Sleeping Bear Dunes: The Latest Bait Trap of the Gay Community (Glen Arbor, Michigan)

One of the most terrifying things about the gay community is their organization. In addition to having an official Gay Agenda and even a commercial website for it, they have broken their types down into sub-species.

Now as Christians we are experts at science. We understand that not all science is empirical, but actually is mostly a matter of faith. This faith is what let us create the concept of species, or, what’s allowed to mate with another thing.

In normal eyes, a man should only mate with a woman of the same genetic group. Gays believe it is okay for two pervert men to throw an oily twiddle rompus with each other and for two Laissez fingering lesbians to do an unholy clamdabble upon each other’s Sally Jessies.

I find it all sick but as I searched Google today for more things to warn you about, I spat out my oat bran in disgust. I prayed and wished it were the days of ancient times, when I could pray and God would strike down the gays all with meteors and plagues until their leaders confessed they are all sickos perverts!

My friends, there is a ‘species’ of gays called bear gays. They call themselves bears because they grow out their nails really long and like to scratch when they are playing twinkle Sam with their male ‘lovers’. They are like the Edward Cullens of homosexuality, scratching all around like an anorexic cat in heat then feasting on blood! The bears may be the sickest gays yet.

This summer to beat this Obama economy, these banana stuffers are doing the fandango in hidden caves in America’s country side. They are advertising these things as “Sleeping Bear Dunes”. From my Google reseach, geriatric old man frolic nude in cold waters and warm themselves in the sandy compilations of Bengay tinglings and tongue exercises. It’s all musty and you really cannot see more than 5 seconds of the advertisements before sickness takes place.

Do not let your children go to Sleeping Bear Dunes for Spring Break because I fear they will never recover from the toothless gummy times and Dependsless martini binge scrambles advertised on the official site for all this mess.