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A recent trend amongst teenagers in the suburban areas is to be a “hipster”. For those concerned parents who don’t know what this is. Hipsters are bohemian, homosexuals who enjoy obscure music and the atmosphere of that permits gay sexual acts to occur. To prime themselves for gay sex, many hipsters will wear v neck shirts allowing members of the same sex to realize their orientation and seduce them into gay lucid acts. They can be seen riding single speed bikes that are a beacon to other hipster-gays letting them know they are single and ready to mingle. They will often meet each other and indoctrinate youths at music festivals, American Apparel, Urban Outfitters and at liberal arts colleges. They will convince your child to do poorly in school and blame the teacher because “they don’t understand his/her art”. They will then get black out drunk on Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer so they can engage in violent gay sex acts while listening to obscure bands whose lyrics promote such disgusting deviant acts.
In a Recent event in a suburban high school, there have been reports of hipster-gay’s take trains down from Chicago to assault suburban teenagers. In one such instance an asian hipster-gay, a noted sexual deviant (it goes without saying), with nose piercings, and a rather obscenely small penis, punched a student in the face at his graduation. Hipster gay’s try to compensate for their sexual malfeasance by running tattoo parlors from their dorms. This is how they spread HIV/AIDS to the general population of hipster gays. A hipster-gay in Naperville and reputed ball gargling champion of the western suburbs, was distinguished as Patient 0 of AIDS in the Chicago-land area. Hipster gay’s will try to fool you by pretending to date short fat jews, but they really engage in massive gay orgies with each other.
The culture of hipster-gay’s is an enigma. They represent a counterculture that is a threat to the Christian Youths that are the pride of our nation. If you see a hipster riding a bike on the street, do us all a favor and run his gay ass over with your car.
Jake Newman
12:19 pm
The author was into gay sex before it went mainstream.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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12:53 pm
I just want to know if this is real or parody!?
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1:08 pm
In either case… You probably never heard of it.
Also these guys are epic trolls! I wasn’t sure if they were just trolling or really this ignorant! Successful Trolls are indeed successful!
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2:23 pm
You’re a fine Christian. Which is to say, too stupid to make up your own mind about anything.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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1:24 pm
Hipsters have ruined this once great country of our with their constant masturbation, communist apple products, gay marriage, wikeapedialeaks and the glee.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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1:32 pm
not my fault the schools system made the uniforms polo shirts with v neck if we didnt comply we were kicked out wich wouuld get us in trouble with parents
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4:26 pm
Apple is not communist
Hot debate. What do you think?
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6:22 pm
foolish girl what else could it be but a cult?
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6:25 pm
Um, a very successful electronics company, that puts out some of the best in their field
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6:36 pm
http://articles.cnn.com/2011-05-19/tech/apple.religion_1_apple-store-apple-employees-brains?_s=PM:TECH
Sounds like a cult to me
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6:37 pm
apple is overprice trash made by Chinese children. It uses proprietary software that makes you their slave and unable to use software produced by the free market thus they are communist.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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6:41 pm
That’s not true, I use apple products, hell I’m on an iPhone right now, but I can use other stuff, I even use my moms windows computer occasionally, just as she uses my Mac.
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6:52 pm
b ut if you want to put something on that phone you have to use apples software they wont allow secondary companies in to do it
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6:56 pm
If that company wants to make an app then yea you can, most everything does, I can get on any website, YouTube, Facebook, twitter, Netflix, there is gps, this phone is amazing
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7:12 pm
Do you have Adobe Flash? That seems like the most basic feature any internet device should have.
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7:17 pm
On my computer, yes, on my phone no, but really I don’t miss it when I’m on my phone because their is apps that let you get around not having it for the most part, besides flash is very unstable platform, which is why Steve Jobs doesn’t like it, and I can’t blame him flash crashes alot
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9:53 pm
Shannonon the denyer I love you because jesus tells me to, but I swear sometimes talking to you is as useful as talking to a brick wall.
…sigh…
lets try this again…
your phone is awesome, sure what ever. But you want to put some Justine Beaver songs on it or some twilight vampire mess on it….still following me?
You need a program to put that on there right? who makes that program?
APPLE! Wy do you not use a program made by another company? Because apple wont let any one else make stuff for their phones, eyepods or whatever. they have a MONOPOLoly…so they are communists.
