• Celebrity Prostitution Ring Recruits Mila Kunis

    July 12, 2011 5:27 pm 57 comments

    The allure of fame is mighty indeed. Many men have been tempted by the thought of meeting their favorite celebrity and getting to talk to them or get their autograph. What good Christian, for example, wouldn’t want Jesus’ autograph? Recently, however, these fantasies have broadened to include sticking their throbbing meat into the glistening rosebuds of their most dearly admired. Yes, dear friends. The vile practice of celebrity prostitution is alive and kicking. Our society’s most well-paid role models are inexplicably turning to the practice of offering their sexual services to anybody who can pay their reasonable fee. And its newest member is Mila Kunis:

    Mila Kunis Sells Herself to the Highest Bidder


    Mila Kunis advertises her “assets” in an attempt to further her newfound prostitution career.

    Mila Kunis accepted this anonymous soldier’s random, 18-second invitation to a “Ball,” which in celebrity circles is a well-known synonym for a group sex party. This “blind date,” or as I like to call it, “Blindfolded Fellatio Romp,” would take place November 18. Kunis wasted no time RSVP-ing to the stranger’s bold proposition, obviously eager to partake in the steamy flesh-fest that is guaranteed to have her spread-legged for at least 90% of the event.

    “I’ll do it,” she said, resigned to her fate like a harlot hanging her head in fellative submission. Except, unlike many sin-whores, whose sexual servitude amounts to penitence for past mistakes, Mila made a personal choice to immerse herself in the nympho culture. Even in the forgiving eyes of Christ, there is little hope for this one.

    This should come as no surprise to those of us that are paying attention. Mila Kunis recently starred in the lesbian pornography flick “Black Swan” (or as I like to call it, “Rugmunching Adventures With Dance Interludes), where she performs cunnilingus on co-star Natalie Portman in one of the most shocking cinematic sequences filmed to date. We can only assume Mila Kunis has sold herself to female clients as well, as she falls ever further into sexual debauchery and Satanic lesbian rituals.


    Kunis engages in carpet-munching in the loathsome flick “Black Swan.”

    Does celebrity prostitution have a history? Let’s examine the facts:

    Charlie Sheen’s autobiographical documentary, Two and a Half Men, contains multiple scenes where Charlie pays, and is paid, for sex.

    Countless rock stars keep “groupies” around to accumulate extra cash by making them pay for raunchy sexual acts both on and off stage (see: Does Your Daughter Listen to “A New Found Glory?”)

    Marilyn Monroe was well known for sleeping around, most notably with JFK. I suspect she may have started the celebrity prostitution ring.

    My friends, I urge you to boycott any and all suspected celebrity prostitutes, starting with Mila Kunis. The stakes are simply too high to risk spending money on these clowns and enabling their harlotry.

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    About The Author
    Businessman Hank Once I did pornography to feel better about my body and my sex life, but God filled all those holes better than my porn career ever could have!

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