God willing, please remove all children under the age of 30 from the kitchen before you read this article. It contains extremely offensive and sinful contents and is a warning to fathers and mothers everywhere. If you haven’t already moved the computer to your kitchen, do so immediately. The kitchen is the safest place for the family computer because you can always see what your spouse or child is reading.
I have faith that the children in my congregation are strong enough to resist temptation. I’ve been speaking regularly to high school students in my county for over 20 years on the dangerous filth of video “gaymes.” Unfortunately, not all of our kids are as strong as the ideal Christian young man or woman. Recently, we’ve been accepting converted children from ethnic and Catholic backgrounds to attend our Jesus Camp. I am a head administrator and use surveillance systems in the rooms to ensure our angels are sleeping soundly during the dark hours of the night and not gossiping or performing the unholy act of self-fornication, masturbation.
Imagine my surprise when I heard some girls giggling about a video gayme entitled “Mass Effect,” a clear pun on the ability of the technology deviants to seduce our flaccid boys en masse. I quickly ran into the presentation room — I dare not call it a theater; those places where homosexuals spread their propaganda faster than their loose bums– and sent some e-mails to my colleagues for information. Jack Thompson, anti-video gayme martyr, had left me the “Bible” of anti-video gayme references.
This is an urgent warning to all Godly parents and those who obey His word. Mass Erect 3 is a recruitment tool for those intolerant of conservatives, Christians, and patriots. You MUST immediately after reading this tell your church and spread the word on how dangerous this godless drivel is. Thankfully, we caught it early. The latest edition in the “gayme” series is not to be released until next spring. Still, our voices of opposition must sing out like a gospel choir.
In Mass Erect, an otherwise good Christian man is sent to defend humanity from the “Rapers,” a race of massive dildo machines intent on fornicating with every man, woman and child. In fact, all life is being raped in order to continue their species. It’s no coincidence that they keep mentioning species. The plague of the evolution lie is filled throughout the series.
The good in this series ends here, as it turns out the main character –WHOSE BIBLICAL NAME INSULTS CHRISTIANS EVERYWHERE– Shepard, is only interested in preserving peace with the other heathen aliens. He should be converting others or killing the aliens, at least.
There is nothing in the Holy Bible about aliens. The entire game is about defiling the Bible and preaching nonsense and evil. The makers of the game, “Bioware” (which sounds like a CONDOM company), are located in a SOCIALIST Scandinavian country of sin, Canada. It’s no surprise Canadians would make such a disgusting game to insult us believers.
The aliens are everywhere and frightening enough to make me loose sleep. Especially the quick-talking “Salivate-ians” who remind me of the Chinese menace. They’re small but fast.
Worse still, the oldest and “wisest” aliens are a race of blue lesbians who stick their tentacles into everything they can to try and sinfully pleasure themselves. They control almost everything and represent Europeans. The “Ass-R-E” are unsurprisingly a race of only women, given that women are the weaker gender. Mass Erect is trying to undo traditional family gender roles! These Ass-R-E should be raising their half-breed children while their manly “Turian” husbands work. Instead, they fornicate wildly with anything they can get their hands on to reproduce on their own. This is an insult to the virgin birth. Only a man and a woman can make a child. NOT A WOMAN ON HER OWN!
After interviewing some of the girls at my camp, I found out this type of a “gayme” is called an RPG. This both stands for “Role Playing Gayme” and conveniently, “Real Phallic Gay.” I found out that worse still, the player can CHOOSE WHETHER TO BE GOOD OR EVIL. The problem is that both choices are really evil! CHILDREN SHOULD NOT BE TAUGHT IT’S OKAY TO CHOOSE TO BE EVIL! For that matter, I don’t understand why they allowed the player to create a female character. A woman’s place is not in space!
Finally, the player is taught to explore the “Queerian Floatilla.” It’s a race of overprotected liberal children who live in spacesuits because they can’t stand human germs. Like Eve after touching the forbidden fruit, the Queerians made an artificial intelligence that revolted against them. Life can not create life. Only God and His infinite wisdom can! The Queerians bit the apple of sin and are thankfully banished to the outskirts of the galaxy. The Queerians are a bunch of freeloading liberal communist hippies who ravage any planet they touch. They all live in communal quarters and do everything “for the common good.” This is communist indoctrination at its worst, and I for one will not stand for it!
I recommend continuing the boycott of all video games by decent people everywhere. Once we let our guard down, the liberal menace will penetrate us wherever we stand or sit. Vigilance is key, and perseverance is essential. Brothers and sisters, stand tall but stay rightfully limp against “Mass Erect” and its like.
Thank you and God bless.