“MASS EFFECT/ERECT 3″ – Urgent Parent Alert!
God willing, please remove all children under the age of 30 from the kitchen before you read this article. It contains extremely offensive and sinful contents and is a warning to fathers and mothers everywhere. If you haven’t already moved the computer to your kitchen, do so immediately. The kitchen is the safest place for the family computer because you can always see what your spouse or child is reading.
I have faith that the children in my congregation are strong enough to resist temptation. I’ve been speaking regularly to high school students in my county for over 20 years on the dangerous filth of video “gaymes.” Unfortunately, not all of our kids are as strong as the ideal Christian young man or woman. Recently, we’ve been accepting converted children from ethnic and Catholic backgrounds to attend our Jesus Camp. I am a head administrator and use surveillance systems in the rooms to ensure our angels are sleeping soundly during the dark hours of the night and not gossiping or performing the unholy act of self-fornication, masturbation.
Imagine my surprise when I heard some girls giggling about a video gayme entitled “Mass Effect,” a clear pun on the ability of the technology deviants to seduce our flaccid boys en masse. I quickly ran into the presentation room — I dare not call it a theater; those places where homosexuals spread their propaganda faster than their loose bums– and sent some e-mails to my colleagues for information. Jack Thompson, anti-video gayme martyr, had left me the “Bible” of anti-video gayme references.
This is an urgent warning to all Godly parents and those who obey His word. Mass Erect 3 is a recruitment tool for those intolerant of conservatives, Christians, and patriots. You MUST immediately after reading this tell your church and spread the word on how dangerous this godless drivel is. Thankfully, we caught it early. The latest edition in the “gayme” series is not to be released until next spring. Still, our voices of opposition must sing out like a gospel choir.
The alien tran-SEX-ual sickening “art” is only the beginning.
In Mass Erect, an otherwise good Christian man is sent to defend humanity from the “Rapers,” a race of massive dildo machines intent on fornicating with every man, woman and child. In fact, all life is being raped in order to continue their species. It’s no coincidence that they keep mentioning species. The plague of the evolution lie is filled throughout the series.
These massive sodomy machines pierce the orifices of all they touch.
The good in this series ends here, as it turns out the main character –WHOSE BIBLICAL NAME INSULTS CHRISTIANS EVERYWHERE– Shepard, is only interested in preserving peace with the other heathen aliens. He should be converting others or killing the aliens, at least.
There is nothing in the Holy Bible about aliens. The entire game is about defiling the Bible and preaching nonsense and evil. The makers of the game, “Bioware” (which sounds like a CONDOM company), are located in a SOCIALIST Scandinavian country of sin, Canada. It’s no surprise Canadians would make such a disgusting game to insult us believers.
The aliens are everywhere and frightening enough to make me loose sleep. Especially the quick-talking “Salivate-ians” who remind me of the Chinese menace. They’re small but fast.
A sneaky communist Chinese alien undresses a Godly woman with it’s eyes.
Worse still, the oldest and “wisest” aliens are a race of blue lesbians who stick their tentacles into everything they can to try and sinfully pleasure themselves. They control almost everything and represent Europeans. The “Ass-R-E” are unsurprisingly a race of only women, given that women are the weaker gender. Mass Erect is trying to undo traditional family gender roles! These Ass-R-E should be raising their half-breed children while their manly “Turian” husbands work. Instead, they fornicate wildly with anything they can get their hands on to reproduce on their own. This is an insult to the virgin birth. Only a man and a woman can make a child. NOT A WOMAN ON HER OWN!
An atheist tentacle rape lesbian seduces an honest man with her filthy eyes.
After interviewing some of the girls at my camp, I found out this type of a “gayme” is called an RPG. This both stands for “Role Playing Gayme” and conveniently, “Real Phallic Gay.” I found out that worse still, the player can CHOOSE WHETHER TO BE GOOD OR EVIL. The problem is that both choices are really evil! CHILDREN SHOULD NOT BE TAUGHT IT’S OKAY TO CHOOSE TO BE EVIL! For that matter, I don’t understand why they allowed the player to create a female character. A woman’s place is not in space!
Finally, the player is taught to explore the “Queerian Floatilla.” It’s a race of overprotected liberal children who live in spacesuits because they can’t stand human germs. Like Eve after touching the forbidden fruit, the Queerians made an artificial intelligence that revolted against them. Life can not create life. Only God and His infinite wisdom can! The Queerians bit the apple of sin and are thankfully banished to the outskirts of the galaxy. The Queerians are a bunch of freeloading liberal communist hippies who ravage any planet they touch. They all live in communal quarters and do everything “for the common good.” This is communist indoctrination at its worst, and I for one will not stand for it!
I recommend continuing the boycott of all video games by decent people everywhere. Once we let our guard down, the liberal menace will penetrate us wherever we stand or sit. Vigilance is key, and perseverance is essential. Brothers and sisters, stand tall but stay rightfully limp against “Mass Erect” and its like.
Thank you and God bless.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: tdomf_15f10
12:18 pm
Damn, now when I’m playing this AWESOME game I will be calling the Asari the “Ass-R-E” and the Quarians “Queerians.”
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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12:40 pm
Do all video game companies now have a commie gay agenda???
