9 Dangers To Your Childs Immortal Soul

Susan B. Xenu
• ChristWire
July 8, 2011 3:45 am166 comments

Idle hands are the devils play ground. And summer is the best time for the devil to touch your child in that playground. In the summer kids are out of school and looking for trouble to get into.

Here at Christwire we want to help you protect your childrens immortal souls. Many articles here have focused on many evils geared at the youth, including Planking, Twilight Biting, 4Chan, posting dirty pictures online, and sexting. But I have recently learned of several new evil terrors for you to protect your teen from.

RAINBOW PARTIES

The most disturbing of these are “Rainbow Parties”, At one of these teen fornicative sin fests girls wear different shade of lipstick and perform mouth sex acts on one or more boys, coating their ridged sin sticks in different colors. Since it has “rainbow” in it, it obviously was created by gays to somehow turn our youth to their wicked agenda.

PURPLE DRANK

Popularized by urban gangster rappers such as $0.50, Lil’ DeWayne, and 666Mafia; Purple Drank is composed of Sprite, Jolly Ranchers and Codeine Cough Syrup. This devils beverage is also known as sizzurp,lean,syrup,drank,barre,purple jelly,and Texas tea. It should not be confused with another similarly popular drink amongst blacks, Grape Drink, which is Kool-Aid. The Drug Enforcement Administration reports “busts” involving syrup across the south especially in Texas and Florida.

VODKA EYEBALLING

This is just proof that today’s youth are stupid. It seems that teens and college students are pouring vodka into their eye sockets to get them drunk and high quickly. Honestly I think anyone stupid enough to do that gets what they deserve. But people who are soft on drug abuse worry about long term eyesight loss among these morons. A case of the blind leading the blind?

NUT TAPPING

Speaking of morons, boys are playing a game where they “tap” each other on the testicles. Gawker.com reports “14 year-old David Gibbons of Crosby, Minn had to have his right testicle removed after being punched. If you ask me, it sounds like the homogays are behind this somehow.

FLASH MOBS

Speaking of the gays, they created the fad of Flash Mobs. What are flash mobs? Wikipedia tells us

“is a group of people who assemble suddenly in a public place, perform an unusual and sometimes seemingly pointless act for a brief time, then disperse, often for the purposes of entertainment and/or satire.”

Now I don’t know what a satire is, but I do know that Twitter and Facebook are used to create these unlicensed performances. Now we know what happens from using Twitter and Facebook. Philadelphia, PA has already decided to crack down on these raucous teens.

GOOGLE POOL PARTIES

Children are using the the Google program Earth to find pools, they call their friends and then descend upon unsuspecting property owners to while away the night. They leave messes for the owner to find in the morning and leave the area slippery with vile teenage procreative fluids from their wild fornicative parties. It is a miracle that no one has been shot yet as a trespasser!

AUTO EROTIC CHOKING

At the most innocent, teens choke each other for fun and giggles. The choking creates a dizzying high. At it’s worse it involves fornicating and having someone choke you to make the sinful delight even more pleasurable. To make it even worse some teens especially boys will self fornicate theirselves while also choking theirselves! If this sounds dangerous it’s because it is. The amount of actual cases of death are unknown as many times parents find the children and “clean” up the body to regain some dignity for the deceased moron.

GHOST RIDING and CAR SURFING

During the act of Ghost Riding, your pride and joy, puts the car in gear turns on the cruise control and exits the vehicle to dance around on it. During Car surfing, the fruit of your loins has someone drive while they then dance around on the car or to stand on the roof to “surf” while their idiot friend that probably failed Drivers Ed pilots the vehicle.


Atleast they aren’t bombing people.

LEGAL and EASILY PROCURED DRUGS.

The Devil’s science while not teaching the sin of evolution or trying to convince us that pie is a never ending number, has recently started creating designer drugs.

Synthetic Marijuana, also known as Spice or K2, uses synthetic drugs to create the demonic high of marijuana. Many agree that the synthetic drug is actually much more dangerous than natural marijuana, as they use many chemicals. Most states do not legislate this drug, but several have taken steps to ban it as the DEA alerted many people and illegalized many of the main ingredients. But it is feared that pharmaceutical drug pushing corporations will come up with more chemicals that are not yet legislated.

Datura, also known as Angel Trumpet or Jimson Weed, is a naturally occurring plant across the United States. It is VERY toxic and can send you to the hospital with only consuming a very small amount of it. A similar drug is Salvia. Salvia divinorum, also known as Diviner’s Sage,Ska María Pastora, or Seer’s Sage; is grown in the isolated Sierra Mazateca of Oaxaca, Mexico. It is assumed that illegal mexicans brought the drug to our pristine shores when they decided a national border was just a suggestion. Wikipedia tells us that it “is a psychoactive plant which can induce dissociative effects and is a potent producer of “visions” and other hallucinatory experiences”. It is a fan favorite of dirty hippies who listen to The Fish, and Wide Spread Bedlam.

Another new drug fad amongst teens is using the candy Smarties which are common around the Pagan Festival of Halloween, they take them and crush them up and snort them. Yet another is “Bath salts,” a synthetic methamphetamine that can be purchased for as little as $14.

It releases neurotransmitters such as epinephrine and dopamine, and can cause hallucinations and agitation.. It affects every blood vessel in the body, which means the lungs, heart and kidney can all be harmed.

Even worse is another drug created by communist Russia. Krokodil, also called crocodile contains codeine, gas, paint thinner, iodine, hydrochloric acid and red phosphorus and is a morphine derivative.

If you love your children please protect them from all of these dangers, and keep a keen Christian eye on Christwire.org!

