A WARNING TO PARENTS REGARDING INTERNET MEMES
A WARNING TO PARENTS ABOUT INTERNET FADS
By: Brandon Chase Austin
Hey gang.
I think we all know about the sad state of pop culture today, from the devil pop that’s been well covered here at Christwire.org, and other sinful Rock n’(sic) Roll bands like The Bright Eyes or U2. We’re also being assaulted whenever we turn on our TVs, with overly sexualized shows, like iCarly, or the gayness-peddling and evolution loving ‘Big Bang Theory’. But folks, I want to talk about an insidious virus creeping up on our young people: Internets “Memes”.
Pronounced “me-me”, showing that even the very name denotes a culture of selfishness and sloth, an internet meme is an idea or fad that circulates over the world wide web through emails and myspace posts. Meme’s can vary from pictures of cats engaged in sinful/gluttonous/homoerotic behaviors, to exposing unsuspecting women to the sexual advances of 80’s pop icon Rick Astley. Even Rap hoodlum Kanye West does his own “meme-ing”; needlessly interjecting his opinions as commentary to any one who has ever accomplished anything, ever, and trying to persuade young people that some one has done better. While I respect “Brotha” Kanye’s competitive edge, those he champions are often themselves losers and also-rans, like his incestuous love-cousin, Beyonce Knowles.
A few Meme’s of note:
A video tutorial circulated recently, teaching children how to simulate the effects of LSD using Diet Coke and Mentos. Strangely, It was advised that children not consume the victuals, presumably because it is understood anyone engaging in the exercise already has a mouth full of pot hashish.
Perhaps the only triumph of the world wide web meme culture is the story of Chuck Norris, Christian, film star, and red-blooded American master of the Korean Martial Arts. Through these “Meme’s” many rumors have been spread of Norris’ prowess and might, and while the ragamuffin youths snicker, God is glorified through his powerful agent and his high-kicks for righteousness.
Satan was known to be a great musician in heaven before The Lord cast him out on his belly, and the great deluder’s background is ever rearing it’s ugly, atonal head. Presently, occultists have adopted the cowbell as their instrument of torture for good Christians, replacing the electric guitar and Moog synthesizer. Young people of late have been heard to demand “More Cowbell”, developing a powerful addiction to the dulcet tones that once denoted pastoral tranquility. But those peaceful days of fond cowbell notes have been shattered, Thanks mainly to Devil worshipping R&B band The Blue Oysters Cult, and suspected mob leader Christopher Walken.
Perhaps the most telling of these developments, is the sad exhibit of the “de-motivational” posters which circulate over websites and message forum board comment posts. These images covey messages of failure and neglect, proving that finally Lucifer has abandoned his tricks and schemes in favor of simple, one dimensional brow-beating. The danger is two fold: A), clearly the American people have become so lazy satan no longer needs to trick us, and 2), he’s stealing the straightforward abuse and condescension that has long been a hallmark of good Christian child rearing.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Well, crackers, Pastor Bran-dog! How can we truly protect the kids and young people in our lives from these insidious pagan me-me’s?!” Well, the answers simple, gang. As in all sins, the best course of action is abstinence, but I think we all know separating our young people from the web is a challenge in these days of ipods and “Dude, you’re gettin’ a Dell!” obsessions. Ever since Al Gore unveiled his demonic weapon of mind control and filth polfulgation, all we, as Christians, can hope to do is stem the tide and fight nobly against the incursions of gay devils and sinful, loose-tongued women (like Rebecca Black). We must gird or loins (and modems) in truth and righteousness, and police, heavily, all of our children’s visits to myspace and any actions on prodigy or chatter rooms or on their youtubes, or whatever the case may be. VIGILANCE, preached in 1 Peter, must then be our watch word, lest the great serpent take our children out from under us, or do so with his hipstersexual army of horn-rim bespectacled minions of witchy sin. The internet is a playground for worms and demons, gang, and I challenge all of us to STAND UP and rigorously curtail the access our youngsters have to it’s vicious and godless trends.