Hot debate. What do you think?
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86
12:48 pm
Hahaha…lick my balls and suck my dick.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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1:18 pm
That was crude and unnecessary. I wonder what would prompt you to ejaculate such a vile utterance.
On a slightly more RELEVANT note, I thank Carolyn for contributing this fine piece of investigative work. Normally we see stuff from Ms. Xenu, but I daresay you’ve done as good a job as she ever does. Wonderful piece.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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128
3:05 pm
ok, ok, This website is just a joke correct?
because as I’m reading more and more posts (yay, your hit count goes up!) I keep seeing incorrect data/names/places; it seems to me that it would behoove you, as authors of these articles, to at least get your information correct. The point being that your readers can go out and know what “gaymes” you are talking about in order to keep their children away from them. e.g. Mass Effect, not Mass Erect.
2. You have no information stated about your authors really…None of you seem to be masters of any field relevant to what you are speaking of; You quote no sources, just opinions.
3. The only people who post here who are Christians (other than the authors) seem to hate the site as much as the Trolls, Atheists, and random internet users that yell at you from their posts.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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10:12 pm
We do not yell, just make fun of religious fanatics who agree with this articles. If people believe the earth is flat because the Bible says it, believe me, there really are people who agree with these articles… especially some people from the south.
I realy hope this site is a parody…
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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9:29 pm
Or you could have just wikied it. Seriously. You don’t have to think this hard about it.
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1:37 pm
This site is hilarious, i asked this exact same question on another one of their “articles” i think this site should be promoted more if simply for the giggles and to scare children into what NOT to become.
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9:23 pm
Yea you can go suck my cock if you want. I got a nice long juicy one waiting for you. And fuck god and the united states. Russia is gonna fuck all of you southern shits up. Россия воскреснет!
Hot debate. What do you think?
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1:36 pm
lol russia’s a poor peice of shit country full of inbred retards and alchoholics who wish they lived in america. Good troll you commy dipshit.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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2:28 pm
fuck you businessman hank fuck you
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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3:14 pm
hey hank while i won’t go so low as to use crude sayings i will say this alot of what she show is fan made either photo shopped or some mod made in garrys mod (aka gmod) i won’t tell you not to believe it i just think you should know where alot of her info and pictures came from
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11:21 pm
ejaculate *snickers*
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11:21 am
(ejaculate (hehehe)) its not a fantastic jop its total bullshit – what a homophopic ignorant closed minded person lol twats go fuck yourselfs your not christians your mentalists
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12:30 am
Or perhaps we should call this entire site a vile utterance. I have just finished reading this article and never before have I read such dreck. Seriously? there are still people on this horse of VIDEO GAMES ARE THE DEVIL! Really? It blows my mind that there is still such ignorance. I hope for the sake of the human race that this entire site is a big joke. If there is still such ignorance like this then I don’t what I will do. Hell, I’ll just leave or something.
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5:53 pm
Um, you know this website is a joke, right? I don’t think these writers are actually Christians. They seem to know very little about the Bible and Christian beliefs.
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10:25 pm
great way to be a christian. i dont give three fucks about religion, but i know how to be a good person. jesus gave the message of love and kindness. i believe you guys miss the mark by a LONG shot. kiss my ass jesus freak
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12:16 pm
What the fuck. You crazy religeous bastards preach love and acceptance yet you sit there and make hits at all those people in this post?!?! Place is not in space? I’m sure that’s easy to say when your daddy threw you in the kitchen daily and told you you’d never amount to anything. God gave us creativity for a reason. Your no closer to God than the people making this video game. You should re-read this post and be utterly hopeful God forgives you for all the hate within it.
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6:36 pm
I would suck your dick just to piss off these bible humpers ;D
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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9:25 am
ha ha ha ha ha you said ejaculate ha ha ha Ohhh brilliant
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2:05 am
Hey this guy is still gay. Don’t tell!
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8:35 pm
That is a strange question sir. That is like asking if all priests have a gay agenda because of the whole priest rape children thing
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3:35 pm
thanks for the pictures, i vigorously masturbated while reading this article.
*fapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfap*
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1:01 pm
I was going to comment on how factually inaccurate and biased this article is, but you mentioned Jack Thompson.
I will tell you right now that mentioning and even referencing the deeds of this bastard child of Shameful and Abe is unacceptable. His license to practice law was taken from him years ago. You crossed a line, and I hereby swear you to be my mortal enemy. Watch yourself.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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1:33 pm
Everything in this courageous expose is absolutely accurate. I know, because it made me gay until I finished the game for the 15th time and moved on to Shogun: Total War, which made me Japanese. Duke Nukem Forever would have restored my Godly heterosexual Whiteness, but ironically, I found it a pain in the ass to play.
Oh, except that your pictures are from Mass Erect 2, not 3.
You really need to warn people about Drag Age II, though, wherein the total gameplay is to dress your male characters in slutty womens’ clothing.
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2:27 pm
Thanks for the warning, sir. Good Christians look out for each other.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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10:54 pm
Your an idiot because you haven’t noticed that he was CLEARLY being sarcastic. sometimes it really saddens me how excessively close minded Christians have swayed the last few decades to such a conservative thinking that its actually damaging the progress and morality of humanity -.- this article soooo ridiculously inaccurate, nonfactual and close minded that it’s actually quite hilarious. I didn’t even know that people with such a backwards mentality existed. I fear for you and your children and your unenlightened mind
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9:36 pm
please do not throw all christians in with these morons.
