• The Soured Vagina – The Dangers of Poor Hygiene Every Woman Should Know

    August 7, 2011 3:46 pm 74 comments

    Unless a husband is French, Christian husbands do not like women with indelicate smelling lady parts. Even so many women, neglectful of intimate hygiene, are surprised when the marriage bed cools. A faithful husband may be forced to seek more dainty smelling company such as other women or even a perfumed gay man. Through tears and sobs of self condemnation, she knows this is her own fault. As temperatures rise in the summer months, this issue becomes an alarming social hazard that spurs careless whispers, talk around the country club as well as a chilly marital relationship.

    Women are dirt and filth magnets due to the sin in the Garden of Eden. Every woman knows after a summer’s day engaged in yard work or afternoon scrubbing windows, undergarments will smell like a stagnant Louisiana swamp. The vagina, commonly called the cooter in warm southern climes, harbors a great deal of bacteria, including fecal bacteria from the neighboring anus. When proper and dedicated cleansing is absent the bacteria blossoms into a fragrant stale soup. The vagina absorbs, and clenches the bog water tightly like a pressure cooker. This odor is more fully released by walking around or during sexual activities.

    No loving Christian man should endure such filth or dip the delicate penis tissues to a simmering bacterial crock pot. He might hold his breath and perform his duties as husband, but in doing so he puts himself at risk for a variety of infectious and malevolent diseases. He may also become a victim of permanent smells. This is especially true after a woman’s monthly curse is lifted.

    Due to the diabiological pheromones leeched from the woman, she must shed the waste of the womb’s baby bed monthly. This waste has a foul coppery odor that attracts bugs because as one doctor noted, it smells like marigolds. This very specific odor is from the gypsy like bacteria that travel from the anus to the baby hole and feeds on the bloody womb waste. While no study has been made, it is believed that a boggy vagina may lead to hair loss, malaise, and nail fungus.

    The number one reason many women do not find a man to marry them is they lack the common sense hygiene to attract and hold a man’s attention. ‘Swamp cooter’ is also the third most popular reason many men become homosexual or impotent. The foul smell becomes a strong signal of sexual release. This olfactory input is like a dinner bell for home sexuality. Those husbands that reject this stimulus as sexually significant become impotent. 3 out of 5 of those that embrace it become gay. The woman is clearly the loser in this scent game, no matter the reaction she is left to baste in her own frustrating juices.

    For married couples that choose to practice oral home sexual positions, the addition of a stale odor can lead to unwanted results.

    Oral sex in the Christian marriage is not advisable since the taste of fecal matter in the lady parts is appealing to some less righteous men. They will yearn for more exotic faire when women don’t keep the vagina clean enough. Husbands may find comfort away from his hyper fragrant bride. Choosing time with male counterparts at the gym or in all male square dancing are two such options.

    The woman with the unsavory vagina is susceptible to lesbians who will prey on the woman’s desperation for affection and affirmation. The lesbian outreach message is one that appeals to a woman’s lazy nature by telling her it is ‘natural’ or okay not to undertake hygiene rituals. The goal here is to make the woman unattractive to men and thusly more susceptible to lady part partners.

    DON’T BE A NEGLECTFUL NELLIE!

    Addressing the soured vagina is a task each and every woman must undertake. There are a variety of products that use industrial strength solvents to kill the bacteria and algae that accumulate in the female furnace. Lysol, according to many advertisements was recommended by doctors to help abate the domestic issue and ensure happy marriages. It is estimated that 8 out of 10 divorces citing Facebook as a contributing factor for divorce are actually due to poor woman hygiene. No matter that the house is spotless, the children above average and dinner is served hot and delicious – the number one reason for broken homes is right there under the skirt.

    In addition, but not in lieu of cleansing, wives can consider options that maintain freshness and a breezy fragrance. Keeping underthings in the freezer or ice box during the summer is exciting and helps maintain a lower temperature in hot weather. Husbands delighted with the fresher smelling wife can slip a chunk of melting ice down her panties while she is occupied, elbow deep in dishes, for a fun thank you. She will see the love in his actions.

    The bamboo like stalks of pubic hair should be trimmed to keep oils and scents from accumulating. Much like the stick aromatics that are so popular in home décor, these hairs are porous and will spore the odors out to the general public and in the home. What man wants to arrive from a hard days labor to a fish monger kiosk?

    Pantiless is an option in summer months paired with a breezy sundress, but some form of protection is recommended to shield from gnats and mosquitoes that might want to find safe harbor.

    Weight is also a factor in the production of odor. Overweight women typically have a belt of belly fat below the bellybutton that shadows the groin and creates a fold where germs have safe haven. Fat also typically sweats more, fueling heat for the pressure cooker of swampish odors. A nutritional profile and exercise program are the only known cures for this problem. Fat stink cannot be cleansed away.

    Sprays and emollients can mask odors, but should only be used after proper cleansing. No man wants to associate baby making with a baby powder bayou. Social engagements become awkward when everyone is looking for a nonexistent seafood buffet and introduction to the new baby left at home.

    Cornstarch is sometimes used as an intimate powder, but keep in mind without proper prior cleansing this can make some very unappealing gravy. Frequent showers and bidet in between are the best maintenance programs to follow for a happy marriage and thriving social life.

    Proper hygiene is not jackboot control of the woman’s personal life, it is a necessary privilege as part of God’s plan for happy marriage. Women are no longer expected to spend a week under the blood tent for monthly flows. The least that can be done in gratitude is to keep the surrounding air quality free of odor.

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    About The Author
    Blanche Beecham "Blanche Beecham lends a soft, learned hand to the fourth estate with incite-full investigations on diverse topics such as Politics, Love, and Lifestyle. Her many years experience as a wife, mother, ladies book club president and financial auditor make her well suited to ferreting out the truth and giving it a sound shake." - Rev. Jackson Lee Whitebelley, Publisher and Editor of "The Incubator" - Follow me on Twitter! @BLANCHEBEECHAM

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