Kindle Book Review: “Chronicles Of The Rogue Pirate Ninja” Will Turn You Into A Heathen Gay And Should Be Banned
The days of book burnings are long over, due to the introduction of the Kindle and its indoctrination into decent society. I recently purchased one in hopes of finding good Christian literature to read to the inner city youth I minister to every weekend.
I came across this title and thought it might be fun to read to the children. OH HOW WRONG I WAS.
Whoever the author of this is, “RJ Smith” is what he claims but I’m sure it is something closer to Jorge Rodriguez due to his constant use of filthy language and near homogay scenarios, is one sick person. As a matter of fact, I will go as far as to say reading this, the first part in a three part series, will send you straight to hell and possibly turn you homogay.
Laws should be made to stop people like this from influencing your children. The very first paragraph references porn, out-of-wedlock sex, and hatred of Jesus. The author has some sort of sick fetish for women who are clearly ungodly. The only thing that could be said after reading the first chapter was “Wow, this guy has no decency at all.”
The idea that such filth would be allowed in a God fearing society is frankly offensive. The fact that it is marketed with such a name that will appeal to our youth is reprehensible. The writer should be put in jail to rot for his blasphemies.
What follows is an excerpt, allowed to be posted here with the writer’s consent on the condition that we also post a link to a page where you can purchase this filth for $1.99.
Beware for this excerpt contains language that is not safe for anyone.
“Zero had just found out his porn collection was gone. His plans for rubbing one out before the big mission were now compromised. The one thing he looked forward to in his entire life had been stolen from him. He vowed at that very moment that everyone who had even the slightest involvement in this caper would be shitting their guts from a new found hole in the sorry sack of flesh that used to house those very same guts.
It was time to leave… two minutes too early.
He shot out the front door of his modest three bedroom apartment like a bullet from a gun. His mission was now clear; kill everyone, get his god damn porn back. If he happened to save the Earth and get the audio files back, cool. If not, he would at least get one last fap in before the whole thing went up in flames.
He met up with Number 8 on the edge of the Dark Rum Forest. The weed Smerf had rolled was the only thing keeping him together at this point. The two Pirate Ninja puffed as they went over Zero’s plan.
“First, I’m going to go right in the front door of their stupid Corporate Headquarters and murder everything in sight.” Zero explained. “Then, we are going to get my damn porn back.”
When communicating with the author over email, I refuse to meet him in person as he will probably only try to rape me, I asked why he decided to write such an evil story. His response was “Because shut up.”
I am posting the link simply as reference material for all good Christians to avoid this debauchery at all costs. Whatever you do, do not support this heathen by giving him any money whatsoever. Although, as of press time, the writer also admitted that the story would be pirated and given away for free on the pirate bay within the week. This proves that not only is he a heathen but also a communist.
I hope you will join me in boycotting this so called story and telling the members of your flock to do the same, lest they end up burning in Hell. At the Christwire offices we printed out a copy and burned it as a sacrifice to the Lord. I suggest, if you do end up somehow with this on your Kindle, you will do the same.
Reluctantly posted link to purchase Satan’s evil.
Chronicles of the Rogue Pirate Ninja
This man should possibly take writing lessons from me, Alex K Keating. Although I doubt that would help save him from the Hell he will be burning in after turning so many children gay.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Alex Keating
Alex K. Keating is a presidential hopeful currently seeking the Republican nomination. His likes include Fox News, Ronald Reagen , and exposing Communism. Fan mail can be sent to AlexKKeating@yahoo.com.
12:32 am
WARNING TO COMMENT POSTED. ONE MORE BAD COMMENT AND YOUR IP WILL BE BANNED FOR DEMONIC IMAGES
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12:54 am
Demonic images!? I’LL FUCKING GIVE YOU DEMONIC IMAGES!!
http://encyclopediadramatica.ch/Offended
NOTHING BUT A RETARDED CLONE OF THE ABOVE SITE!
I HAD FUN TROLLING YOU MOTHER FUCKERS. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK IF I’LL BE BANNED! GOD DOES NOT EXIST AND YOU ALL KNOW IT!!
By the way, if any sane person happens to read this, would you spam these images throughout this site? Thank you.
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1:08 am
Like the idiot who wrote this iBook, you never have anything intelligent to say, nor do you add to the conversation. If you look at your posts, other commenters are complaining about you and we respect our true readership. You say you are a “troll”, yet from what our church knows about “trolls”, you haven’t done anything “troll” like.
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1:28 am
U MAD SHIT HED?!
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1:34 am
Did you forget to take your anti-psychotics ?
All your comments are irrational ramblings, please leave.
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1:42 am
Dear lord did you click on that link? my eyes have seen things that they can not unsee…can we delete that?
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12:34 am
I must apologize for the formatting towards the end. Posting the excerpt must have brought demons into the source code of the article.
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1:17 am
What a prideful son of a bitch you are!
