• Butterfinger Buzzing, the New Threat to High School Students

    July 2, 2011 10:48 am 28 comments
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  • ”Butterfinger,

    A new threat is taking place in summer school nationwide and it threatens the life of your child.  Nestle Corp’s “Butterfinger” brand, long-associated with the malicious character Bart Simpson, is now adding the stimulant ‘caffeine’ to every candy bar.

    If you thought hooker energy drinks like Four Loko were scary, then you will be twice as terrified to hear how children are using Butterfinger Buzz.

    Reports from Alam, Maine, detail how the small community has been racked with a 47% increase in the incidence of teenage pregnancy.  All pregnant girls in the town had a marked increase in the level of caffeine in their bloodstream and had attended what’s being called “Butterfinger Buzzing Raver Parties”, which are little more than wild orgies that are using these dangerous new Butterfinger Buzz bars in lieu methaphetamine marijuana cracked cocaine.

    The latter substance was long feared as a mind-altering drug, but what these little high school harpies are coming to realize is that where marijuana meth only smokes like LSD, Butterfinger Buzz bars pack the punch of PCP and the addictive affect of magic mint.

    Girls addicted to these candy bars are like a cat in heat and will be more than willing to purr and copulate with as many testosterone scented objects as possible.  If your daughter attends Amherst and stayed in school for the summer, start darning booties for your grandchild because the entire football team has tasted a part of your girls firm, tuckered out behind, firm and writhing as she welcomes passion to enter her deep within.

    This is tragic and scary and if you find Butterfinger Buzz has reached your locale, protest your local supermarkets.  Your daughter’s womb is at risk.

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    About The Author
    Thad Connely The gentleman of choice, Thad Connely brings experience of two familial generations of news coverage and hard biting reports.

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