Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2, Christian Movie Review
Movie Review: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
Rating: S (Sinister) for wizardry, witchcraft, homosexual twinkle fingerings, twiddle rompus, Satanic love spells, evolution, Hermione Watson thigh exposures, flesh muggle mingles, language, violence
It was a cold, lonely night in the Askoban’s death camp. A furry bear gay named Hagrid, a leather-daddy sorcerer of iniquity, bellowed out and forced his newest prisoner, Harry Potter, to strip before him. A chilling, watery wind whetted Harry’s emaciated frame as he layed prostrate behind the wizarding giant, his bearded face glowing a Norse wind-burnt red with excitement.
At this moment, the screen goes black and a creepy scene takes place, one that no child should see. Hagrid gently lifts Harry Potter and nussles his groady beard into the boy’s now exposed, smooth chest. All seems imminent. Hagrid will succeed in muggling Harry Potter’s wizard’s hole and then shoot the sparkles of microscopic glee within, all before midnight. The blood-oath to make Deathy Hallows mystic shadows over take the magic world will be complete, but then, Harry’s savior arrives.
A transgender vampire wizard name Draco swings from the darkened heavens on a phallic Quiddich symbolized broomstick. He grabs Harry and rescues him, confessing his love and how Harry must not marry Emma (Hermione Watson in real life). They then share the shocking homosexual anal docking moment, the image above you see as the aftermath of the movie’s inciting incident in Act 1.
Parents, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is the biggest homosexual agenda propaganda film of the modern ages. I would almost be happy to see Harry Potter steal into Emma’s secret room in the dead of night, to slowly cast a spell over her and cause her smooth peachy pelvis to slowly mount upward in a lucid dream experience, somewhere between fantasy and reality, as Harry moaned and let his muggling escalate until boath were exhausted, sweaty and tensed in the highest throes of Slither In ecstasy.
It would almost seem plausible too, as in this movie we see Emma has failed out of Brown witching school and has turned to a life of prostitution. Girls are taught to glamorize the lifestyle in this movie, as Emma becomes a millionaire and forms her own Brothel of Mystics, named Slither Inn, a name with surly double entendre.
In the image above, Emma finds out that Draco and Harry are stealing back to the world of humans to be united in a gay marriage in New York. Angered, she uses her wealth to buy the expensive enchantments that are required to go to the Deathly Hallows, the guarded caverns of Askoban, so she can revive Voldemort, the former Lord of the Wizards in this JRK Tolkien series.
The rest of the movie goes into fantasy violence, with emo band Xasthur and Blood on the Dance Floor having screaming battles of annoying cresendo and depression, then the standard dragon blood orgies and angered orc fights that take place in all of these films. Shockingly, Emma did not expose her body much in this film and that was likely so it could keep it PG rating, so more kids could be indoctrinated by its witchcraft and homosexual motives.
The end of the movie has Harry Malfoy and Draco Malfoy uniting together to take down Voldemort in a very well choreographed fight scene with impressive 3-d special effects. The red haired child Ron died from being injected by a poison tipped spider and Hagrid, in a redeeming act of kindness, grabbed Voldemort at the last possible moment and made him fall into the deepest pits of the deathly hallows, where the giant satan scepter phallus symbol snake Basilisk was said to be waiting all comers. Only moans and deep, intestinal grinding noises could be heard from the pit and the movie ended with Emma crying, looking up to the sky and seeing Harry and his now husband Ron grabbing each other’s wands and flying off into the moonrise.
This movie series by JRK Rowling is full of twists and turns, but every ten minutes it is paced by a homosexual moment. The writers from Glee must have also helped, because the cast randomly breaks into too-long and impossibly choreographed musical numbers, which hardly fit the plot of this movie. All in all, this movie is terrifying and no place for college, high school or elementary school aged children as the ratings claim. It is pure filth and an agenda piece from the left-wing. Forbade your children from seeing it or they will end up little blood letting homosexual hipster vampires parents, and you know it’s all drugs and disease then miserable food stamp alley death from there. Forbid this movie and keep British tabloid writers like Mr. JKR Tolkien’s atheist works out of America. We are a Nation of God, not of Homosexual Vampire Witchcraft.