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10:03 pm
But that’s why thir products are do good because they make every component, in a windows computer you have multiple manufactures that make things for that one computer, and sometimes there is comparability issues because of that, apple products don’t have that problem
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10:44 pm
Young man,
You truly do not belong in California with the level technology knowledge you exhibit.
Everything you say is false, repeated from from the forked-tongue of Jobs. God gave him cancer for his deceit.
You may be next if you are not careful!
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10:50 pm
Harold that does not even justify a response because the one I want to leave is very mean and hateful, and I’m trying to be a better person
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6:04 pm
obviously there will be an argument about apple under this thread….stupid hipsters
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9:04 am
Oh hey guys, let me step in. If you think Apple products only run using other Apple products, you must be posting in this forum from the year 1984 when Microsoft was copying the idea of a successful graphic user interface from Apple one out of two software developers were the same guys building the operating systems.
Apple only makes about 20 different applications out of how many? like 250,000,000,000 otherwise from independent developers? The mobile app approval processess you are mistaking for ‘Apple making all these apps’ is actually what keeps the iTunes store from being over run by stuff like programs that teach you how to house illegal dog fights, nazi propaganda, gay sex, and anything else you would probably throw a fit over. Hmmm… there is another marketplace for phones that is unscreened… Oh yah! That’s right, the Android marketplace where an application can give your phone a debilitating virus.
iTunes isn’t the only program that you can use to load apps onto your phone, it just happens to be the best.
Flash? lol perfect. Have fun crashing your android or blackberry on interactive scripts – yah even on the tablets. iPhones are allowed to play non interactive flash content through alternative browsers like Skyfire because it doesn’t take up as many system resources. If Apple allowed the mobile devices to run flash with their current set of hardware, uneducated customers like Susan B. Xenu would cry “This phone doohickey is a piece of communist malarkey!” when she tried to order tickets for her grandkids to go to fiesta texas because the current version of interactive flash makes anything with less than 4 GB of ram and an i3 dual core processor look like a piece of communist malarkey. So Apple puts up this safeguard because they know Susan B. Xenu doesn’t know how technology works and they don’t want her to be mad about the products when she spends her assumedly earned money on Apple products.
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4:08 pm
This website is trying to reinstate the communist trend.
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4:46 pm
You forgot copious amounts of protected sex.
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8:41 pm
Looks like evolution hasn’t caught up with a bunch of christians. Your all crazy fucks
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1:37 pm
Actually hipsters are helping save America by increasing the trend of recycling (which saves our air, water, and land), increasing the trend of buying local items (helps small businesses grow which creates better cities/ towns), being open to diversity (which helps create peace), and by helping popularize that classic sense of community that died out in the 80′s & 90′s!
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3:49 pm
Wow Jake Newman, for someone who calls themselves a Christian, you sure have a lot of hate for a group of people you clearly don’t understand. And that’s coming from someone who isn’t even a “Hipster.” By your comment, I could easily generalize Christians as hateful and close-minded individuals, but I wouldn’t dare stereotype people the way you do.
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1:38 pm
im sooo hard right now
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1:47 pm
You are a stupid, ignorant fuck.
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9:25 pm
You know this site is a troll site…right?? Daww, maybe you were just a little too stupid and ignorant to consider that.
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9:29 pm
or did you just get trolled??
you never know in this crazy crazy place muauuauahahahhahaa
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1:49 pm
It’s not gay if a guy is sucking *your* dick.
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1:50 pm
Making jokes about hitting people with cars is never funny
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6:20 pm
I beg to differ. I found it quite amusing
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1:34 pm
what a great christian you turned out to be. last i knew the bible says treat others as you would like them to treat you. therefor what is your opinion on me hitting YOU with a car?
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9:26 am
James, hitting an 80 year old lady with a car, or even suggesting that you want to hit an 80 year old lady with a car is horrible. How can you even call yourself a human being? You seem more like one of those black monkeys, ummm, chimpanezes I think they are called. So much monkey, tribal rage in you, James.
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9:57 am
1) you are racist.
2) Susan said it was fun to hit people with cars.