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166 Comments

  • Gary Gilmour

    A very salutory and humbling post. I am sure that all denominations will echo my approval. I always take great comfort and guidance from Vatican Radio and Radio Maria – both God-fearing broadcasters that our sanctified brethren in the beatified US of A have neglected of late. The British are lost heathen souls and should never have been allowed to stage the Olympic Games – likely to become a disgraceful orgy that I can not even begin to contemplate. I think the religious community feels fully justified that pagan England was denied the privilege of staging the soccer world cup – the hand of God has obviously worked to good effect. All praise to Christwire for exposing the sleaze, filth and general dreck of our erstwhile colony England.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 4 Thumb down 94

    • Harry Dildomore

      You are all morons, no kids do this stuff…except me, i like to drink purple drank on top of moving cars while im being choked and having sex with strangers

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 50 Thumb down 2

    • ChristiansAreGullibleDumDums

      I see Susan conveniently left off THE #1 GREATEST DANGER TO OUR CHILD’S IMMORTAL SOUL—– secret homos parading around as priests, robbing our children of their innocence.

      Couldn’t Christians come up with a religion slightly more credulous? Perhaps one that accounts for things like evolution and our innate, biological urge to procreate.

      I’m sure the scare tactics of Christianity sounded great a hundred years ago to gullible idiots who could be convinced that women were witches……. but it’s starting to sound a little foolish now that knowledge is mainstream.

      “The church says the earth is flat, but I know that it is round, for I have seen the shadow on the moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the church.”

      Essentially, you’re still arguing that the world is flat. Give it up already.

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0

    • I don’t know what satire is? Pure. Fucking. Genius.

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0

  • J. Edgewater

    The only question this brings up is…

    WHY THE HELL AREN’T ATHEISTS SPEAKING UP ABOUT THIS TOO?!?!?!

    Do they not see the damage this is doing to our kids? Or do they just think “evolution” is going to sort it all out or something?

    Un-friggen-believable! No wonder they aren’t allowed in Arabland.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 4 Thumb down 126

    • As an atheist, I can tell you a few things. We DO talk about these things, and condemn them. Pouring alcohol into your eyes is stupid. Drinking cough syrup to get high destroys the stomach and liver. As for snorting sugary candies and huffing dangerous chemicals, welcome to the 1930s. However, as for all this sex kids are supposedly having, I haven’t seen any evidence of these fornication parties and fagmosexual plots to turn your kids gay. If you’d ever listened to a gay person in your life, you’d know that they have no interest in changing anyone’s sexuality. They are the only people who seem to understand that it’s not something you can choose anyway. You either are gay, or you aren’t gay. If you’re not, great. If you are, great. Just be safe, healthy, and don’t try to take rights from your fellow human beings. What’s wrong with that?

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 154 Thumb down 4

    • Probably because half of this is utter horseshit.

      Getting high isn’t “demonic”. I’ve never even done it, but it’s certainly not a “demonic” thing as decribed in this article. One strike in stupidity for the writer.

      “Rainbow parties” Getting a blow job from a girl is organized by gay demons? Are you serious?
      ANOTHER STRIKE IN STUPIDITY FOR THE WRITER.

      Nut Tapping, like punching your friend in the shoulder, I’ve done it to a couple people, and had it done to me. There is no homosexual meaning behind it. It causes a hilarious instant pain, and unless you’re a male, you won’t get it.
      Another strike of stupid for the writer.

      Flash Mobs? Are a fun way to protest, and most of them are completely and utterly harmless. They’re not wrong, and usually they’re a form of protest, or simply an artistic idea. Nothing wrong with them.

      Another stupid strike for the writer.

      Overall, on every single one of these topics, the writer of this article is an idiot.

      No sane person should take this writer seriously.

      and btw, I am atheist, after being brainwashed for 16 years by my family, i look back on them with anger for not giving me a choice.
      I’ve never done drugs, I’ve never been drunk.
      I’m one of the most trustworthy and honest people you’ll ever meet.

      And some how I’m a bad guy for being atheist and for supporting gay freedom.

      I am good without god.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 81 Thumb down 3

      • Stan the Satirist

        Your use of profanity has burned my retinas so severely that I must rely on my faith to “see” what you have written, and I don’t… I mean, my lord tells me that I don’t like what I see.

        This comment is ripe with violence; I keep seeing something about “Strike the Author!” Well I’ll have you know that this “Author” is a 80 year old woman and a respected member of our community. Ever since her husband passed away, no one except the servants of god have had the right to strike her.

        I also see something about how the person who left this comment enjoys nut tapping, which sounds like a 200% homo-erotic fantasy involving gently tapping a man’s testicles to send shivers of joy along his man hammer.

        I also see that this poster must be 16 years or older, (most likely 37), and still living with his parents, who have failed in their Christian duties to raise a unquestioningly Christian son of god, nor has bothered to check if their progeny has learned about satire in their public school system.

        Finally, I see some sort of plea for some assistance in scoring some drugs or even some alcoholic refreshments, to which I must say: Christwire is a site of Christian values, and does not condone the act of begging for a dime bag or a shot of ceremonial wine from its members. Be gone seeker of Sin! … and try asking the Latino guy on the corner of 4th street and Osborne (he’ll hook you up).

        Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 6 Thumb down 66

        • Captain Obvious

          “This comment is ripe with violence; I keep seeing something about “Strike the Author!” Well I’ll have you know that this “Author” is a 80 year old woman and a respected member of our community. Ever since her husband passed away, no one except the servants of god have had the right to strike her.”
          Actually, if you carefully go through ‘her’ comments and articles, ‘she’ drops hints about how ‘she’ is actually trolling, and not even a she. Most likely a dude out of college. These hints started a couple of weeks ago.

          Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 3

          • Stan the Satirist

            As a devout Christian, I don’t believe in looking up personal information unless dictated by my lord and savior. More importantly, if she is indeed a collegiate man, why does she look like an old woman in her picture huh? Bam! Undeniable proof right there! Also, her profile says that she’s an 80 year old woman, and a good Christian cannot lie (except with their spouse with whom they’ve completed the holy ritual of sanctimonious marriage).

            Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 7 Thumb down 30

          • Captain Obvious

            “More importantly, if she is indeed a collegiate man, why does she look like an old woman in her picture huh? Bam! Undeniable proof right there! Also, her profile says that she’s an 80 year old woman, and a good Christian cannot lie (except with their spouse with whom they’ve completed the holy ritual of sanctimonious marriage).”

            bread-toast.jpeg

            I could pretend to be an 80-year old woman too, if I felt like it. I could falsify my profile, claim to be a devout Christian to allay suspicions, and quote random, unrelated parts of scripture, and nobody could tell the difference. And why can a spouse lie to their partner?

            Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

          • His name is “Stan the SATIRIST”. Get a freakin clue.

            Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

          • Captain Obvious

            And I am a troll. Feed me.

            Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

        • Thank you brother Stan for your selfless defense of my honor from these verbal thugs

          Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 26

          • tom the sarcastic

            Yes Stan you are an inspiration to all devout Christians! Why question anything unless the good lord direct you to personally. Follow blindly into faith as I always say.

            Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 1

          • LinuxGamerTheist LinuxGamerTheist

            Hi guys! I’m new to this community of religious extremists, idiots and pathetic children who believe in fairy-tales. I hope you will all make me feel welcome and make me lose faith in humanity. I am an atheist, a gamer and a linux user (but not necessarily at the same time). That is all.

            Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

        • not brainwashed

          I hope the 80 year old lady who wrote this joins her husband in death so we dont have to listen to her bullshit christian lies,YOUR ALL FUCKING CRIMINALS FOR THINKING SO STUPID! yeah getting hit in the nuts is so pleasurable, your obviously a fucking women to think that it feels good and a shockingly stupid one at that, but well just put that off as gods fault. if there is a god i promise he wouldn’t make a bunch a retards like you hit followers! so fuck all of you! FUCK the old lady, i hope her dead husband is rotting in hell!

          Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 4

          • Stan the Satirist

            I see that according to your name, you are “Not Brainwashed”. Well, Mr.Brainwashed, I had a bit of difficulty deciphering your cryptic messages referring to my f-ing women. I do not know if you are referring to my loving conclave of christian sisters or my daughters who exist only to praise me, their biological daughter, as well as to praise the heavenly father above all else.

            You also made some comments about “my” criminals, but the only criminals I own are the ones who I pay a meager wage to deal with maintaining the foliage in my lawn. At least, I think I own them for several hours a week (perhaps the lawn care company would prefer if I said that I have those criminals on loan).

            Lastly, Mr.Brainwashed, I believe you have made misunderstanding; hell is where sinners burn for all eternity with no hope of salvation, it is not the name of the graveyard in which Mr.Xenu peacefully resides, untouched by decay, protected by the loving preservative properties of our lord and savior, Jesus Christ.

            Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 2

          • Do you have any clue what satire is? You are a moron.

            Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 1

          • “FUCK the old lady, i hope her dead husband is rotting in hell!”

            you sir are an evil, evil person. It is YOU who will be burning for your heartless insults to my dear deceased husband!

            Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 5

    • Christopher Marlowe

      You are a fucking moron! You are homophobic for no reason. Homosexuality occurs in nature. And the reason why atheists don’t care about these is because most of these are not immoral at all and the others are the parents fault not the devil. And FYI flash mobs where not created by gays, wouldn’t matter either way tho.

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 10 Thumb down 0

    • That would actually make some sense. As those that actually listen to science (you may know us as “atheists”) already know, natural selection is a big part of evolution, perhaps the most important piece. Dumber and other non-reproducing creatures are weeded out, evolving with the smarter ones. Really, not all of us teenagers are as stupid as you, and not all of us do these things.

      Besides, the reason atheists don’t speak out as much as you is because we know these are minor dangers. While they are potentially massively damaging in isolated cases, the fact of the matter is that almost none of these are actually widespread (in fact, I’m pretty sure the rainbow parties one is a myth. NO teenagers I know have ever talked about them). WE discuss things that are actually issues.

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    • Mihangel apYrs

      they subscribe to the “Darwin’s prize”: the stupid kill themselves young and don’t breed, thus removing the “stupid” gene from the gene pool

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  • Gary Gilmour

    I am deeply involved in my local religious community and my personal crusade is to ensure that Darwin is held to account – even if he needs to be exhumed.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 3 Thumb down 48

  • Lady Moonheart

    I recall reading about Rainbow Parties Once.
    I think they were just proven to be b.s.,
    some overblown fear of the time.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 26 Thumb down 4

    • Lady Moonheart

      *EDIT* Left out that i read about them in the 90′s.

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 3

    • Stormie Manson TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

      Actually at some high school parties there is a game called Rainbow. Each girl gets a different colour of lipstick, and gives guys blow jobs. The guy with the most colours on his dick at the end of the game wins!

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 1

  • Gary Gilmour

    We should have online sermons and services on this websitevto divert young persons away from the sins of self pleasuring and googling wet engorged labia. Praise the Lord!

    Do we have your support?

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 4 Thumb down 27

  • Gary Gilmour

    The USA is just waking up now: it is 1500 hours now in heathen Europe. If all countries were on the same timeframe there would be less confusion, wars and masturbatrion. That last detail is enough to justify a Christian universal timezone. It means we are all on the same timeline, except for the Muslims. Have we asked Jesus for a ruling on this? It would need cross party agreement even with the archbishop of Canterbury who most Americans think is gay. Can Americans please sort this european problem out for us again?