Movie Review: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Rating: S (Sinister) for wizardry, witchcraft, homosexual twinkle fingerings, twiddle rompus, Satanic love spells, evolution, Emma Watson exposures, flesh muggle mingles, language, violence
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Abe
If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack.
Follow me on twitters. Poke me as your New Friend on Facebook!!
10:41 pm
You know the movie hasn’t come out yet, right?
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2:39 am
His parents dropped him alot as a baby.
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10:49 pm
This is one of the worst movie reviews I have ever seen, first off it’s not out yet second off you are just way off on every single detail
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3:20 am
The premier was yesterday.
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2:09 pm
Ok, and? Doesn’t mean that Abe could’ve seen it.
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11:09 pm
Terrifying, Abe. And Christian parents are allowing their offspring to line up for this. Guess who will not be raptured come October!
I warned people about the dangers of the European Harry Potter when I wrote my expose of the second book and movie for exposingsatanism.org, but the liberal media publish so much Schund & Schmutz that our good Christian articles get lost in the flood of Satanist propaganda.
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12:02 pm
you’re hilarious you know this site is satire right?… your just exposing your own idiocy.
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12:53 pm
Are people really this f*cking stupid?
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5:09 am
one word…
DIE
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11:14 am
You do realize that this is fake, right?
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11:35 pm
Abe,
You capture this movie with an insight and clarity I may only admire. The description of that big daddy’s groady neck beard on smooth flesh makes my bosom itch and eyes water.
The paint is drying on my protest signs. While they might be dotted with mosquitoes because the little buggers are so thick this year, the message will ring clear at my local cinema tomorrow morning!
“‘Ho No to Twinkle Flingerings and Evolution!”
Thank you so much for a summer project that is safe for kids.
Praise be,
BB
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12:00 am
Not sure if troll…
A college composition class is in order. Not to mention that the movie hasn’t even debuted at local cinemas, therefore rendering this review as erroneous and null. Although it *should* go without saying.. if you (the author) had actually *read* the books you would find that you are way, way, off base.
Christian lies procures atheism.
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12:14 am
We get advanced copies of all movies and video games.
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12:19 am
That’s a lie
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12:27 am
Young man,
You’ve obviously never heard of The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. Advance screening copies are often made available to members – not just the copies that are sent at Oscar voting time.
Ask your homolesbo friend in Hollywood.
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12:33 am
Harold, I cannot stand you for one for two I know they give out advance screenings, hello! I am in the acting bussiness remember? I am just stating that thry do not give them to you guys
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12:38 am
Young man,
And why would you think they would not provide them to Christwire? Not all of Hollywood has been fully corrupted by lesbionics yet.
Some very fine actors like Mel Gibson, Charlton Heston and Rock Hudson are paragons of Christian virtues.
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12:42 am
Mel Gibson became a nut case, never even heard of the other two, and I would not give christwire a penny to support itself let alone an advance copy of anything
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1:28 am
Ok wow i know you didnt get an advanced copy because none of whats said happens in the book and most likely wont be in the movie unless some insane director took over. Also books,movies,and video games are made for entertainment not pushing a message into the recepiants head
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11:40 pm
Ahahahahahaha. Harold, you so funny.
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1:21 pm
I am surprised you mentioned Rock Hudson since he was homosexual and all….and you said he was a fine actor, but he was indeed gay……… Do you just pick and choose what is acceptable on your terms?
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3:25 am
freerider: And if I recall, J.K. Rowling herself said she’d revoke their rights to the story and characters herself if it wasn’t as close to the book as possible.
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12:43 am
So you use Pirate Bay, right?
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12:48 am
They prob don’t even know what pirate bay is, I do use it occasionally for music
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10:02 pm
Shanon, why do You even bother answering Harold Camping, he is a false prophet, that misled ( for the second time ) many people to believe that the rapture was happening a few months back, and has not even had the decency to apologize for the pain he has caused. Talk about judgement… I can wait to see how God will deal with him.
