• Get Free Tickets To Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Opening Night Premiere, IMAX 3D

    July 14, 2011 2:01 pm 57 comments

    Get Free Tickets to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, Tell Us Why You Deserve To Have Two Free Tickets (Or Imax 3d Tickets) in Comments.  Only Top 20 Ranked Comments Will Be Eligible to Receive Free Tickets for the Premiere, so you too can see just how disgusting this movie is.

    Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 is an American made movie where yuppie California kids practice voodoo and blood rituals until they reach a rank of Catalyst Demon Enchanter 4, then have make-out sessions with a magician named Dumbledore behind the backs of parents.

    What a sad thing to know that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 is sold out in theaters.  I would hope it was because terrified parents stole to movie theaters last night to break and and burn down all the ticket cases and the movie reels, then cast them with holy oil and reburn until nothing but scented ashes were left.

    Instead, parents are giving their kids $20 and letting the clock strike Midnight on Thursday, something JRK Tolkien prophesied would happen tonight as a ‘fresh batch’ of innocent children went to see this ‘final’ film of the slasher series.

    Harry Potter tells the story of a young wizard who was raised in the homesaxual village of West Hollywood, where knuckleballing a man or a beast was just another Tuesday sight for the residents.  Being a boy torn between morality and darkness, Harry Potter one day was crying as his ‘muggle human’ school was teaching them about gayly acts.  They were learning about the rectal cavity in school, the magic kingdom of perverted Disneyland happiness for all fairy footed lube tinglers, when suddenly Harry Started crying as he crawled through the duodenum, a gay’s favorite place to have a hamster frolic and lick on its fateful reverse sewer journey of iniquity.

    As his tears hit the ground, a magic wormhole appeared and he awoke in the requisite chic and neo-modern cougar skin decorated castle of Voldemoort and Dumbledore, two homosexual wizards who were having a spat with Gandalf the gay.  Dumbledore and Voldemort believed they should create a spell that let same-same wizard couples adopt children, Gandalf, an elder gay, was dismayed and disgusted with the thought of raising children and used his great powers to block legislation for gay marriage in the magic capital of Hogsmeade,  a very faggy version of DC, as if the hosts from Queer Eye were somehow teleported there, given acid and allowed to have confusing orgies of bent steel and magic tinkerings with architechs and barrel chested construction workers.

    Now as they were having a great match of snarky homosexual wits and fisticuffs, a great explosion brought the real boy Harry to gates of Hogsmeade, which is also a ‘haunting’ ground for fresh meat college freshman wizards.  The elders take them into Meade halls then throw a spiked viking party in their sin hall when they get them drunk enough, and this scene plays out in the movie again and again.

    Never before seeing a ‘muggle’ boy, the gays all wildly thrashed about and shrieked with Japanese fan girl excitement as they tried to get but a sniff and touch of Harry Potter’s flesh.

    Your children can probably tell you the rest of the story, but will hide the gory details.  They will tell you about Ron and Hermione Watson (Emma Stewart), but will they tell you about the love triangle between these three and how Dumbledore abducted each one with magic snakes that ‘petrify’ them in the highest moments of ecstasy.  I think we all know what type of ‘snake’ does that and it is not the jungle spitting variety.

    Will they tell you that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 has a scene where Harry Potter has relations with a horse?

    In this screen shot from the movie, you can see a have edited out Harry Potter’s twiddle rompus so our news organization doesn’t help Satan mount your little ones with images of sin, but you can see why all parents must be shocked and angered about this movie.

    Liberals will say Harry Potter is a cultural experience for your children, and sure, if you would trust your child to boarde a viking ship where magical homosexual valkyrie unicorns twinkle star explosions of elder wizard wand saunce into their sewer ports in between games of Quiddich and butter bean meade keg stands, fine, that’s just fine.  But when your child leaves the Harry Potter premiere diseased and pregnant, under a witch’s spell of bad grades and college dropout this semester, you have no one to blame but yourself.

    For this reason, I have, obtained, several tickets to give to parent/child pairings who want to see this movie.  Whichever parents in the comments appear most disgusted and want to get two free tickets (to either normal or Imax) I will esend two ticket for tonight’s hard to get to premiere.  You can go see this movie with your child, see all these things are true and as the movie plays, tell everyone it’s all actresses and a Hollywood scheme to get everyone to vote for gay marriage, when it’s the very thing destroying our nation.

    So if you’re digusted, let’s hear it and why you want to see this filth and how you will warn everyone about why we must ban any future works by the dangerous spellwriter, Mr. JRK Tolkien.

     

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    Abe If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack. Follow me on twitters. Poke me as your New Friend on Facebook!!

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