August 15, 2011 2:53 pm 97 comments
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    By: Brandon Chase Austin

    Hey gang.
    I think we all know about the sad state of pop culture today, from the devil pop that’s been well covered here at Christwire.org, and other sinful Rock n’(sic) Roll bands like The Bright Eyes or U2. We’re also being assaulted whenever we turn on our TVs, with overly sexualized shows, like iCarly, or the gayness-peddling and evolution loving ‘Big Bang Theory’. But folks, I want to talk about an insidious virus creeping up on our young people: Internets “Memes”.

    Pronounced “me-me”, showing that even the very name denotes a culture of selfishness and sloth, an internet meme is an idea or fad that circulates over the world wide web through emails and myspace posts. Meme’s can vary from pictures of cats engaged in sinful/gluttonous/homoerotic behaviors, to exposing unsuspecting women to the sexual advances of 80’s pop icon Rick Astley. Even Rap hoodlum Kanye West does his own “meme-ing”; needlessly interjecting his opinions as commentary to any one who has ever accomplished anything, ever, and trying to persuade young people that some one has done better. While I respect “Brotha” Kanye’s competitive edge, those he champions are often themselves losers and also-rans, like his incestuous love-cousin, Beyonce Knowles.

    A few Meme’s of note:
    A video tutorial circulated recently, teaching children how to simulate the effects of LSD using Diet Coke and Mentos. Strangely, It was advised that children not consume the victuals, presumably because it is understood anyone engaging in the exercise already has a mouth full of pot hashish.
 Perhaps the only triumph of the world wide web meme culture is the story of Chuck Norris, Christian, film star, and red-blooded American master of the Korean Martial Arts. Through these “Meme’s” many rumors have been spread of Norris’ prowess and might, and while the ragamuffin youths snicker, God is glorified through his powerful agent and his high-kicks for righteousness.

    Satan was known to be a great musician in heaven before The Lord cast him out on his belly, and the great deluder’s background is ever rearing it’s ugly, atonal head. Presently, occultists have adopted the cowbell as their instrument of torture for good Christians, replacing the electric guitar and Moog synthesizer. Young people of late have been heard to demand “More Cowbell”, developing a powerful addiction to the dulcet tones that once denoted pastoral tranquility. But those peaceful days of fond cowbell notes have been shattered, Thanks mainly to Devil worshipping R&B band The Blue Oysters Cult, and suspected mob leader Christopher Walken.

    Perhaps the most telling of these developments, is the sad exhibit of the “de-motivational” posters which circulate over websites and message forum board comment posts. These images covey messages of failure and neglect, proving that finally Lucifer has abandoned his tricks and schemes in favor of simple, one dimensional brow-beating. The danger is two fold: A), clearly the American people have become so lazy satan no longer needs to trick us, and 2), he’s stealing the straightforward abuse and condescension that has long been a hallmark of good Christian child rearing.

    Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Well, crackers, Pastor Bran-dog! How can we truly protect the kids and young people in our lives from these insidious pagan me-me’s?!” Well, the answers simple, gang. As in all sins, the best course of action is abstinence, but I think we all know separating our young people from the web is a challenge in these days of ipods and “Dude, you’re gettin’ a Dell!” obsessions. Ever since Al Gore unveiled his demonic weapon of mind control and filth polfulgation, all we, as Christians, can hope to do is stem the tide and fight nobly against the incursions of gay devils and sinful, loose-tongued women (like Rebecca Black). We must gird or loins (and modems) in truth and righteousness, and police, heavily, all of our children’s visits to myspace and any actions on prodigy or chatter rooms or on their youtubes, or whatever the case may be. VIGILANCE, preached in 1 Peter, must then be our watch word, lest the great serpent take our children out from under us, or do so with his hipstersexual army of horn-rim bespectacled minions of witchy sin. The internet is a playground for worms and demons, gang, and I challenge all of us to STAND UP and rigorously curtail the access our youngsters have to it’s vicious and godless trends.

    4CHAN (promotes indolence)
    MYSPACE (promotes sex)
    YOUTUBE (promotes back talking)
    ICANHASCHEEZBURGER (promotes gluttony)
    FACEBOOK (a sexually deviant site, I’m told, full of pictures of simulated “oral intercourse” performed on books, seeming to celebrate and fetishize E-readers)
    WIKIPEDIA (promotes science)

    Be sure to “block” these web-sights from your Internet Explorer of Netscape Navigator browsers. So, armed with this knowledge and your own fervent and raging prayers, we can fight the filthy miasma of sin soaked internet “Memes” assaulting our culture.

    Next week we’ll continue our internet theme, and I’ll address the two web browsers built specifically for accessing sin: “google” named for the mispornunciation of “Gog and magog” on the part of it’s creators retarded, incest-born bastard son, and “firefox” a weapon of the Chinese government, named for an eastern fox demon and used by occultists to research spells and hexes.

    ‘Til next time, Gang,
    Pastor Bran-dog
    Youth Pastor,
    Glory Whole Life Christian Fellowship
    Sunnyside, NC

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