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10:06 pm
Eh gives me something to do, I don’t like him for the exact reasons you said, if it is even the real one, which I highly doubt, he’s prob just another troll
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12:11 pm
L.N,
If it ain’t in theater it aint on pirate bay. trust me on this
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11:06 pm
Then you must not have watched it. Cthulu sees your lies.
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3:32 pm
you dont even have enough money to keep your shitty website going, HARRY POTTER rules, and you can suck a big dick! ha!
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1:25 pm
ORLY? Then you can’t have watched them at all, unless of course you just sneeze this shit up and post it online.
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2:59 am
Nice troll, bro.
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3:04 am
love the reference in your name bro but im afraidd its lost on these sheltered people
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3:23 am
Ahhh shit you’re right bro
Lemme fix that…
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5:09 am
Now im positive this whole site is just a horrible joke.
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5:28 am
Dear Abe,
I cannot thank you enough. When a film review doubles as a cautionary vision, it serves to save one’s money, one’s time, AND one’s soul.
THIS “Muggle” will be praying for the misguided individuals who bow at the sinful altar of Potter.
Plus, Quidditch is a game for homo-gays who can’t play baseball.
God Bless,
didi
P.S. Where where you when “Savanna Smiles” came out? I may never be free from the torment that film brought to me.
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10:20 am
I don’t remember a big Draco/Harry love scene in the book but you know how Hollywood likes to ‘ gay things up. ‘ However, there always was a spark between the two boys. I also bet Snape taught Draco a thing or two about the cursed man to man love no-no’s, as Draco was his favorite. Draco and Harry Rotter cursing each other every chance they got could be a cover for satanic hijinks of the unnatural, non-procreatic kind [ sloppy anal probings, those dirty boys! ]. I bet there’s a spell to make such unnatural sex feel natural. Or!! I could be imagining all this and making stuff up to cover the fact that I don’t even have a cat to talk to right now and need another cup of coffee.
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11:38 am
This is completely false, if you want to know the correct plot look up on wikipedia, this is completely made up garbage.
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12:14 pm
Wikipedia is full of liberal lies. Abe is a nationally respected figure known for his morals and truth.
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7:03 pm
It’s too bad that this “review” is completely false, there are no draco/harry scenes what is this trash?
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2:04 pm
thank you for teaching me to spot the homogays! I did not realise that ginny was actually a boy in drag! Wonderful! Keep up the good work!
don’t worry with the satan worshippers that defile your page with symbols of iniquity…
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4:40 am
dont like wikipedia ? http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/harry_potter_and_the_deathly_hallows_part_ii/news/1923119/counting_down_the_pottermeter/ here a non wikipedia review
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3:28 am
Oh shut up. If you read the books or watched the movies, you’d see that all he wrote was a bunch of rubbish. Until then, I want to hear no opinion from you.
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11:54 am
Abe. you can suck shit stop whanking in the basement.
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11:46 pm
Jesus would never say that, you mentally handicapped ninny.
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11:53 pm
He also didn’t say shit about half the things you hate, nor did he say anything about the evolution of technology.
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12:07 am
unfortuantly i think hank had the apropriate response to that guy
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1:57 am
He also would never have called somebody a mentally handicapped ninny, you are clearly no Christian as such derogatory comments prove. Also, such a comment clearly only portrays your own issues with your ill perceived self-value, I’m sorry that you feel you need to compensate through such juvenile behavior Hank.
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2:00 am
while yes it this is true that guy was probably not going to do anything anyway but i hate people that talk like that all the time the need to curse is just something someone does to show anger
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1:05 pm
anyone else super turned on by that first pic. fuck yeah.
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2:22 pm
This website is a joke right?
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4:34 am
They even said there own site was a joke so i’d say yep.
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3:40 pm
you guys really suck at photoshop, the fist photo is ridiculous
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3:30 am
It’s also a fanart picture that I’ve seen on Deviantart.com..
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3:45 pm
For a group of serious homophobes you guys certainly come up with some pretty intense sexual scenes. it must be stuffy there in your closet.
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4:37 pm
Disregard that, i suck cocks.
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6:45 pm
Quentin, with enough reflexion and prayer you can clean your palate and turn back to the Lord and will never have to engage in this unnatural act again.
