Alcohol and Addiction: The Facts of Beer Drinking, Disease and Remaining Safe from Sorority Girl Plying Attacks
With summer’s end around the corner many will begin to enjoy illicit and hallucinoginic drinks such as Black Natty Ice and 4loco Hooch while treking off to college for a new semester or to start fresh as a student. As sure as 23% of college girls will contract an STD and become pregnant from wanton whorenality, alcohol is a major part of depraved secular celebrations in human culture.
While there is always something wrong with imbibing a drink or two, or three, there is a worse point where alcohol can seriously be abused and impair judgment, as well as a point where it can significantly affect a person’s brain chemistry in such a way that dependence is formed. For the latter, this is the point where much like marijuana smoking, alcohol addiction becomes a disease.
Could Krang The Brain Get Drunk?
From casual drinking, people have learned how alcohol will affect you under certain conditions. Most people know that mixing a carbonated drink, with a whiskey for instance, may tend to speed up getting a “buzz”; hence the popularity of Jack and Coke as a sedative date rogering drug. Sorority girls are infamous for plying college freshman boys with this drink, making him think of home and yet being confused from the alcoholic spirits. How many of you share horrid memories of being ravaged by hotel rooms full of writhing sorority sisters, having their way with you as you were in a drunken stupor?
Such unimaginable horrors are the reality many of us must face each and every day, and the haunting night terrors that leave us standing in a stiff sweat of confusion and explanation even in later adult life.
Women are so sultry and desperate to bed you young future doctors and lawyers, it is nearly impossible to stay sober in college. You will be either enticed to drink or forced when going to what you think is just a simple social outing. There are safeguards you can employ to keep your chastity and ensure you aren’t caught into a woman’s desperate premeditated child support scheme to afford school.
If you don’t want to get hammered by alcohol or baby yearning pelvis’, eat bread before you drink or engage in a mixer function. This common social bit of social wisdom is probably hanging on a plaque above Ted Kennedy’s tomb.
The basic science behind alcohol absorption is simple. When you sit down for a drink, about 20 percent of it is absorbed by your stomach. The other 80 percent is taken by your small intestine. After alcohol is absorbed it enters your bloodstream, where it dissolves within the water base due to its high affinity. As your heart beats, blood clearly flows throughout your body where alcohol can readily enter the tissues of your body. We see the effects externally expressed as drunken staggering, giggling and offers of crazed sexual acts, and the quintessential guy at the bar who wants to fight all comer. You know who you are.
While it’s basically accepted, though oft times overlooked, we know the abuse of alcohol is not something to take lightly. In just the US alone, over 100,000 deaths are directly related to alcohol abuse. In that total, nearly half of all traffic deaths are related to alcohol, as reported by the National Council on Alcohol and Dependence.
What’s often overlooked, however, is that chronic use and dependence on alcohol can cause such changes in your body that it’s a disease, not just a simple matter of questionable behavior. As stated by expert Dr. Carl Erickson, of Pfizer College of Pharmacology, “The problem with alcohol dependence is not in the bottle and it’s not in the glass. The disease is in the brain. The uncontrolled drinking is just the symptom.”
Alcoholism As A Disease, and Women Get Addicted Easier?
Take your right hand and point your pointer finger in the middle of your forehead. Now, above either ear, point your other hand. Like a brave pirate explorer of the old ages, you’ve just navigated to an often unseen and unknown part of your brain that alcohol effects; the pleasure center.
Where the lines, made with your hands, crossed in the middle of your brain is where the disease of alcoholism occurs. It’s also called the mesolimbic dopamine system. Scientifically, this tells us that it runs on dopamine, the ‘pleasure transmitter’.
While the field of studying addictive substances and their expression and effect on chemical pathways in the human genome is a continuing endeavor, it’s been accepted by official medical councils that alcoholism is indeed a disease.
So what’s with women and addiction? New studies by Columbia University indicate that more than 20 million girls and women, from the US alone, abuse drugs and alcohol. A whopping 82% of college girls will be drunk at least one time before their graduation. Though good ol’ Bubba at the bar is the typical scapegoat for such stats, the study found that women regularly get drunk and high faster than men and become addicted more easily. A key part of women’s susceptibility to drunkenness may be having a low level of alcohol dehydrogenase, ADH, which helps break down alcohol.
How To Cure Hangover after a Sorority Plying Attack
As famously warned by Derek Van Buren, sorority girls are primarily the biggest sluts on Earth. They yearly organize new ways to pick off ‘fresh meat’, that is college men with high prospects, ensuring themselves a lifetime of support. Last year’s vajazzling attacks left the life of many college men and their once proud fathers devastated with unwed pregnancies and male college dropouts, due to forced fatherhood. Suffice it to say that as you go out tonight to freshmen orientation socials, be safe and be smart. We only want to hear about fun stories, not tragic.
That said there are often many old tales about treating and preventing a hangover after you are plied with alcohol. Here are some points that may help those of you who need to wake up and start putting back together the pieces of your life.
Despite what your buddy at the bar will tell you or even more likely, a prowling gay or sorority woman, drinking more alcohol does not help sober you up or prevent hangovers. While nothing but natural breakdown and expulsion of alcohol will help your body’s alcohol content go down, with a hangover your body is likely suffering from low blood sugar, dehydration and deficiency of key minerals such as magnesium and potassium.
The best solution is usually rest for your body as you recover. As many don’t have that jobless Obama momma luxury, there are a few steps you should take to help. Drink water and sports drinks, both before going out and moderately while drinking. This will help keep your body hydrated. As you may know, snacking helps slow the absorption of alcohol into your body, which keeps the amount of alcohol in your blood (and thus tissues) lower.
You should always have a nice pack of Ritz crackers, or other saltine, on hand. This helps keep your blood sugar level up, which prevents with headaches and grogginess, and can help you with nausea. Eating fruits can help your body keep up on key minerals and nutrients, lowering the effects of a hangover.
With college upon you, there will be many looking to come upon you and exploit you. Do not forget the wise words of your mother: “Never leave your drink laying around”. No matter what, there are opportunists who will look to exploit you at every turn and they usually are wearing short skirts or short pants, a shiny shirt and a gay accent. Running from alcohol wielders is usually your best course of action, but when you are accosted and find yourself drugged with this poison that stings worse than any cracked cocaine or marijuana-cheese droplets, remember these tips and that could be what saves you from becoming a father or a tragic backside attack.