• Owling, The Terrible New Danger for Your College Children

    July 23, 2011 11:46 am 11 comments
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  • At home or work: A young woman perches on a shelf at her house, while a man takes part in the owling craze in his work office

    There is a dangerous new trend called “Owling” and your child will be introduced to it this coming school year. A dangerous trend emerging across the nation and being covered up by the Right Wing Media machine, ‘owling’ is an evolution of the ‘planking phenomena’ that caused an Australian college student to fallt to his death last fall.

    Planking began at the University of Sydney, where bored college students would straddle their bodies over two elevated objects, forming an effective straight ‘plank’ with their backs. The goal of planking was to take pictures of yourself doing the act, then upload the pictures to a Facebook group called Plankers. Everyone who saw the pictures would then have to do a planking, but in a more extreme and dangerous location, then upload those pictures to Facebook. Any parents can see the inherent dangerous to this, but just like a child sticking a fork in an electrical outlet, college children are naive and fail to see immediate danger.

    Planking became one of the most popular groups on Facebook, driving millions of pageviews per day.

    Jealous and still reeling from his loss of News of the World, Rupert Murdoch and his Republican pundits knew they needed a new cash-cow. For ages now, Myspace (or My_____) has become recluse entity that serves to only assault your eye with images of a nude man’s hind parts, not much different from the artist Prince who now also uses a symbol for his name.

    Murdoch knows that there is little to no interest in Myspace, but in typical religious zealot fashion wants to have a big revival. And at the center of his revival ist he safety and very soul of your college-aged children.

    Using weird marketing techniques, Murdoch has somehow made the word “Owling” appearing when you search for “Planking” on Google from a college campus in his marketing demographic. Kids are now being tempted to try out this owling, and as would be expected, Myspace has the top page for ‘owling’ in any search engine. It seems Murdoch is using Owling as his parry move.

    Owling is far more dangerous than planking because it still involves planking at times, but then one person perched in a very extreme location. Whereas planking was safter in the sense of weight distrubtion, the act of owling puts the body in a position that causes teetering, which is deadly at high altitudes where most planks and owling events take place. Just look at the following images rolling in from college campuses around the globe.

    Owl vs plank: A man is owling on top of his friend who appears to be planking in their home

    Bamboozled by Murdoch’s latest news/internet scheme, these college freshmen do not realize they are two seconds away from a lumbar trauma and facial concussion.

    Make like an owl: The action of owling came after planking and is based around perching in strange places like the bird

    An unnamed girl planks in a women’s restroom, also putting the body into an awkward position with exposed flesh. Let’s not forget corrupt, old Republicans like Murdoch and his cronies love to exploit the innocent the huff and puff as if they would never try to blow the genitalia of such things down. We all know that’s not true, isn’t that right Mr. Haggard?

    Owling in the garden: Extra kudos is earned for those who do it in unusual situations

    Once again, we see Mudoch’s promoting these pictures and Myspace and giving higher ‘MyVote’ totals to images of girls who wear short shorts while planking. This is the same tactic used by Fox News anchoresses, who see who can cross their legs in the shortest skirts while spitting bile from their mouths.

    Risky business: A man starts owling on top of a statue in a risky move wearing only shorts

    A rare male owling that has made an appearance on My_____. You can see the inherent danger and drugg addled hairstyle typical of young right wing media addicts.

    Owling is a true threat to our college aged children and today as parents, you should take a look into your kid’s Facebook and Myspace to see if there are any images such as this. If so, have a talk with them and teach them about the extreme places Republicans will go just to make a buck at their expense. It needs to be an eye-opener, one that opens the eyes as big as an owls.

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