Obama and Congress Reach Debt Deal, Boehner Still Wants to Cut Military

In a last second announcement on late Sunday night, Congressional leaders were shocked to still be awake and working during the weekend. To add to their shock, they had actually done something productive: with President Obama, Congress managed to reach a debt deal.

In a spattering of work and negotiations not seen in DC since the Obama era, exhausted Congressional leaders complained via Blackberry Twitter that their feet were sore and voices hoarse from actually doing work they were hired to do. Obama, meanwhile, strutted to the Presidential podium to announce the Republicans and Democrats were able to put aside their destructive bickering for long enough to protect the American economy from default.

Underscoring his biggest concern in the deal, Obama announced that America will see the lowest levels of domestic spending since the Eisenhower era. How America will achieve a level of spending that was good for the 1950s in the year 2011 will be detailed in the coming week: many are concerned the tragic cuts to healthcare and food subsidy could result in hospital employees and grocery retail workers soon finding themselves without a job.

Eternally smug, Eric Boehner, the hive-mind name of two men gloated during a follow-up press call, citing this “isn’t the greatest deal in the world, but it shows how much we’ve [Republicans] changed the terms of the debate in this town.”

Oddly enough, Harry Reid was the voice of reason and unity in all of this mess, with one message that needs to be repeated: “Sometimes it seems our two sides disagree on almost everything,” he said. “But in the end, reasonable people were able to agree on this: The United States could not take the chance of defaulting on our debt, risking a United States financial collapse and a world-wide depression.”