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6:47 pm
Relection. And hi there Lurlene. Long time, no threats! How’s it going, honey?
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6:51 pm
rflection.
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6:52 pm
reflection.
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8:04 pm
HARRY POTTER 0 GAY PEOPLE IN IT ASIDE FROM THAT ITS A GOOD SERIES! FUCK OLD SAGGY SKINNED BITCH
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2:45 am
Albus is gay the author said so forget which movie but it was said
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2:47 am
in special features
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7:19 pm
That picture of “Hermione Watson” gets me so worked up. Almost as much as the picture at the top of the article. Are you trying to confuse my already demonic sexual urges? I find the article TRULY fascinating. However, how can I continue to use this site when these pagan images haunt me?
In God’s name,
Noner
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11:31 pm
These giddam liberal techno science gadgets. Why won’t it let me post?
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12:27 am
First off,
You are totally wrong. The beginning of the movie did not start out like this You are twisting the movie within your own delusional minds. All of your articles are really off, and I believe you guys are too. You people think this movie is “Sinister” because of Emma Watson exposing her thigh?! Like I said really off. I will however except the fact that this movie can be considered “Sinister” because of the magic that is portrayed in the movie. Another thing, it’s J.K. Rowling. You people have the immaturity to sit there and type up all of your little insane articles, trying to get people to believe what you say. You people are delusional and have no right to twist movies within your brains and make them out to what they never were and never will be.
-Ryatin
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12:29 am
well said ryatin also welcome to christ wire
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4:33 am
like anyone would give them early copies maybe if they call them self a reviewer they might get away with it but then again they be going to hell cause they do nothing but lie on this site.
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6:59 am
how much thigh are we talking?
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10:23 am
FUCK YOU
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2:32 pm
aww you have such a great sense of humor!
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10:58 am
this has to be the single most retarded movie review i have EVER!!!! seen. To the author ‘you know what they say about homophobia’, maybe a few reperssed fantasys of a big bearded man having his wicked way with you maybe hmmmmmmm? If you dont like a movie fine dont like it, its a modern world where each to his own, but please dont bull shit people in the name of god thats fucked up. Its fun and fantasy you relgious zelot climb out of the pick-up truck and put the fucking stupidity AWAY!!
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12:58 pm
Is this a joke? Serioulsy?
Wow………the book never had anything like this in it. Wow……………is this a joke? I can not believe. I am a Christian, oh yes I am, and this is MAKE BELIEVE!!!!!! Seriously…..what is up with all this homosexual stuff? There is nothing in it like that at all. Is that how you interrupt everything? So if two men hug there must be something gay going on there.
Really? Wow is all I can keep saying…………….
This is pretend, not real. I totally understand people not wanting to watch it and let their kids watch it or read it, but come on, stop making stuff up and adding real names with the character names.Hermione Granger.is the character name, get it straight. What is up with that? I think some people like to JUDGE a lot when there is only one JUDGE of us all. Take a little hint, and be more like Jesus and do not condem and make up things about something you know nothing about.
I was allowed to read The CHronicles of Narnia, and guess what? I am not evil, I am still Christian. Get a grip. Oh, and lets see I hope no one here likes Mary Poppins, Bedknobs and Broomsticks(oh prolly not because of broomsticks) Let’s see what else, oh Finding Nemo, because fish do not talk, ummm lets see what else. Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, I hope you really do not watch anything unless its on your religious channels. Not even a reality chef show is safe to watch without the cursing.
I just don’t think its right for you sit there and make up stuff and call yourself a Christian. Yes you can have your opinons but do not drag lies and made up stories into this.
What would Jesus do? We would probably not be happy but forgive us Pottermaniacs anyway, why? Because that is what he does!!
Oh and by the way…..I don’t smoke just because I saw a picture of James Dean smoking…..I don’t have tattoos just because I was allowed to have stick on’s when I Was little…..hey, I am not into witchcraft just because of a MAKE BELIEVE story…………
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1:06 pm
Perhaps you should refrain from posing as a good Christain, considering good Christains don’t spread lies. Simply because you don’t like the writer, who did a wonderful job, does not mean you must spread misinformation and lies about him. Did you even read the article?
