• Kindle Book Review: “Chronicles Of The Rogue Pirate Ninja” Will Turn You Into A Heathen Gay And Should Be Banned

    July 15, 2011 12:23 am 30 comments
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  • The days of book burnings are long over, due to the introduction of the Kindle and its indoctrination into decent society.  I recently purchased one in hopes of finding good Christian literature to read to the inner city youth I minister to every weekend.

    I came across this title and thought it might be fun to read to the children.  OH HOW WRONG I WAS.

    Whoever the author of this is, “RJ Smith” is what he claims but I’m sure it is something closer to Jorge Rodriguez due to his constant use of filthy language and near homogay scenarios, is one sick person.  As a matter of fact, I will go as far as to say reading this, the first part in a three part series, will send you straight to hell and possibly turn you homogay.

    Laws should be made to stop people like this from influencing your children.  The very first paragraph references porn, out-of-wedlock sex, and hatred of Jesus.  The author has some sort of sick fetish for women who are clearly ungodly.  The only thing that could be said after reading the first chapter was “Wow, this guy has no decency at all.”

    The idea that such filth would be allowed in a God fearing society is frankly offensive.  The fact that it is marketed with such a name that will appeal to our youth is reprehensible.  The writer should be put in jail to rot for his blasphemies. 

    What follows is an excerpt, allowed to be posted here with the writer’s consent on the condition that we also post a link to a page where you can purchase this filth for $1.99. 

    Beware for this excerpt contains language that is not safe for anyone.


    Zero had just found out his porn collection was gone.  His plans for rubbing one out before the big mission were now compromised.  The one thing he looked forward to in his entire life had been stolen from him.  He vowed at that very moment that everyone who had even the slightest involvement in this caper would be shitting their guts from a new found hole in the sorry sack of flesh that used to house those very same guts. 

    It was time to leave… two minutes too early.

    He shot out the front door of his modest three bedroom apartment like a bullet from a gun.  His mission was now clear; kill everyone, get his god damn porn back.  If he happened to save the Earth and get the audio files back, cool.  If not, he would at least get one last fap in before the whole thing went up in flames.

    He met up with Number 8 on the edge of the Dark Rum Forest.  The weed Smerf had rolled was the only thing keeping him together at this point.  The two Pirate Ninja puffed as they went over Zero’s plan.

    “First, I’m going to go right in the front door of their stupid Corporate Headquarters and murder everything in sight.” Zero explained.  “Then, we are going to get my damn porn back.”

    When communicating with the author over email, I refuse to meet him in person as he will probably only try to rape me, I asked why he decided to write such an evil story.  His response was “Because shut up.” 

    I am posting the link simply as reference material for all good Christians to avoid this debauchery at all costs.  Whatever you do, do not support this heathen by giving him any money whatsoever.  Although, as of press time, the writer also admitted that the story would be pirated and given away for free on the pirate bay within the week.  This proves that not only is he a heathen but also a communist. 

    I hope you will join me in boycotting this so called story and telling the members of your flock to do the same, lest they end up burning in Hell.  At the Christwire offices we printed out a copy and burned it as a sacrifice to the Lord.  I suggest, if you do end up somehow with this on your Kindle, you will do the same. 

    Reluctantly posted link to purchase Satan’s evil.

    Chronicles of the Rogue Pirate Ninja

    This man should possibly take writing lessons from me, Alex K Keating.  Although I doubt that would help save him from the Hell he will be burning in after turning so many children gay. 

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    About The Author
    Alex Keating Alex K. Keating is a presidential hopeful currently seeking the Republican nomination. His likes include Fox News, Ronald Reagen , and exposing Communism. Fan mail can be sent to AlexKKeating@yahoo.com.

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