A FEW SIGHTS TO WATCH OUT FOR:
4CHAN (promotes indolence)
MYSPACE (promotes sex)
YOUTUBE (promotes back talking)
ICANHASCHEEZBURGER (promotes gluttony)
FACEBOOK (a sexually deviant site, I’m told, full of pictures of simulated “oral intercourse” performed on books, seeming to celebrate and fetishize E-readers)
WIKIPEDIA (promotes science)
Be sure to “block” these web-sights from your Internet Explorer of Netscape Navigator browsers. So, armed with this knowledge and your own fervent and raging prayers, we can fight the filthy miasma of sin soaked internet “Memes” assaulting our culture.
Next week we’ll continue our internet theme, and I’ll address the two web browsers built specifically for accessing sin: “google” named for the mispornunciation of “Gog and magog” on the part of it’s creators retarded, incest-born bastard son, and “firefox” a weapon of the Chinese government, named for an eastern fox demon and used by occultists to research spells and hexes.
‘Til next time, Gang,
Pastor Bran-dog
Youth Pastor,
Glory Whole Life Christian Fellowship
Sunnyside, NC
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: tdomf_15f10
3:04 pm
Brandon Chase Austin
Y U SO ST00P1D?
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
50 
4
12:44 am
Why* are* you* stupid*
Your spelling and grammar need quite a bit of work.
Hot debate. What do you think?
5 
30
1:55 pm
It’s a “me-me” Nathan. I for think it is disgusting. I can’t believe today’s youth would think this kind of thing is funny. Well I just have to say that “He will never have a girlfriend.
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Praise or Condemn:
1 
9
1:12 am
TR0001LOLOLOLOLLL. Dumbass you do realize he did that to mock you fartknocker. and i dare you to correct this cuz you must always remember rule #1: never feed the troll.
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12 
0
3:27 pm
Im bookmarking all of them!
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23 
1
3:33 pm
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
get off the internet.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
38 
2
4:03 pm
Sorry, your post lost credibility at the end.
It was just too ridiculous, you should modify it so that it’s more believable. Maybe then more people can be trolled.
Praise or Condemn:
19 
1
4:27 pm
I’m not sure what you’re getting at. While the reports of Google’s naming are unconfirmed, they do generate from very reliable sources. If you’re doubtful of the incursions of the Chinese government on our culture, well, there’s little I can do for, but I will say the research is out there. It’s pretty exhaustive.
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3 
8
12:45 am
“FACEBOOK (a sexually deviant site, I’m told, full of pictures of simulated “oral intercourse” performed on books, seeming to celebrate and fetishize E-readers)”
You have to be kidding me here. You think that the world’s largest social networking site is nothing more than a bunch of pictures of literary fellatio? You’re either joking or immensely idiotic.
I had planned to correct every wrong statement you’ve made in this article, but the edits alone would be longer than your apparent attention span. Before you post anything that you pronounce as “fact” on the Internet, remember that it can be read and criticized by ANYBODY, and not just the sheepish flock of brainwashed humans that you call your congregation.
Either way, you’re clearly distrusting of the internet, so why don’t you leave your opinions to yourself and stay away from public forums such as this? All it does is spread your archaic, moronic, unnecessary, and wrong hate messages to easily manipulated people. And, as the Proverbs says about lies and hate –
“You have to hate someone to want to hurt him with lies. Insincere talk brings nothing but ruin.” Proverbs 26:28
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
39 
4
12:45 am
I agree completely with this.
You have NO IDEA how hard it was to read this. I had to tell myself it was written for the sake of humor just to avoid throwing my computer across the room.
Now, I’m not going to sink down to some of the other commentors’ levels by calling you names or reiterating your apparent ignorance of the internet, but HolyShiWhatTheFuHeck are you talking about?