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9:35 pm
Says the guy who goes on a satirical website to rant…
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2:46 am
OMG I THINK U MIGHT B GAY!!!
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1:57 pm
How on earth did you figure all this out? I would live to spend a day in your mind to discover where the hell these fucked-up ideas come from. Not only this a science-fiction GAME, (fiction being the operative word) you completely miss the point of the game. The protagonist, Shepard (a fitting name, since he wants peace for everyone, surely this is an honour) wants peace, he is not out to destroy things that are a threat to you, mostly because he does not exist. Although his character would be seen as heavily honourable. Isn’t your whole religion ahout peace?
Good heavens, get yourself out of the dark ages and keep up with the world. We’re sending intelligent men and women into space and you are complainig about video games? There are much better things to complain about.
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6:25 pm
Not everyone will survive. An ancient alien race, known only as “Reapers”, has launched an all-out invasion leaving nothing but a trail of destruction in their wake. Earth has been taken, the galaxy is on the verge of total annihilation, and you are the only one who can stop them. The price of failure is extinction. You are Commander Shepard, a character that you can forge in your own image. You determine how events will play out, which planets to explore, and whom to form alliances with as you rally a force to eliminate the Reaper threat once and for all. How you wage this war is completely up to you: go into combat with guns blazing or use cover to plan a more tactical assault. Utilize your squad to full effect or take a lone wolf approach. Rain death from a distance or go toe-to-toe with enemies using devastating melee attacks. Mass Effect 3 will react to each decision you make as you play through a truly unique experience of your own creation
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2:27 pm
ARE YOU NIGGAS SERIOUS COME ON GODDAMN. At least do your research first you close-minded christfags.
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5:25 pm
dude this is a joke. this whole site is a bunch of trolls. they aren’t serious.
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2:35 pm
i for one support the liberal commie agenda and will play mass erect fully erect!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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5:45 pm
I can’t wait to hear what they say when they find out that in Mass Erect 3 you can have gay sex with an alien. LOL!
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2:53 pm
i hope this site gets banned, false and misleading information is only posted here.
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3:33 pm
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=satire
You need this. Badly.
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6:03 pm
These video games are the marbles of this century. Very evil indeed.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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6:19 pm
wow…this is a load of BS, especially how they relate every good aspect of this game as “sinful”, whatever, I’m gonna just play both Mass Effect games even more knowing it’s gonna piss off this overly-devoted religious dude, such a xenophobe… -.-
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6:22 pm
not to mention how sexist this douche is talking about women, wouldn’t you think god created both man and women all equal
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6:26 pm
I do not appreciate your language or tone Bob, this is a website for Christian families.
Man was created first. Woman was created later as a helper to man.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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7:35 pm
I believe that on this site women have been referred to as “help meat” a couple times.
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2:23 pm
Okay, first of all, that is the most goddamn ridiculous bull fucking shit I have ever heard in my fucking life. You backwards hypocritical fucks need to stop “preaching your morals”, because in truth you are the ones who are immoral,and also you can stop hating on women you prejudice fuck, because I would think that your “god” would want everyone to be treated as equals and loved equally. It is really quite pitiful that the conservative mindset and views have plagued christianity, I mean really, the only “chrisitans” I’ve seen comment on this shit have been 40-60 year old, most likely conservative, WASPS, and if you don’t know what that stands for it means, White Anglo-Saxon Protestants, yep…people like you are the ones that give religion such a bad name, you’re ignorant, narrow minded views are not appreciated, nor are they correct you truly deserve to burn in “hell” because people like you merely bring society down with your hypocritical and psychotic views…sorry for the rant I just hate people like you….yep I hate you all so very much.
P.S. I’m a homosexual…..and lovin’ every minute of it….and from the AMAZING words of Ms. Gaga herself, I WAS BORN THIS WAY!!!! 8DDDDDD
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2:26 pm
I’m praying for you right now! I am sure brother Weisz will continue for me when he reads your post.
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1:39 pm
how can u say “tone” that basicaly mean u “heard” someone through the internet?
and fuck me mass erect dicks 3 sounds so much fun! needa get a commie sorry i mean copy
AND WHAT THE FUCK? YOUR SURNAME IS A TIME OF YEAR! PHAHAHAHAHAHA
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9:35 am
Ohhh are you serious?! you can’t be that naive and stupid at the same time?!. Are you saying that Man is superior to women? and they’re just a tool to helping man?
I’m a man, and I don’t consider my self better than women. We are equal! we need women in this world just as much as they need us!
All of you people give Christians a bad name, you use and abuse your religion so much and then program your children with this crap. My parents are Christians and they never enforced it on me, it was my own decision alone on what to believe in.
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12:15 am
so… you believe everything a book tells you?
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8:13 pm
I have to agree with August that Woman is to be the helper of man. Except for my wife. She won’t do the damned dishes after she cooks.
But on another note, Mass Effect 3 is going to be amazing regardless of the writers absolute obsession with homosexuality. I’m surprised anyone could really come up with as many fun ways of pronouncing the different alien species.
