• What is an Emosexual?

    June 25, 2011 5:25 pm 527 comments
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  • What is the emo-sexual, one might ask. Where does it come from? What does it look like? How can it be fought?


    It seems that the emosexual, or just emo for short is inextricably always connected to music. usually whiny music where the singer wines about his feelings. The emo-sexual is typically a teen-aged boy but in some cases can survive adulthood well into it’s 20s, in some very rare cases even in it’s 30s. The Ur’Ban dictionary defines the emosexual thusly:

    unenthusiastic melodramatic 17 year olds who dont smile, …with tight wool sweaters, tighter jeans, itchy scarfs (even in the summer), ripped chucks with favorite bands signature, black square rimmed glasses, and ebony greasy unwashed hair that is required to cover at least 3/5 ths of the face at an angle.

    subculture which conforms to certain conventions in dress such as tight sweatshirts, tight band T-shirts and horn-rim glasses. Adherents profess to
    exessively melancholy temperments. Males that adhere to the emo subculture are sometimes confused with metrosexuals; indeed the line between the two is somwhat blurred, though both groups claim to be intouch with their emotional side. The ephemeral and hackneyed nature of emo songwriting suggests that its audience will be restricted largely to teenagers. the genre suffers from a lack of credibility outside the aforementioned demographic

    As stated above the Emo-sexual is often confused with the metrosexual. The metrosexual is typically a 20 something that likes to go purse or shoe shopping with women in return for sexual congress where as a emosexual is usually a teen, and is to busy complaining about his middle class lot in life to be interested, or have any chance at, sexual relations with a woman. They are also usually confused with Goth kids as they dress mostly in black, but with a more certain air of homosexuality. They have less chains and piercings, and have a fashion sense reminiscent of a goth mixed with 1970’s Dr. Who.

    They are often found around Goth teenage girls. These goth girls are almost always witches, the few emosexuals that are interested in girls instead of a lonely singular asexual solitude, find that if they manage to get into the covens of local witches that they can get used for their male bodily fluids that witches need for their magical potions. Sometimes the witches will build emotional feelings for the emosexuals that they are able to manage to turn into semi-meaningful relationships. Of course any relationship that does not have Jesus Christ as the third party can never hope to be very meaningful.


    It seems that there is a large sub genre of music that has formed to serve the emosexual community.

    Emo rock music typically characterized by melodic musicianship and expressive, often confessional lyrics. It originated in the mid-1980s hardcore punk movement of Washington, D.C., where it was known as “emotional hardcore” or “emocore” and pioneered by bands such as Rites of Spring and Embrace. As the style was echoed by contemporary American punk rock bands, its sound and meaning shifted and changed, blending with pop punk and indie rock and encapsulated in the early 1990s by groups such as Jawbreaker and Sunny Day Real Estate. By the mid 1990s numerous emo acts emerged from the Midwestern and Central United States, and several independent record labels began to specialize in the style.

    Emo broke into mainstream culture in the early 2000s with the platinum-selling success of Jimmy Eat World and Dashboard Confessional and the emergence of the subgenre “screamo”. In recent years the term “emo” has been applied by critics and journalists to a variety of artists, including multiplatinum acts and groups with disparate styles and sounds.

    A group of musically inclined emosexuals

    Despite the popularity of emo music among emosexuals it has failed to gather much mainstream popularity as the incessant whining is to much for most people to take.

    Both great and small shall die in this land. They shall not be buried, and no one shall lament for them or cut himself or make himself bald for them.
    Jeremiah 16:6

    Not all emosexuals are skinny boys that look like girls

    The emosexual is typically nocturnal and comes out at night. The emosexual serves little threat to the christian as most everyone looks down on him. There is little threat that he will procreate with your daughter (unless she is a witch) and as he is to lazy, and seldom escapes the confines of his bedroom in his parents house, poses little threat of contamination to good christian young adults. But if you choose to seek him out for missionary work one would suggest going to the music store in the mall on a weekend during the evening, as It has most likely just awakened and will be less likely to run away. But beware as from my research I have learned that emosexuals are partial to razorblades and always seem to have one at hand.

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    About The Author
    Susan B. Xenu Although over 80 years old, she is still a woman of unparalleled intellect and passion. She brings her spiritual fire to every aspect of her life. A widow, she lives in Atlanta, Ga and has been active in her church for over seven decades! "Sister Susan" has been a popular Christian author for over 30 years. She has written numerous books on the bible, as well as for Christwire and her own blog. She will soon be launching NewsOfChrist.com with friend, and pastor Chuck D. Finley. She loves hearing from fans, add her on Facebook or Twitter.

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