• Atheist “Farting in Church” Ignites Chris†Wire Imbroglio

    July 2, 2011 10:52 pm 38 comments
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  • The strong journalistic reputation of Chris†Wire for tireless investigation, irrefutable opinion and solid reporting of Christian values is one the many reasons it is the number one Christian news and opinion source for many Americans. In spite of cruel attacks levied by The New York Times, poli-bi pundits like Rachel Maddow, and hemp humping hammock hippies of LAWeekly the mission of Chris†Wire has endured. Each of these examples have apologized for their misrepresentation of Chris†Wire. Unfortunately one blood libeling tale bearer, Anthony Elsmore, has refused to apologize for a recent assault on me and the investigative reputation of Chris†Wire.

    Anthony Elsmore, author of “Farting in Church –Travels of My Stench”, published a fuming cloud of barely discernable accusations and sanctimonious indignation for the taut journalism and in depth investigation into the world of gas passing in Church, something Elsmore calls ‘bum-hum hopping’ on the Open Salon website.

    Bored and feeling especially narcissistic, I googled “Farting in Church” and saw my ebook mentioned in an article by progressive-as- glaciers, conservative Christian website, Christwire (Catching the Scent of Gays and Atheists in Church).

    Having flipped her bean of ire, she has accused this author of being the ringleader of a gang who “travels with infiltrates and befriends unsuspecting evangelicals and then rips praise for Satan.” While I find this to be a scandalous accusation, I am happy that FIC is getting a media mention. Without even reading my ebook Blanche lumps me with the homosexualist agenda that is intent to defile places of worship with their “bum hums.”

    I really find all of this very suspicious which naturally sparks my powerful investigative intelligence. Anthony posted his rant on Open Salon, an online blog for hairdressers, yet he has little hair on his pate and could use a little something on the beard. If he is not to be “lumped” by the “homosexualist agenda”, why publish on Open Salon? His story and claims are just fraught with inconsistencies and situational nonsense.

    He is also seems to profess a very esoteric understanding of lexicon and material culture. He mentions “White Parties and closet organizing” with casual indifference, as if everyone should quickly understand their significance. Everyone doesn’t Mr. Elsmore. Not everyone has a “Cavallini Day Planner in Pink Bonded Leather” to reference for these things.

    Elsmore claims I never read his 50 page book. During my investigation into the world of “Atheists and Gays Farting in Church” I received a signed promotional copy of Anthony’s ebook, “Farting in Church – Articles of Faith and Redemption” from someone on Elsmore’s staff named Hoppi. The tome was an easy read. I kept a copy where I could read a few of the essays in peace when I was occupied with biologicals. Stop Lying, Anthony. I read your book.

    He also denies being the ringleader for a gang of reprobates that rip praise for Satan, yet just viewing his biography portrait, one can plainly see a man suffering the wages of sin. Isaiah 3:24 tells us the penalty for defilement of God’s house – flabby abs, premature balding, poor style choices and skin damaging sunburns. I think the physical shame of his crimes are evidence my original statements are true.

    Isaiah 3:24 “And it shall come to pass, that instead of sweet smell there shall be stink; and instead of a girdle a rent; and instead of well set hair baldness; and instead of a stomacher a girding of sackcloth;and burning instead of beauty.“

    Elsmore’s biography on Open Salon reveals a very troubled man indeed.

    Anthony Elmore writes from his home in Roswell, Georgia. He’s a blood relation to Lincoln assassin John Wilkes Booth and has huge mutant big toes. He’s only proud of one of those distinctions. He suffers from a rare, yet uncategorized psychological condition where he is unable to pass a mirror or any reflective surface without making a funny face.

    His future plans include a work in progress, The Rapture Express, which Elmore calls “a young adult novel set in 1976 which blends KISS, pecan logs, Christians and Huggy Bear.” Most likely to be offered as an Atheist manifesto of teenage angst, this book doesn’t sound very Christian.

    The Kiss is a well known satanic rocker band that eats babies on stage and tattoos their faces to hide identities. This Huggy Bear person is a 70’s icon for ghetto pimping and was played by Jimmie Walker on the television show “B.J. and The Bear”. This was an outrage back in the day as the B.J. was only one of the favorite sexual acts performed by the women traveling with Huggy Bear in a 18 wheel big rig convoy of cat house sin.

    I can understand the quivering anticipation a new writer must feel waiting for a glimpse of media attention. I think the sophomoric response and subsequent, self absorbed refusal to apologize for misrepresenting Chris†Wire as “progressive” and personally accusing me of not only lying, but of “flicking a bean” is reprehensible. I have canned beans, strung beans and even picked beans. I have never flicked beans.

    I sincerely hope Christians will empty the shelves and buy the current Atheist ebook “Farting in Church – Articles of Faith and Failure” to ensure no copies fall into the hands of children, learn about the reprobate mind, and take a stand against this filth and trash littering our bookstores.

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    About The Author
    Blanche Beecham "Blanche Beecham lends a soft, learned hand to the fourth estate with incite-full investigations on diverse topics such as Politics, Love, and Lifestyle. Her many years experience as a wife, mother, ladies book club president and financial auditor make her well suited to ferreting out the truth and giving it a sound shake." - Rev. Jackson Lee Whitebelley, Publisher and Editor of "The Incubator" - Follow me on Twitter! @BLANCHEBEECHAM

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