• Black Veil Brides Shock Scandal: Lyrical Analysis Leads to Gruesome Discovery

    August 14, 2011 4:14 pm 396 comments

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    It has been several days since Christwire’s very own sister Susan released her brave expose on the perverse devil pop Emosexual group, BVD, and already our virginal community has borne witness to the Satanic fury of their pint-sized fanbase. In this time we have seen the bigotry and intolerance that the Emosexual community harbours for anyone who is not thirteen, uneducated, and a practicing witch. I know from personal experience the extent to which these children venerate their elders, with countless hordes of them issuing grave threats of violence and molestation against our dear sister Susan, in retaliation for uncovering their unnatural deviant lifestyle - but that is not the reason that you are reading this, friends. You see in her quest to uncover the moral hazard posed by BDV Susan unknowingly unearthed a secret which is much darker!

    I had initially dismissed the BVD covern as working the pederast angle, grooming vulnerable tween girls and boys to serve as their sexual playthings in much the same way as Blood on the Dancefloor’s Dagwood Divine groomed Jessi Slaughter before molesting her - yet shockingly the reality is far more sordid. It was only after Susan B. Xenu’s insightful analysis of DVB’s lyrical content that the full details of Andy Beanstick’s grave crimes have begun to be known. Susan’s incisive reading of ‘Beautiful Remains’ was key to setting the ball rolling which would see Beanstick’s web of lies and deceit unravel over a matter of days, as witnesses to his past transgressions were emboldened to come forward. 

    Inspiration struck amateur sleuthing Website, Andy Biersack Uncovered, when sister Susan revealed Beanstick’s keen interest in necrophilia. This in turn prompted their investigative journalists to contact Andy Beanstick’s former classmates, and their findings may be shocking to some: 

    “Yeah, he was always weird in school. He didn’t have many friends and I heard he spent a lot of time in graveyards. I heard in the locker rooms once that on halloween some jock guys found him surrounded by candles and shit in a graveyard. apparently he’d dug up the body that had just been buried and was like fondling it..”

    The grisly lyrics of ‘Beautiful Remains’ are not fantastical, but rather auto-biographical. Shockingly it has been suggested that Beanstick adds a new crucifix necklace to his effete ensemble for every grave he so wontonly defiles, with crucifix earrings being awarded for the graves of pets and children. Suddenly it is no great mystery as to why the glorification of teen death and suicide is such a constant thread throughout Beanstick’s lyrics, he is not grooming catamite children, but rather corpses to sate his wicked lusts!

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