• The Secret to Highly Successful Prayer

    August 2, 2011 11:02 pm 36 comments
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  • Unanswered prayers can be deeply unsettling, expecially to those new in the faith or “Baby Christians” as I like to call them. When I see these young’uns in the Lord get their hopes dashed, it breaks my heart. I certainly don’t condascend to them and cast withering looks over my fan like some members of my own congregation and I won’t name any names but Eileen Dover certainly does come to mind.

    Why, I have even seen these converts, full of zeal and zest for the Lord, throw their dentures into a lake or drive over their eyeglasses completely on purpose, so certain are they that the Holy Spirit will soon be descending upon them with new teeth and eyeballs. Once, I even witnessed firsthand a precious young man who went down to the local Dodge dealership and tried to charge a new car on an American Express card that arrived in the mail that day. He took it to be a sign from the Lord rather than poor credit screening procedures. When the operator got him on the phone and asked him how he intended to pay for the purchase, the young man proudly proclaimed, “It’s not my money, it is my Father’s.” The operator then asked the young man for his father’s address and contact phone number. Anyhoo, the conversation ended with howling laughter emitting from the phone which I think was just good-natured joy but it’s hard to be certain.

    These are true stories, my friends. One hundred precent true.

    Satan’s imitation of God’s natural law.

    Which brings me to the purpose of this article: there is a secret to having your prayers come true. It has long been suppressed by those churches who want nothing more than to keep their parishioners downtrodden and succumbed to their power, like the Catholics and Baptists. Like the Pharisees of Jesus’s time, these so-called men of God are terrified that their subjects might learn of the power they have access too.

    Yes, my friends, I have discovered this hidden knowledge and I am happy to share it with you. The secret to highly successfull prayer is to pray for something that will probably happen anyway.

    I know that this is a breakthrough to many of you and at this moment your mind is probably reeling. But let me offer a practical example. Just this morning, I was praying for a health issue that I had been dealing with for several weeks to be resolved. Confident that my prayer would be answered, I prepared myself a scrumptious breakfast of a moist bran muffin and a cup of this delightful new tea I just purchased called “Senna”. No sooner had I downed the nutritious combination when I felt a powerful rumbling. It was like the Earth moved under my feet. And, WHOOOSH! Before I knew it, the uncomfortable constipation was gone! Glory!

    A delicious way to celebrate answered prayer.

    Praying for unrealistic things is an open doorway for the Devil’s trickery. Just the other day, I had to sit down with my dear friend, Lucinda Butt, to explain the harsh reality regarding her missing cat. “Lucinda,” I said, taking her hands and looking directly yet compassionately into her eyes while switching back and forth because they point in different directions, “Lucinda, darling, that cat ain’t coming back. You see, cats are too stupid to obey the urging of the Holy Spirit trying to guide them home. Besides, with all the Chinese restaurants in your neighborhood…” I broke it off, unable to continue. We both nodded and silently understood.

    You see, it’s all about expectations. Us humans have to understand that God is very, very busy. The easier we make it for him, the more likely he is to nudge everyday occurrences in our favor. Now go forth, faithful ones, aremed with this powerful information and let this be your new motto:

    Expect a Mediocrity!

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    About The Author
    Rhea Pollstry Rhea Pollstry resides in scenic Pahrump, Nevada. A former showgirl, she now lifts her legs only for Jesus.

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