• Iowa Straw Poll Results Force Pawlenty Out, Ensure Obama 2012 Victory

    August 14, 2011 4:52 pm 3 comments

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    Author:

    Jerry Cohen

    If straw polls are any indicator, America is screwed. Michelle Bachman, the cross-eyed conservative who makes the GOP look like a foolish group of hateful bigots who don military camos to spy on Gay Parades. No, let’s pause. Seriously:

    That is Michelle Bachmann, spying on some rotten old gays trying to spread their agenda.  If she were not running for president, it would be a great image.  But you know John Stewart and his little taint-tickling Frenchie friend Colbert are going to mercilessly display this image and berate Bachmann.  SNL will make skits that Tina Fey will run into the ground, about Palin and Bachmann being BFFs then having a bad rivalry where Will Ferrel shows up and rubs his man-bits, all while wearing an awkward, out-of-place cheerleading outfit.

    That is to say, Bachmann is too silly to become president.  She’s a woman whose eyes are somewhat crossed, likely a result from squeezing her eyes too hard during all that praying and shouting around at her charasmatic church, just like Sarah Palin. What I’m saying, GOP, is that Bachmann is Sarah Palin all over again.  McCain lost the election because Sarah Palin.  Unless she’s going to be stripping to win a debate, she’s not going to get the liberal and logical vote.

    Then we have Ron Paul.  The infamous Dr. No.  While his campaign will amount to more, than say, Giuliani’s constant mentioning of ’9/11′ to garner votes, Ron Paul is a man who was born 500 years too late.  If you cut off all taxes and all federal government, you pretty much end up with feudal England.

    And while sword fights are great and who doesn’t like a good Renaissance festival, if you want to be in Dr. Dre’s fiefdom of Compton or Slick Willy’s kingship of Eastern Arkansas, be my guess.  I’m sort of a fan of the entire rights to my own home without some rich, overcrested arse coming through to numbskull my wife from behind, because he is rich and has royal edict.  Feudal system is good for about 1% of a region’s wealthy, while the peasants suffer.  So no, Ron Paul, you’re crazy.  Maybe you and Merlin should go take your happy pills and check into geriatric care.  It’s magical!

    At any rate, the clowns Bachmann and Ron Paul are the front-running Republicans after the last debate.  And despite all his bad choices, Obama can still give a great speech and as we learned from Bill Clinton, is only one bobo from a chubby intern away from having his approval rating jump by 20% after he lies under oath.  Who doesn’t like a guy who just can’t say no to a college intern’s doughy muffins or Cuban puff daddies.

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    Jerry Cohen JP Cohen

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