Casey Anthony Is Guilty, Guilty, Guilty

Casey Anthony gets away with not testifying during trial, blocking us from getting higher media ratings.

By now all of us have logged into Facebook and posted the requisite status update of “WTF!  You cannot beat a pitbull but you can murder your child in America?” status updates.  Michael Vick’s likely very vexed about all of this and scratching his head, but really, look at Casey Anthony’s smug smile.  It accurately summarizes the trial.

In America, if you are an attractive white woman who dresses like a school teacher, you get away with stuff.  Sure, OJ Simpson probably got away with conspiring to murder as well, but he did have Johnny Cochran as a defender.  Anthony?  She has moderately good looks.

The double standard exists:  men who are alleged to commit crimes against children are guilty until innocent, and for our lovely ladies, we barely have to look at Debra LaFave and her esteemed steamy colleagues to see the punishment rarely fits the crime for these women.  Did the portly judge and his jurors strike a backroom deal to get some boom-boom room time with Anthony once all this is over?  We know she’s not beyond it, as she had raver lesbian carpetbagging lip sessions even when we were searching high and low for her ‘missing’ daughter.

But in the end, none of this matters.  Our local cable show is locked in a ratings war, so we can expand from our coast markets and into a national, corporate platform.  We were banking on the fact that Casey Anthony would have to take the stand, at which point we could have come up with all sorts of creative, outlandish ways to say she is a slut who murdered her daughter.

Hey!  Before you feminists goosestep, remember her lawyer said it first.  Sure, there is the entire issue of her kid being dead and we all are saying, “Justice for Caylee”, but let’s get real.  Every single cable news station devoted hours to this trial.  How many missing children who have their preconvicted killers on trial get that type of coverage?

The last one that comes to mind is Natalie Hollaway and the smug Joran Van Der Sloot, who as you do not know is in jail in Peru for killing some foreign girl.  But we don’t care about that!  It’s not easy to make someone care too much about a plain ol’ black haired foreigner who got murdered.

But cute little girls.  Blond headed high school daughters, that is where the money is.  And that is why our friends Nancy Grace, Greta and every other pundit cast switched focus to this trial over the last week.  We did too.  And we all needed the greedy Casey Anthony to take the stand so we could get higher ratings and more money from our corporate sponsors.

Like all of my news colleagues, I’m very upset this is all over.  Sure, we’ll whine and complain the next few days about how there is no justice served, but deep down, we’re more upset about the greatest injustice in all of this trial:  Casey Anthony did not take the stand so we could rip her apart and get high ratings and support in the process.

How can we lead the angry mob if the convicted refuses to stand before us and allow us to cast our verbal tomatoes of condemnation?  Shame on the Defense and giggling Prosecution for not helping power our ratings, which power the American economy.

I say the two bickering lawyers, posturing for power in this trial, are just as guilty.  With all the escapades, over the top defense and immature Jeff Ashton, it looks like America is playing host to a Roman Circus.

It’s fitting.  Our glutton empire is crumbling apart and the masses have a dark fascination with a murder trial, which greatly profits us newscasters.  Sadly, however, Anthony didn’t take the trial and just relied on her looks and court room theatrics to get off the hook.  What will happen now.

Anthony will get movie and book deals and maybe, just maybe, a visit to Hugh Heffner when you are all caught up in the next scandal.  As for us, we’ll hope next time the guilty play by the rules and take the stand, so we can get higher ratings.

Casey Anthony – Tot Mom Murder Trial
Verdict:  Guilty
Reason:  Not taking the stand, so we could get higher cable news ratings.