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 3 Thumb down 42

    • Your argument appears to revolve around the concept that europeans are heathen due, in part, to the fact that when america is waking up in the morning it is already 1500 hours. If you actually used your brain before uttering the first words you could think of you would realise that setting one universal timeline wouldn’t change when the sun came up, so we’d still all be waking up at different times, you’d just wake up at a differently named hour depending on where you were…..moron. And what is your reasoning for why a universal timezone would reduce masturbation? and why segregate the muslims? Their views are as valid as yours. You only think so because you are a narrow-minded biggot who truly believes that the word “Muslim” is just a polite way of saying terrorist. If you even made the tiniest bit of effort to inform your own opinions you’d realise how wrong you are, and wouldn’t be making a fool of yourself on the internet. You think the Archbishop of Canterbury is gay? Is that assumption based on any facts at all? Or is it because he is, unlike you, a well rounded, world-wise Christian who has even an iota of common sense?

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 10 Thumb down 0

    • how can christian or american control the times when the time can never been controled itself never heard that the planet turn around the sun and on itself ( why you think we have Night and days )

      also about your “hosting olympic” its not a christian Thing or an american thing whatsoverif you don,t wnat other country hosting olympic games they will just do what happened before with russia they will Boycott you

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

      • Mihangel apYrs

        the Olympic games are clearly of SATAN!!!

        They are based on pagan activities, where athletic young men stripped naked and got oiled up, and among other things wrestled with each other, clutching each other’s firm bodies tightly, rubbing their unmentionables against each other clearly homogay.

        Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  • Maybe you should all raise your kids yourself. My parents gave me a LOT of freedom. All the while I attended a private catholic school. What happened? I learned my lessons quickly, got a top-tier education with a masters degree and am I very well-liked and productive member of society. I do charity work with poor kids and coach soccer with them. I listen to ‘The Fish,’ and I smoke dope almost everyday. I do NOT believe in god or ‘jesus’ and think you have to be an idiot to even consider him real.

    These comments on DARWIN being responsible?? WTF? How is that even relative. You are all so delusional its unreal. It makes me so sad to think Michelle Bachmann is actually being taken seriously by people like you. If there was a ‘god’ I think he would give you more respect for being a skeptic instead of a sheep.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 45 Thumb down 2

    • Marcela Achcar

      You may have any material goods you can afford, but your soul is damned and your brain too.

      I’ll pray for you.

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 1 Thumb down 39

      • Dirt Naps. All of us. Better start enjoying life before its too late. Maybe one of these supposed rainbow parties could start it off right? Celebrate some fellow humans, eh??

        Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 9 Thumb down 1

        • Marcela Achcar

          God did not intend us to enjoy life, but to be his subjects. Following teh LORD is the only true joy of this life.

          Enjoying life = slavery to our desires and pleasures of this fallen World = serving Satan = unbelieving = atheism = liberals = homosexuality etc…

          Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 25

          • Lol I see you don,t wnat people enjoying Life having fun and so On its why you try to manipulate people to “control 100% their own kids” ?

            ever heard of FREEDOM

            hopefully you are Not a theocracy man if youw ere I would go kick your leader ass so badly That satan would be pleased ( and maybe even god for the matter )

            Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 1

          • Yeaaah, more power to you! Woo, I’m a slave to no one. I’m not wasting my time on here anymore, its because of people like you why no one believes in god.

            So unless I am miserable my whole life, I would go to hell? Thats not a very omnipotent thing to do….

            Enjoying Life=Happy=Spread Joy to Others=Helping the less fortunate=talking people like you out of your brainwashed stupidity=did god personally talk to you?=I wouldn’t believe you anyways…

            Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

          • Winston Smith

            Freedom is Slavery

            Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 5

          • Putting things in pure black-and-white terms like that is a path to evil. Just off the top of my head, I can think of a few times where assumptions and close-mindedness has resulted in tragedy, bigotry, and outright murder:
            The Salem witch trials.
            The Inquisitions.
            The Crusades.
            And so on. The bible teaches you to love and accept your fellow man. It does NOT say to chastize him for his faults, as only God can truly judge us for our sins. You just live your life the best you can, ensure your family is safe and cared for, and you will have done your part in making this world a better place.

            Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

          • Excellent point, we need another crusade.

            Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 1

          • From the comments of these poor uninformed sinners, I am afraid that an American Inquisition might need to be our first order of business. Just look at this. I wrote a simple article to protect today’s youth and people are commenting on how children should be free to drink, do drugs, and have sex parties! These people need help.

            Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 11

      • Yup im an atheist

        Excuse me Marcela, hate to be a bother, but did you not just tell that man he is damned to burn in a fiery pit of despair. It seems that you may be using “I’ll pray for you” as an insult. I mean considering that you just told a man that he was going to be tortured, and suffer for all eternity… That seems to go against that whole “love thy neighbor” thing that is written in the book of yours. Oh wait if you are spiteful and murderous in the name of god its okay right? Also i cant help, but assume your name is that of a woman. Maybe you should read a few of those passages that claim woman to be property of their men, or any of the other passages that refer to men as being the head and women being his servants.

        Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

        • Marcela Achcar

          I didn’t tell him anything. The Bible states it. If you don’t believe in the LORD, you’re going straight to hell. I said I was going to pray for him because I sincerely hope he will repent of his unbelief and turn his heart to God.

          God loves everyone. But He can’t force anyone to accept him and thus being saved.

          Oh, and yes, I’m fully aware about what the Bible says about women and I fully agree. God is always right. If He says women should submit to men, I do think so. God is never wrong!

