• This Is How We Do It, Montell Jordan, But Christian Style (Shake Heaven, Victory World Music)

    July 11, 2011 9:08 am 4 comments

    If the music of rap hits your daughter’s ears, you know she will only gyrate, shake and sheer.  Dear parents, we must protect our daughters by converting these rappers into Christians like their grandmothers tried to do years ago.

    The world of gangster rapping in frighteningly scary for not only you Suburban white parents.  It is twice as scary for us black parents.  While you think your daughters are at risk of a little black boy pommeling in their bits, we must worry about it twice as hard.    How many herd of Baby Momma do you know to slowly wander Wal-mart with their cart-full of baby and foodstamp cards, foraging for food and grains with some thug boy on their arm looking for a free steak or pork chop?   How many giggly white Sally and Jenny’s do you see that happening to at Ralph’s or Target?  Not many.

    You think it is bad when your child installs annoying bass music in the car you bought them.  Try being worried about having a son caught in the wrong place, wrong time and in jail for a potential 10 years because his knot-headed buddy T-bizzy threw his ‘diamond sack’ in his lap then made a getaway.

    Once caught and black, you’re jacked.  That is the adage.

    So before you think your world is so bad, try to take a walk in a black parent’s shoes.  Now many of you have heard of Snoopy Dogg and Dr. Dray, though I seriously doubt he has any medical or psychological doctorates, and these men are terrifying.  We reviewed lyrics of theirs where they professed to ‘smoke of weed everyday’ and then go do gangster shootings with the Los Angeles Crisps, a notoriously black-street gang that tries to heavily recruit our sons here in Compton.

    Here in the L.A. area we also have a huge, former football player turned rapper named “Suge” Knight, who terrorizes us black parents by picking up our girls from fish joints in Malibu then driving them to the hood to play snapper as he calls hike behind their skirt and then blitzes them with God knows what.  And Ludicrous, the most scary rapper of all, is responsible for Justin Bieber albums getting your daughters pregnant.  We are right here in the black community who has to take the blame for all of this, but also, worry twice as much as our kids BECOMING all of this.

    Reviewing the history of party music, we see there is one musician who seems to soar high above the rest.  His looks, refined and sleek.  His movements, somewhat effeminate, like a skilled Shakespearean thespian, but surprisingly not threatening.  He’s the Wayne Brady of the rap world, a fresh-faced entertainer who can transcend racial lines and have a hit chart topper flow seamlessly through decades of parties.  I will play for you what’s called ‘the pants dropper’ song in the black community.

    It is a party song that plays in every fraternity hall, drunken sorority bedroom and high school Straight Edge skittles party you can imagine.  Every secret house parties some baggy-britched boy may sneak your daughter to will open with this number. No matter the age, demographic, locale or background of the people, they always open a party with this song.  WARNING:  THE FOLLOWING SONG WAS CO-PRODUCED BY SATAN.  IT WILL CAUSE ANY WOMAN TO NATURALLY LUST FOR THE MALE CLOSEST TO HER WHEN IT EVEN PLAYS IN HER MIND’S EYE.  FORBID WOMEN AND CHILDREN TO BE IN THE ROOM AND WITHIN EARSHOT WHEN THIS SONG IS PLAYING.

    Notice how all these girls are bending their little musties in baby making movements, then we wonder why we have such a problem with teenage pregnancy.

    There was no force that could stop this song, but some good ol fashioned Conservative American evangelism. We must remember, that America is a Christian nation. We were founded on a Godly heritage and as such, sometimes we must remind even these gangster rappers of their true duty to America. It is not to make more mommas for Obama to claim need to be on welfare and then raise the taxes of the working. It is instead to work a good, hard-working job and to support your one wife and several children. It is to go to Church and GOP functions in your community, or even Democrat if you’re young and naive.

    Whatever the case, it is to be productive, non-threatening members of society. If your grandmother and Jesus would look down from heaven and shake their head in shame at your lifestyle, you’re wrong. That’s the guilt these gangers need to know in their hearts. And it works.

    Today, we see the man behind this monumental pregnancy causing song has repented and is now Pastor Montell Jordan. It warms the heart to see him using the same lyrics, “This is how we do it”, to show people how to praise our nation’s Lord and Savior. How glorious is that?

    Please help our urban ministry and Victory World Music church by telling your friends to look at what Montell Jordan is doing with is life now, and that’s not being a hipped hopper, but instead, a soul saver. Glory to America and our blessed mission to save humanity, and blessings to Pastor Montell Jordan.

     

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    About The Author
    Bishop T.J. Born and raised in South Chicago, Bishop Trotter is a political analyst and champion for American injustice, an activist for equality and a religious leader ALL people.

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