That being said, I have only one more thing I’d like to share with everyone.
http://i.imgur.com/NQBcK.png
Don’t worry, it’s not a virus or some “undesirable” website. It is simply a screenshot of irony I would wish to point out.
Thanks for your time,
TheMusiKid
Praise or Condemn:
10 
0
1:48 pm
wikipedia should be avoided because it promotes science?! I really hope this is a joke
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8 
0
11:02 am
Dude, I’m starting to think that this religion is getting to peoples head. Don’t worry about us. Worry about your selves. We can do what ever we want. It’s a free country. I’d hate to be immature, but go suck a dick.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
4:04 pm
Damn. Christwire’s trolling HARDCORE.
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16 
1
4:08 pm
God, this is perhaps the single most fucking stupid peice of shit i’ve ever read. Get off the internet, you gigantic faggot.
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10 
4
4:11 pm
I knew that there was something about Firefox folks giving all that away for free. Classic socialism.
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6 
2
2:47 pm
Lol funny that you said fire fox user are socialist when all thsoe web browser is actually Free
I’m still wodner is Netscape still exist ?
anyway firefox is way faster than anything
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4 
4
4:12 pm
Anyone, who would listen to this shit-faced faggot is a complete moron. Im a christian, and even I think this shit is fucking embarrassing, stupid, and plain unfounded nonscence conjured up by some butthurt bible-thumping fagtard
That, or it’s a really good troll, in which case 8/10
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20 
2
4:13 pm
I’m shocked to hear that about Diet Coke and Mentos. The State needs to licence that stuff, like tobacco and alcohol! Can you expand on the chemistry there?
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0 
11
4:29 am
You’re not for real are you? It’s NOTHING to do with drugs… AT ALL!!! When you put mentos into diet coke it fizzes up and bubbles over much like putting soda bi-carbonate into vinegar… Kids like it coz it’s messy, interesting and a fun way to teach them about science… Oh wait that’s science and YOU PEOPLE don’t believe in that… Yet you’re on a computer and on the internet? Hmmm! Interesting! Technology is ok but science isn’t? It’s one and the same! Once again you only listen to the stupid crap you wanna hear and ignore logicand reason!
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9 
0
4:19 pm
It’s not pronounced “me-me”, but alright.
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18 
1
12:12 am
+1, it’s “me-me” only if a Wayans brother is involved.
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0 
0
4:22 pm
Loosed tongued women, such as Rebecca Black may have been the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of, since kittens are satanic.
And what’s wrong with science? I’m Catholic and go to a Catholic school and science is promoted there. Wikipedia (and all the other mentioned sites) are perfectly fine, you conceited bastards.
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16 
0
4:30 am
Finally! Someone with faith and a brain!
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2 
1
4:26 pm
what a fucking retard, get the fuck out you raging faggot
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4 
1
4:28 pm
Can’t tell if trolling or just stupid.
Praise or Condemn:
22 
0
4:29 pm
Y U MAD THO?
Praise or Condemn:
4 
0
4:31 pm
It’s pronounced “meem”. Stop shitting out your ignorant opinions, as everyone above me is saying. God isn’t sending anyone to hell for looking at this stuff, and when you say he is, you’re just pushing people away from the truth and alienating them from knowing Jesus.
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12 
0
4:32 pm
Oh, and if Youtube is so “evil” why does Christwire have a Youtube account? Can you explain that?
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16 
0
4:46 pm
And every member of their “team” has a Facebook account.
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15 
0
12:52 am
As I said above,
http://i.imgur.com/NQBcK.png
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1 
0
12:52 am
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3 
0
4:42 pm
I can’t believe someone’s seriously this fucking stupid
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6 
0
5:08 pm
OK, people are actually taking this seriously? Did the eleventh commandment state “Thou Shalt Not Proofread”? (If you wonder why I asked those two questions, thank you graciously for proving my point.)