I’m especially fond of the descriptions below each picture:
“The alien tran-SEX-ual sickening “art” is only the beginning.” – That photo kind of gave me a boner.
“These massive sodomy machines pierce the orifices of all they touch.” – My personal favorite. Where do you come up with these gems? You are quite the wordsmith.
“A sneaky communist Chinese alien undresses a Godly woman with it’s eyes.” – Those sneaky Chinese always trying to visually rape everyone.
and finally,
“An atheist tentacle rape lesbian seduces an honest man with her filthy eyes.” – I might be down for that…but that’s because I’m godless.
Till next time,
Bill
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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9:05 pm
My daughter played this demonic “game” for nearly ten minutes before I realized what she was being exposed to. Now she’s asking all sort of questions I can’t answer. How am I supposed to sit her down and talk to her about space? Let alone this silly nonsense about other galaxies. Like I’m going to listen to a “scientist” about galaxies and dimensions and other hooey.
DO NOT let your kid play this horrible piece of “entertainment”.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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2:35 pm
Well, you see you can fucking try and rationalize the things around you as much as you want, but in truth the only thing you can truly rely on and count on is science, because you see in society we can’t override logic with superstition because if we did, we’d have a society full of ignorant, conservative, psychopathic people like you….and we mustn’t have that because we must live in an enlightened and liberal society…but of course you’re a “christian” and will disregard everything I say…..I wonder how much you know about your own religion, you’re probably some psychopathic evangelist who merely clings to the story of the bible because you’re so god damn pathetic that you won’t open that mind of yours as much as you open your mouth and want to be comforted so you don’t open your mind up to things outside of your religion, of course I can’t blame you though because of how conservatism has plagued christianity and tainted so many minds, it truly is pitiful. -.-
P.S. Read Carl Sagan’s Science As A Candle In The Dark; The Demon Haunted World, and it will confirm all I’ve said.
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2:51 am
Ok so that makes you a bad father.
When youre child grows up confused as fuck blame yourself.
And not only that scientist are right about it all.
All you have to tell your daugter is:
“Yes there might be life on other planets,and other galaxies,but there’s no solid proof yet,but thats what life’s all about finding out more and learning more,maybe some day you can prove there is life out ther in space”
That little speech is called giving your children hopes and goals and dreams.
Learn how to be a parent,for the sake of the next generation.
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5:56 am
u r such a dumbass!!! space is REAL, galaxies are REAL!!!!!! look it up! there is actual PROOF that they exist.
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2:37 am
Right because, kids should’nt be asking questions that Ned Flanders can’t answer.
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12:17 am
because a book writen a thousand years ago is alot more proof than actual proof of other galaxies *facepalm*
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9:18 pm
i have read this an other articles an i’m appalled at the blatant misinformation that is put out here. i have nothing against religion in fact i think that it can teach us many things. but when egotistical megalomaniacs get it into their homophobic heads that a simple game that has no homosexual innuendo at all is a tool of seducing youths into a life of homosexuality then you must be criticized for plain intolerance an psychosis.
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3:19 am
You have to be kidding me. I’m a devout catholic but this is fucking rediculous… I hate christians like you guys who ruin it for the rest of us… You’re al going to burn in hell, God is Love. He loves all. No matter what. You’re all close minded hicks…
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5:03 am
Oh my god…are you kidding? this is the most homophobic article i’ve ever read. I didn’t think such a narrow-minded xenophobic chauvinist and only-god-know-what-else-is-in-their-appalling-mind could exist. I’m a christian and a catholic and even i’m non-practising i’m a strong beliver of Christ thoughts about unbounded love and tolerance toward the human gender, men and woman. I finished MASS EFFECT a dozen times and i still believe in what i wrote previously so the problem here is that your old nazi fogey up there is simply too old and close-minded as well as stupid(and probably a sodomite)to write an article about new entertainment as videogames…dismissed you bunch of douche!!!!
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11:03 am
I’m have trouble believing this is real. If any of the actual christians read this can’t you see how pessimistic the writer is. it’s terrible God wouldn’t want you to spend your days preaching about how terrible everything is in the world he wants us to live happily. besides the fact I’ve heard of mass effect and hardly any of this article was accurate. If you want to be happy in life your going to have to calm down a bit good sir.
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1:19 am
… rrrrrright.
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1:48 am
This is a joke right? People don’t really think this do they? HAHA!
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3:21 am
I really, REALLY hope this whole website is a joke. I can not believe some people actually think like this.
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3:27 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CevJ_TvHvA
Well i guess you won’t want to see this video
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3:52 am
Stupid naive woman that has never been outside of her god fearing cocoon. I think secretly you want a chick to lick your vagina, and finding out that others actually get to do it makes you jealous of it.
I don’t blame lesbians, because I think pussy tastes awesome. If I were a chick I’d be the biggest lesbian on this earth. I would promise to send you all of my lesbian porn dvd’s too, just to make sure you didn’t miss out.
The stupidity in this article makes me question how anyone could type this without going into a giggling fit.
Regards, you dumb whore!
p.s. I might ask my wife to suck my dick tonight, because she knows she will get a good fucking in return.
