poster.
“bragging about the level of sin in your country is deplorable”
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8:02 pm
I am so glad that you enjoy reading my articles, love in christ my friend!
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7:17 pm
Jaguar E-Class. One of the most classic automobiles ever created. Christ, you’ll be having a crack at Aston Martin next.
Oh and Hummer comes from the US Army abbreviation “HMMWV”
or High Mobility Multi Wheeled Vehicle.
Keep the banter coming, I love this site.
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7:58 pm
The car of james bong, until is sucked so bad he changed to a M4 BMW
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7:17 pm
Bond drove an M3 for one movie. He’s also driven several other car models, including various BMW’s but never an M4.
He drove various models of Aston Martins and still does. Enter the DB9 from the lastest movie.
That said, you may have said nothing about Bond’s cars, but your post makes so little sense, I have no idea.
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4:04 pm
M3, M4, all nazi crap
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2:02 pm
i do hope you guys realize christianity started in england and the pilgrims came from england that and seriusly some people have children and thats why they show up last minute
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4:05 pm
I believe christianity started in the bible land!
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12:44 am
“Bibleland”, is in fact, the Middle East. Around the areas of Iran and Afghanistan, I believe. So, based on that logic, Jesus was actually Middle Eastern, not white. Oh, and I have read some articles on this site that says that all people in the Middle East are terrorists…. So… are you calling Jesus a terrorist?
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3:17 pm
I always thought that the Volkswagen Golf was they gayest car.
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4:07 pm
Everything from Germany is homosexual nazi schizer.
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2:08 pm
Shannon— im so gay for you
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12:41 am
See, hate speech about clearly normal foreign cars, like this article, is why SO MANY Americans still have un-founded hatred for the rest of the world. Whatever happened to the idea that having too much pride was a sin? I’ll give you the Chevy Aveo, but honestly, coming on here and pretty much saying that anyone who doesn’t drive a Buick, or that actually CARES about GODS GREEN EARTH and wants to save money while doing it in a Prius is gay? I don’t believe that for a second. Lets just all go out and buy 1980′s station wagons, then in a few months the skies will be black with smog, and gas will be $10 a gallon, but hey, at least we will all be STRAIGHT!!
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7:36 pm
haha oh jesus christ susan you’ve never seen south park obviously
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12:46 pm
I can’t believe you forgot the Jeep Wrangler! I went with my cousin to an off-roading event and was amazed at the number of gays and lesbians participating. Nearly all of them were in Wranglers or Outbacks. They even have a secret way of saying, “I’m gay!” in one: a lizard ornament dangling from the rear view mirror.
Two cars on the list are definitely not gay: the Miata and the Aveo. Gay people care far too much about their appearance to ever be caught in an Aveo; the only people to ever drive those are just poor.
The Miata is a very pious car, it is very simple, cheap and minimalistic. If Jesus Christ himself drove a car, it would be a Miata as it exalts every value he teaches.
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11:19 pm
Only a dumb cunt would imply a certain country makes better cars than another country based on where they supposedly park in the lot. Fuck you faggot.
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6:17 pm
Hmm, let’s see. Do I want to buy a Prius and pay money once to the Japanese, who aren’t terrorists, or do I want an American made plastic crap box that doees five miles to the gallon and falls apart every time there’s a week in the month?
Out of the two, I’ll have the Prius, because it means I’m not sending anywhere near as much money to the oil companies. Money that usually finds it’s way into the hands of middle eastern terrorist factions such as Al Qaeda.
But to be honest, I never liked the Prius. It’s too expensive to buy and the servicing costs are massive. I like my current car, because it’s built in a factory not too far from my hometown, so I’m supporting my local economy as well as getting over sixty miles to the gallon.
So Susan, enjoy funding Al Qaeda. I’ll be happy to drive my locally made car all over England knowing I’ll be funding less terrorism per year than you fund in a month with your underpowered, uneconomical American made plastic filled piece of pig iron.
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1:02 am
wtf kind of site did i just end up on?
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1:07 am
… the salvation of your soul, Joey.
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3:56 pm
Do you know anything about cars?
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