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2 
0
5:19 pm
You forget something on your list:
christwire(promotes stupidity)
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15 
0
6:53 pm
You guys are total fags. You need to get a motherfucking life and quit brainwashing little innocent kids. FUCK YOU!!!!
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3 
0
10:26 pm
cool story bro’s
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5 
1
10:40 pm
Well done, I enjoyed reading this. Love the name of your church too.
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1 
0
11:15 pm
I never knew of such horrid websites. Thank you kind sir for exposing these horrid online devices for their true selves. The interwebs are truly the work of the devil!
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2 
0
11:16 pm
You’re a pornographer! YOU are the devil. Google him folks, Jack Horner is nothing more than a pornographer trolling on this fine site.
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0 
1
5:38 am
You’re right! Jack Horner made Dirk Diggler and Rollergirl famous.
Begone, sinner!
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0 
1
1:12 am
0/10
“Netscape” is a dead giveaway.
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1 
0
1:34 am
This is what happens when stupid people use the internet! You get bullshit like this!
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6 
0
1:36 am
Bazinga
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16 
0
9:07 pm
I… I love you.
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0 
0
2:03 am
had i seen this anywhere else, it wouldn’t have surprised me if this was, in fact, real… but seriously, icanhascheezburger-Gluttony—are ppl eating pets now? Is the economy really that bad? I’ve only been out of the country a few months but what has happened to the US in that time?
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1 
0
2:52 am
I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.
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12 
0
6:09 am
I’m pretty sure this is a troll, lolz. If not……..ugh, but since I would hope that no one is REALLY this stupid, well done troll ^_^
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4 
0
12:54 pm
Thank kindly, Pastor Bran-dog! Your words are very inspiring. I hope one day to attend a service at Glory Whole Life Christian Fellowship and to hear your enlightenment in person! Or, if you are ever out our way, perhaps you could service our fellowship?
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1 
1
2:16 am
Retard actually go on the sites, icanhascheezeburger is a site full of funny pictures, and facebook is a SOCIAL NETWORK with no porn of any kind
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
1:06 pm
I agree: there is too much of this filth. You only have to Google Youporn or Brazzers and you will find a sewer of free images of breasts and vaginas. I have spent several hours on these sites trying to block them but the Devil is more clever and devious than me.
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3 
0
9:12 am
Yeah, if by “blocking them” you mean masturbating vigorously, then I totally believe you! How do you know they exist? Why would you search porn? Who are blocking it from? There are plenty of ways to keep the net clean and safe, say if you have children and NONE of them require you to browse porn sites and ‘block’ them! Good story, dude!
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0 
0
1:13 pm
PS my pastor in Blameless Creek agrees with me. He has investigated momfaces.com and has condemned the shameless hussies there. He has been investigating that site for several weeks and therefore I trust his opinion.
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2 
0
2:51 pm
he sure have a Muscle arms at the end no ?
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0 
0
9:20 am
“Investigating”? What kind of “investigation” is he doing? He is not a ‘net nanny’ and even if he was they don’t go on the sites for hours to ‘investigate’ shit. they find it and block it. Your stories are really great! I think this because my pastor spent SEVERAL WEEKS on a PORN SITE and finally after SEVERAL WEEKS determined it should be condemned! Geez,dude… Don’t go thinking for yourself now will ya! Also if your pastor invites you over to do some ‘investigating’ and then offers to ‘baptise’ your penis with his mouth… Take him up on it! It’s not often you get an opportunity to expel those devil dick demons! I can’t believe anyones stupid enough to type this crap and actually think anyone would believe it!
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1 
0
3:47 pm
alright “bro” first off
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meme
and second really??
I started reading this thinking of i might find something that i never knew before. but alas all i found was someone all bent out of shape because he got rickrolled at his youth group. and thirdly… Do NOT EVER!!!!!! i repeat EVER!!!!!! say that Mr. Walken is a cult leader. Dear God man do you not watch comedy central at all?!?!