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7:50 am
This is why i hate all religions. This website is a total joke. You don’t even know what you are talking about. I find it funny that you guys are against homosexuals, but then again you defend your “holy” Pope “Mr. used-to-be-a-nazi” who hid the evidence of some priests molesting children. Homosexuality is normal. A grown man molesting a child isn’t. Get your shit together man.
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8:41 am
Guys, it’s a troll website. Are you so retarded that you can’t see that?
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1:29 pm
This is one of the funniest articles I’ve read in recent memory.
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9:21 pm
God isnt real, and you all can go suck a giant long black cock, and a second one shoved straight up your ass.O and russia will rise again!
Россия воскреснет!
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3:33 pm
Way to write a completely ignorant and uneducated article. This isn’t journalism, just more homophobic christian fear-mongering.
How many gay people are going to have to be born before you realize your god wants them here? If you have such a huge problem with homosexuals, blame straight people, they are the ones who keep making them.
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10:27 pm
I found this hard to masturbate to.
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3:27 am
Dear Carolyn,
I came home from work to find my two boys, 7 and 9 years old, playing Mass Erect! I couldn’t believe the liberal, gay conspiracy to end our faith in Our One and Only Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ, and force us to use energy-saving lightbulbs had penetrated the confines of our loving home. My husband has taken to playing the game with them and the three of them prance around the house in tights, wrestle, and sing cabaret songs. I called in our minister who became so frightened in the face of the homo-Satanic conspiracy that he ran away never to be seen again. What’s a mother to do?!
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10:09 am
Righteous Mrs. Fanny,
You are in one “h*llole” of a pickle. I’d first suggest that you find a larger church with more resources. Secondly, the Bible states repeatedly that you should kill your disobedient children. If truthfully and fully believe in Christ and trust the Gospel’s good news then I’d slay your children and for good measure, your husband as well.
Blessed be He,
Carolyn Bishopworth
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6:08 am
u are the stupidest woman in the world!!! oh my fucking god! its JUST A GAME and if ur tiny little mind is too retarted to see that, then you can go rot in HELL
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6:11 am
i cant believe u would tell someone to kill her children and husband u are truly a child of SATAN, FUCK THE BIBLE its wrong to kill people over a stupid GAME
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8:25 pm
you say KILL A CHILD because they played a video game that isnt directly related to that book of yours. unbelievable. Your god wouldnt want that
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11:32 am
AHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
YOUU KNOB
ONLY 1 THING TO SAY AS YOU ARE BEYOND HELP
╭∩╮（︶︿︶）╭∩╮!
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11:04 pm
You should kill your children and husband in their sleep. Then call the cops and tell them you killed them because GOD TOLD YOU TO DO IT!!! It’s k, you’ll get away with it.
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7:37 am
no wonder you christians dont get it its a GAME you numptys and no wonder your so backward in your thinking ,religion has held back science for years and your religion is nothing more than a cult worshipping a terrorist supposedly around 2000 years ago,dickheads.RELIGION IS FOR THE SOCIALLY BEWILDERED and yours is all about being subserviant to a MALE god portrayed as a western man you pathetic fools ………education NOT indoctrination
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12:50 pm
Okay everyone, this is officially my new favorite website. It’s just like the onion news network, You know, with all the fake investigative journalism. But these people say blatantly offensive things about homosexuals and Canadians that should be condemned as prejudice dribble, and actually believe them. I would say, that by doing this the editors in this website are actually educating people about how crazy our conservatives can be, so for that, I applaud them. I laugh hysterically, and applaud. Now my favorite part of the article was the play on words calling the “reapers” “rapers”. Now I’ve played both Mass Effect 1 and 2, and I can assure everyone here, that there is NO ANAL RAPE in these games. This article is pure made up nonsense, seasoned with word infusions like “Mass Erect”, and “Queer-ians”. But that doesn’t mean those are the actual names or that there is any butt sex. And who cares if there was? It’s rated M for Mature. It’s not intended for children. So who are you to say that I can’t enjoy a little bit of virtual non-consenting anal sex when I purchase a video game? I’m supporting the economy same as you, and exercising my freedom to do wacko shit, same as you. This is America isn’t it?
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12:51 pm
If you can call this investigative journalism, I’m going to start calling sodomy “investigative medicine”. See? Do you see the correlation? Probably not, but my point is that neither sodomy, nor this article required any investigation, and calling this hateful nonsense journalism is like calling the hateful nonsense that is sodomy, “medicine”.
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11:27 pm
Young man,
You certainly seem to have an unhealthy fixation on sodomy. Perhaps you might try Christian counseling?
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10:03 pm
He might also try fucking the christian counselor in the booth…might help them both get over thier rape issues.
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1
2:41 pm
You all put me to shame. Faggots.
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8:00 pm
what-the-fuck-I-just-read?!?!
you people, you are all out of your minds! hahahahaha laughing my balls off, itching my dick looking at carolyn.
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2:53 am
This is a satirical website!!!! Calm down everyone!!!
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5:16 am
satirical or not this is too way offensive…….it isn’t funny at all…it’s only preposterous!!!