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10:06 am
Lauren, what in my comment was racist? I’m offended by you calling me that when I never used a single racist word in my comment. Are you such a bigot against Christians that anytime they say anything, they are racist or homophobic? You should seek mental therapy…quickly.
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10:08 am
‘You seem more like one of those black monkeys, ummm, chimpanezes I think they are called. So much monkey, tribal rage in you, James.’
Monkey? That is racist to call an African American a Monkey. And then you support running them over!
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10:10 am
And no. Being Pagan has opened my eyes to a world you’ll never see. Do you know how many ‘Christians’ are possessed??
The few I have met that are true followers of the Bible were kind, considerate, and non-judgmental. You will be judged as harshly as you judge.
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10:21 am
Lauren, my dear sweet young man, first off I couldn’t remember the name of the black haired monkeys aka chimpanze versus the lighter brown haired monkeys aka orangutan. That is not being racist.
Secondly, You are being racist by deciding that the person I was talking to (James) was African American purely due to the fact that I referenced monkeys in my comment. You seem to be harboring some racist feelings and might want to seek mental health help.
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10:27 am
1) I am a girl.
2) I can prove it.
3) I am not racist.
4) I don’t like you.
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10:42 am
1) Lauren is a man’s name like Lauren Micheals from Saturday Night Live or Lauren Greene from the REAL Battlestar Gallatica.
2) What can you prove? I’m confused because I never asked for you to prove anything.
3) You called James an African American simply due to the fact that I referenced a monkey in my comment. Seems racist to me. I never called him a monkey or an African American, you did that.
4) You don’t need to like me, but I will continue to pray for your pagan, heathen soul.
God Bless
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2:54 pm
1) Lauren’s biblical meaning is Laurel Crowned. I’ve met more female laurens than male.
2) I can prove i am female.
3)I never called him a monkey, you did.
4)And that is why i hate christianity. You force your prayers upon me. We don’t do that. You never, ever, force a prayer over anyone with ut their permission.
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4:59 pm
I can’t fit this response on one of your comments, but it is LORNE Michaels. How about doing some research before you try to make a point?
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2:00 pm
so Christianity of you to hit & kill a person with your car.
this makes me sick and you are all going to HELL> ENJOY. BUY YOUR SLUPEE NOW.
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9:41 am
First thing Amber, Try to write a coherent comment. Secondly, If I see a person on a bike(hipster or not) riding outside of the bike lane, I have an obligation as a law abiding citizen to run them over. They are the ones breaking the law, not me. Bike lanes are for bikes, streets are for cars. If I am walking on the street and you are driving, Do you want to drive behind me at 1 or 2 miles per hour??? no!!! Same thing, if I’m walking where a bike rider normally rides, They would have ZERO problem running me over, yet they complain when they get hit by a car because they cut across 3 lanes of traffic and then turned across two more to get where they were going quicker. Bike riders need to respect the laws of the road as much, if not more than car drivers.
Also, what is a SLUPEE? It sounds enjoyable, but with your hate filled rant, I’m not sure about buying a “Slupee”
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10:03 am
‘I have an obligation as a law abiding citizen to run them over.’
Reckles endagerment, or if you kill them, manslaughter.
‘They would have ZERO problem running me over’
Only morons would intentionally run you over, cause they’d get hurt, too.
‘Also, what is a SLUPEE’
The only point I agree with you on.
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2:23 pm
haha Christians are fags
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2:33 pm
Christians are a cancer on America.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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3:11 pm
As a Christian.
I am appalled by this uninformed nonsense (if it is not parodic)
and I ask you…just…
why?
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6:18 pm
what is parodic? is that hipster talk?
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6:31 pm
That’s fucking genius.
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6:35 pm
language please…so your saying that parodic is hipster for genius?
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6:55 pm
Bwahahahaha you are so Damn good at this.
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5:01 pm
Last thing I knew a dictionary wasn’t only for hipsters.
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5:03 pm
Parodic, meaning satirical in nature. She means she does not believe that the writers of this site mean what they say and are actually mocking people with the view points they write about.
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3:15 pm
I hate to say it, but its true, especially hipsters from philly.
V Neck nation stand up!!!!!!!