          God bless you!

          Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  • Blind Follower

    GO JESUS!

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 27

  • This is stupid. Let kids enjoy the life they have.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 28 Thumb down 0

  • Atleast you are not invading other countries while you write this

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  • ReadAboutUgarit

    You people are fucking idiots.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 34 Thumb down 0

  • Gary Gilmour

    These ungodly detractors will face Helllfire. I invite brother Billings to comment. He has an affinity with Our Lord and may pronounce on us sinners and detractors from the True Faith. Let us cast our critics into the pit of hell, where they will have revenge for their appalling foul satanic lives. Hallelluyah!

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 20

  • all this article did was make me want to drink some purple drank and ghost ride my car over and have a rainblow party at the google pool! praise the lewd!

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 1

    • Marcela Achcar

      Satan is tempting you. I’ll pray for you.

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 9

  • So, wait a second… This isn’t satire? The commentators seem to think this was a real article, I found it fricken hilarious.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 19 Thumb down 1

  • Awww Yeaaaaa

    darndest thing, these kids care about nothing more than giving eachother mouth sex and anal choking. Go jesus!!!

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 4

  • Gary Gilmour

    No we are not ‘fucking idiots”. We are Americans and proud Americans even if the gays and blacks want to sabotage. We are USA – the rest of the world look out. No way you foreigners will advantage the U S of A. God bless Canada and gay UK.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 20

    • Excellent satire.

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 10 Thumb down 1

    • It’s people like you who make me ashamed to be american.

      “Blacks and gays trying to sabotage”
      are you serious?

      You’re fucking full of shit you stupid cunt.

      Oh, I’m a bad guy because I use bad language? Guess again.

      Your utter racism and bias against gays DESERVES UTTER CONTEMPT AND VIOENCE AGAINST YOU.

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0

      • Your threats of violence will be reported to the proper authorities.

        Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 4

        • Don’t worry, racism is a crime in this wonderful country, you’ll finally be able to meet all those Christians over in jail :p

          Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

    • Lol you are not idiot but you are american … aren’t the same thing ?

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 1

  • “A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent”

    -Your bible (1st Timothy 2:11-12)

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 21 Thumb down 0

    • Marcela Achcar

      Amen! God is wise!

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    • Mihangel apYrs

      however, I’m sure you would listen to advice from your mother or grandmother: so much experience and wisdom there!

      Presumptuously I put Mrs Xenu in the same category of giving sound advice

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  • Hmm, I cannot tell if this is for real, or satire.

    I choose to believe it is satire, otherwise you people need to get got.

    P.S rainbow parties ARE THE TITSSS!! BRING ON THE GIRLS BABY!!!!

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  • “Now I don’t know what a satire is, but I do know that Twitter and Facebook are used to create these unlicensed performances.” Are you kidding me? This is a woman of “unparalleled intellect and passion”? This is why the most of the world laughs at Christian fundamentalism; because Christian fundamentalists say, do and believe completely ridiculous things, refuse to accept scientific facts because they disagree with a two thousand year old book, and then pretend to be geniuses.

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    • For those interested, this article is clearly satire, and so responses must be in kind.

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  • Words cannot describe the sheer ignorance and stupidity of you and your readers. Get fucking real you sensationalist morons.

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  • Gary Gilmour

    Satire? No, my child. We discuss and promote the word of Jesus and the Old Testament so we can live faultless lives.

    Do you feel that u live a life full of sin?

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    • Mihangel apYrs

      Gary

      we TRY to live faultless lives.

      It is only through prayerful adherence to the wishes of our Lord, and by covering ourselves with the Blood of the Spotless Lamb that we can come anywhere close to being acceptable.

      We are not worthy and it is only through the SACRIFICE HE made that we are saved.

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  • Gary Gilmour

    There will be more horrors uncovered by Christwire in the next days. We should gather ourselves for s potential eradication of humanity as God gets more and more riled about Iraq and Afghanistan

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  • Is this a joke? Most of this is inaccurate as are the other links you have provided. Are we living in the same universe? I really question this when I see pages like this. It provides inaccurate information only to cause you to fear that is isn’t real in the first place.

    Rainbow Parties: As a young adult I heard this term before. Typically it has never happened nor will it. It’s the juvenile fantasy of many horny teenage boys.

    Purple Drank: I live in a predominantly African American area of the US. I’ve only ever encountered this once and I can say it’s rare. The main ingredient is hard to come by and if you catch you child with that, watch out for cannabis, cocaine, and many other drugs. If they are into this, they are into far far worse too.

    Vodka Eyeballing: If you’re worried your teenager is going to do this, they must already be binge drinking. Overall, if they are underage and drinking, it’s the parents fault for not keeping better tabs on their child. If they are of age, such as many college students, then let them do it. If they go blind or die, we don’t need them. Survival of the fittest/smartest.

    Flash Mobs: It’s a marketing thing. Companies pay these people to do this. If your children/teens organise one of these, they are just trying to have fun. Let them but be involved. That way they can have fun and you are sure they are not doing anything else bad.

    Google Pool Parties: If you really think this happens and there are many teens doing it your are dead wrong. Yes you can find pools via google maps. But does it tell you when they are on vacation? NO. Usually these kids invade the space of an unsuspecting neighbour and crash their pool. And, just because there are no adults around, why do you always think they are fornicating?!

    Auto Erotic Chocking: Really? This is a sexual act that many adults do. I highly doubt teens die often from this and you’d be a moron for thinking so.