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12:53 am
Alex,
I don’t know where you find the time to dumpster dive and run a campaign for our next President of the United States of America, one nation under God.
It seems the forces of evil are gathering to rally against your review of this filth.
Godspeed,
BB
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1:17 am
Great Job exposing this disgusting homogay “book”.
The excerpt from this homogay child brainwash “book” is demonic, it almost turned me homogay !.
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1:18 am
So do you think EVERYTHING is for children?
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1:20 am
I KNOW that the homogay agenda targets innocent children.
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1:39 am
Again, HOW? You’d have to think everything is for children, even though there are specific warnings that say otherwise.
Not only that, but you’re just a fool who thinks that homosexuality is a choice and thinks that anyone who is gay is some kind of cultist trying to get others to join.
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1:51 am
How do i know ? EVERYONE KNOWS you need to read more Christwire articles.
The homogay agenda is part of Satan’s demonic army. They promote sin, they want to rape children, they want to turn everyone homogay and they want to condemn our souls to HELL
“homosexuality is a choice and anyone who is gay is some kind of cultist trying to get others to join.”
I agree with this.
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2:19 am
“How do i know ? EVERYONE KNOWS you need to read more Christwire articles.”
And what these people have to say about homosexuals is nothing more than a bunch of lies.
“The homogay agenda is part of Satan’s demonic army. They promote sin, they want to rape children, they want to turn everyone homogay and they want to condemn our souls to HELL”
No they don’t. You’re just a paranoid idiot who can’t handle things that are different, so you viciously attack it because you don’t understand it, and you refuse to understand it.
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1:23 am
I don’t think I have ever been as horrified as I was by this “excerpt.” I don’t even think “excerpt” is the right word to describe it, it should be “excrement.”
I am praying very hard for the soul of the sinner who wrote this. Thank you, Alex, for bringing it to our attention.
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1:40 am
No child of mine will be allowed to even know about this filth.
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5:47 am
But you are OK with the bible that promote incest , sexism , racism and slavery among many others.
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1:47 am
The demented soul who wrote this disgusting prose shall know no respite in heaven. His dark demonic souls shall burn with the purveyors of smut. Hitler and Stalin shall be his bunk mates of doom.
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1:51 am
and unleashing it on kindle…real authors write books not junk on the internet.
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5:12 am
Exactly. While corresponding with the ‘writer’ over email he attempted to send me a pornographic image of himself. He labeled it ‘bible study’ to trick me into opening it.
The joke is on him, however, as I reported it to the Yahoo Police.
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8:22 am
I sincerely agree that this book is horrible and should be read only as an example for future writers of what not to do. Not in its content, but in the sense that its just plain poorly written and leaves very little to the imagination. I am reminded very strongly of Twilight.
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12:04 pm
The evil swine of an author tricked me into looking up the word “fap” on the internet dictionary for urban atheists, and now I have a mental image of self-abuse that will require HOURS of self-flagellation to annihilate.
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12:24 pm
Calm down folks! This is the devil stirring you all up. I would advise that you cease your hostilities and just go to Church on Sunday. Go confess you Catholics and the rest do what you do to repent and absolve your sins.
Remember that you are God-fearing Americans and this webintersite is visible to the pagan world, so behave yourselves.
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12:54 pm
Praying in this case is probably nugatory. God will already have an angle on this and the guilty parties will be damned to hellfire and possibly assisted to hell via lightning strike or disease eg cancer. We could pray for their condemned souls and make it clear to God that the subject may need a bit less Hell than more rotten sinners.
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2:38 pm
Yet another post from someone unsure of his/her sexuality. Are you a man locked in a female body or vice versa? We say man up and sort your admin out.
However, that is how the Briitish army deals with problems – you ‘ man up ‘ and deal with it. This is an organisation that would spurn this website. The same goes for Australia, Germany and even the USA and Canada. The military does NOT salute you.
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11:36 pm
This author is an irresponsible maniac. I had my Korean download this “book” via his torrenter. If you want to know how filthy this “author” is, don’t buy his book and torrenter it also.
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12:40 am
this is very sad, you all are saying that a book can turn you gay? I am doubtful of this because I like to read books and i am still straight, and the gay population has no agenda. they go to church and worship the same god as you do. this is absolutely ridiculous…
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4:11 pm
I feel utterly ridiculous for asking – but is this a comedy site? I’ve been reading article upon article on here and they’ve all made me fall about laughing. It’s as if the Amish got internet savvy. I love it!
Though the extract reads like some terrible Lucifer/Michael slash fiction.
The amount of prejudice and hatred and ignorance on here is so mind-boggling, I love it. It’s become funny. You made bible-bashers fun again.
Ahh I’m saving this to bookmarks for whenever I need a good laugh. Thanks guys! ^^
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2:43 pm
I’ve been wondering the exact same thing, George. This has to a spoof.
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