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1 
0
4:05 pm
thanks for the laugh. now gtfo the internet.
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1 
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6:27 pm
I’m really hoping this is a joke post.
CHRISTIAN EXTREMISTS
Y U NO GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT?
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1 
0
8:41 pm
Really? SeriouslY???
craaaaap you got serious problems.
Ok seriously,its not evil. my favorite part of this was that it made me laugh. Wikipedia. Seriously? Its educational, not pornographic. And besides, isnt it a good thing to promote science to people? and have them be FUCKING EDUCATED ABOUT STUFF!?????!?!??!?!?!
all you people that choose to believe this, you are being pessismists. You look at the bad side. u cant understand that if you chose to look at that bad side of a website, you r going to see it. and if you dont like the way the world is… GET OFF THE INTERNET, GO LOCK YOURSELF IN A BASEMENT, AND ISOLATE YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!
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0 
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8:44 pm
by the way, hahahhahahahahhaha. i dont know if you noticed this, but did you know…. THIS WEBSITE HAS A FACEBOOK?!?!??!?!??!
DAMN HYPOCRITE!!!!!! >=(
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1 
0
2:10 am
Littered with more logical fallacies then Scientology .
take a seat child
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0 
0
2:11 am
Wake up Pastor BRAN-dog…
wake the fuck up
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1:43 pm
This ENTIRE website is satirical, you dummies. Did you read his signature at the bottom of the post? He’s from the Glory Whole church. Come on now. Read some other articles on here. It’s all a joke.
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2 
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11:57 pm
It’s pronounced “meem” not me-me.
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1 
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12:09 am
Why yes, we DO have highly religious vision here!
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5:19 am
Dude…..Glory whole church? You know what a glory hole is right?
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1 
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5:25 am
Firstly Jordan, It is called the Glory Whole-Life Fellowship. We are promoting people to live their Whole Life based on God’s Word, Glory be to Him.
Second, I’m am disturbed that when you read the name “Glory Whole-Life Fellowship”, that your mind instantly went to a gay porn act. I will pray for you, hopefully it isn’t too late to kill the gay in you.
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2 
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5:30 am
I shall pray for him. He clearly has the gay in his heads.
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1 
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5:35 am
I can’t believe how quickly the Homogays and Satan can take over a person’s mind. I will be praying for Jordan.
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5:43 am
I guess when you are weak-minded and faced with a triumvirate army of homogays, Satan, and emosexuals you break quickly! Let us remain strong in Christ!
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1 
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1:24 am
No. Its still glory whole and save yourself the waste of thought or breath however the hell you pray cuz its not gonna solve shit. Homogays? Really? Satan taking over a person’s mind? I think if he is real he’d be a little more preoccupied with dealing with everyone who dies going to hell. yeah everyone not every sin EVERYONE. No one can ever meet “God’s” standards to get into Hevan. Ha its so unreal hevan or heavan isn’t even recognized as a word.
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0 
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2:00 pm
Can I have sex with you?
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0
11:46 am
Not a very good troll. It is too obviously fake. Go home and try again.
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10:23 am
No, this is a GREAT troll…look at all the people that got pissed off from this article. The troll worked PERFECT for like 50 people.
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5 
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3:33 pm
… this is the west-borough baptist church isn’t it? no other church is this retarded, uniformed or just… so…. CHRISTIAN… its people like this that made me think the way ghandi did, Christians are retarded morons that completely ignore the true message of gods word and just pick and choose the parts that let them say everyone else is wrong, where the real message was “dont be a dick, and try your damn best to not kill anybody”
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4:07 pm
I believe this is appropriate in this situation. http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/eb6/#by=sp
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5:06 pm
“he’s stealing the straightforward abuse and condescension that has long been a hallmark of good Christian child rearing”
what??? o_0
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10:42 pm
i wasn’t sure this was a troll until i got to “he’s stealing the straightforward abuse and condescension that has long been a hallmark of good Christian child rearing.”
lol’d, and heartily so.
