Michelle Bachman Vows $2 Gay Prices In 2012: I’ll Bring Back $2 Gas

Two-steps above Yosemite Perry’s rootin’, tootin’, campaign promises to remove ‘the dark cloud’ from DC and then totally give us all free pizza and no homework, we see Michelle Bachman is contributing more to the field of failure that’s becoming the GOP frontrunners for 2012.

I am a professing Republican, so don’t get me wrong when I say this, but Michelle Bachman is the exact type of out-of-touch, cross-eyed, religious bimbo we don’t need running for office right now.  The words may sting and that’s because the truth hurts, feminist America.

It remains unconfirmed if Bachman tapped into Nostradamus' 2012 prophesies or is claiming 'prayer' as her source for her divine claim that she can return gas prices to $2.

We are in desperate times.  We do need someone who’s not playing a curious game of yellow-hatted dice with our money.  Gingrich called the president Curious Obama and just maybe it was not a misnomer.

Obama’s policy is wild right now.  He’s swinging from idea to idea, making excuses for each one that does not work but wanting us to take his lies by the bunches.  The fact of the matter is simple.

Obama has no clue how to fix the economy.  Congress has no idea how to fix economy.  And Miss $2 BP Oil stripper to the right likely has no ideas what’s going on either.  She doesn’t even realize that Andrew Jackson brazingly sitting next the numbers 2-0 does not equal $2.  Maybe in rich, crazy woman land, $20 is what $2 is to us normal folks.

The problem we’re having right now is everyone is politicking.  It’s just like 3rd grade all over again, where you have everyone promising things they can never keep.  Sally Endenfield, why did we not get year-round access to the teacher’s lounge?

It’s because people like Rick Perry, Michelle Bachmann, Mitt Romney, Barack Obama and damn you, Sally Endenfield, I’m sure your name is somehow mixed up in all of this.

Our candidates are taking the American people for dummies.  The fact of the matter is simple.  America’s economy is founded on two things:  debt and Laissez-faire.  We’re designed to deal in levels of debt, which is primarily stupid and that’s how it works, and in our form of capitalism, the government is supposed to generally keep hands off.

But we know human nature.  We like to tinker.  We have the Federal Reserve and we have retarded, greedy and retarded and greedy politicians.  The economy cycles in good moments and bad moments.  Generally, if you get stuck being president when the economy naturally declines, you’re a bad president.  Tough luck.  Not that you’re too blame for it, but that’s how the media tells the brilliant public to think about everything.

And just like Billie Bob Clinton learned, you can lie under oath, wag your dog and cigar-fingle chubby interns and keep a high approval rating, because “It’s the economy, stupid”.  The reigning president will get credit for the good economy too.

But the fact is, it’s the American people who power the economy.  Every hard working person here contributes and the global market interacts.  Sometimes we win and sometimes we lose.  And sometimes, we let leeches destroy.

The economic cycle can be thrown off.  Overspending on federal/state needs and desires while cutting taxes.  Guess what?  Bad news.  Letting families that make $30,000 a year take out loans for $900,000 a year.  Bad news.  Swindling money straight into your pocket.  Bad news.  Giving countries, especially terror nations named Palestine $1 billion of US money while our economy is looking like a tinkering tower of Jenga.  Bad news.

It’s the little things that add up.  The government is spending too much money and the economy, our nation’s paycheck, cannot sustain the level of spending .  So what do we need to do?

Simple.  Keep taxes the same or increase them, and cut back on spending.  Way back.  Call our troops home for a while, let them cool their heals.  Let the UN take care of the soon-to-come problem in Syria.  Let us for once be the nation that sends a “Good Luck” card and 20 troops who’ll stay for 2 weeks, for moral support.

China is surely profiting greatly from Western nations, but I’m not seeing much mention of their massive donations to international aide.  Time to step up, China.  America needs to heal.  We’ve overspent, our politicians are resorting to any miracle lie to get elected and they are all clueless embiciles who’ll continue the cycle of bickering and no solutions in DC.

Also, we need to ban all 24 hour news networks for probably a year or so.  Let’s see if the economy heals a bit.  There’s nothing wrong with having Nightly News or things like 20/20.  But 24 hours a day is getting close to those little Nazi phonograph things they’d stick on top of cars, blaring lies all day and all night to brainwash villages of people into beliving false realities.

And that’s what we’re left with.  We’re tired of the crap and Bachman is going to get called out at every turn.  $2 gas?  Not until the turkey-necked, fat-bellies that are behind the “Big Oil” companies have their feet held to the fire until they are force to squeal with apologies will those gas prices drop.  And Michelle Bachman mixed with a GOP Congress seem unlikely to do such things.   Let’s be honest, it’s in the Bible.