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4:46 pm
not sure if troll, or just a better hipster than I
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4:47 pm
Wow this is a horrible article. I’m a christian and this dude is out of touch with reality. Hipsters are people with a unique fashion sense and they usually like underground music. I have never met one homosexual hipster especially one that drives around on a moped with a v-neck to invite homosexual intercourse hahaha
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5:40 pm
You know this site is satire, yes?
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10:53 pm
Young lady,
If hipsters have such a unique “fashion sense” why is it that everyone of them looks exactly alike?
When Jesus looks om hipsters he says: “here come in also a poor man in vile raiment” and “behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot.”
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10:54 pm
Young lady,
If hipsters have such a unique “fashion sense” why is it that every one of them looks exactly alike?
When Jesus looks om hipsters he says: “here come in also a poor man in vile raiment” and “behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot.”
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5:05 pm
Since when did Christians go around running people over with their cars, and calling people “gay-ass”?
wtf.
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5:21 pm
Christwire is one of the funniest sites on the intertubes. A+
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5:30 pm
is this real, like seriously? you people are fucking stupid i hope you all get ball gargling aids at church on sunday you fags
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5:34 pm
Christians are supposed to be loving individuals. If you aren’t kind to everyone, regardless of what you may think of them, you aren’t doing what Jesus wanted. Period. Lipness test for Christianity right there. Oh and I also found it appalling how not one source was cited, not even the Bible!
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5:38 pm
Lol @ the idiots who can’t tell if this is a parody. You’re the same people who post Onion article in fb like they’re real.
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6:16 pm
so short fat jew girls are to hipsters as short fat ugly white women are to blacks and mexicans?
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11:17 pm
Sister Susan,
That is an astute observation.
It is indeed the case. On reflection the dynamics of the causes are similar and yet slightly different.
In the case of the hipster it’s economic. Hipsters know that they are unemployable, primarily due to a complete lack of ambition or skills at anything but disdain for others. The Jewess offers the possibility of long-term financial protection because of her law career or public-sector job.
The Jewess’ mothering instinct takes the place of reason, and her unattractiveness ensures little to no contact with other money-changers or usurers.
In the case of the blacks and mexicans it’s economic as well. Our brethren of the darker persuasion know that they are unemployable, primarily due to a complete lack of ambition and skills at anything. The morbidly obese Caucasian cast-off offers the possibility of long-term financial protection because of public health assistance or by renting them out for the occasional back alley tryst with passing motorists.
The morbidly obese Caucasian does not have a mothering instinct, but in rural areas often has a “trailer home” passed down as her dowry. That trailer provides both a domicile as well as a convenient laboratory for cooking methamphetamine. Her unattractiveness also ensures little to no contact with others of her race.
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6:17 pm
For the love of God, please learn proper grammar. Misused apostrophes, misplaced periods, comma splices, incomplete sentences, run-on sentences, random capitalization, and other blatant typos make baby Jesus cry.
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6:40 pm
if you dont like christwire please feel free to go back to your gay homosexual gangbang. there are more important things then rules of grammar produced by the sinful english
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6:53 pm
Nice.
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6:23 pm
Great article brother!
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7:33 pm
who are you to judge the way these people live? just because someone wears a certain shirt or rides a certain bike makes them a ‘hipster’? i really hope this is a joke. i pray, for your sake, that none of you are really this oblivious and narrow minded.
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8:38 pm
That explains why my ass hurts so much after those PBR benders
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9:22 pm
You should hang out with some hipsters, Mrs. X! A big gay orgy just might be able to pull that dumbass, I don’t know anything about the world minus what my bible, retards like Jake Newman, and my preacher (who secretly probably gets it in the butt on the daily), stick out of your ass!
That’s a stretch though, it might take a few efforts considering how far it seems to be wedged up there, damn stick reaches your brain!
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9:34 pm
This is a well written article. As a female “hipster” who lives in the city, not suburbs, I must say, I quite enjoy men- particularly my boyfriend, we are in a committed relationship. We like to dress up and go out, drink pbr, but not black out, and have awesome straight relations. I do well in school, I have a job and volunteer work. There’s a lot of “hipsters” who aren’t deviants! We’re just young people who like to dress trendy and with style, who enjoy to go out and socialize. I find this article to be mostly homophobic, as opposed to “hipster-phobic”
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10:08 pm
You say “homophobic” as if it was a bad thing.