    Ghost Riding and Car Surfing: Again, if these individuals are dumb enough to do this, let them be. It’s like seat belt laws. If you’re dumb enough to do this, I hope you die. And, I doubt parents would ever allow such a thing. If the teenager can drive, I highly doubt he/she could perform any stunt moves in the car if the adult is present. If they are over 18 and are doing these things, you didn’t raise them right…

    I could keep going on but this whole thing has to be a joke. “The Devil’s science” especially makes me think this is a joke. Either that your all are crazy fundamentalists who go waaaay overboard and read too much into the bible.

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  • Gary Gilmour

    Well from a Canadian point of view, you folks are all damn genetically stupid and I feel sorry for the rest of world that has to deal with your disgusting supremacy attitude. Stop inbreeding: it will do you good xxxx

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    • Marcela Achcar

      That’s why Canada is doomed. It’s a homo-atheist-liberal-feminist country.

      God will punish you all.

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      • and our government is conservative Go figure

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        • Marcela Achcar

          Obviously not true conservatives. Not true CHRISTIAN Conservatives like Mrs. Bachmann.

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    • Oh goodie, lets all sit and hear a “canadian point of view” maybe we can sit around a campfire, sing and then play hockey. Don’t you have canadian websites to infect with your liberal socialist agenda smut?

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  • I’m deeply concerned that so many homosexuals are running free in our community. We should look into ways of preventing straight couples from having babies, at least until we can figure out how to make sure how to stop them from having GAY babies!

    Also, we should question God as to why he chose to make so many people gay. Perhaps it is only to test our resolve! We should continue the proud Christian tradition of publicly torturing and murdering anyone that does not appear to comform to the Christian world view. That’s what Jesus would do! Remember, God is an angry, vengeful God, and has no time for love, tolerance, or peaceful interaction – just like any true Christian!

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    • Marcela Achcar

      You should consider buying this book: http://www.amazon.com/Parents-Guide-Preventing-Homosexuality/dp/0830823794/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

      It’s an excellent book!

      God bless you.

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      • Thank you for your recommendation.

        My son, just turned 13, has just been chosen along with 23 other youths to participate in a special summer course for talented writers. He writes Zombie Apocalypse Horror stories of his own design. Furthermore, he plays the drums in a local Metal band, and has already had his two first girlfriends. To top it all off, he is very active in Atheist forums online, and has been top-3 in his class every year in school. We are very proud if him.

        I think he is safe from the Gay disease. If he should turn out Gay, we will see no other option than to humanely euthanise him.

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    • Well, God DID summon bears to kill a group of kids for the sin of taunting an old man and his long beard.

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      • I strongly commend punishment of anyone who mocks people with long beards. I myself am very proud of my beard! Bears, however, seems a bit overdimensioned for a group of kids. Surely a flock of enraged badgers would have done the job.

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  • Sister Susan,

    Thank you again for your devotion to our families.

    Would you please investigate this “Geo-Caching” fad that is being used for sinful purposes? It is clearly number 12 for your list.

    GPS coordinates are published through secret channels to aid in finding specific, discrete locations.

    When a Geo-cacher arrives at the destination, they engage in bodily sin with the original location poster – no matter what the gender. It is required that each get a “happy-ending” before the task is considered complete.

    Disgusting.

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    • Fail, that is not what geo-caching is. But way to react before knowing what you are talking about.

      http://www.geocaching.com/

      the only person I know who does this is a friend of mine who is a christian. Are you for real?

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      • Madam,

        Clearly you have not been following the perverse developments in this area.

        The following is from the most respected GeoCaching organization – “Todays Cacher,”
        nude_cacher_waving.jpg

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        • Nice picture, got any more of those on your hard drive? Probably not, unless they’re naked little boys you fucking inbred moron. Anyway, I actually thought this article was the newest script for some over-satirical comedy, but apparently not. “Perverse developments in this area…” It’s a naked guy, get over it you fucking prude. We all look that way under our clothes, grow the fuck up you child.

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        • Captain Obvious

          And people say I post porn…

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    • I have never heard of this. Obviously I have heard of GPS, butt not of geocaching. Well it doesn’t thake homosexuals vary long to adapt to new technology. I will look into this. Thank you for the heads up.

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    • this is quite possible the stupidest thing I’ve ever read, I’m 85% sure you’re trolling

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  • Who ever came up with this list is just plain stupid. Clearly this person did so many drugs in the 60′s and 70′s that they can no longer decipher reality from fantasy.

    Oh, and if Pi has an end, please let us know what it is since no one has been able to find it. Dumbass.

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    • Marcela Achcar

      The Scripture tells us Pi = 3

      Only godless scientists believe it’s more than 3, but no one is wiser than God, and He tells us that pi=3.

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      • Wisdom and intellect are not the same. God is wise in all things, but maybe He is not very good at math?

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  • Trannie Jesus

    You guys are all so messed up in the head. What in the hell is your problem? The reason the kid’s do this is because their parents have failed them. You push your bullshit religion on them and suppress them, why wouldn’t they do these things to unravel the mysteries of their existance. Some of these issues are so old and out of style/date. You want to save their goddamn souls? Let them experience it and educate them on the real life consequences, not just your barbaric belief that they will burn in hell. Let them know aobut the real things in life, disease, injury, death, etc.. SOme of hese listed items are such bullshit. You christains are not like your christ. You are mostly bigots and seperatists. Seriously, you have a mental disorder.

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  • Gary Gilmour

    In Canada we follow the Lord and there is no sex fumbling stuff . We look to the USA for that kind of disgusting horror. In fact, we depend too much on the USA for everything, including sex business. Let us abrogate the US for carnal details.

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    • Young man,

      If that were true, then every squalid Canadian border town would not be filled with strip clubs and sex bars.

      Even our worst folks, crack-addicted Detroit residents, make the nightly pilgrimage to Windsor, ON for sin.