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12:15 pm
I, for one, am a fairly extreme video game enthusiest. I have played many games and this Mass effect series is by far the best that I have run across. This page is just a bunch of B.S. You bible freaks look way to into this. Really? It is a game that is fictional. No where in the game is there any inclination about being gay. You dum-asses just make up what ever you feel like to make things sound bad… speaking of sounding bad, if all of you could just move out of this country then you could all start your own little utopia and find out how fucked up you all really are. Sincerely, Your Friendly Internet Troll.
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12:37 am
I can’t tell if you people are trolling… Or just stupid.
Of course Businessman Hank is a made up character. Of course this is satire.
Wow.
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1:07 pm
Dear Carolyn,
I for one have noticed that my wife spends too much time playing games on her notebook lately. You can’t imagine the expression of my face when I saw a shortcut to “Mass ****t 2″ on her desktop yesterday! I have no idea how long she has been playing this awful-godless-abomination, but I did notice recently, that she moans while sleeping, “massaging her crotch” and sweating (sometimes). What should I do?
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6:16 am
NOTHING obviously u are so pathetic she has to do HERSELF
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11:01 am
So Carolyn are you really a christian or do you just like to make false claims against video games? Media has absolutely nothing to do with how our children act in life. It is all about how we raise them, you however are asking us to shut out all media for the most part obviously you take things that are made up to seriously. By the way good job discrediting yourself further by talking shit about canadians, there is absolutely nothing wrong with canadians, and yes I do realize my spelling is atrocious but thats beside the point, your an idiot get some new material to hate on kthx
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8:25 pm
I have read a few articles on this ridiculous site now and I cannot believe the stupidity of the believers of this one for one you have bended the truth to supposedly prove your point just like any religious text, but the best thing is this websites hatred for liberals you want to know why us in Europe “hate” America truth is we DON’T only those who “In the land of the free and the brave” still don’t allow people to express themselves or have a voice and to challenge the beauty of humanity now I’m no full believer but I have the bollocks and enough faith to admit that maybe science is wrong but at the same time organised religion of today may have it wrong and when humanity does find the answers maybe if its science it will be just as amazing as faith in a god or a set of gods its people who FULLY believe this website that makes the world laugh at your stupidity and gave birth to the dumb red neck jokes honestly if god is real why did he allow you to hate your neighbours and idolise other idols one thing I will say is that all who work this site seem to have no concept of the good Jesus did to accept those around him so I will play this game, I will sleep with women who have been vajazzeled and so on!
sincerely, a centre-left mind from the UK
oh and P.S. Jesus had two dads and he did just fine
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2
8:38 am
You, sir, speak the word of Truth.
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1
8:38 am
You, sir, speak the word of Truth.
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5:56 pm
You honestly have no idea what you are talking about you used up old whore. Mass effect has nothing to do with religion at all and trying to say it is trying to put sin in children’s hearts then you need to rethink life.
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2:02 pm
Carolyn Bishopworth is brilliant for the article. Mass Effect is a hot title to hate on for game-illiterate Christians since it struck a nerve when it was revealed that ‘sex’ was an in-game option. Many facepalms for the fledgling interweblings not knowing a hilarious Hank/August-troll when they see one or for the lonely Euro-traveler unaware of cynical satire. Much pity for the confused little ones caught in the crossfire, it will come in time… Had to comment since this will be the one time I will view the site, God bless*.
*Blessings not actually included.
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2:31 am
I think some people need to look up this site, quickly followed by Poe’s law, on Wikipedia.
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2:33 pm
So Canada is a Socialist Scandinavian country? Really? I guess any old idiot can post shit on here. At first I tried to believe that this website was full of trolls but I just don’t know anymore. This website is why nearly every other country in the world despises America. Take your heads out of your asses and read some real news; not this ignorant bullshit.
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12:32 am
thank you!!!!!!!!!!! Im canadian too and canada is 20 times the country these conservative pieces of shit will ever be
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjiwBwBL4Qo
CANADA FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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9:52 pm
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3:42 pm
I find your vulgar descriptions of women and men rather disturbing. When and where did you ever read that it is okay to judge your neighbors? I believe it is written ” judge not lest ye be judged’ perhaps ‘ he who hath no sin cast the first stone’ brothers and sisters i am not without sin, just as you are. If we condem our brethren then we shall be condemed, love thy neighbor, i would give my last drop of blood for the greatest gift…. free will.