You describe an empty life pursuing the superficiality of image and false idols. I’d pity you, if your heathenism wasn’t so blatantly chosen.
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11:21 pm
You fail good sir, please attempt your trolling once more, and use less big words (you seem to have an issue with them).
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11:25 pm
Sir,
Very well said.
If other correspondents on this site were as articulate as you, what a joy it would be.
Praise click!
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4:18 pm
Sir, you are a moron. I shall now exercise my Christwire given right to…
Comdemn you to the depths of satire! I can be articulate… You guys just don’t seem to understand the big words I use and call me a Pagan harlot.
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12:16 am
This website would be hilarious if it weren’t so sad.
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1:58 pm
This is a joke, right?
Ha!
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2:46 pm
I do not think all hipsters are gay…some are christian I am sure..Yeah they ride bikes, listen to alternative music, love goatees, interesting tattoos and piercings or what ever we categorize people to be “hip”. to me their an evolved version of hippies whatever but they wish no harm on anyone. This judgmental, close minded rant on a group of people is disgusting. As a Christian not being homosexual, but totally accepting them I am just sick of these judgmental Christians who believe they are better than everyone else. Jesus would not be pleased. He preached peace and love, not hate and discrimination.
Read the stories.
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5:03 pm
Im a youth counselor at a local youth center and come across many hipsters everyday. The men dress like half made women and talk about material objects all the time. A hipster youth boy told me that he went to a party where hipsters were raping each other and bitting him. He said that thats normal behavior once your accepted. After calling local authorities and telling them about the rape I did some research and found a typical hipster video full of homosexuality and trash. Im glad that this is being brought up
hipster conduct:
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5:45 pm
I hear a large host of deviants in Minneapolis have been having the gay sex while listening to some heretic v-neck sporting band by the name of Ghostmouth.
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5:46 pm
oh yeah! I love ghostmouth!
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6:15 pm
I have heard that hipsters will have start registering as sex offenders even before they rape your daughter.
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6:47 pm
And I thought hipsters meant cool people, thank you for pulling the wool off of my eyes and showing me the shining light of truth. And I’ll stay out of chicago for sure!
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9:50 pm
this whole thing is like a shit sandtrap
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10:33 pm
Hipsters are the worst! They wear ironic black glasses, ironic skinny jeans, and drink ironic PBR. They also don’t know what irony means, so while they think they’re being ironic, they’re actually being unironic, ironically. Damn hipsters with their Animal Collective and Deerhunter shows.
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12:21 pm
Your all fucking idiots
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9:01 pm
Guys,
this is obviously the real life because it was posted on the internet.
The internet is a sin. You all are going to Hell because you’re on here. Quick, leave now and pray to Jesus, our Savior, for forgiveness.
There’s still a chance you’ll be saved.
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1:48 am
none of this is true in anyway shape or form. the author is a complete and total idiot if he even believe one word of what he wrote.
What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
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1:42 pm
It is sad to see articles full of lies and the devil being posted on this Christian site
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1:13 am
This is ridiculous. Why can’t people just worry about themselves. It seems to me the most judgmental people are the christians
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1:27 am
Hey leave me out of this. I didn’t say that
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6:00 am
This site is disgusting as well as any “Christian” who agrees with it. I am appoled. I would like to know where this asshole found his information. He sites no other work not even the bible. I would also like to know where in the bible it gives you the right to call people names like fag and ball gargling champion. It’s people like you that make people not believe in religion.
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5:11 pm
Good!
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2:49 pm
Your all stupid cunts esp you Susan B. Xenu you need a nice hipster minge in your face and eat it out like the swine you are! might help if i slip my hipster cufifix dildo up your cunt too! your a fucking prat. get to your long over due grave!
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2:58 pm
What is your problem you pervert?
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3:28 am
Lol you guys should see what people say about you guys behind your back see how you like it everyone has their beliefes but your beliefes belong in a mental institution.
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10:26 am
The fellowship of the Chris†wire pays no attention to the rumors and blaspheming jokes of the unsaved. We pray the one day you’ll join us and the world can be as one instead of the eternal torment that you will face in a fiery hell.
“And the LORD said unto Moses, Whosoever hath sinned against me, him will I blot out of my book.” Exodus 32:33
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