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3:29 pm
You people are so wrongfirs how is it u know so much about the movie if it ist’t even out yet. Second, Harry marries jenny. Ron marries hermione. And Draco marries some girl in slitherin. And emma thompson doesnt play hermione she plays professer Sybill Trelawney. That just goes to show how much u ppl know about the movie.
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3:38 pm
@ Rawrigan,
Well played, very well played.
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3:40 pm
welcome to christ wire and well played rawigan
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1:28 am
Harry marries GINNY. You dumbass fucktard.
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10:11 pm
Wow. You have obviously never even looked at a Harry Potter book, nor seen the movies. I wrote a paper about Christian themes in Harry Potter, so I know what I’m talking about.
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10:13 pm
Oh, this guy wrote a paper on it. Maybe we should listen to him.
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10:15 pm
Thank you, August.
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10:18 pm
Could you link to your paper so we can all experience it?
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10:25 pm
Unfortunately, it was written on my old computer and was lost when it crashed . I am working on rewriting it. Did you know, in the end *SPOILER* Harry actually sacrifices himself to save the rest of the Wizarding World
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10:29 pm
Ive never seen Lord of the rings. Shouldn’t the wizards be destroyed though?
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10:31 pm
Ummmm… I’m talking about Harry Potter.
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10:32 pm
Even worse
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10:34 pm
August just gets things confused sometimes, but he actually seems to be listing to you, I hope
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10:37 pm
August… “Even worse?” Yikes. If you think Harry Potter’s bad, you are in for a rude awakening.
Shannon… I know, right? Apparently even blind men listen to reason.
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10:38 pm
Thanks Shannon. Hope you are well today.
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10:39 pm
Well that say you really can teach an old dog new tricks, if their willing to learn that is
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10:40 pm
Christian,
I saw stargate once, scared the daylights out of me. That was all the witchcraft I could handle.
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10:43 pm
What does Stargate have to do with Harry Potter?
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1:38 am
I actually did an entire website on the Christian Values in Harry Potter and linked to the things within it that JK Rowling had said herself about how she felt on the subject…
I also compared it to Calvino’s concepts.
http://abby-claar.blogspot.com/
Here is the link, if anyone cares to look over it.
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10:41 pm
I am good August, just unpacking and putting my room together
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9:34 am
The worst movie review I have seen, and it hasn’t even come out yet. As I say, prejudice.
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5:57 am
Fanfiction.net
I think you need it.
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5:12 am
You lot are a bunch of sleezy cunts. Where the fuck do you get off writing things like this on your fucking website?
You lot are the ones who will be going to hell in the end.
God loves us sinners too. At least we accept people and things for who or what they are. You fuckers make me sick. Rot in hell.
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12:50 am
Ease off on the throttle, Ripley. You’re just grinding metal. Try decaf. This is a satire site.
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7:05 am
i love this site!! people you know this is a satire website? keep doing what your doing ‘Lurlene’ and ‘Abe’.
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11:30 pm
Is this web site a joke? I mean every article I have tried to read is full of lies, racist hate remarks or just plain nonsense.
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4:25 pm
I know this website is a joke, but this is too far.
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6:51 pm
So, this is a christian review of Harry Potter? Please! WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU GUYS GET THIS STUFF?!?! I swear, I’m pissed off at Christians like you! It makes it hard for me to be welcomed in life! And how do you like my name? That’s right. It has “Hell”. Big deal, it’s lyrics. Music won’t send me to hell and I know you guys will go there for not accepting people. So, have a nice life and good bye.
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6:59 pm
Hmm… what to say what to say… I can sort of agree and yet can’t agree. I go to church every day it’s open. I read the bible and do my prays. Yet, when it comes to stuff like this, I get mad. Not at God, but at the people that read the bible and twist it. The bible is meant to spread the word of god and yet some of the things I see in happening doesn’t even come from the bible. Where in the bible does it say there can’t be gays? No where, that’s where. Where in the bibble does it say the world will end? No where cause only God knows when the world will end. So please, stop this nonsense. I’m sick and tired of being compared to people like this website.
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12:06 am
All this on a public websight for christens. U shure your chistan
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6:30 am
……..