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10:44 pm
Not sure if this website is a joke or not
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2:49 pm
I swear, you Christians are fucking morons, the worst type of ppl in this world, Manipulitive, Arrogant, jeez the list goes on
i cant beleive how you go out of your way to criticize everything & everyone in the world because it doesnt fall in line with your fantasy world that you live in, and all the Bullshit in your Fictional character, God
As for this Bullshit article, i will point out every FLAW, every UN-TRUTH, everything in here that is soley ment to discourage ppl from even picking up this title and trying it out, because in the end this is nothing more than a smear job, just as much as FOX News did with Mass EFFECT 1, By the way Carolyn, its EFFECT NOT ERECT
first off i would like to focus on the REAPERS, i love how you just called them “Rapers” and claimed that they are of a giant dildo design, when the actual design for them comes from the REAL fish known as the “Sepia mestus” or Reaper Cuttlefish in laymans terms that is native to the Austrailian Continent, and how u can even compare the awful word of RAPE to Genocide is sickening to even begin with
heck i should throw you into the endless amounts of racist Americans that i have come across thru my life simply by what your said about our neighboring country of Canada
i wont say anything about the Aliens comment & the bible because i believe in neither, The Bible is nothing more than a fairy tale that is simply annoying, and i wont believe in Aliens until we actually make first contact with them
next you again instead of Spelling something how it should be, you go and take your ignorant approach to it and mispell it to intentionally make it derogatory, its ASARI, not ASS-R-E, clever, but cleary insulting
and again, taking this WORK OF ART of a GAME, and taking the Lore, Characters, & Cast and twisting it to your own EVIL ends, the Asari are not EVIL in anyway, shape, or form, but your ignorant mind would never grasp it for what it truly is, and your comment about how the race is sinful because it is all woman is insulting, they are Like PLANTS that grow in our own PLANET, are A-Sexual and reproduce thru a method of Parthenogenesis, but i guess because that word was never in your precious bible, its sinful because scientist discovered it
Buisnessman Hank, your truly a manipulative piece of shit, i hope u die in a firey blaze
August Wiesz, you look like a cocksucker, plain and simple
& you Carolyn Bishopworth, you are a joke of an author, so scared that this GAME would be praised for the stroke of Genius that it is, you create a smear campaign for it, just like everything else in this fucked up country we live in, we will never truly be a symbol of peace, prosperity, and will never come together as the brothers & sisters that we truly are
in closing, i pity only myself because i served my country, PROUD for 13 long years in the U.S. Army, with ever lasting COMMITMENT & DEDICATION, to protect the freedoms, you BIGOTS live thru everyday, just to spread your HATE MONGERING and Ignorance that our children WILL grow up and endure, and they will only perpetuate and continue that endless cycle
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2:33 am
It’s a joke site, don’t get your panties in a twist. They’re making fun of this kind of extremist shit. I thought it was pretty funny myself.
ps, I have a couple Christian friends. My family is mostly Christian as well, and they’re all cool, well meaning people. Especially since they hardly ever bring up Religion into a discussion where it doesn’t belong.
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2:36 am
Thought I’d add that most Christians are similar to the people I know, it’s just the extremist minority who are the loudest.
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2:50 pm
They are right on one thing.. A lesbian alien seduces a man with her filthy eyes. Only, that’s the wrong picture. You want to put Morinth in that picture because when you have sex with her, she kills you.
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1:48 pm
Lolol you racist bitch xD literally you think its chinas fault. a lesbian women seduces a man wow…..well shes a lesbian she doesn’t like men dumb ass, mass effect is an amazing ass game up your asses biatches <3 And really if china rules over us i'm saved my bff is marrying a chinese man and so a japanese man and both of them have kissed other guys so when they rule we are saved we love them so up your ass bend over and tell you husband to fuck you cause your obviously in dire need of sexual release of tension, to bad he doesn't love you, i hope he is off fucking a transexual hooker in a trailer park as i type this you ignorant twat <3
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2:22 pm
Yes, I love my Chinese man xD And I’m extremely happy for her and my Japanese friend. He’s a wonderful man; both of them are. They’re hard workers who care about the people around them. So if they’re taking over the world then I’m ready! Nearly all of the Americans I know are cheap male whores, who couldn’t care less if they knock up a woman.
Zai jian chou ni! Wo xiang ni xue.
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12:45 am
Goddamn I wish Canada was actually a Scandinavian country. Who wouldn’t want more hot blondes around?
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7:44 am
-.- Can’t tell if troll or just really stupid
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10:10 am
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1:33 am
Okay all wrong. And to be honest, there was more sexual profanity in this article than the first two games combined. Maybe learn to understand something before you criticize it.
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8:11 am
I haven’t read a single word from the article yet… only the text that is beneath each picture in this article, and I am literally rolling on the floor laughing. This is both sad an amusing at the same time.
It really shows what kind of mind the author have at least.
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11:02 pm
“Once we let our guard down, the liberal menace will penetrate us wherever we stand or sit.”
Keep it up grandma, and video games won’t be the only thing “penetrating” you ;D
lololol jk you’re like 89. fuck that shit
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2:11 pm
Not sure if trolling… or serious.
If trolling – well done.
If serious – Look into a cure for stupidity. You desperately need one.
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8:24 am
queerians?!! ASS-re? REAL PHALLIC GAY!!!
THANKS JESUS, FOR GIVING ME THE BEST LAUGHS.
I PLAYED 30 HOURS OF THIS GAY AGENDA!!!
NOW IM GAY.
OH WAIT I WAS GAY BEFORE PLAYING IT.
AND I WORSHIP SATAN, BECAUSE I PLAYED TOO MUCH DIABLO 3 BETA.
NOW I LOOK AT HARDCORE SHIT-EATING FISTING GAY PORN AND MASTURBATE WHILE HAVING A DILDO UP MY ASS!!!
IN THE NAVYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
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1
9:13 am
MARS FIRST! MAKE EARTH OUR BITCH!
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0
3:14 am
Mars had like…no minerals. It was useless.
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2:42 am
I am reading through this article for who knows how i got here. I thought this was like a joke site or something. Then I am reading through the comments. Ok I have to ask? Is this for real, are there actually people like this? I mean like Ward Cleaver is like a playboy compared to this group. This has to be ajoke or some real misguided people from the south or something.