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  • Gary Gilmour

    I don’t understand why there is so much criticism: we are just promoting God’s Will through Canadian and British websites. The US is damned to Helllfire, how obvious does it have to be?
    All the prehistoric bibles state this to be the case. Fact.

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  • Gary Gilmour

    I have tried to protect the Canadians and British from this tsunami of filth. The truth is that God has forsaken all you critiics of our holy mission. There will be repercussions that the Holy Lord has not yet revealed. But there will be punishments and males should perhaps put their sperm into frozen storagep.

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  • Undeniable proof that Christians are fucking retarded, thanks for a good laugh everybody!

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    • So you honestly think protecting your cildren is wrong? Your the one that is retarded, sir.

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      • You think everything is a danger to children. When you don’t like something, people like you instantly resort to “THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!” because you don’t have anything to back it up.

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  • Guys… her name is Xenu. If you can’t tell it is a troll, you are a larger idiot than any I have ever seen.

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  • Susan, you are a dumb cunt

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  • Holy shit hahaha you people are borderline retarded. I can’t believe any of you can use a computer, especially the the author who I hope has dementia (since no well person should be able to write such idiotic things).

    Look guys: No God, Christianity is a lie, if the historical Christ were alive today he would more than likely hate all of you people.

    I’m so glad more and more people are becoming secular, hopefully this cult will die out soon.

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  • Please tell me this is fake. PLEASE. Did she actually use the term “homogays”? Someone get this lady off the internet and into a nursing home.

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  • This HAS to be a joke. No one is this looney.

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  • I don’t know what a satire is, but I do know
    don’t know what a satire is
    what a satire is
    satire

    THIS MUST BE A SATIRE!! Fucking hell, that was close, I thought people were actually this stupid for a second!

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    • Areyouserious

      oh people actually are this stupid; I’ve met them in the south. That’s why this site caught me for a second too, but yes…it’s satire

      Good job guys

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      • I am from the South and do not appreciate effeminate dandy yankees like you insulting my wonderful home.

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        • Well, you like to make racial slurs against the Chinese and you even call yourself a Mexican-hater, so why should we care about your feelings?

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          • that word to describe chinamen in my day was common place, just because you decided it was racist why shouldn’t I use it anymore? It is just a word and a silly one at that.

            I do not like ILLEGAL Mexicans, there is a difference between ILLEGAL mexicans are regular mexicans.

            LN I thought we all decided to me kinder to each other, but your are on the verge of breaking our truce, I am afraid.

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          • “that word to describe chinamen in my day was common place, just because you decided it was racist why shouldn’t I use it anymore? It is just a word and a silly one at that.”

            Hey, the word ‘nigger’ was used to describe black people back during the slave era, do you think it’s appropriate for people to use it in this day and age? Words like that can hurt because it shows your lack of respect towards someone based simply on a detail such as race.

            “I do not like ILLEGAL Mexicans, there is a difference between ILLEGAL mexicans are regular mexicans.”

            You didn’t specify illegal mexicans, and in that case, why not just say ‘illegals’? You’re just making excuses now.

            “LN I thought we all decided to me kinder to each other, but your are on the verge of breaking our truce, I am afraid.”

            I haven’t insulted you, I’m just pointing out your hypocrisy.

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          • You can’t just use the word ”illegals”
            Someone might think you’re talking about an African liquor store robber, or a gypsy car wash.

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          • Now you’re just being ridiculous August.

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        • Your life must be sad to have to pretend to be an inbred retarded hick.

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        • Areyouserious

          As am I ;)

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        • Stormie Manson TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

          I am from the South too, Susan ;)

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  • This is hilarious, no really im crying of laughing so hard.

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  • It’s shit like this that has taught be to be oh so skeptical…

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  • This is one of the saddest and most ridiculous articles I have ever read in the entirety of my life. I’ll give this one the benefit of doubt. Surely this must be satirical.

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  • “About The Author
    Although over 80 years old, she is still a woman of unparalleled intellect ”

    WTF?

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  • Gary Gilmour

    All of you skeptics and unbelievers should look to the Holy Royal Visit to the holy new land of Canada by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, peace be upon them. There you will find true young Godliness and inspiration for communist America.

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    • Mihangel apYrs

      Gary
      I fear I must disagree with you. This couple have been living together in SIN since they were at university. They have only recently taken the holy sacrement that is marriage, and surely need penance for their behaviour, if only as an example to others.

      They may prove worthy to follow our blessed Queen Elizabeth, but they need to undergo true spiritual enlightenment and accept the Lamb as their true Lord

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  • I CAN NOT BELIEVE that you sinful atheists, God haters, and Un-Americans, would use an article on protecting children, to air your own hateful complaints against this great country and God. What is wrong with you people? Do you not support protecting children? You people disgust me. I will pray for all of your sinful souls.

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  • Chuck D. Finley Lenard neemoy

    Dearest Susie,
    Can you tell me where to find one of these “Rainbow Parties”? I will be willing to host, I have a pool. I will also be serving lots of purple drink, private message me if anyone is interested!

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  • Gary Gilmour

    Thank the Lord that the Holy Church of England will be visiting Californicatia soon as part of the happy Royal couple. As we devout Europeans turn off our bedside lights and pray for the deliverance of America, it is to be hoped that some of the Royal Couple’s piety will rub off on God-forsaken America. Amen!

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  • Susan B. Xenu? Really? Xenu?

    http://christwire.org/2011/06/susan-b-xenu-teller-of-lies-and-harlotry/

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  • Barney Blowhole

    LOLRETARDEDRELIGIOUSPEOPLE

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  • This article finalizes it. This website is one big TROLL! I love it because the first time I read anything from it I was incredibly agitated, but the more I read, the more holes I see (uh-oh, that might be misconstrued homo speak.)