So he’s never seen this movie before, obviously.
This site is actually too ridiculous to take seriously.
I’m going to come on this site when I’m in need of a laugh, it’ll work beautifully.
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12:08 am
Wow. This is fake. The real Deathly Hallows part 2 went nothing like this, you idiodic bafoon!
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5:15 am
I read above that this man is nationally respected.
All you people that believe this idiot are complete idiots.
this man is a joke.
I wish a horrible burning death to all of you that even try to understand the mentality of this kiddy fiddler.
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6:13 pm
You guys are all idots and have no idea what you’re talking about, you can’t even get any of the names or parts right, there is no qudditch in the Deathly Hallows. The Deathly Hallows isn’t even a place, it’s three objects, a wand, an invisability cloak, and a stone that brings the dead back to eat all of your faces
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4:00 pm
Are you kidding me you guys will bash anything you can these days. Heres a tip when you say somthing worthwhile some of us might actually agree but if you keep bashing on everything then nobodys gonna agree unless there brain washed by this site. Oh and before you actually right your stupid articles get your facts strait. and not make up a bunch of crap
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9:53 pm
Cool story bro. Tell it again?
See, it’s idiots like these that make me sick–bashing homosexuality, science, and anything they deem ‘immoral’ or ‘damning’. I’m Agnostic, and proud to say so. I read Harry Potter. I read authors such as Wells, Tolkien, Poe, Stoker, and Shelley. See the key word? READ. These morons take the bible at face value. But let me tell you this: Where does it say that homosexuality is wrong? Oh right, it doesn’t. I think for myself. I have a mind. Yes! I know! Such a radical idea! You probably labor under the assumption that women are to be subservient to men. Ha; I’d like to see a man who can make ME their bitch.
I believe I’m a going a tad off topic. Harry Potter. Were do I begin. I’ve followed the boy from the cupboard since I was a little girl. He was my Doctor, and I was his Amelia Pond. Harry Potter was my Big Bang. It was my childhood. I enjoyed it because of its depth and meaning. Albus Dumbledore was homosexual. Yet he is BRILLIANT. The whole series is brilliant, but you wouldn’t know that, ‘cos you’re ignorant, vile, cruel, and pathetic.
So go on. Tell me that I’m some lesbian who’s going to Hell. Go on. I’m not afraid of God, and I don’t fear His judgment. I’m not afraid of the Devil, or his tortures. I stopped believing in demons when I found out all the monsters were here.
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7:20 am
You probably saw the wrong movie. My guess is you misplaced Harry Potter for gayporn…
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5:21 am
I think you got wrong movie and also you are a secert gay because you watched gay porn not harry potter. go rot in hell you god loving nutjob
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11:16 pm
LLLLLLOOOOOOOOLLLLLLL
MADE MY FUCKING DAY
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6:14 pm
I’ve read a few good stuff here. Certainly value bookmarking for revisiting. I surprise how much attempt you put to make this type of wonderful informative site.
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5:19 pm
I feel like I just read porn.
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2:40 am
uh so somehow amongst all this epicness of action i missed gay sex? damn and i’ve seen every movie many times. plus read the books…let me fix this
Harry is a orphen who lived with his Aunt and Uncle. Draco is a sexy rich boy with a bad home life. Hermione (Emma would be her real name dimrod) is a muggle born genuis. Hagrid is a gental gaint who is NOT gay. In the books (and movies). . .SPOILER FOR THOSE WHO HAVENT GOTTEN THIS FAR. . .Harry marries Ginny his best friend’s younger sister. Hermione marries Ron Ginny’s brother and Harry’s best friend. Draco marries someone (I do not belive she was ever named however I may have just forgtten). There is but one gay man in these books Albus Dumbeldor(spelling?) and this was said my J.K. Rowling herself.
Now next time mabey doing alittle reseach would help you so much in reviewing
My Christain Review (I am Christain): GET OFF YOUR ASS AND SEE THIS MOVIE! However if you are new to the world of Harry Potter you should see Sorcerer’s Stone-Deathly Hallows part 1 first or you will be totally lost okay? Lots of love for those of you with brains <3
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