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3:13 am
OK now bring all of your 30 year old children back. They should know what bad writing looks like, even if it was written by Grandma’s Boy’s grandma.
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9:59 am
So parents should be more concered about a game that they can choose to buy for their child rather than some strange adult watching their child sleep on camera? Sounfs to me like this is a site ran by child molesters.
I will laugh when all you super up tight rejects fail to make it into heaven, i say this as a christian who believes on the teachings of Jesus Christ as he said “love thy neighbor” and this new age christian agenda promotes hate. I am a father of 3 and it is the parents job to decide what is best for their children not your lighten up.
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10:27 am
i heard this recently – a christian died in a car crash.he found himself at the gates of heaven.an angel offered to show him around but as they were passing a wall the angel said “you have to keep it down when passing this wall these are were the extremists from earth go since they think only those who agree with them end up here.”
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11:36 pm
HA!!! This website is brilliant.
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11:50 pm
It’s strange how much homosexuality the writers on here find in every aspect of life. Perhaps they see what they want to see?
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9:58 pm
What the actual fuck am I reading. Seriously I cannot describe the stupidity of this site.
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10:12 pm
This is why I hate Christians… They are completely retarded. They literally know nothing about anything at all, but believe stupid stuff from the worlds most popular fiction book. Worse than scientology. Pathetic.
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9:44 pm
Hahaha. Look at you.
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4:21 pm
Is this website serious? I mean, “please remove all children under the age of 30″ are you serious?
This is why I became agnostic.
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4:32 am
You, sir, are condemned to burn in hell. First, because you’re agnostic, (and that’s, in my opinion, just dumb) und second, because you take this site serious.
I’m an atheist, by the way.
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5:32 pm
I’ve jerked off many times to the massive sodomy machines.
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5:44 pm
>2011
>taking Christwire seriously
ISHYGDDT
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5:45 pm
U’m going to be blatantly honest. Either the writer of the article is just messing with you guys, or he’s extremely stupid. I seriously hope it’s the first, because you people clearly have no idea how wrong and terribly written this article is.
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7:56 pm
It’s not a he. A woman wrote this.
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8:15 pm
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8:15 pm
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2:17 pm
I seriously hope this woman is not for real.
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11:21 pm
Guys this site is fake I looked it up there just seeing how far they can go with this before people stop believing them
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4:40 am
Your ignorant accusation is a pain in every heart of every real Christian. Shame on you! I fully agree with dear Carolyn, and I surely know MY children won’t play such vile “games”!
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4:00 pm
Hahaha.
RAPE.
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12:03 am
So, Carolyn, you sound like a child molestor. You make up all this bullshift about a masterfully crafted video game, one that has sold millions of dollars worth of copies, your trying your best to get every body to stop playing it…all the while, you keep security cameras in every sleeping area? kind of wierd. Is that the only way you can release sexual tension? sticking a finger in that crusty thing you call a clit to relieve it all by watching little boys masturbate? My family is mostly christian, yet they don’t mind me playing this game, in fact, my christian mother knew everything about these games before she suggested it to me and got it for me. Both my mother and I play it often, and neither of us finds fault with it. So, to leave off, I honestly think that if this is the way the world is, then I would rather kill myself than be like you or any other author on this site. so fuck you you crusty old bitch.
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12:30 am
How fucking narrow minded can you be? How the hell did you get the impression that “Mass Effect”(not fucking mass errect) is a satanist game full of gay, sexual things? This is honestly why i’m agnostic and cant stand chrstians like you. I’m pretty sure if god did exist, that he would’nt want you to be fucking psychotic, close-minded, nazis that view ANYTHING that is not in the bible(a book, nothing else) satanic and evil. Open your mind up to things that actually exist, like science. As bronies say, “Love and Tolerate”.
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5:18 am
Seriously? You realise that having surveillance in their rooms is illegal right? If they get changed in that room while the cameras are rolling you are then the proud owner of child pornography. Guess who’s the sinner now?
Also, if you had actually PLAYED Mass Effect you would see that the Asari actually mate via a joining of the consciousness. There is actually no physical contact required.
Add to this the “Rapers” as you call them (the name is actually Reapers by the way) do not fornicate with anything. The big cliff hanger (SPOILER ALERT!!!) is that in order to reproduce the Reapers hypnotise a race and then get them to BUILD another reaper. This is a melding of machine parts and CRUSHED UP PEOPLE, no sexual acts required.
And while your character can flirt with other NPCs (non playable characters) the most you ever see them do is kiss. THERE IS NO SEX IN THIS GAME! (and by the way you spell game G A M E!)
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6:19 am
I’m quite tempted to bring this site to the attention of a few of my favorite game developers attention so that you mindless fucks will understand not to screw around with society and the plagiarism on this disgusting worthless website
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4:41 pm
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10:28 pm
Lmfao that’s funny and ironic lol nice one
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2:31 am
Anybody else notice that this person records children in their rooms while sleeping? (And also while undressing, showering etc most likely)
Pedophilia sure seems to be rampant in the church these days considering that you go to hell for it.
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7:56 pm
╭∩╮（︶︿︶）╭∩╮!
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