• Gays Finally Accept Blame for Hurricane Irene: The Randy Gillis Confessional Letter

    August 26, 2011 9:48 pm 68 comments

    Gays are horrible people who want to terrorize America with a giant backside flesh attack.  They want to make it seem ‘normal’ for a man and man to lie together in the muckiest of sin, twiddling their Satan scepters all about each other and then completing their lust session with wedding rings.  They want us to think it is normal for two dabbling Sallies to adopt children and teach them that being gay is ‘okay’.

    If being gay is okay, then why was homofriendly Sodom and Gomorrah nuked with meteorites in the Old Testament? Why has so much calamity fallen upon America, The One nation Under God, since we have started allowing states to approve gay marriage?

    Our economy is in shambles. Our culture, ruined with make-up addicted boys and female fanny misting daughters! Our kids sniff cracked cocaine at homosexual swap dress raves and the parents are too busy out getting high on the vodka-laden Trotskyism spilling from Obama’s parched, Kenyan lips.

    But I tell you what, America, the day of wrath is nigh! We shall soon see what happens when gays are allowed to marry and the signs will be clear. New York will drown in the mustiest sloshings of gay marination. The rains of Hurricane Irene shall cause billions in damage, women and children crying as their pet puppies yip and drown as they float down the East River! The signs are clear and gays are to blame for all the horrors coming to you, New York.

    And the gays confess that they know they caused it!

    With lips perched in sassy defiance and floofed goo product coifed hair sitting smugly iconic, gays typically quip and laugh about their betrayals of morality. But what we have here today is a rare opportunity, a final proof that gays know they are causing the DOWNFALL OF AMERICA!

    Gays know they are dooming America by their sugar plummed anal sins and they keep dancing about under the moonlight, vigorously rubbing their nasty bodies all together and wildly throwing back their hairy manes as they neigh and shimmy in the nastiest of ecstasy. These pagan acts and gay marriage orgies are angering God and the gays know it!

    Today, my friends, proof of the homogay agenda. An insider has tipped us off to a letter purportedly written by Randy Gillis. Finally, you homoliberal lovers, you will see straight from the horse’s mouth that there is a gay agenda to cause God’s wrath to fall upon America. The letter begins:

    In a way, I’m relieved that it’s over. It’s time to fess up and take responsibility. And for the record this has nothing to do with Pat “Mr. Tattletale” Robertson. Nor does it have anything to do with Rabbi Yehuda “shaking your male members” Levin. It has everything to do with being a standup Mo and doing the right thing. Yes, as we all know by now, the earthquake that tickled us a few days ago was indeed my fault, as is the current hurricane working its way toward the East Coast, as is the Will Smith/Jada Pinkett “situation” (don’t get me started). Well, mine and Patricia’s fault. We are apparently too much gay for this part of the country to handle.

    An inside source tipped us off to this gay confessional. A person going by Randy Gillis has posted the most honest gay letter I’ve ever laid eyes upon. The content is not shocking. It tells what we all already know and now the gays are confessing, they are responsible for Hurricane Irene and in typical fashion, they are being sassy about it.

    In that first paragraph, you can see the gays are trying to be ‘standup Maos’ and bring China’s communism right into your living room.  Dead baby daughters, one child policy, gays raising them all.  The little future of America will be commie pinko fairy harpies who dally in each other in the sin sprockets.  You can see his words that confess to causing the hurricane and even causing the one decent chocolate Hollywood pair Will Smith and Jada Pinkett to break apart, no doubt the work of homosexual subversion.  The letter continues:

    It started innocently enough. It was Tuesday, August 23 and I was watching Michelle Kwan’s 1996 gold-medal winning long program on YouTube AND listening to Patricia on the phone talk about her upcoming burning-womyn retreat at the same time. I know, that seems like some pretty severe gay going on, but I honestly thought North Carolina could handle it, especially since god hadn’t really complained about us yet (though his people complain enough for just about any deity). We figured we’d get a written warning first anyway (that is standard policy after all).

    Here we see that infamous gay sassiness and snark.  Gays are dangerous because they have crafty mind and love to play word games, usually come up with as they sit at their little easy nurse and secretary jobs.  Gays are duplicitous and downright vicious with words, yet we see they are making light of patent homosexual behavior and its these little nuances and patently homo sarcasm that really frustrates God and causes him to make these great weather maladies.  And the confession continues:

    As Patricia droned on about the “night of a thousand braless goddesses,” it happened. Michelle just landed her second triple lutz (SECOND!), and I started to wonder how her outfit would look on me. The next thing I know my entire house is vibrating like Rick Perry’s RentBoy pager (allegedly) and continued to do so for about 30 seconds. In unison Patricia and I screamed “Do you feel that! What’s going on! Gotta go!”

     

    So now we see the gay has received an act of God.  This was most likely right when God smashed the ground with 5.9 magnitude to get the attention of gay’s just like this.  Do you think you can just imagine the busty leotard of a figure skater on a man’s body and get away with it.  A night of 2,000 ogling mammalian flesh treats juggling all around females tongue laps and get away with it too!  That is not going to make God happy and we see that gays think about things like this all the time and God sees it.  He shook this man’s house just like he shook the White House, to get the attention of those in sin.  Next:

    When the vibrating stopped I turned immediately to the fastest news source I know….Facebook. Posts were popping up all over the place. “My house is shaking!” “Did anyone else feel that?” “Earthquake!” “So-and-so just answered a question about Randy.” I lowered my head in shame. I started doing that thing you do, you know, when you’re gay and there’s just been a disaster. I started to make a mental list of all the gay stuff I did that day. Surely it wasn’t enough to bring on an earthquake. I stopped when I realized that I was up to number 6 and that was BEFORE I got out of bed that morning (in my defense I was alone). But even so, that couldn’t be enough to shake the foundations of civilization, could it? I had to call Patricia.

    When I finally got her to answer (what is it with lesbians and phone-trees?), I asked her what she did that day that was so gay that when coupled with my list, could cause the earth to giggle. I heard the words “vegan feminazis over 40 support group,” and then I just stopped her. My first thought was jeez, all that and we only got a 5.9? What do you have to do to get a real earthquake around here? Never mind, I think I know (hehe).

    And there is one confession.  6 counts of gay before getting out of bed.  Just take that number and multiply it by several thousand, then factor in the fact that New York betrayed America’s Constitutional obligation to keep marriage between a man and woman, as dictated in our Bible.  And you can see why New York is going to get cleansed by Hurricane Irene.

    The only way this Hurricane will turn around is if you drop the Gay Marriage Laws, New York.  The clock is ticking and God’s got his hands primed on the water spicket, ready to douse you in the powerful winds of repetant’s tempest.  Be warned, New York!

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    About The Author
    Reverend Clyde H. Higgins You're all sinners in the hands of an angry God, a spider dangling over the burning flames of hell and only protected by one silk thread. God has scissors ready and hates those who spin webs of sin.

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