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0
12:13 am
Successful troll is successful.
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1 
1
1:20 am
i have a question…why do we hate the devil for punishing those who have done wrong? what about the fact that almighty god doesnt seem to give a rats ass about any of the problems going on in the world? or the fact that people die of horrible painful deaths even when the only hope they have is to pray and that fails them? saying that America is the greatest and most well off country because god chose it that way would be false. right now china is the worlds most stable country and guess what they believe…Nothing! Atheists and their the most prosperous country. HMMMM….Answer me that mr. pastor-i-touch-little-boys
P.S. its bad PR to call people who dont believe what you believe “retarded, incest-bastard children.” As you freaks say, “God loves everyone equally.” or some bullshit like that.
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12:14 pm
What are folks getting so stirred up about ‘trolling’? I go trolling on the lake most weekends and I generally catch me some good fish with this method. Usually beats bait and plug fishing anyhow. What has fishing got to do with all these atheist comments? More liberal propaganda garbage I guess.
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1:21 pm
Don’t forget that Google encourages formaldehyde use too.
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12:15 pm
OK, I get it now. A troll is some kind of European dwarf with a bad-assed agenda. But I don’t think any of the posters on this site qualify as such, with a few exceptions eg the atheists, liberals and democrats. And heck, the europeans kind of invented sin and debauchery. I would hate to think that America harbours any folks related to Europe. Especially Britain islands. They are the pits.
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7:15 am
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll_(Internet)
With that, I say trololololol and bid you all adieu.
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1:45 am
but they dont say anything about tumblr,
because over here we are just a bunch of saints <3
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12:42 am
I feel REALLY badly for the author … to have such a jaded and unrealistic viewpoint of the world.
First off, you don’t spell the slang/abbreviation for “website” as “sights”. It’s “sites”, dumbass.
And while there are LOTS of dangerous and lewd and websites out there, Facebook (lol, really??) is not one of them. Going on record stating that Facebook is “sexually deviant” definitely discredits a lot of what you’ve written here. Sad.
And (lol?) U2 is your choice for a “sinful” rock n’ roll group? Out of all the big-money rock bands out there, you’re gonna pick-on the one that donates all kinds of money and time to charity work?
Also … Wikipedia promotes science?? lol!! Best one yet. Wikipedia is just a modern online version of a classic encyclopedia.
There’s a LOT more to life than what’s written in the Bible, dumbass. You’re entitled to your opinions of course, but fearing Wikipedia, claiming that Facebook is “sexually deviant” and that U2 is “sinful” … just shows how unbelievably far removed from reality you really are. Being “chaste and pure” or whatever doesn’t absolve you from your responsibility to keep up with modern culture, and actually be well-informed … if you want to be a public commentator on modern culture.
Otherwise, stick to the pulpit, and preach to the choir. The rest of the world is just laughing at you. And yes, they’ll still be laughing at you after you’ve passed away, too.
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8:12 pm
An interesting argument, but allow me to offer a rebuttal. GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH A CACTUS!
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8:31 pm
LOL. You people have SERIOUS freaking problems. I’m 13 and I can name a million flaws you have in under a minute. And whats wrong with being “gay”? So if you’re gay you’re automatically a “bad” person? That is simply disgusting. This is the internet. Its not for weak little idiots like you. If you see something you don’t like how about you don’t cry about it and just ignore it. People are entitled to their own opinion and its retarded how you think otherwise. People like you disgrace religon. People like you FORCE religon on others. You’re too weak to live on this planet. You’re a waste. Oh my freaking gosh I hope you people don’t breed. And for the love of god don’t say “I’ll pray for you.” to me. I think you’re the ones who need praying to. You’re minds are so twisted and full of bull shit I bet you can’t even see straight.