    Anyway, kudos to you Christwire for having led me down Satan’s evil path of deception.

    And, if for whatever reason this is real, and people actually believe and buy into these things, then HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU PEOPLE ARE STUPID AND I HOPE YOU CAN’T BY ANY MEANS PROCREATE OR RAISE CHILDREN.

    Till Next Time,
    Bill

    bill%20murray.jpg

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    • I will have you know that my loins have been very fruitful as I have children, grand children, and great grand children.

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 2

    • Matthew B. Glosser Matthew B. Glosser

      The only troll here is the person impersonating Bill Murray… Go back to hell… (I hear thats where hes supposed to be in the upcoming Ghostbusters movie.. Hell)

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  • Thebeastfromtheeast

    Thank goodness someone told me this was a joke. Else wise my faith in humanity would lie in utter ruins.

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  • themandotcom

    T-this article was a satire, right?

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    • I hope this article is satire, people can’t honestly be that stupid that they think anything associated with rainbows is a part of some agenda that the homosexual population has. Right?

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  • This is ridiculously stupid.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 1

    • Marcela Achcar

      Atheists are always rude. I’ll pray for them.

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  • Isn’t flash mobbing when you all stand up in church sing and dance, then sit down ? U MAD BRO?

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  • “I don’t know what a satire is”

    good one lol

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  • I’ve got news for you: females “self fornicate theirselves while also choking theirselves” as well. I promise you that ;)

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  • Christians are effing crazy. I thought the article was a joke at first. So glad this was posted on reddit. Susan, I hope one of your grandchildren turns out to be gay. And when he does, I’ll support him because I actually have a soul :)

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    • What is a reddit? And why are people stealing my work and posting it as theirs? Well atleast maybe my article will help save some souls. Obviously not from those of you people posting here, you people are evil, vile and doomed to hell I am afraid. But I will still pray for you as Jesus Commands.

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      • IsThisAJoke?

        Susan, I understand you are a woman who, by the looks of your picture, is fairly old in age. I also understand, like many people of your generation, you had a conservative Christian up-bringing. What I can’t comprehend is the amount of ignorance and intolerance you show in all of these posts on this site. I myself am agnostic. I feel I have no right to tell someone if there is or is not a God. I still feel you need to be a good moral person. Like many have commented on this site. Jesus’ message was to spread love and peace. All you have spread through this site was spread hateful messages about things you don’t understand because you didn’t experience them in your own adolescence.

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        • People are leaving these very rude comments like I am going to their house and busting down the door at dinner time with my army of christian roughians to forcibly babtize people.

          I am NOT! I am simply writing articles for an online Christian website. We do not make people look at our articles, they come here as guests and we hope that they take something along with them.

          But yet most choose to leave disgusting comments. Which truly show the state of this countries soul.

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  • This site is clearly a joke, awesome, but a joke.

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  • Marcela Achcar

    Reddit homo atheist invasion. Let’s pray for them.

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  • Chuck D. Finley Lenard neemoy

    You crazy old bitch! I talked to my daughters friends and they don’t know anything about a rainbow party. Now they think I am a damned pervert for asking them over this weeking when chelsie is off at her mothers!

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  • Is this really and truly a serious article that someone wrote….and not in an ironic way? Because I just had the biggest laugh of my week reading it.

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    • Chuck D. Finley Lenard neemoy

      YES she is seriously a cock blocker for this 45 year old man.

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  • Reddit homo atheist invasion would be an awesome name for a band btw. I’m not sure how being an atheist makes you a “homo” however. Perhaps you could explain it? Without the words “Jesus” “bible” “the lord” or “sin” preferably. And please don’t pray for me, it gives me a rash

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  • It is very nice post.very nice information this well.the alpine city’s final presentation before the International Olympic Committee(IOC) later this week.The IOC is scheduled to pick the host city of the 2018 Games at a meeting on Wednesday.The South Korean city of Pyeongchang was awarded the 2018 Winter Olympics by the International Olympic Committee (IOC).Pyeongchang will be the first city in Asia outside Japan to host the Winter Games.

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  • Mihangel apYrs

    Ma’am

    surely the summer break is a time for true Christian kids to be doing those chores that always arise even in the best run true Christian household?

    There’s lawns to be cut and gardens tended, not only at home but at grandparents and suitably vetted fellow church goers. Gosh, most houses need to be painted at least once in a couple of years to keep up that godly standard!

    Therefore there should be no time for such shennanigans, if nothing else there’s bible study or even brushing up on those not “A” grade subjects.

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    • I agree wholeheartedly. When I was in school in the 30′s and 40′s summer was a time of hot weather endless farm work and toil in the sun. But now people get mexicans to do their work for them and good american kids sit on the couch and play with their wee and their X-Box all day, and sin and fornicate all night long. What has happened to our great country? When we were working our buts off picking crops we didn’t have time for trouble. Sure you heard of some slut who had a dalliance in the hay barn, but nothing like the level of unwed teen mothers that we have now. It is just disgusting.

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  • This site must be the bigest trollfest in history.
    Not even the chans come close to it.
    Th creator of this website should get a monument or at least something similar!

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  • Has anyone seen my nutsack? Its weird, I had a dream some gay guy said he was gonna cut it off and make a handbag. Hmm….

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  • I don’t have to worry about my soul because IM’Z NO MANZ IM’Z A GOD!

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  • Damn girl you still alive? Dies already n join your husband in the afterlife

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  • Thanks for any other magnificent post. Where else may anybody get that kind of information in such a perfect method of writing? I’ve a presentation subsequent week, and I’m on the search for such information.

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