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8:47 pm
Y U NO LIKE INTERNET MEME’S
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8:47 pm
*sigh* This is the kind of thing that gives Christians a bad name. This constant over-analysing of everything little thing that pops up in the media. I’ve seen so much of this.. He-Man, Pokemon, Harry Potter, Twilight.. now this? (if this is even MEANT to be taken seriously!) Fictional works and harmless funny pictures are not “satanic”. It’s only when the “simple-minded”, who have nothing better to do, read into it way to much and take it seriously, that it becomes an issue. The same simple minds will take this as the Gospel truth.
So what if your little 12-13 year old likes Twilight, hannah montana and funny internet jokes? At that age, she should surely know how to separate fiction and non-fiction. We were taught that in 1st grade! If you’re doing your job as a parent and *correcting* the child, there ought to be no problem. That doesn’t mean take that stuff away completely. Children need to learn restraint. Sheltering them from it all is not the answer. they need to learn to enjoy things with moderation and balance. When they get grown, what do you think will happen? They’ll be on their own, making their own friends, finding their own way. If they’ve felt deprived of something, that’s the first thing they’ll go after!
It’s not just this article here. I barely take THIS that seriously! But I’ve seen so much of this kind of thing, that is truly intended to be serious, that it’s disturbing.
If you were really a youth pastor, it seems you’d be doing something more productive with your time. Helping the needy, doing mission work, going on those kinds of youth trips with 12-13 year olds. Not writing silly articles on the internet stirring trouble.
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9:13 pm
WTF is this?! Me-me? I believe that the Christian that typed this is an idiot!! I’m glad that I don’t follow a made up religion like Christianity.
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The Christian religion is a parody on the worship of the Sun, in which they put a man whom they call Christ, in the place of the Sun, and pay him the same adoration which was originally paid to the Sun.
-Thomas Paine
Did you know that Christianity is the same as the Ancient Egyptian religion, also Jesus and Horus follow the exact same pattern in life. Performing miracles and being resurrected from the dead.
Your religion is a made up Fairy Tale like Harry Potter or The Lord of the Rings. Christianity is a spoof on hundreds of religions beforehand. All Christianity is, is the path of the stars and sun. Nothing more. At least LaVeyan Satanism makes some sense.
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Christianity:
The belief that some cosmic Jewish Zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.
Before you write another article I suggest that you study what you want to write about instead of making it all up. Or Pedobear will find out where you live.
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10:02 pm
Actually, the Jesus and Horus connection is untrue.
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4:28 pm
1. Both were conceived of a virgin.
2. Both were the “only begotten son” of a god (either Osiris or Yahweh)
3. Horus’s mother was Meri, Jesus’s mother was Mary.
4. Horus’s foster father was called Jo-Seph, and Jesus’s foster father was Joseph.
5. Both foster fathers were of royal descent.
6. Both were born in a cave (although sometimes Jesus is said to have been born in a stable).
7. Both had their coming announced to their mother by an angel.
8. Horus; birth was heralded by the star Sirius (the morning star). Jesus had his birth heralded by a star in the East (the sun rises in the East).
9. Ancient Egyptians celebrated the birth of Horus on December 21 (the Winter Solstice). Modern Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus on December 25.
10. Both births were announced by angels (this si nto the same as number 7).
11. Both had shepherds witnessing the birth.
12. Horus was visited at birth by “three solar deities” and Jesus was visited by “three wise men”.
13. After the birth of Horus, Herut tried to have Horus murdered. After the birth of Jesus, Herod tried to have Jesus murdered.
14. To hide from Herut, the god That tells Isis, “Come, thou goddess Isis, hide thyself with thy child.” To hide from Herod, an angel tells Joseph to “arise and take the young child and his mother and flee into Egypt.”
15. When Horus came of age, he had a special ritual where hsi eye was restored. When Jesus (and other Jews) come of age, they have a special ritual called a Bar Mitzvah.
16. Both Horus and Jesus were 12 at this coming-of-age ritual.
17. Neither have any official recorded life histories between the ages of 12 and 30.
18. Horus was baptized in the river Eridanus. Jesus was baptized in the river Jordan.
19. Both were baptized at age 30.
20. Horus was baptized by Anup the Baptizer. Jesus was baptized by John the Baptist.
21. Both Anup and John were later beheaded.
22. Horus was taken from the desert of Amenta up a high mountain to be tempted by his arch-rival Set. Jesus was taken from the desert in Palestine up a high mountain to be tempted by his arch-rival Satan.
23. Both Horus and Jesus successfully resist this temptation.
24. Both have 12 disciples.
25. Both walked on water, cast out demons, healed the sick, and restored sight to the blind.
26. Horus “stilled the sea by his power.” Jesus commanded the sea to be still by saying, “Peace, be still.”
27. Horus raised his dead father (Osiris) from the grave. Jesus raised Lazarus from the grave. (Note the similarity in names when you say them out loud. Further, Osiris was also known as Asar, which is El-Asar in Hebrew, which is El-Asarus in Latin.)
28. Osiris was raised in the town of Anu. Lazarus was raised in Livanu (literally, “house of Anu”).
29. Both gods delivered a Sermon on the Mount.
30. Both were crucified.
31. Both were crucified next to two thieves.
32. Both were buried in a tomb.
33. Horus was sent to Hell and resurrected in 3 days. Jesus was sent to Hell and came back “three days” later (although Friday night to Sunday morning is hardly three days).
34. Both had their resurrection announced by women.
35. Both are supposed to return for a 1000-year reign.
36. Horus is known as KRST, the anointed one. Jesus was known as the Christ (which means “anointed one”).
37. Both Jesus and Horus have been called the good shepherd, the lamb of God, the bread of life, the son of man, the Word, the fisher, and the winnower.
38. Both are associated with the zodiac sign of Pisces (the fish).
39. Both are associated with the symbols of the fish, the beetle, the vine, and the shepherd’s crook.
40. Horus was born in Anu (“the place of bread”) and Jesus was born in Livlehem (“the house of bread”).
41. “The infant Horus was carried out of Egypt to escape the wrath of Typhon. The infant Jesus was carried into Egypt to escape the wrath of Herod. Concerning the infant Jesus, the New Testament states the following prophecy: ‘Out of Egypt have I called my son.’” (See Point 13)
42. Both were transfigured on the mount.
43. The catacombs of Rome have pictures of the infant Horus being held by his mother, not unlike the modern-day images of “Madonna and Child.”
44. Noted English author C. W. King says that both Isis and Mary are called “Immaculate”.
45. Horus says: “Osiris, I am your son, come to glorify your soul, and to give you even more power.” And Jesus says: “Now is the Son of Man glorified and God is glorified in him. If God is glorified in him, God will glorify the Son in himself, and will glorify him at once.”
46. Horus was identified with the Tau (cross).
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8:57 am
coll story bro. want a cookie.
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8:05 pm
Read this after I finished the newst one about Skyrim…Now searching through the comments what I fail to understand is how people are so blind to the fact that these articles are completely fake. Seriously, I saw at least 3 comment wars xD It’s fake people, relax and laugh at it. Go “Skyrimming” for a while that should cheer you up.
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1:16 pm
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4:35 pm
Imma little troll. hehe:
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2:31 pm
Oh, no! He can’t use Firefox or Google…what’s he supposed to do for a browser…use Internet Explorer, but alas, it has the word internet in it, which is subliminal for entering the nets, and entering the nets is an expression which means you want to die inside of a spider filled net. Spiders are evil, because they’re black, and black is evil because it’s the color of darkness. Darkness is evil because it’s night, and night is evil because of the stars, and the stars are evil because they shine too bright….DO YOU SEE HOW RIDICULOUS THIS REASONING IS?!
I’m a Christian, and /I/ find this site DISGUSTING!
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